2pretty archive

I just wanted to share some of the changes in my life inspired by you and the people around me. This is a lot of text and I understand if you can't read it or share it.

A bit of context: I've been following you now for almost a year, I found you just before starting my first semester at med school. I was already burnt out and I generally felt depressed and miserable, and I wanted to change that. I wanted a healthier mind and body, I wanted to meet my goals.

Better Friends

Like 6 months ago I noticed that my closest friends didn't really listen to me or valued my opinion after we had a fight. I analyzed what things we had in common, and found that our fundamental values didn't align anymore. I wanted to live a quiet life free of drama, gossip, misery and online bullying. I felt trapped, but my mind was set. I thanked them for our times together and explained that I just didn't feel like it was appropriate to continue treating each other.

Since then I've felt very calm, I do not regret my decision. People have shown me how they throw indirects about me in social media. They have written to me directly like 5 times trying to make me feel bad. I moved on (although it was very hurtful to see their behavior) while they keep trying to scare me? Make me miserable? Now I'm in a small group of friends. I'm still getting to know them, but I feel like they're generally more chill and so far I've felt good around them.

Grades

My first semester was very hard. Everything was still online and a lot of things in my life felt overwhelming. I tried to be a disciplined student, but I failed to sit down and study. I had to push myself very hard to do the bare minimum, but at the same time did as best as I could? I felt like I was a car running low on gas, I wasn't at my best performance, but I was still trying to go after my goals.

I ended up failing a subject for various reasons: lack of discipline, feeling like my worth depended on my grades, stressed out by the fight with my friends, trouble in my family...

Right now I am retaking this subject, and I have pushed myself harder. I still struggle to sit down and study everyday. In fact I can barely sit down and study for my finals. But I go to all my classes, I do all the readings, I prepared notes, paid attention in class and I was one of the students who participated the most. Absolutely in love with those butterflies in my stomach when the doctors ask a question which I know the answer to, and despite feeling a bit nervous of speaking up, something takes over me, and before I realize it my hand is up, I'm speaking, answering the question, and I get it right.

Every now and then I'm in a limbo where I feel like right now I've done well enough or feeling like I'm absolutely mediocre. Still, I feel WAY better than before and I know that at least I'm doing more than the first time I took this class.

Today I heard I got an 86 on my exam!! It was actually quite ironic because this morning I woke up all nauseous and crying, exaggerating what I remembered about the exam. This is one of the best scores I've gotten since I entered med school. This is in fact the best score I've gotten in this subject. Now I just need to push through and do well on my final to be back on the regular track. I'm still struggling to find that fire in my heart to study, but this is the best I've felt and performed for years ((with performance I don't mean results, I mean the actual journey, preparation, acquisition of knowledge)). I know I can do a lot better and will work towards it, but I'm so proud to see my progress after struggling for so long. Like I actually teared up when I saw my score. It felt so good to see my work come intro fruition.

Self confidence and looks

Still working on this aspect. The afternoon I found your blog I read ALL your posts about pretty privilege. A year ago I really wanted to elevate my presentation because I've always felt lesser than other girls in this aspect.

I haven't quite found my style, but one of my new friends is constantly saying how much she loves my outfits. Another friend said she looks up to me because she feels like I'm elegant? I had never recieved such compliments in my life. This isn't some purely materialistic thing. Dressing up makes me feel good and confident. I used to feel very nervous of what people would think or say about me. Now I just go on and do things without caring much. I don't feel so small anymore. Also, a month ago I went grocery shopping alone. 2 older men went out of their way to help me when I didn't even ask for help. Being kind and looking good definetly gets you to places.

Catholicism

I was raised Catholic, but drifted away from God for various reasons. A lot of other Catholics have tried to get me back in, but it felt like I was some project to them? I always understood it came out of love, yet this is a journey I had to come back to by myself.

When you started to speak more about your religious experience I felt something. I was mainly intrigued by the way you described your faith and connection to God.

One of my new friends is Christian, and when interacting with her I noticed so many details about her connection to Him. Her calmness, kindness, discipline. There was just something about her that really drew me in. I started to ask her questions about her experience with faith, and it felt so real? Before when I'd listen to people speak about it I'd get the ick. Even when I was religious I couldn't understand when people described feeling His presence, power, love. But when she described it, it felt like the most genuine thing I've heard.

I hadn't thought much about my curiosity until last week, when before sleeping I suddenly felt the urge to pray and just speak with Him. I still have a long way to go to reconnect with Him and rebuild our relationship, but I'm speaking with Him almost daily (some days I've fallen asleep before praying 😭😭, in fact, most times I drift off, wake up, and continue praying? 😭 idk why it's so soothing to the point of falling asleep mid-conversation).

