princessinredlipstick

Le sigh. Well okay, so I actually want to discuss this more in depth at a later time because there are many ways in which I have realized that Daenerys was actually an absolutely terrible queen, but the food situation in Westeros towards the end of the series is actually a perfect example of why Dany lost her quest for the Iron Throne before it even started. 

Kay, so the OG’s Aegon, Rhaenys, and Visenya conquered all of Westeros with three dragons. So Daenerys literally already knows that she can win the Iron Throne with three dragons and absolutely nothing else. And by the time she’s set to invade Westeros, she 100% believes that her dragons are nearly indestructible and infallible, so there’s really no reason for her to bring her whole ass army to Westeros, and yet she does anyway. 

It’s hard to say how big her army is at this point, but they make mention a few times that there are 100,000 Dothraki screamers, and that’s JUST the Dothraki. So it’s incredibly likely that Dany is invading Westeros IN WINTER with an army of OVER A HUNDRED THOUSAND PEOPLE. And this isn’t like a Westerosi army that’s made up of random citizens, this is an army of men who ONLY know how to fight. They can’t farm. They can’t build. They have no skills or ways to contribute to society besides making war. 

It’s pretty much an accepted and known fact that when winter comes in Westeros, people are going to die no matter what. It’s to the point that it is even a part of the culture of the North for people to voluntarily kill themselves so as to not take up resources. So if her plan had gone off as she had initially envisioned, Daenerys Targaryen would have invaded Westeros with a force that is equal to the population of a city with no long term plans for their actual sustenance. 

But it’s Dany, and her game plan is always to take what is hers with fire and blood. So if anyone is going to die when she and her army come to Westeros, it’s not going to be her and her army. So in theory, even if the Dothraki and Unsullied killed ZERO people in Westeros, their very presence means that an extra HUNDRED THOUSAND WESTEROSI are going to starve to death so that Dany’s army doesn’t have to. Dany doesn’t need them and the sudden stress of having another hundred thousand people in any one place would literally lead any city or country into almost immediate infrastructural collapse, but she wants them there and doesn’t even give a second thought to the fact that she’s going to kill a huge number of the people that she’s “liberating” for the sake of her having a massive and completely useless army in her presence at all times. 

The show did a horrible job of portraying this at the time because they were just trying to set up Sansa and Dany as foils to one another and they wanted Dany to have a badass retort of “whatever they want” when Sansa questions the food situation, but that quip deadass killed any chance Dany ever had of staying queen of Westeros for long. 

She’s literally sitting in the presence of the high lords of the North and the Vale, the two kingdoms hit hardest by any winter, and is straight up saying that she’s just going to take whatever she needs for her people to survive regardless of the fact that it’s a death sentence for thousands of the people there. In her mind she believes she’s here to save the North and she’s pissed that they’re not falling all over themselves to thank her, and at the very first moment that she actually addresses the lords of the North she LITERALLY tells them she does not give a fuck if they or their subjects live or die. The show completely underplayed what an absolutely HERCULEAN effort it must have taken Sansa to actually get enough food to keep the North alive through an entire winter, and not only does Daenerys disrespect Sansa’s effort, she makes it known that she will take whatever she wants regardless of the deadly consequences for the smallfolk. 

For context, generally a lamb roast, when eaten completely, can feed up to 45 people - not even a full grown sheep! Considering that the North is essentially already in ‘conserve supplies/eat as little as possible’ mode, those 29 animals could have easily been a huge portion of the set aside food stores for winter, gone in a day to feed the overgrown lizards that Daenerys refused to budget for! (Not even including the animal leathers and bones that could have been used to make new armour and tools etc if it hadn’t been eaten whole by a glorified gecko🙄)

Dany essentially took over the entire allotted food stores set aside for an entire fucking country to feed her army and her dragons, and her dragons are still clearly being given priority! Not only is she condemning most of Westeros to slow starvation, she’s killing off half her fucking army as well

Dude ends up falling victim to an assassination attempt, which leaves him kind of alive but also with a severe case of amnesia due to a nasty head wound. Dude has no idea who he is or what happened to him when his would-be killers just dump what they assume to be his corpse into a river. Aerion then proceeds to be washed up along its shores a good chunk downstream and ends up being found by Dunk and Egg in a turn of convenient plot armour.

Baelor dies and wakes back at Ashford, maybe 2 or 3 DAYS before his actual death. Nothing has really changed besides Baelor’s need to a) prevent the trial from happening, or if he can’t b) to fight better this time.

Valarr dies and wakes back at Ashford, 1-2 YEARS before his actual death. As far as he is concerned, mission number 1 is to prevent his fathers death in a very unnecessary trial, and mission number 2 is to give the realm as much warning as he can about the oncoming spring sickness.

Maekar dies and wakes back at Ashford, 20(ish) YEARS before his actual death. At this point he’s lived like 2 full decades without his favourite brother. He’s been king of Westeros when he never wanted to be anything more than the prince of Summerhall. He’s watched his two eldest sons die before him, and he’s left his youngest son to inherit a throne that should never have been his in the first place. He is determined to keep Baelor alive long enough to make him King, partly out of love for this brother, but mostly out of a need to never wear another crown ever again. He also has a shit ton of information about various upcoming Blackfyre rebellions which will be super useful, but not for at least a few more years, so right now the information just makes him twitchy.

