still into you - m.edwards smau
⋆˚꩜。ex!bf!martin x fem!reader .✦ ݁˖ in which your ex boyfriend tries to win over your heart again ಄ warmings: none! fluff! slight angst! language! 𑣲 play the recommended songs while reading for a better experience! ᥫ᭡ a 90s trope ۶ৎ enjoy🫶🏻
chapter five: almost yours | previously, next
𑣲┆play im not in love! ˚.⋆ֹ
you wake up with a headache that feels like it started somewhere behind your eyes and spread through the rest of your skull. the fight keeps replaying whether you want it to or not. ethan’s stupid grin. martin leaping off the stage like some kind of idiot. the way everyone stared when the teachers finally pulled them apart.
your best friend called this morning to check on you, her voice low like she knew you didn’t want to talk about it but felt obligated anyway. you told her you were fine. you lied.
across town martin sits on the edge of his seat staring at his bruised knuckles. detention had been brutal. mr. carter made him write lines for an hour, then kept him another two just because he could. by the time he got out his bandmates had left without him after their classes. he walked home in melancholia, shoes squelching with every step, thinking about the way you looked at him when you told him to give it up. the words still sit in his chest like broken glass.
he spent the whole night awake thinking about the way he looked at you after the show. the way he demanded answers like he still had any right to them. he knows he doesn’t. he knows you told him to stop trying. but every time he closes his eyes he sees the mints he left in your locker, the stupid paper dinosaur, the cassette case he wrote on with shaky handwriting. songs that don’t completely suck.
the next morning at school feels heavier than usual. the hallways smell like wet carpet and cheap floor wax. you keep your head down between classes, avoiding the gym where the battle of the bands equipment is still being packed up. your best friend walks beside you, quiet for once, which is somehow worse than when she nags. she keeps glancing at you like she wants to ask about martin but knows better.
“you don’t have to come with me to the diner after school” she says finally. “my mom’s picking me up early for a dentist thing. you can just wait for your ride like usual.”
you shrug. “it’s fine. i’ll figure it out.”
martin sees you from across the cafeteria at lunch but doesn’t approach. james and the others sit with him, talking in low voices about the set they never finished. keonho keeps looking over at your table like he’s hoping your best friend will look back. she doesn’t. martin’s jaw is still sore from where ethan got a hit in. he presses his tongue against the split in his lip and tastes copper.
“so did you have fun at mr. carter’s detention class?” keonho asked martin with a hint of joking behind his eyes. juhoon immediately subtly elbowed keonho to drop it.
martin just looked up at keonho from his tray of untouched food. then looked back down. apparently that’s all of the answer he needs. all of the answer everyone needed.
juhoon opened his mouth, then closed it, hesitant wether to ask or not. “so what did he tell you?”
“hm?” martin asked without looking up. he was too embarrassed to lift his gaze up.
“mr. carter. what did he tell you?” juhoon repeated.
martin just shrugged his shoulders, “the expected. to apologize to ethan.”
sean nodded slowly, “yeah… you should.”
the whole table soaked in each other’s awkwardness unlike the usual loud talk they had going on.
“just to ethan?” james spoke up after a moment of silence, stirring things up.
martin looked up at james, “well how do you expect me to apologize to her? she won’t even look me in the eye anymore.”
“i thought you never give up. what happened now?” james said.
martin sighed, leaning back into the chair, “man, she was serious. i’ve never seen her that angry before. she’ll report me if i don’t stop.”
keonho picked on his food, “yeah you just gained the title of the fighter, i don’t think you need the harasser-“
juhoon elbowed him again to stop talking.
“well you’re not gonna harass her, you’re just gonna apologize to her.” james said.
“properly this time.” sean added.
here’s the thing about martin edwards, he’s a no give up guy. he finds a way to go further even in the darkest places.
during the last period, martin asked to go to the bathroom. which wasn’t exactly what he needed.
there he was, standing in front of your best friend’s classroom. he tried getting her attention from the little glass on the door.
the students noticed martin’s silly attempts and started giggling. the bald, strict teacher noticed the students laughing and immediately looked at the door, “what is so funny?”
martin ducked just in time. after a few seconds of trying for the hundredth time, your best friend noticed him with wide eyes.
she raised her hand, “excuse me! may i use the restroom?”
the teacher looked at the clock, “the class ends in 5 minutes, can’t you wai-“
“it’s really urgent, please. girl problems!”
the teacher waved his hands in front of his face, not wanting to hear further, letting her go.
your best friend walked out of the classroom and immediately pulled martin aside, “what the hell are you doing?” she whisper shouted.
“i need to apologize to y/n. quick, i need advice.”
your best friend sighed and hesitated. “you know that you’re the last person she wants to see, yeah?”