I always heard people describing how they felt God's calling, but it was so foreign to me, I couldn't understand it at all. But that night I felt very drawn to him, and I think it was his way of calling ME. I still need to figure out what He has in his plans.

Discipline

Definetly something I wanted to work on, but still struggle with. I really really really do struggle with consistency and discipline. Yet I know this is the highest point I've been since 2019? 2020? Don't want to be too hard on myself for this because I know I'll probably end up in some guilt spiral, but regardless of my outcome in this class (I might fail and need to retake it for a 3rd time) I will spend all summer building my concentration and developing different skills.

I have cut off Instagram from my life, still struggle with Twitter tho... I deleted all games from my phone. I only watch TV when I'm downstairs. I have almost all notifications turned off my phone, so now I only reply to messages when I willingly open WhatsApp. This last thing is great progress, because every day I'd notice how I would stay there waiting for people to reply to my messages, and all the stress notifications caused me. Will definetly work more on digital-detoxing.

Health wise I've been eating better. I'm overeating way less, I try to eat a fruit at least once a day. I am now eating 3 times a day at normal times. Everyday I go to sleep before 12 p.m (feel sleepy at 11 but sometimes I have to delay my sleep a bit...), I wake up at more reasonable times.

Haven't been able to start a fitness regime (had surgery like 2 months ago for ovarian torsion, couldn't do physical activity for a month, and tbh now I'm putting it off until I'm done with exams). I plan on running a 5k marathon by November to motivate myself to consistently work out these months.

----

I still have a LOT to work on, but I am very proud of my progress so far. I know there's untapped potential in me, and I plan to squeeze it all out. My progress might not be much compared to others, but it's honest work and I'm thankful for all the little and big struggles I've faced.

Like I said, I used to feel like a beat down car running low on gasoline that was still forced to power through it all. I felt so tired, miserable, depressed, and most of all doomed. I might not be the happiest person in earth, but my mood is significantly better. I do not feel dread, I am not envious of others, I criticize people way less, I feel loved, I feel confident. I was so spiteful that I deemed nature as something stupid and childish (out of my own spite and resentment towards people who were happier than me), yet today I was so happy to feel the warmth of the sun on my skin as I walked next my school's trees. I really cannot thank you enough for being such a positive influence in my life. Whenever you post about good things happening to you, I feel so happy for you and at the same time I feel inspired. I don't know if my message properly reflected how you have impacted my life, but please know that you have inspired me to change for the better. I have never been so happy. Really, thank you so so so so much 2pretty. Have a great day! 💖

(Sorry for any typos or weird expressions, I just let my mind flow on the keyboard. And again, sorry for the long message 😭)

I love myself too much to not be hyper disciplined with the things that will better my life. I simply can’t allow myself to wake up one day, say 10 years from now, and realizing that I could have put in a little more work, just a few more hours, to get what I wanted. I owe it to myself to pretend that I am my own parent scolding a lazy child who isn’t completing their responsibilities. I’m very clear on what I want and the fact that I don’t have it in my hands yet makes me sick. It keeps me up at night. I can’t sleep until I know that I’m putting in the time it takes to make each and every one of my dreams come true. I refuse to be stagnant any longer. If I want to get fit, get glass skin, grow my hair to my waist, learn every language that interests me, ace every coding challenge, snag a rich man, become a housewife and be the cutest girl in the room at all times, then I will have that! You see, the thing is, I am a spoiled brat. Absolutely spoiled ROTTEN. I am so used to getting what I want. And if I want it bad enough, I won’t stop until I get it. The reason I wake up at 5am and put in work until midnight is bc I am addicted to getting what I want. Only the best for 2pretty 🥰

Where am I now?

Where do I want to end up?

If I keep doing the things I currently do everyday for the foreseeable future, will I end up where I want to be?

And then act accordingly.

To make up some examples, I am currently a C grade student and I want to get a 4.0 to get into a good med school. If I keep studying 8 hours a day and ask for help as needed like I am currently doing, will I end up at my goal? Yes.

I am currently 50lbs overweight and I want to reach my goal weight in 1 year. If I keep ignoring my workout schedule and eating unhealthy foods that are full of sugars and are calorie dense like I am currently doing, will I end up at my goal? No. I need to act accordingly.

Logging Off

As always, I suggest reading Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport

Take an audit of all of your social media accounts and internet habits. Ask yourself why you use them so much.