Aerion, who (to my knowledge, pls correct me if I’m wrong) only died a few years before Maekar did, wakes up nearly 20 years in the past, and is having to deal with the existential crisis caused by realising that he is not in fact any kind of dragon, what with the whole being burned alive by drinking wildfire thing. He spends most of his second time at Ashford alternating between sulking like a child, and staring off into the distance filled with existential dread about the fact that his entire life has been a lie. He’s so depressed about it that he spends all of his time having an ongoing breakdown, and as such has no more time to torment the puppeteers or to maim innocent horses in the jousts.

Daeron, who dies as crown prince and heir to the throne, and wakes up much further down the line of inheritance thank god. Now Daeron might fully believe that he can’t do anything to change his dreams, but he sure as hell can change his waking reality, and he sure as hell does because he never ever ever wants to come that close to the throne ever again. Maybe he latches on to Dunk when he shows up at the tavern. Last time, Daeron went to his room to sleep off the wine and woke to a missing brother, and then had to tell an egregious lie to save his own ass which deffo contributed to the need for a trial. This time he latches on to Dunk and doesn’t let go. His little brother is very very baffled by Daeron’s change in behaviour, but ultimately goes along with it, because rather than languish at an inn, Daeron has packed up the horses, and suddenly all three of them are riding side by side on the way to Ashford (Daeron’s logic being that there can be no kidnapping charges if they all arrive together!). Daeron gets to Ashford and immediately tries to lock Aerion in his room (the logic here being that if Aerion can’t torment the puppeteers, then Dunk won’t punch Aerion and there there will be no trial!).

Egg, who travels back further than any of them. Summerhall canonically happens in 259AC, and in the show at least, Ashford happens in 209AC, so he’s travelling back 50 years. 50 years in which he’s travelled the realm at the side of Ser Duncan the Tall, in which he met and married the love of his life. In which he ruled as King of Westeros, having watched everybody further up the line of inheritance die in fairly quick succession. In which he became a father and grandfather, and in which he killed himself, at least one of his children, and his most beloved father/brother figure Ser Duncan through his own hubris. And he wakes in the body of his 9/10 year old self. If he were a less selfish person maybe he would just stay at the inn with Daeron, and never drag Dunk into any of his mess (as an adult he did eventually have to recon with the fact that it was him that forced Dunk into confrontation with Aerion, and therefore he is at least partly to blame for the whole trial thing, his uncle was right, Egg should’ve run for this father or brother, not for Ser Duncan). But for all the good that Ser Duncan tried to instil in him, Egg is still a Targaryen, and you can prise his new father/brother figure from his cold dead hands. He mentally prepares himself for another ride in the lamb cart (ugh), but miracle of all miracles Daeron has packed the horses, and now he’s riding at his Ser’s side on the way to Ashford. Egg is caught between the guilt of Dunks death, elation at having a chance to make things right, and darker thoughts turned towards how quickly he can get rid of Aerion, after all the bulk of trouble at Ashford was Aerion fault. No Aerion = No Problems!

Of all the people travelling back in time I will also say that Egg is probably the most fascinating to me, because everyone else who died and came back did so as an adult. They died as an adult and woke back up in adult bodies, even if the bodies were younger. Egg however, dies as an old man, he’s old enough to have children and grandchildren. He’s king of Westeros. And he wakes up aged 9 or 10. It must be bad enough for the other characters to wake up with future knowledge, but at least they aren’t battling that whilst having to deal with the fact that they are in the body of a child.

Does Lyonel Baratheon come back too, or just the Targs? I can very much imagine him waking up back at Ashford, he’s spent the last 40ish years resenting the Targaryens (according to asoiaf wiki he died between 239-245AC) for one reason or another, and here he is with a chance to change it all. He can stop a whole load of trouble, and most importantly he can get his fucking hedge knight. He’ll never betroth any child of his to a Targaryen, not even one named after his favourite knight, he’ll never have to fight a rebellion for his daughters honour, and he’ll never fight a trial by combat against Ser Duncan the Tall. So he wakes up ready to seduce Dunk to Storms End, only to realise that a whole bunch of dragons have already coiled themselves around his Ser Duncan like a bunch of fucking snakes. And suddenly fight a rebellion isn’t such a bad idea anymore.

Literally yes poor Lyonel… here he is back at Ashford where his torment began, but he’s ready and willing to do things better this time! So he’s got his little party tent set up, he’s made sure that the servants have got Dunks favourite foods in hand, all he needs now is for Ser Duncan to turn up so that the seduction can begin! Except Ser Duncan doesn’t turn up (the Targs got to him first and he’s having a very awkward dinner with a bunch of princes). So he’s sat there craning his neck looking out for his giant of a hedge knight and growing progressively more anxious and twitchy as the night goes on.

He sleeps like shit, wakes grouchy and spends most of the next day stomping around the grounds of Ashford snapping if anyone gets too close. He even goes to the elm tree where Ser Duncan stayed last time, but there’s nothing there, no horses and no camp. And maybe he starts to think that this isn’t time travel, maybe he’s in hell. Maybe he got sent back to the beginning of his torment and he has to live it without even the comfort of Ser Duncan. So he’s mopes his way back to his camp only to stumble across Ser Duncan with a young Prince Aegon hanging from one arm, and Daeron the Drunken clutching the other arm, and fucking Prince Baelor hovering in the background. Lyonel’s just about ready to blow a gasket.

