Potentialfate

Adam leaned closer to his ex-boyfriend, smiling when Theo did the same. While their friends worked through family drama, and Despina threw herself into her work with dream magic, Adam and Theo now found themselves alone.

After eating most of Theo's birthday cake, the teens had elected to find somewhere quiet to spend the rest of the night. They'd settled on the abandoned Dean house, which Helle had claimed as another property belonging to her by birthright. She was a Dean by blood, and if any of her siblings returned to the family home, she wanted to be the first to know. Helle and the Pryors were all sequestered in the castle, no doubt continuing their arguments about infidelity and what the Proxy had considered to be sin. Adam and Theo couldn't be paid to wander into that mess. They had more than enough family drama of their own at home.

"No, I think we should stay here," Theo replied. "This bed is comfy, and it's my birthday. I don't want to celebrate it playing guitar and avoiding Despina's magical experiments. I want to celebrate it with you. The way we used to. You know, before we broke up...or how we would have spent it before...before the accident."

Both boys' faces flushed at the reminder of how they spent their nights before Theo's blood magic had sparked a disaster that had almost killed Adam. Theo ran his fingers gently down Adam's face, tracing the lines of the scars his magic had left until Adam reached out his own hand to stop him.

"Hey, we're stronger now and more practiced at holding your power back," Adam softly reminded his ex. "That's never going to happen again. We will never be caught off guard like that again. I promise."

Theo smiled.

"It hasn't happened since I got back from Shadowvale, not even once. Sebastian never...well, we never...it was never dangerous or out of control. He was safe, but he was never you."

Adam cringed at the mention of his cousin and the implications of what Theo had done with him. Only Theo could bring a guy to an empty bedroom, just to talk about his ex. It seemed to be a Bellamy trait, from what Adam had seen, one that Adam had hoped Theo would grow out of. Still, Adam was sitting in a bedroom with Theo, which was more than he could have hoped for even a month ago. Theo wanted him here, even if he couldn't keep his foot out of his mouth. Maybe this was Theo trying to open up about his insecurities about what had happened between them. He wasn't doing a great job at communicating, but this could be a start.

"Of course he's not me," Adam declared, pulling Theo closer to him. "We're magic together, everyone knows that. We always have been and we always will be. I know that you don't want a commitment or relationship right now, but I will always love you, Theo. No matter what. No one else comes close to you."

"H-how many other people are you comparing me to?" Theo asked nervously. "I've only been with Sebastian, but you...Remy made it sound like maybe you've been with a lot of people. Like a lot. I know she lies about just about everything, but is she lying about that too?"

Adam pulled Theo into a passionate kiss, silencing his nervous stammering.

"They don't matter," Adam replied, breaking the kiss just long enough to get the words out. "Nothing else matters. We're sixteen and far away from our home and families, just waiting for a powerful demon to attack. If you want something to happen between us, then that's something we can control. Do you want something to happen between us? It's okay if you don't. I'd understand."

Theo sighed and rolled back onto the bed, unsure of what his answer should be. Yes, he wanted something to happen, and had taken Adam specifically there in order to ensure that it happened. But there was still a million thoughts running through his mind that questioned this choice.

Adam was more experienced than he was. Theo felt a powerful spark run through him at the thought of being with Adam, that had never happened with Sebastian. He had been happy with Sebastian, sure, but there was something wild and dangerous about his feelings for Adam. Had Theo learned to control his powers enough not to injure Adam again? Would he ever have control over those wild feelings? He couldn't explain to Despina that he'd hurt her cousin again; the grief and self-loathing would be more than he could bear.

"I think that I now understand why you kissed Josh," Theo said, reaching for Adam's hand.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I didn't know how to process what happened between us and I could never understand why you would be afraid to be physical with me after the accident. I knew that I wasn't trying to hurt you, but I've never seen what my magic looks like to other people before Xexys accidentally showed me. It just feels normal to me, but the curse, all of that power? Through Xexys' eyes, I could see it for the first time and it was terrifying. Literal nightmare fuel. It doesn't feel natural or safe to other people, but it's all that I've ever known. So, I get why it freaks you out so badly that you wanted to see if kissing someone else was safer. I don't like it or forgive it, but I understand."

Adam rolled close enough to stare Theo in the eyes. Theo was actually admitting that he could understand Adam's actions, and there was no chance that Adam was going to let this opportunity slip past him.