Think of all the things you "don't have time for" on your to-do list or list of goals. Imagine if you had 2,3,4+ more hours a day to get them done. How much would your life improve? Your self esteem? Your overall happiness? Your bank account, perhaps?

Understand that FOMO is stupid and you're not missing out on anything. Oh no, you haven't seen that meme or missed that tweet that was viral for 12 hours! Oh the horror!!! You missed celebrity selfie #22977, oh how can you live with yourself!!

Tell your friends to text you rather than DM'ing you. Call your family members and catch up for real, rather than just occasionally perusing their profiles. Better yet, go visit people in person. Your bond will be significantly stronger than if you just exchange memes and likes sometimes.

Most people start with app timers or blockers. I used to recommend them, but I don't anymore. Not when you're first getting started. I think a proper detox for at LEAST a week is necessary. But honestly, if you've been addicted to the internet for several years, a week won't be enough. You need a detox of a month (or longer). Once your detox ends, that is when I recommend to use blockers/timers.

Log off, and don't come back until your 30 days is up.

Staying Logged Off

You can't just log off and then....stare at a wall??? You need to fill your newfound time with something to do.

First, make a schedule for your day. Have some structure in your life. Do the things you said you were gonna do, when you said you were gonna do it. No more guessing about your day. Make a schedule.

Add in more exercise, cleaning, maintenance of your physical appearance, studying, music practice, language learning, get to those online courses you saved, go visit people, take a class, read some books, pick up sewing, get back to drawing or painting, the list goes on and on. Have a mix of things you can do indoors and outside of the home. Easy low-effort things like having a book to grab at a moments notice, and more effort-needing things like extensive workouts. Basically, have a plethora of hobbies to fill your days. So many hobbies that take up time that you won't even be able to do them all in one day. You will have a full life.

Read up on the dangers of extended internet/social media usage. Read about snapchat dysmorphia, how being exposed to ads all day hurts us, the rise of mental health crises in our overly-plugged-in generation.

Being Happy In the Real World

Once you get rid of the compulsion to visit those apps/websites because you've gone long enough without accessing them, you won't think about it much. You'll have so many more important and interesting things going on that mindlessly scrolling won't be so appealing anymore.

But don't stop there. Keep expanding your horizons and finding more things to have an abundant life. Making new friends, dating, leveling up your skills, etc. Life can and will just get better and better and better.

You may find that you want to forgo some internet spaces completely and just delete those accounts. Great! For the ones you do decide to return to, set a schedule. An hour a day? Unlimited time but ONLY after you've completed your to-do list? Only online on the weekends? Find what works best for you.

Take the focus away from social media and reframe it by looking at your life and where you are on your self improvement journey. Do you have the life you want? Have you stuck to the morning routine you planned? The evening routine? The skincare routine? The fitness goals? Have you built the business? Have you gotten the grades? Did you clean up like you said you would? Did you meal prep? Learn that language? Call your mom? Repair those items? Read that book? Apply to those jobs? No? Then why are you using that precious time that can and should be devoted to improving your life 10x over by looking at meaningless content you are only sometimes being properly entertained by on social media?

What you'll find is that becoming your dream girl is very time consuming if you actually go all in. Honestly, 24 hours in a day isn't enough to get it all done sometimes. So tell me why are you okay with delaying a high quality life for some stupid posts online? The trade off is abysmal. You aren't missing out on anything worthwhile when you log off for a little bit, I promise. But you can use that time spent scrolling to gain tremendously. While everyone else is spending hours a day being passive, be aggressively proactive in going for the things you want.

Mindset

If you don't think it's possible to always get A's, to study long hours, to be more dedicated than others around you, then you're probably right. You genuinely have to believe that it's possible and know that you get what you work for. If literally a single person in your class get's an A, then that's proof enough that it's possible. Maybe you'll have to study longer or harder or make more sacrifices, but it is possible. I approach every assignment/exam with the aim to get a 100%. Even if I don't get a 100, I got a lot closer than if I was just looking to "pass".

Discipline and Building the Habit

Procrastination is like a credit card: it’s a lot of fun until you get the bill. You need to prioritize school work and make sure that it gets done no matter what. Not only if you 'feel' like it. Not only if the weather is right or you ate a certain thing or woke up at a certain time. If you oversleep, you still do your work. If you said you'd study at 6 but traffic was backed up and you didn't get home until 7, you still do your work.

It needs to become part of your daily life so that the friction to do it is removed. When you were a little kid, your mom had to remind you all the time to brush your teeth. It might have taken a year or 2 (or more!) before it became something that you automatically did when you woke up. You don't think about it, you don't negotiate it, you just do it. If you study every day (or at whatever frequency), you will be able to get into the study mood faster and stay there longer. And even when they mood doesn't come, you can still study because your body and mind are so used to it. It's become a routine.