If the characters do realise that other characters have also time travelled, I think Lyonel would be the first to realise, because how else could the Targaryens get to Ser Duncan first if they don’t already know what was going to happen?

I am getting quite attached to my own ideas though, I might need to write my own fic, provided you don’t mind me using your post/prompt as inspiration?

Baelor dies and wakes back at Ashford, maybe 2 or 3 DAYS before his actual death. Nothing has really changed besides Baelor’s need to a) prevent the trial from happening, or if he can’t b) to fight better this time.

Valarr dies and wakes back at Ashford, 1-2 YEARS before his actual death. As far as he is concerned, mission number 1 is to prevent his fathers death in a very unnecessary trial, and mission number 2 is to give the realm as much warning as he can about the oncoming spring sickness.

Maekar dies and wakes back at Ashford, 20(ish) YEARS before his actual death. At this point he’s lived like 2 full decades without his favourite brother. He’s been king of Westeros when he never wanted to be anything more than the prince of Summerhall. He’s watched his two eldest sons die before him, and he’s left his youngest son to inherit a throne that should never have been his in the first place. He is determined to keep Baelor alive long enough to make him King, partly out of love for this brother, but mostly out of a need to never wear another crown ever again. He also has a shit ton of information about various upcoming Blackfyre rebellions which will be super useful, but not for at least a few more years, so right now the information just makes him twitchy.

Aerion, who (to my knowledge, pls correct me if I’m wrong) only died a few years before Maekar did, wakes up nearly 20 years in the past, and is having to deal with the existential crisis caused by realising that he is not in fact any kind of dragon, what with the whole being burned alive by drinking wildfire thing. He spends most of his second time at Ashford alternating between sulking like a child, and staring off into the distance filled with existential dread about the fact that his entire life has been a lie. He’s so depressed about it that he spends all of his time having an ongoing breakdown, and as such has no more time to torment the puppeteers or to maim innocent horses in the jousts.

Daeron, who dies as crown prince and heir to the throne, and wakes up much further down the line of inheritance thank god. Now Daeron might fully believe that he can’t do anything to change his dreams, but he sure as hell can change his waking reality, and he sure as hell does because he never ever ever wants to come that close to the throne ever again. Maybe he latches on to Dunk when he shows up at the tavern. Last time, Daeron went to his room to sleep off the wine and woke to a missing brother, and then had to tell an egregious lie to save his own ass which deffo contributed to the need for a trial. This time he latches on to Dunk and doesn’t let go. His little brother is very very baffled by Daeron’s change in behaviour, but ultimately goes along with it, because rather than languish at an inn, Daeron has packed up the horses, and suddenly all three of them are riding side by side on the way to Ashford (Daeron’s logic being that there can be no kidnapping charges if they all arrive together!). Daeron gets to Ashford and immediately tries to lock Aerion in his room (the logic here being that if Aerion can’t torment the puppeteers, then Dunk won’t punch Aerion and there there will be no trial!).

Egg, who travels back further than any of them. Summerhall canonically happens in 259AC, and in the show at least, Ashford happens in 209AC, so he’s travelling back 50 years. 50 years in which he’s travelled the realm at the side of Ser Duncan the Tall, in which he met and married the love of his life. In which he ruled as King of Westeros, having watched everybody further up the line of inheritance die in fairly quick succession. In which he became a father and grandfather, and in which he killed himself, at least one of his children, and his most beloved father/brother figure Ser Duncan through his own hubris. And he wakes in the body of his 9/10 year old self. If he were a less selfish person maybe he would just stay at the inn with Daeron, and never drag Dunk into any of his mess (as an adult he did eventually have to recon with the fact that it was him that forced Dunk into confrontation with Aerion, and therefore he is at least partly to blame for the whole trial thing, his uncle was right, Egg should’ve run for this father or brother, not for Ser Duncan). But for all the good that Ser Duncan tried to instil in him, Egg is still a Targaryen, and you can prise his new father/brother figure from his cold dead hands. He mentally prepares himself for another ride in the lamb cart (ugh), but miracle of all miracles Daeron has packed the horses, and now he’s riding at his Ser’s side on the way to Ashford. Egg is caught between the guilt of Dunks death, elation at having a chance to make things right, and darker thoughts turned towards how quickly he can get rid of Aerion, after all the bulk of trouble at Ashford was Aerion fault. No Aerion = No Problems!

Of all the people travelling back in time I will also say that Egg is probably the most fascinating to me, because everyone else who died and came back did so as an adult. They died as an adult and woke back up in adult bodies, even if the bodies were younger. Egg however, dies as an old man, he’s old enough to have children and grandchildren. He’s king of Westeros. And he wakes up aged 9 or 10. It must be bad enough for the other characters to wake up with future knowledge, but at least they aren’t battling that whilst having to deal with the fact that they are in the body of a child.