"You saw it in a dream? I'm glad that you got to experience for yourself, so you can understand what it's like for the rest of us. Well, for everyone else, at least. Since I ground your powers, it's a little different for me. I can feel and channel some of that power, but it's still overwhelming. Very overwhelming, if you're not prepared. Remy...Remy was always worried about me dealing with all of it, especially after the accident." Adam smiled wistfully in an attempt to block the tears he felt coming from thinking of when his sister was healthy and awake. He missed her terribly, but he couldn't think about her right now.

"I don't want to hurt you again," Theo murmured. "I know that Evren and my parents shielded me from what happened after the accident, and that you were really badly hurt. I would have come back to see you if I hadn't been sent to Shadowvale. I would have been there for you; I begged to come back."

Adam paused, remembering the months of misery, pain, and confusion he'd endured after Theo had been sent away and how it had all led to him kissing his friend, Josh. None of those memories were pleasant, and he definitely didn't want to remember them now.

"Theo, that won't happen again, I promise. We can't be stuck in the past if we want to move forward together. I'm healed, and you're in control of your powers now. Is this the only reason you've been afraid of being with me?"

Theo looked away, unable to meet Adam's gaze.

"No," he lied. "You cheated on me. I don't know if you would do it again if something else went wrong. That's it."

"That's why Despina is about to murder you if you have another dream about me again, right? You don't care about that kiss with Josh; you care about me but you're afraid of what happened. You're afraid to get close to me again in case something goes wrong. Admit it."

"I'm not afraid of anything," Theo replied quickly. Adam could sense Theo raise his usual walls, effectively ending their conversation about emotions he didn't want to admit to. "I'll prove it. Let's do this, if you're okay with the risk. I'm sure that you're right, and everything will be fine." He put his lips against Adam's and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he did. He wasn't nervous. He wanted to act on all of the dreams Despina shouted at him about, and he wasn't nervous. Everything was going to be fine. Better than fine, even. He was in Adam's arms and that was going to be fine.

"If you're sure." Adam could see the worry in Theo's eyes, but he knew that his ex was never going to talk about his feelings. The only thing Adam could do was support him and assure him that they weren't in any danger. "I love you, Theo."

Adam couldn't bring him to Arkhelios, but he could try to do something special for Theo. He wasn't skilled at baking like Roman Bellamy, but he did have some practice making a cake. His family could easily afford to buy cakes or have chefs make them for them, but his stepfather, Ewan, loved to bake. He once told Adam that his own father used to bake as stress relief, a skill that he learned from his older sister, who had learned it from their father. It had sounded like Ewan was trying to use baking to bond with his stepson, but to Adam's shame, he had always given up on baking and just ate what Ewan made. Now, he was going to prove to his stepdad that he'd learned something, while also cheering up Theo. When he got back, maybe he'd even make a cake for Ewan.

There were recipe books in the house which contained cake recipes that Adam thought he could make. There were a ton of more difficult recipes, but Adam didn't want to risk having this whole experiment blow up in his face and have nothing to give to Theo. The simpler, the better.

He'd somehow made too much batter for a single cake, so Adam tried to make little cupcakes in a separate pan. He had no idea of they'd be edible, but he at least had to try. Something he'd put in the oven had to succeed or the whole gesture would be ruined. There was only white, boring frosting, but it had been all that Rita could offer. It would at least taste good, she'd promised.

"Adam? Are you making something? It smells smoky in the hall. Despina's not trying some weird spell is she?"

"Surprise!" Adam shouted, gesturing wildly at the cake behind him. "Happy birthday, Theo! I wanted to make you something special for your birthday since you can't be with your family. It's not your dad's cake, but I think it turned out okay. There's even little mini cakes that should be good if the main cake isn't."

Adam left out the fact that the frosting was covering a very underwhelming cake that may still have pieces of eggshells in it, but Theo didn't seem to mind.

"You made this? For me?" Theo gasped. He looked genuinely impressed. "I didn't know that you knew how to bake. This must have taken you forever!"

"A little bit under forever," Adam laughed. He hadn't seen Theo look this excited all week. "Baking is a lot more work than I imagined, but I wanted you to have something special. You do only turn sixteen once, after all."

"I can't believe you found everything to make this in a place like this," Theo exclaimed. He rushed to wrap his arms around Adam, overwhelmed by the gesture.