“i know that. that’s why i need your help and advice! please talk her into hearing me out!” martin pleaded.
your best friend was debating if she should or not. she believed that you and martin were the cutest idiots in love. but after all, she needed to have your back. not martin’s. “i don’t know, martin… i don’t want to see her sad again. you two never just talk normally.”
martin groaned into his palms, “i’m begging you! i need her to hear my apology! i just don’t know how to do it! i need your help. i’ll get you something in return.”
your best friend scoffed, “please. i’m not an idiot-“
“i’ll set you up a date with keonho.”
she pulled her hand out for a handshake, “deal.”
martin smiled from ear to ear. your best friend pulled him closer and checked her sides if anyone’s here. “listen, the way to her heart is nostalgia. after classes, my mom’s picking me up, so she’ll be alone. just go up to her. and when you’re about to talk to her, give her something you two cherished in the past.”
martin listened a nodded, mentally taking notes, “got it. i’ll make sure she cries.”
your best friend looked up at him and blinked.
“from happiness i meant!” martin defended himself.
just then, the bell rang. students were coming out of their classroom’s, making their way home. ethan came out of that same classroom.
martin stopped him with a hand on his chest, “aye man, what’s up?” he dabbed up ethan. that poor guy with a black eye looked confused as ever. “the principal told me to apologize to you. i wanted to tell you that i am so not sorry for causing all this. it will happen again if needed.” martin said as he walked away.
“she’s gonna be mine!” martin called out from down the hallway while running.
your best friend just sighed with a hand on her forehead.
by the time the final bell rings the sky has gone dark again. another storm rolling in from the west. you head to the parking lot expecting your mom’s car but she’s not there. the payphone by the side entrance is broken, the cord dangling useless. you check your watch. she said she’d be here by four. it’s already four thirty. rain starts spitting down in fat drops that soak through your jacket before you can even decide where to wait.
martin comes around the corner of the building with his guitar case slung over one shoulder. he stops when he sees you standing alone under the awning that barely covers anything. his hair is already damp. he looks like he wants to turn around and pretend he never saw you, but his feet keep moving anyway.
“your mom’s running late?” he asks, voice careful.
you sigh and roll your eyes at the sight of him. there’s no escape from this.
he shifts the guitar case to his other hand. “mine too. well. my mom. she said she’d be here after work but the shop’s short staffed today.”
silence stretches between you. the rain gets heavier, drumming on the metal awning above your heads. a few students run past laughing, splashing through puddles toward the bus stop. you and martin stay put like you’re both waiting for something to happen that will let you leave without talking.
“i shouldn’t have fought him” he says after a minute. “i know that.”
you look at him. his eyes are tired, the bruise on his jaw turning yellow at the edges. “you think?”
“i just… when i saw you touching him like that i lost it. i know i don’t get to be jealous anymore. i know that. but it still felt like someone punched me in the chest.”
you cross your arms tighter. “you’re not my boyfriend anymore, you know that. you don’t get to decide who i talk to or touch or laugh at.”
“i know” he says in a whisper. the words come out immediately. “i just forgot for a second.”
another long pause. the rain is coming down in sheets now, turning the parking lot into a shallow lake. your sneakers are already wet at the toes. martin sets his guitar case down and leans it against the wall.
“can we talk?” he asks. “for real this time. not about ethan. about us.”
you scoffed, “we have nothing to talk about anymore. every time we talk, we get into deeper shit.”
“i’m sorry! i just want to apologize!”
you want to say no. to be stern and have your own opinion. the word sits on your tongue ready to launch. but something in his face stops you. he looks smaller than he did on stage last night. smaller than he’s looked in months. you sigh and nod once.
you don’t say anything. you just look away and wait for him to start talking.
after a long pause, he started, “why did you really break up with me?” he asks once. “not the version you told everyone. the real one.”
you immediately turned to him, looking up with furrowed brows. “i broke up with you? you started it-“
“you had the final word.” martin said calmly. you stop talking and pause.
“because you stopped showing up.” you said. “not all at once. little by little. band practice ran late and you’d forget to call. i’d sit by the phone for two hours waiting. then you’d show up the next day with that smile and i’d forgive you because i missed you too much to stay mad. it happened too many times. i stopped believing you when you said you cared.”
martin just looked down at you, soaking all of the information in his heart.
“forgetting dates, anniversaries, little stuff that mattered to me…” you continued.
martin’s shoulders drop. “i thought the band was the thing keeping us together. you always came to shows. you always said you liked watching me play. i didn’t realize i was choosing it over you every single time.”