Does Lyonel Baratheon come back too, or just the Targs? I can very much imagine him waking up back at Ashford, he’s spent the last 40ish years resenting the Targaryens (according to asoiaf wiki he died between 239-245AC) for one reason or another, and here he is with a chance to change it all. He can stop a whole load of trouble, and most importantly he can get his fucking hedge knight. He’ll never betroth any child of his to a Targaryen, not even one named after his favourite knight, he’ll never have to fight a rebellion for his daughters honour, and he’ll never fight a trial by combat against Ser Duncan the Tall. So he wakes up ready to seduce Dunk to Storms End, only to realise that a whole bunch of dragons have already coiled themselves around his Ser Duncan like a bunch of fucking snakes. And suddenly fight a rebellion isn’t such a bad idea anymore.

Literally yes poor Lyonel… here he is back at Ashford where his torment began, but he’s ready and willing to do things better this time! So he’s got his little party tent set up, he’s made sure that the servants have got Dunks favourite foods in hand, all he needs now is for Ser Duncan to turn up so that the seduction can begin! Except Ser Duncan doesn’t turn up (the Targs got to him first and he’s having a very awkward dinner with a bunch of princes). So he’s sat there craning his neck looking out for his giant of a hedge knight and growing progressively more anxious and twitchy as the night goes on.

He sleeps like shit, wakes grouchy and spends most of the next day stomping around the grounds of Ashford snapping if anyone gets too close. He even goes to the elm tree where Ser Duncan stayed last time, but there’s nothing there, no horses and no camp. And maybe he starts to think that this isn’t time travel, maybe he’s in hell. Maybe he got sent back to the beginning of his torment and he has to live it without even the comfort of Ser Duncan. So he’s mopes his way back to his camp only to stumble across Ser Duncan with a young Prince Aegon hanging from one arm, and Daeron the Drunken clutching the other arm, and fucking Prince Baelor hovering in the background. Lyonel’s just about ready to blow a gasket.

If the characters do realise that other characters have also time travelled, I think Lyonel would be the first to realise, because how else could the Targaryens get to Ser Duncan first if they don’t already know what was going to happen?

Baelor dies and wakes back at Ashford, maybe 2 or 3 DAYS before his actual death. Nothing has really changed besides Baelor’s need to a) prevent the trial from happening, or if he can’t b) to fight better this time.

Valarr dies and wakes back at Ashford, 1-2 YEARS before his actual death. As far as he is concerned, mission number 1 is to prevent his fathers death in a very unnecessary trial, and mission number 2 is to give the realm as much warning as he can about the oncoming spring sickness.

Maekar dies and wakes back at Ashford, 20(ish) YEARS before his actual death. At this point he’s lived like 2 full decades without his favourite brother. He’s been king of Westeros when he never wanted to be anything more than the prince of Summerhall. He’s watched his two eldest sons die before him, and he’s left his youngest son to inherit a throne that should never have been his in the first place. He is determined to keep Baelor alive long enough to make him King, partly out of love for this brother, but mostly out of a need to never wear another crown ever again. He also has a shit ton of information about various upcoming Blackfyre rebellions which will be super useful, but not for at least a few more years, so right now the information just makes him twitchy.

Aerion, who (to my knowledge, pls correct me if I’m wrong) only died a few years before Maekar did, wakes up nearly 20 years in the past, and is having to deal with the existential crisis caused by realising that he is not in fact any kind of dragon, what with the whole being burned alive by drinking wildfire thing. He spends most of his second time at Ashford alternating between sulking like a child, and staring off into the distance filled with existential dread about the fact that his entire life has been a lie. He’s so depressed about it that he spends all of his time having an ongoing breakdown, and as such has no more time to torment the puppeteers or to maim innocent horses in the jousts.

Daeron, who dies as crown prince and heir to the throne, and wakes up much further down the line of inheritance thank god. Now Daeron might fully believe that he can’t do anything to change his dreams, but he sure as hell can change his waking reality, and he sure as hell does because he never ever ever wants to come that close to the throne ever again. Maybe he latches on to Dunk when he shows up at the tavern. Last time, Daeron went to his room to sleep off the wine and woke to a missing brother, and then had to tell an egregious lie to save his own ass which deffo contributed to the need for a trial. This time he latches on to Dunk and doesn’t let go. His little brother is very very baffled by Daeron’s change in behaviour, but ultimately goes along with it, because rather than languish at an inn, Daeron has packed up the horses, and suddenly all three of them are riding side by side on the way to Ashford (Daeron’s logic being that there can be no kidnapping charges if they all arrive together!). Daeron gets to Ashford and immediately tries to lock Aerion in his room (the logic here being that if Aerion can’t torment the puppeteers, then Dunk won’t punch Aerion and there there will be no trial!).