"I did have some help," Adam confessed, sinking into Theo's arms as deeply as he could. It had all been worth it just for this one moment. "I asked around for the ingredients, but the end result was all me. Do you want to try a piece now, or do I have to sing Happy Birthday to you first?"

"I'm not opposed to hearing you sing, but I am actually pretty hungry. I'm curious to see how this tastes. Did you use any magic to make it?"

Adam shook his head proudly.

"Nope. I did it all by hand. As your dad says, magic doesn't always belong in the kitchen. My stepdad taught me a few things about baking, when I wasn't ignoring him to study crystals. I wanted you to have something special."

"That's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for my birthday. Ever. I love it."

It probably wasn't true, but Adam's heart swelled with pride all the same.

"Well, uh, we should probably try it before Despina smells it and tries to recruit us for more dream experiments," he said. The last thing he wanted to do was let go of Theo, but eventually, they did have to try the cake.

"I think I heard her snoring, so we should be safe," Theo laughed. "She's probably in her own experiment now."

"We can save her a piece. Helle and the Pryors too, if it's any good. I'd imagine dessert might help break up family fighting. I feel bad for them. I remember how upset you were when you learned about your dad's affair, plus the reapers trying to learn how to adjust to their afterlife? It's a mess."

"You know me so well," Theo replied softly. "You've been my best friend since I was six and you've been through everything with me. I don't know why I thought that I could live without you in my life. It's impossible."

"Impossible?" Adam repeated. His knees nearly buckled from the look in Theo's eyes. "How do you want me to be in your life?"

"I don't know right now. I don't know anything. Helle and Abercius loved each other across two lifetimes, and my parents are happy together now, I think, despite them cheating on each other."

Adam tried not to roll his eyes at the reminder.

"Theo, your dad has two secret children hidden in two monarchies. I kissed one guy because I couldn't handle being afraid of touching you. I almost died, and I still want to be with you. I love you."

"You do?" Theo's voice wavered when confronted with what had been extremely obvious to everyone around them. He knew. There was no way he couldn't know, especially when Despina kept threatening him over his repeated fantasies about her cousin. It was just too complicated to think about, with too many conflicting feelings. Did he break his promise of never taking back a cheater, even after he was able to feel for the first time just how immense his power was to others?

He understood why Adam was afraid of the power attached to him. He understood that Adam had gone through a traumatic event after their accident, and then still braved the dream realm just to talk to him. It was just scary to trust again and allow himself to be open to being hurt again. He knew that Adam had been hurt just as badly, and that living in Jubilant Accosts with the immense pressure being placed on them probably didn't make the situation any easier. Would he still be this desperate to hold Adam as tight as he could if they hadn't left Pleasantview? Probably, though Theo would never tell another living soul about that desire.

"Hey, let's sit down for a minute," Theo suggested nervously. Adam was staring at him with an intense look that Theo didn't know how to interpret. "This is all overwhelming."

Adam obeyed, pushing his chair close to Theo's.

"Theo, we're both sixteen now and more mature," he began. "Well, somewhat mature, considering that I doubt we'd be even having this conversation in Pleasantview. You can't ignore me here, and that makes you nervous. We need to talk about us, even if we're not together."

Theo lowered his eyes and sighed.

"I know. It's been so weird living with you and sleeping next to you again, and all these weird feelings keep popping up that I can't understand. Plus Abercius and his dad having literal soulmates because that's apparently a real thing that exists outside of romantic greeting cards, and what if you're mine? Would I ever know it for sure? Have we just known each other for so long that you're familiar to me or is it something else? And if we are, what does that mean? I don't know if I want to be in a relationship right now. Sebastian only dumped me to protect me, and if he wakes up and I'm with someone else, is he going to be hurt? Do I want him to take me back if we can cure him? I don't know."

"Take a breath," Adam ordered, shocked that Theo was actually being candid with him. Clearly, he'd been thinking about their relationship a lot lately. Adam should have baked him a cake weeks ago. "I don't think that everyone gets a soulmate or that you need to assume you have one. My dad's been with a bunch of women and even had kids with some of them. Are any of them his soulmate? Do you think that anyone's soul could match Remy's? Don't tie yourself into knots thinking about soulmates. Maybe they're just for gods and people from this realm."

"We're connected by blood and magic," Theo insisted. "You ground my powers for me. I still have feelings for you, even if I pretend that I don't. I want to kiss you and never stop kissing you, but then I feel bad about leaving Sebastian and bad about nearly killing you and scarring your face , and maybe I just can't be in a relationship right now. We have to save two realms and save your family or we can never go home! It's all too much."