Even if you aren't learning new material, review your notes. Even if you don't write the full essay, write a paragraph or edit it. Take practice tests. Build the habit.

Most people have subpar grades, not because they aren't smart enough, but because the don't have the discipline to study often. Showing up every day whether you want to or not is half the battle won.

Training

Make a schedule. Stick to it. Show up every day, sit down, and get to work. Stop making so many lame excuses. Your brain is trying to sabotage you because putting in work is painful and your brain just wants you to be comfortable. The only thing more painful than studying hard is the pain of getting bad grades and feeling stupid or incompetent. Of wondering if you picked the wrong field and maybe you should drop classes and switch majors. Of potentially losing your scholarship. Of spending all that money on tuition just to barely scrape by with your grades, knowing that if you were gonna do so badly you might as well have chosen the more affordable school. That's the real pain.

Train yourself to be a winner. Train yourself to be everyone's biggest competition. Not because you are a natural born genius, but because you are able to make school a priority, get to work early, and put in as many hours as it takes to be excellent. When teachers used to say "your essay is due in 2 weeks but I already have someone who has submitted theirs", everyone would look at me because duhhhh.

Compete with yourself

I know that nowadays no one likes being told that they can and should do better. No one likes being told that they are mediocre by choice. No one likes being told that things are in their hands and they have the power to make better outcomes for themselves. But it's true. You don't become a top student by feeling sorry for yourself and constantly blaming others for why you aren't performing well. Take accountability for your grades and start competing with yourself to be a better student. You got a C on that last quiz? Get a B this time. You got 4 A's in a row? Keep that streak going. No matter how good I do on an assignment, if I didn't get a 100% then I'm competing with the version of myself that did get a 100% previously.

Study motivation

My biggest motivation is my desire to perform well. I hate being asked a question that I should know the answer to and not knowing it. I hate struggling during exams. Those negative feelings are things I don't want to keep experiencing, so I make sure to avoid them. I also am used to being a high achiever since childhood. A's are the expectation, not the exception.

On days where I need some extra motivation, I watch videos from the Motivation2Study channel on youtube and I also watch this documentary about chinese students prepping for the biggest exam of their life. The rigor and dedication is astounding.

My go-to study methods

I prefer handwritten notes over digital. I used to write with notability on my ipad but honestly I'm a (pink) pen and paper girl at heart

I read the entire section, paying ample attention, and then come back to the top to take notes. I find it easier to take notes if I already know whats coming next. If I don't, I may end up writing redundant information. Plus, with the second reading and simultaneous note taking, I retain the info better.

I always use bullet points and headers to separate topics

If I need to write down an example, I indent it into the page under the corresponding bullet point. I rarely use more than 2 examples though. It can be overkill.

For large chunks of info, I read it and try to explain it out loud. If I miss something, I'll do it again.

For small info, like definitions for example, I use digital flashcards

I use spaced repetition to review, especially for my flashcards but also with physical notes

If I get something wrong, I don't say "close enough" and move on. I hammer it in until it's right. "Mostly right" isn't good enough. I need to master each question.

I used to have highly decorated notes but I don't have time for that anymore. I use pink highlighters, pink pens, etc and just write them out plainly.

I always study at my desk rather than my bed or couch or anything. If I'm not at home, then I'll study at a table or whatever but I honestly prefer my own room over libraries or other places.

While I'm working I'll listen to that infamous lo-fi hiphop playlist, my favorite k-hiphob/rnb playlist, or the social network soundtrack. Other times I'll play a study with me livestream or an asmr video of someone writing on crinkly paper lol. Depends on my mood.

For lectures, I try to record the audio so that I can come back to anything that I might have missed. I write very fast, and rarely in complete sentences. For example if my prof says "Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after", my notes would be along the lines of, "Jack/Jill up hill for water. Jack fell, crown broke, Jill fell." I only get the most meaningful parts and skip the rest.

ALWAYS read over your notes asap. Twice, if you can. Make an effort to remember what they say.

Intensive Study Camps

This is not for softies who are like "I studied for 5 minutes now! I'm done for the day bc I don't want to push myself and hurt my wittle mental health! It's okay to be a loser 😊” (I'm just kidding.)

This is for people who want to maximize every hour they can for a specific amount of time and give it all they've got. I like 1 week chunks but sometimes I'll do an entire month. Wake up, freshen up, study, study, study. I try to plan out 12 hours of studying, sometimes more. Key word: plan. You must make a schedule and follow it. Long time followers will remember my computer science barbie schedule that I followed about a year ago. I wrote it on an index card and kept it sitting on my desk to refer to every day.