Egg, who travels back further than any of them. Summerhall canonically happens in 259AC, and in the show at least, Ashford happens in 209AC, so he’s travelling back 50 years. 50 years in which he’s travelled the realm at the side of Ser Duncan the Tall, in which he met and married the love of his life. In which he ruled as King of Westeros, having watched everybody further up the line of inheritance die in fairly quick succession. In which he became a father and grandfather, and in which he killed himself, at least one of his children, and his most beloved father/brother figure Ser Duncan through his own hubris. And he wakes in the body of his 9/10 year old self. If he were a less selfish person maybe he would just stay at the inn with Daeron, and never drag Dunk into any of his mess (as an adult he did eventually have to recon with the fact that it was him that forced Dunk into confrontation with Aerion, and therefore he is at least partly to blame for the whole trial thing, his uncle was right, Egg should’ve run for this father or brother, not for Ser Duncan). But for all the good that Ser Duncan tried to instil in him, Egg is still a Targaryen, and you can prise his new father/brother figure from his cold dead hands. He mentally prepares himself for another ride in the lamb cart (ugh), but miracle of all miracles Daeron has packed the horses, and now he’s riding at his Ser’s side on the way to Ashford. Egg is caught between the guilt of Dunks death, elation at having a chance to make things right, and darker thoughts turned towards how quickly he can get rid of Aerion, after all the bulk of trouble at Ashford was Aerion fault. No Aerion = No Problems!

Of all the people travelling back in time I will also say that Egg is probably the most fascinating to me, because everyone else who died and came back did so as an adult. They died as an adult and woke back up in adult bodies, even if the bodies were younger. Egg however, dies as an old man, he’s old enough to have children and grandchildren. He’s king of Westeros. And he wakes up aged 9 or 10. It must be bad enough for the other characters to wake up with future knowledge, but at least they aren’t battling that whilst having to deal with the fact that they are in the body of a child.

Does Lyonel Baratheon come back too, or just the Targs? I can very much imagine him waking up back at Ashford, he’s spent the last 40ish years resenting the Targaryens (according to asoiaf wiki he died between 239-245AC) for one reason or another, and here he is with a chance to change it all. He can stop a whole load of trouble, and most importantly he can get his fucking hedge knight. He’ll never betroth any child of his to a Targaryen, not even one named after his favourite knight, he’ll never have to fight a rebellion for his daughters honour, and he’ll never fight a trial by combat against Ser Duncan the Tall. So he wakes up ready to seduce Dunk to Storms End, only to realise that a whole bunch of dragons have already coiled themselves around his Ser Duncan like a bunch of fucking snakes. And suddenly fight a rebellion isn’t such a bad idea anymore.

Dunk sees the shaking chihuahua of a southern man in the rocky sand and takes pity on him

Drags him out and makes camp

If he lives Dunk will have someone to talk to and if not Dunk will burn the body and whisper a prayer to whatever gods

He’s pretty sure the southerners only have seven so it’ll be a quick one.

Undressing the man and wrapping him in Dunks own furs he set him as close to the fire as he can and sets about cleaning his earlier kills

A few rabbits, Dunk only wanted a light snack before heading back to the tribe but this thin one needs it more

While waiting for the rabbits to cook, knowing frostbite is a silent killer and he is practically a furnace Dunk wraps himself around the stranger

The man shorter than his 7 heads and a half whines when Dunk squeezes but makes no other noise

With nothing better to do he studies the southerner with a hunters eye

Deep laugh lines decorate him, and wrinkles at the corner of each of his eyes

A happy man Dunk notes

His dry hair curls freely, a deep black only broken up by the grey hairs sprinkled in at random

A well cared for beard is more grey than black, a sign that the man is not Dunks own age if one ignored the few wrinkles

Dunks own messy patches of light red splatted on his jaw could not compare

Without warning he gasps breathing deep his body goes tight like a bows string and brown eyes open wide

He settles not a moment later back to a steady sleep

Leaving the lone free folk to his shocked thoughts

Dunk forces his chest to rise with air and release so caught up in the strangers warm brown eyes

Past the animalistic fear and confusion, the pain only enhances the natural beauty of the man in Dunks own arms

For a moment Dunk cannot believe his luck was he not just wandering around cold and lonely about to eat a pitiful snack of three skinny rabbits

And now the gods in perhaps there one kindness for the century have gifted him a beautiful wife

There is no thought no confusion

He knows once the man is healed and hale Dunk must steal him for real

Must let his pretty little wife run into the snow and he chase, must show him what a good free folk husband Dunk can be

-

Lyonel wakes up confused and battered being fed warm rabbit by impossibly large hands cradled like a babe into the buxom breast of a god

Small crooning floats into his ringing ears gentle and low the way his stablehands speak to his stubborn mount

The actual words themselves are not gentle, harsh and pointed spoken like how one spits tobacco out of the side of their mouth

It is also not common tongue

He accidentally bites the finger in his haste to chew the meat

He hears a deep chuckle and feels the ground beneath move with them

(Not the ground, someone’s breast’ a whores?)

Dunk Giantsblood turns his head as his little wife wakes, the summer sun forever fighting the true northern cold flares behind his head

Lighting his red hair in a fiery light

This is the first thing Lyonel Baratheon Heir to the Stormlands sees after he wakes

-

He remembers sailing laughing it was just to be a short trip

Then a storm and a fight with ironborn raiders and then Lyonel can only recall the shock of freezing waters and the thought that his older sister will never forgive him

And now he is in the arms of a man-god being hushed and fussed over fed by hand like some half-starved doe

Lyonel grumbles only a tad truly angry before focusing on eating and regaining his strength

It is not in him to resist licking the grease off his saviors calloused fingers

But I think it’s even funnier to imagine a world where all of the dancing and feeding each other is, in fact, the hedge knight equivalent of getting married.