“and i didn’t tell you how much it hurt because i didn’t want to seem like i needed you that bad” you admit. “so i got bitchy instead. easier than admitting i missed you.”
he reaches but stops short of touching your hand. “you know i’d write a book for you if it means you forgive me. i’d learn french in one sitting. i’d even learn every michael jackson song on guitar if it brought you back.” he tried lightening the mood, even though his words were serious deep in his heart.
you huffed, “yeah right, cause that’s definitely the way.”
martin swallowed, “you remember the cassette tape i made you? i told you something about track three.”
“track three was supposed to be our song. human nature. i put it on the tape because i thought maybe you’d remember the first time we kissed in the car i stole from my dad when it came on the radio.”
your throat tightens. you remember that night. the way his hands shook a little when he pulled you closer. the way the song played through the radio while your lips met for the first time. you’d told him it didn’t completely suck. he laughed and kissed you again.
“i didn’t keep the tape, though…” you say quietly. “james tried to give it to me and i said no. i kind of wanted to go back for it. but i chose not to.” you admitted.
the rain has turned into a full storm. lightning flashes somewhere in the distance. your mom still isn’t here. martin’s mom still isn’t here.
“i’m sorry” he says. “for making you wait. for not seeing how much it mattered. for thinking small gestures would fix months of me being an idiot.”
you look at him. his damp hair sticks to his forehead. the split in his lip has started bleeding again from talking. something cracks open in your chest. the same feeling you had the first time he kissed you. the same feeling you’ve been trying to bury for months.
you stand a little closer cause of the rain. your shoulders touch. the rain falls in thick curtains inches from your faces. martin’s hand brushes yours. neither of you pulls away.
you sigh and turn to him. “i should head home. my mom isn’t coming, i guess, and i can’t stay here. i have to study.”
a small pause. “apology accepted. move on.” you continued.
you move towards the rain and just when you’re halfway through the parking lot, martin calls out.
“i’m so sorry” he says again, turning to you. “for everything.”
you look back at him. his eyes are red at the edges. water drips from his lashes. something in you gives way.
he steps out from the awning, coming closer to you. he leans in slowly, giving you every chance to stop him. you don’t. his lips meet yours and the world narrows to the taste of rain on his mouth and the way his hand comes up to cradle the back of your head. the kiss is deep and desperate, months of missing each other poured into it. his tongue brushes yours and you make a small sound against his lips. he presses closer, your fingers curl into his wet shirt. the rain soaks through your clothes but you barely feel it.
when you finally pull apart, both of you are breathing hard. martin’s forehead rests against yours. he’s smiling, soft and hopeful, like he thinks this might be the start of something again.
you realize you never stopped loving him. the feeling crashes over you so hard your knees almost buckle. you can’t do this again. you can’t go back to waiting by the phone, wondering if he’ll show up. you push away from him, eyes already filling with tears.
“i have to go” you say, voice breaking.
you turn and run further into the rain, not caring that your mom isn’t back yet. your sneakers slap through puddles. tears mix with rainwater on your face.
martin ran after you, grabbing your hand. “y/n, stop-“
you yank your arm from him and scream back at him, “i broke up with you for a reason! for a goddamn reason, and you still can’t accept that?! i told you everything! can you for once, please, i’m begging you, leave me alone?!”
martin just stood there watching you scream at him. people turning to see what’s happening. did he really take it too far?
“i kept thinking why i still find a way back to you even after all this bullshit you pull up. then i finally found the answer.” your voice broke down again.
you continued, “i thought that it was because i love you.” you let out more sobs. “but then- i realized that it was because i hate you. i hate it when you’re nice to me, i hate it when you stare at me, i hate the way you read my mind, i hate the way you’re always right, i hate it when you lie, i hate it when you make me laugh and even worse when you make me cry.” you pause, wiping your eyes on your sleeves, “but mostly i hate the way i don’t hate you. not even close. not even a little bit. not even at all.” you barely get the last words out of you.
at this point tears were streaming down your face. with that you just turned away from him and disappeared into the storm.
martin felt his own tears in his eyes. he put his hand in his pocket where he pulled out a wrinkled piece of paper. on it was written “will you be my girlfriend :p?” with a two stickman drawing. one in a suit, the other one in a wedding dress. it was something martin gave to you a while ago whilst asking you to be his girlfriend.
he planned on giving it to you, maybe as a reminder that the guy you fell for was still in him.
he just ripped the paper and threw it on the ground. he won’t be needing that anymore.
— ᨳଓ . a/n: sorry if this is ass guys! i don’t really know how to write angst scenes😣 might rewrite it! official masterlist here🫶🏻
ᨳଓ taglist: @penguinontheloose123 @marsgirltyshi @mikitaxt @gglanaa @m1lb @mingimode @sinmiedoalamor @myuekii @vckybloom @claireo-o @cvntycapricornxx @red--roses @eiirazz @taelvvrzz @yeeyeehaw22