Butt-touching Metaphysics

you stole dog blood

guy who hasn't eaten in 18 hours and only slept for 4 hours voice Guys i think something is really wrong with the world. I think we have to end it all

person i work with says his wife allows him 1 diet coke a day

I feel bad for him

i do not he’s cool and loves his wife

while this may appear to be a case of a domineering wife controlling a weak man, it actually represents a mutual interplay of fantasy and control. the wife does not and cannot really control the amount of diet coke the man drinks in a day. if he wanted to drink more, she very likely would be unable to physically restrain him in order to stop him from doing so (picture this in your head NOW). what is likely happening, is that the man himself does not want to drink more than one diet coke per day. he has a short-term desire to drink an infinite amount of diet coke, which he has little control over. he idealizes himself as a man who can control how much diet coke that he drinks, and the distance between his idealized self and his current self generates psychic tension. by externalizing the locus of control to his wife, he frees himself from his own judgment and expectations, and releases himself from the burden of self-imposed restraint. he offers the control to his wife, like a gift, and she gladly accepts. she enjoys the fantasy of having control over his diet coke habits, and he enjoys the relief the externalized locus of control brings to him. this represents a mutual dynamic in which both parties are healthy and happy, and neither party is truly controlling the other. in addition to that, I'm gay.

say what you want about jimmy kimmel as a comedian. he does an incredible job of keeping his blood on the inside of his neck, where it should be

We have this interesting situation where we basically no longer have privacy nor the expectation of privacy, but we also don't have community or meaningful connection with others, so we're all simultaneously both completely exposed and absolutely alone, and please understand that when I say this situation is "interesting", what I in fact mean is that it's "nightmarish and I wish I could wake up"

treatment for hysteria

music is stupid

music is for bad idiots 🫂

So everyone should die?

Obviously

T is basically the last great letter before the alphabet completely goes off the rails

ahhhh!!!! ooooooh!!!! oh noooo!!!!! eeeeeek!!!!!! oooooooo!!!!!! omg

Who even cares, man? What the fuck is the point? I'm kidding. I'm just kidding, man. I wouldn't say some nasty shit like that.

her lips were as red as hot dogs... her skin, as white as a slice of white bread. she'd been crying, and it made her eyes and cheeks as pink as a skinless hot dog