So the Trial happens as in canon- except, of course, that Baelor survives- and everyone expects that when Dunk is asked to join the Targaryen retinue he will accept, or at the very least decline so that he can return to his hedges.

And then Dunk’s like, “sorry, I have to respectfully decline, I’m going home with my new husband.”

And everyone is like “husband??? new????? When did he have the time???”

Only for Dunk to turn around and point at Lyonel like “yeah, we got married my first night here. He pulled out all the stops- I didn’t know Lords would have any idea about hedge knight traditions but damn he pulled them off well”

Dunk with a warhammer.

We start in Flea Bottom: Dunk or Rafe for him picks up a hammer (I imagine they're more common than actual blades) and since he's starting to grow big he's also getting stronger, now, he isn't fighting people's in armour, but other orphans or the occasional adult trying to rob them or something, he can actually hurt them enough to be left alone with his hammer.

Then the whole Rafe situation happens, and Dunk starts following ser Arlan and brings his hammer with him. After Arlan decides to make him his squire he starts teaching him how to use a sword but like, the boy is already tall enough to look like an adult at 13 and is *really* good with that hammer, which is getting a bit small for him (think Aerion's mace for dimension, not exactly disproportionate, but pretty small) so he gets the idea to get him a proper warhammer.

So they spend a bit and manage to get him a good and big as fuck hammer, at first Dunk is a bit skeptical, like, he's never dealt with something so big, "it's not the same ser!"

But overtime he gets used to it, ser Arlan trains him the best he can both with the sword and with the hammer, but he doesn't know the actual techniques for the latter so they're figuring things out as they go.

And then ser Arlan dies, and Dunk is like show level good with the sword, but with the hammer? That's an extension of him, he always has it with him; and he's kept the smaller one because 1 it reminds him of Rafe, 2 he needs something for closer combat for when the warhammer gets a bit in the way in close range.

For Ashford I see 2 options:

1 he fights in the trial with the hammer;

2 he fights with the sword.

For the first everything goes as usual until the Trial where this big ass man on his big ass war horse has a big ass warhammer as a weapon and Aerion feels himself starting to sweat.

Trial goes a bit different as Aerion is mainly dodging Dunk's swings, that he can't predict 'cause Dunk wasn't formally trained.

So the trial end with no casualties 'cause Dunk manages to get Aerion and then it's only a matter of scruffing the lizard.

Meanwhile Lyonel is *this* close to snatching the hedge knight to Storm's End because what do you mean the pretty, big, and honourable knight uses a war hammer, a Baratheon typical weapon. Like that man is vibrating in his boots.

Meanwhile Baelor is actually quite impressed and would really like for the hedge Knight to be his sworn sword so he can come back to King's landing with him, and if the prince accidentally catches sight of the knight shirtless while he trains well...he was just admiring the dedication one must have to develope those muscles.

Maekar is on one hand really pissed off that this hedge knight created all these problems (he knows he's in denial) on the other like, he can see that man is capable enough to protect his son, but he still would like for him to come to Summerhall to train before taking egg to the hedges. (No brother he must come to Summerhall, King's Landing is clearly not the right place for him, don't look at me like that, I at least haven't been making heart eyes at him)

On the second version the hammer gets I don't know, dented or something before ser Arlan dies and then Dunk those not have the time nor money to get it adjusted, so he fight with the word. The Trial still goes well, and nobody dies (I say as I beat down the angst with a broom).

Dunk follows the royal retinue to King's Landing to train before taking egg, and he's like can I have a favour? Can you pretty please fix my hammer.

And at this point the royal and the kingsguard have a really cool realisation of: the guy wasn't fighting with his preferred weapon and said weapon is a fucking warhammer.

Cue realisation of how funked they'd have been if the thing hadn't been broken (they see him training with it, some breeches got tight).

Just really fucking big.

He uses the back to pierce through steel armour.

When Dunk is a child he has dreams of the impossible, he dreams he is in a training yard being taught by the royal master at arms, he's taught politics by the royal Maester, he's taught dances and social cues by stewards and he's even brother to the heir to the throne. Dunk knows logically it is absurd, so he thinks nothing of his 'not memories' and goes about his day.

Daeron cannot look any of the children named for his brother in the eyes, he finds it painful to look into a child's eye and not see his Duncan, they may have his name but no one could ever capture his devotion and love. Anyone who had known Duncan personally find it abhorrent that people are just naming their children so callously, they would hope his story would inspire people to overcome and dedicate themselves to being better instead it made some royals greedy for approval from the crown.

When the King hosts a ball to commemorate the anniversary, he invites all the royals and all the knights including hedge knights (his brother had a fondness for them as he said they were true men who did their duties for the people rather than any stories that would come about after they had served) in doing so Ser Arlan Pennytree and his gentle giant squire end up joining the ball. When Daeron lands eyes on Dunk he is floored and nearly bursts into tears seeing a younger version of the brother he lost. His eyes sting and his palms sweat, the room spins and he very nearly passes out. If not for his wife he would of wept and thrown himself at Dunk's feet.

Daeron isn't the only one to notice the giant squire, all his brothers in arms have stopped still and can't seem to catch their breaths, his half brother Brynden and sister Shiera haven't stopped staring since he entered the hall. Baelor is struck by a deep longing to go to him and beg forgiveness, all the royals who had known him feel as of their seeing a ghost in the flesh. Someone had actually passed out.