Basically you decide to spend x amount of time fully immersed in academia and that becomes your number one priority. By the time your camp is over with, you will have put in dozens, maybe hundreds of hours of studying.

I get inspiration from east asian (namely Chinese and South Korean) education, which is notoriously intense and time consuming.

Why do I do this? For 3 reasons. 1) I like it 🤪. 2) If you have a deadline coming up and you need to get more work done, cramming the night before or studying lightly won't cut it. This is 'study like 2pretty', and I like getting A's. I don't know what simple courses you're taking where you can sleep all day and still get a 100% but I've taken some pretty rigorous courses where the biggest indicator of your grade is how much (quality) time you can spend on the material to practice and get better. 3) Let's assume that there's two students, A and B. They have the same memory, same intelligence, and same test-taking abilities. The only difference in their performance is time. It just comes to reason that the student who performs better is the student who spends more quality time with the material. Those who read a lot do better than those who don't read much. Those who write a lot are better writers. Those who practice basketball more do better than other players. Simple math.

I said it twice above but I'll say it again: quality time. Not all time spent is quality time. Just looking at your page or screen isn't quality.

Intensive schedules aren't my daily thing, of course. I use it when I am in a slump, need to zoom to the top of the class, or if other students have lots of prior knowledge and I need to catch up. I've also used it to test out of a class.

Well for starters, I just reblogged this post for you with practical tips.

Remember that social media is a very new thing and literally everyone who came before you (and depending on your age, even a part of your life) had life without social media. People entertained themselves, they learned, they traveled, they dressed themselves and discovered their style, they found cool foods they wanted to make, they kept up with current events, they found out about shows and movies they wanted to see, all without social media. And you can to. You are not required to be glued to your phone all day. You are absolutely allowed to log off. There’s no consequences for doing so. Very very very very very few things we find online are truly worth seeing and I can bet you a million dollars right now that you don’t remember even a fraction of the stuff you looked at today. It’s just not important! You’re missing out on nothing.

This is an opportunity for you to experience a full and satisfying life in the real world. So many books to read, pictures to draw, stories to write, clothes to make, workouts to do, daydreams to have, in-person visits to make, albums to listen to, recipes to try, at-home spa days to have, miniature sets to build, candles to make, DIYs to try, journaling to do, repairs to complete, bedrooms to redecorate, local places to visit, and time with family to share. Can all of this be done while also spending time on social media? Yes of course. But many times, we don’t do it because that time gets stolen from us with nothing to show for it.

Level 0 is getting yourself to a base level of daily self discipline, taking care of your health and appearance, and having things to do besides scrolling all day. The bare minimum of feeling good about yourself long term and being a functioning person.

Level 1 is to figure out what’s wrong with your life and come up with a tangible and measurable plan on how to fix it. What to cut out, what to invite in, how long it’ll take to save up for xyz, what credit score you need for such and such, what habits need to be dropped immediately, etc. Figuring out how to go from who you are now to the early stages of who you want to be. Level 1 is coming to terms with who and are and what you want, doing the research, and making a game plan. It's making sure you don't keep sliding backwards. Why is this level 1 and not level 0? Bc when people are in a subpar place, taking an audit of how they’ve failed themselves leads to more despair and a feeling of hopelessness. People who have gotten themselves to a semblance of health and daily discipline will do this and feel revved up for a challenge.

If you’ve been working out every day, eating well, taking care of your looks, enjoying your hobbies and taking 30 minutes to build a skill you’ve always wanted to learn, you’re gonna be feeling great. And when it’s time to sit down and apply for new jobs it won’t feel as daunting. When it’s time to sit down and write that essay, it won’t be as hard. When you decide to start saving $200 a month, you’ll be excited about it instead of feeling deprived. Level 1 is a very short level and you shouldn't be here for long at all.

Level 2 and up will vary greatly from person to person as it's about putting your money where your mouth is and really putting in work. No more info hoarding, no more restless nights trying to figure out what you want. It's go time. It could include more schooling, working, rebranding yourself, putting yourself out there, not buying new clothes or eating out bc you're saving money hardcore, ramping it up at the gym, or whatever else you planned out. You stfu and do the work. It's uncomfortable bc you won't allow your brain to sabotage you into stopping. You're becoming a new person. Level 2 will likely last a long time since rome wasn't built in a day and whatever you're trying to accomplish will probably take a fair amount of work.