beep boop

one thing i am irrationally angry at is constellations. “this looks like a bear!” “this looks like a guy!”- no the fuck it doesn’t! i have been to kindergarten! i have mastered the art of connect-the-dots! this ain’t it!

i don’t know how many people you had to blackmail to get everyone to agree that this trapezoid looks like a goat, but you did not make it fucking true! you drew those lines in yourself and it still does not look like a goat! who the hell do you think you’re fooling?!?

THEY GOT TO YOU TOO!!!

I’m going to the grocery store does anyone want to sublet my apartment for 45 minutes

How much

Only 3400

hot damn 🏃‍♂️ cmon guys lets go 🏃‍♂️🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🧞‍♀️

ok I’m back you and your boyfriend and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your djinn can go

Dude, I wouldn't even fucking notice until I go to Google something and the search actually works again.

The only reason I would notice is my life would suddenly get easier

Stephen King rightly gets a lot of shit for frequently having his characters think and speak in pop culture references that only make sense if you spent your formative years in 1970s Maine, but I feel like articulating that particular criticism on Tumblr is something of a glass-houses situation.

Everyone wish me luck on my date today I’m so nervous what if they don’t like me…

You show up and Michael B Jordan is sitting in both seats.

☝️only funny addition so far. I’m actually shocked nobody else thought of that yet