Dunk as always is oblivious. Arlan is weirded out.

After the whole ball is done, Arlan gets ready to leave and of course takes Dunk with him. There are some murmurs and considerations about Daeron asking the hedge knight to stay but in the end they decide against it. It would be unfair to put the years of grief and guilt they felt over the death of Ser Duncan onto poor little squire Dunk. No matter how much his innocent eyes or golden brown hair or gentle smile or staggering size or good heart remind them of what they lost. So they quickly bid each other goodbye and Arlan decides that he's never getting near any of these crazos ever again.

Enter Ashford: Egg was far too young to have ever met Duncan the Unwavering Sword but he has heard the stories. As such, it comes pretty easily to him to suggest the name Duncan to this knight who obviously cannot just keep on calling himself Ser Dunk the Tall. I'm gonna say that in this version of events he didn't actually meet Baelor and Maekar to get them to vouch for him, instead Lyonel just pretended to have remembered Ser Arlan and got Dunk into the lists that way.

Anyway. Both him and Egg are just chilling at the Baratheon tent most of the time while Lyonel manages to Dunk into joining him at Storm's End + swearing himself to him after Ashford. Our boy still meets Raymun and befriends him, all three men can bond over a shared and quickly growing dislike for Steffon. Dunk's also incredibly endearing to the few men who remember the first Blackfyre rebellion who just grow to be smitten with this mini version of the famous Good Brother of the King. The way he looks after his squire and takes care of him is just peak "Duncan with little Daeron II. and his kids later on" all around; people are simply having a happy time.

Then Aerion happens.

Then Dunk hitting Aerion happens.

All hell breaks loose, of course. If there was talk of Dunk being similar to Duncan before, it's low-key official now. The whole entire tourney and everyone there just got a front-row seat to this giant of a man beating up a prince in the defence of an innocent girl who shares the name and face of such a legendary knight. If he was the champion of the smallfolk in canon, he's their unofficial ruler now. Egg throws himself at him when Aerion tries to take his revenge, not only using his status as a prince but also mentioning that he's a sworn shield to the Lord Baratheon and a friend to the Fossoways on top. Dunk has no idea wtf is happening when he's quickly pushed in front of Baelor and Maekar to deal with this.

Both men then proceed to have a heart attack when "that hedge knight that punched a Targaryen prince" turns up at their doorstep and it's just. Holy fuck that is their UNCLE. Literally, Baelor thinks it's a ghost coming to haunt him for his sins or smth like that. The hair, the eyes, the smile, even the story that's spreading throughout the entire grounds of what happened are all just so Duncan the Unwavering Sword that he feels like he's doing insane. Add to that little Egg who snuck in and is clinging to his feet as well as Lyonel with half of his entourage bursting down their doors asking how dare the royal family behave like that with THEIR sworn brother and future knight??? Shit gets messy QUICKLY.

Like…

One second Baelor is in the midst of a fight, his heart beating fast, adrenaline flooding his system. It’s a feeling he’s unfortunately familiar with. The next second there’s a mace heading directly for his head. There’s no time to move away, no way to avoid the blow. Then the very next second there’s a hedge knight the size of a tree standing between Baelor and the oncoming blow, a man so big and tall and strong that he absorbs the blow and still remains standing.

But the fact that Ser Duncan remains standing after the blow does not stop the breath from catching in Baelor’s throat, nor does it prevent his heart from skipping a beat, nor does it prevent Baelor’s chest from growing uncomfortably tight. His ears are ringing, his breathing is growing laborious, because… because… because the tableau before him is heartbreakingly familiar. And the last time a giant honourable knight stood between Baelor and a mortal blow, House Targaryen lost one of it’s best and brightest. Baelor has spent nearly a decade riddled with the guilt of being inadvertently responsible for the death of his father’s most honourable brother. And it’s happening again. He’s in a muddy field in Ashford of all places, and history is repeating itself.

Except it’s not. Because this Ser Duncan is still standing, and he’s pushing Maekar back, giving Baelor the chance to recover. And he does eventually, pure survival instinct pulling Baelor out of the depths of his panic and grief. By some miracle they all make it out of the trial alive.

Baelor is swept away, and tended to by maesters and eventually allowed some peace and quiet, and when he gets it he has the mother of all breakdowns. Baelor’s breakdown is of course nothing compared to Maekar’s eventual breakdown.

so this is just like ... the prelude I guess

okay first, I generally don't like to make the dead wife the big evil meanie to set up a m/m relationship because yikes, but I don't think it would be a stretch to imagine that jena and baelor probs had a pretty icy relationship. the marcher lords straight up hate the dornish, and there's a not insignificant amount of racism towards the dornish in asoiaf canon, and in the books baelor looks pretty fucking dornish. so i think the problem goes beyond oh they didn't marry for love it was just duty, like I think (in this instance bc there are some fics where jena/baelor had a great relationship that I love) they fairly openly dislike each other, like zero love there, sex is missionary with the lights off for the sole purpose of procreation, and then they are immediately going their separate ways, and once they have their heirs they probs don't even look at each other if they don't have to.

and even though the dislike was probs mutual I think political or not being in a relationship with someone who hates you has got to fuck you up at least a little bit. on top of that, no shot is baelor finding a side piece bc all the business with the blackfyres has thoroughly scared him away from even the possibility of siring a bastard, and also even though he doesn't like jena he did make a vow. so then we say well what about a man? but baelor grew up in famous asshole aegon iv’s court so he's probs heard every slur westeros has to offer for men that lie with other men, and in canon we do have evidence for someone's claim to the throne not being supported bc they are presumably gay (bittersteel not supporting daemon ii’s rebellion, obviously that happens later but just putting it out there) so absolutely no way in hell is perfect heir baelor risking even the inkling of him liking men getting out, and I do think there is pressure there to be perfect in all other regards bc he's got this big secret that he probs considers to be a personal failing and so he's like well if I'm the perfect prince, and the best warrior, and have no other flaws besides this then maybe I can get away with nobody ever knowing.

1/2 was a lie, this is 2/3, bc i still have more to say

so anyways ser donnel is all concerned but baelors like no no it's fine, don't say anything to him about it, bc he sure as shit doesn't want it to stop. so it carries on and now that baelor is paying attention he's all flustered by it. not in a way that's super obvious, bc like he's too well trained to go full blushing virgin, but I definitely think that when he feels out of his depth or like doesn't know what to do socially he's going to resort to what he does know which is like courtly manners and whatnot. so he's trying to flirt back with dunk and the best he can manage is like yes ser duncan you have served me quite admirably, you are a most devoted and loyal knight. but I think in this context that little bit of extra attention is enough for to indicate that he's not not interested,and without outright saying it I think they develop a mutual understanding of there's something more here, but we have to be so so careful about it.

and i think baelor would sort of just let it lie there, if he were the one that had to do something about it, bc he's while he's brave about everything else, this is the one thing he's never allowed himself and even an untouched mutual understanding with dunk is more than he ever thought he'd have and at least this way he feels kind of seen, without risking anything. but dunk isn't about to let that happen, so he's making up any excuse that he can to spend extra time with baelor, and like when they're together it's like these innocuous little things like he hands baelor something and lets their fingers touch for a second too long, or like helping baelor onto his horse when he doesn't actually need it, and stuff like that. and like nobody ever wants to spend time with baelor just for the sake of spending time with him, like everyone always wants something, or is trying to curry favor, but dunk is truly just there for baelor, and that of course sends baelor into fucking orbit bc he's like what do you mean you just want to be around me? and dunk is like yes always, whenever you'll have me. and as it turns out baelor can't get enough of him, so whenever you'll have me turns into all the god damned time. and the line slowly starts to blur.

okay okay okay now for the gooey bits

so dunk kisses him, and now there's no more ambiguity, like this can't be explained away anymore. and baelor kisses him back, and like he's kissed people before but it's not been like this, and now dunk has his arms around him, and holy shit he's even stronger than baelor thought, and isn't it kind of nice to be held, and it's all well and good until fucking air raid sirens start going off in his brain. because this is not good king behavior. so he starts to pull away, but dunk was already expecting this, so he's like baelor, easy, it's fine, it's just me, and baelor is like we can't do this, even though he so badly wants to, and dunk is like we can, you're the king now, you have heirs, you've done your duty you can have this. and it occurs to baelor that dunk never pushed him until he was in a position where he was beyond reproach, like dunk waited for baelor to have done all the things he was supposed to do, and then finally made this move. like mans waited years for this, because he knew baelor would never go against his duty to the realm (or what he perceived as doing so), and dunk wouldn't ask it of him. and I think that's probably what decides it for baelor, like dunk has given up any chance at a different life by accepting his appointment to the kingsguard, and baelors like well if he can do that for me then I can fucking kiss him. and so he does.

but you didn't think we were getting off (make a sex joke) that easy did you? bc okay now they're spending all their time together, and the kissing is very nice, but I don't think you just go straight to fucking normal if your only sexual experience was like fifteen years ago with someone that hated every minute of it. and maybe in the early days before dunk knew for sure baelor was interested he had a fling or two, but he isn't exactly a wealth of experience either, so they're just going to have to figure it out. anyways in this household I believe in bottom baelor supremacy, and also bad sex as a plot device, so that's what you're getting here.

so like first time, I think baelor is probs nervous af. and does he address that issue with his caring and understanding lover? fuck no, he buries that shit. also, I think that there is probs some deep rooted shame in that he prefers to be the receiving partner, bc like in the context of how people talk about gay sex in westeros that's probs seen as inherently emasculating, but he sure as shit isn't going to acknowledge that to himself or anyone else. and I think up until this point maybe baelor has gotten away with not telling dunk about just how little experience he has, like dunk knows its not much, but he probs assumes there's a little more than there actually is. and they've done other stuff and that was all good but it doesn't take a genius to figure out a handy, and did he shoot off .2 seconds after dunk touched him for the first time, sure, but those things happen. and it's all been so good, and he doesn't want to make it weird, and he's a little embarrassed about it all bc he's a grown ass man stressing about sex so he's just like okay full send.

That's his brother his best friend his family, if he wants to marry a man he can bloody well do so! And being petty and stubborn, Maekar would take it so far