"Hey, don't worry about that. We can worry about it later, and we don't need to be in a relationship right now. Nothing's going to change if you don't worry about the future for a couple of hours. If you want to kiss me, just kiss me. I want to kiss you too."

Theo's expression still seemed hesitant, but he leaned closer to his ex-boyfriend anyway.

"You're really okay with leaving things casual? I mean, until I can figure out what I want? I don't want to-"

"Theo, it's your birthday," Adam interrupted, bringing his face closer to Theo's. "Just kiss me already."

Theo didn't have to be told twice.

Helle, Brion, and Abercius obviously had family issues to work out, and Trysten and Alphaeus had some catching up to do, as well as learning how exactly their new bodies worked. Deia and Xanthos took Desdemona to try to help their family adjust to this new change, leaving only the infants, who would likely be miserable in such chaos. Brion had recommended Theo for the job, since he had so much experience with his younger siblings, and Adam had immediately volunteered to help. Despina had mumbled something about dream magic and volunteered to help protect their base of operations while the boys were gone.

Theo hadn't minded as much as he'd pretended. Honestly, it was kind of nice to be away from high stakes magic and complicated family dynamics for once. Babysitting wasn't all that hard with all the practice he had with his siblings, and though he'd never admit it, spending some time alone with Adam didn't seem like much of a hardship either.

"I hope Brion and Abercius are doing okay," he said, breaking the silence that had fallen in the room. "I can't imagine what it's like to lose your parents, get them back, and then have to deal with a secret half-sibling." He paused. "Well, I do have some experience with that last part. Still, I can't believe Sebastian was right about their dad being in love with their uncle. That's going to be a huge thing to accept."

Adam bristled slightly at the mention of Sebastian, but quickly smothered the jealousy before Theo could notice. Sebastian was family. Sebastian broke up with Theo before he succumbed to the plague. There was nothing to be jealous of.

When Alphaios began to cry, realizing that he was no longer being held, Adam leapt into action before Theo could pick him up again.

"I've got him," he said. "I've held Abe enough times to know how to hold an infant. Your dad was going to murder me if I didn't do it perfectly."

Theo laughed at the memory. His father usually glared at Adam whenever he had come over in the past, especially when Adam had been given Abe Jr to hold. Adam had to be knowledgeable about infants or face the extreme displeasure of Roman Bellamy.

"Yeah, you're lucky to have survived. Luci answered her phone while holding him once, and Dad flipped out for like, an hour."

"Well, he seems like he's-oh my god!" Adam tried to push the infant as far away from himself as possible, but he was too late. Baby spit up was all over his clothes, and even in his hair. "Ugh, Abe's never done that before."

"To you maybe," Theo snickered. "Welcome to the joys of having a million little siblings. I've been thrown up on more times than I can count."

"It's in my hair," Adam whined, looking distressed. "Is there a spell for cleaning this up? I really don't want my wand anywhere near this mess though. Can you cast something?"

Theo shook his head with a teasing smile.

"No, the easiest thing is to bathe it off at this point. I can cast something for your clothes, but you're probably going to want to wash those too. Here, give me Alphaios and I'll clean him up. There's a bathroom down the hall if you want to have a shower."

Adam passed over the infant as quickly as he could, and took Theo up on his offer. He gingerly removed his jacket, leaving it on the floor for Theo to charm. There was spit up all down his pants, and Adam flushed with embarrassment taking those off in front of his ex-boyfriend. It wasn't like Theo hadn't seen him in his underwear before, but that was a long time ago and he could never seem to accurately judge Theo's feelings towards him. One day Theo ignored him and the next, he had his hands all over him in a way that felt anything but platonic. Adam didn't dare ask Theo what he was thinking about their future for fear of spooking him and losing any progress they'd made, but it was really starting to get frustrating. There was no way Theo would make a move with two infants in the room and spit up in Adam's hair, so it was probably safe just to imagine that he was Despina, who absolutely did not care if Adam was in his underwear, so long as he had something on.

"I'll be just down the hall then," he announced awkwardly, covering his boxers as much as he could with his hands. "Call me if anything happens."

Theo waved him away, pulling out his wand to use the gentle cleaning spell Evren had taught the Bellamys when the kids were younger. Theo's parents weren't great at it, and while Adrian was able to complete the spell, he was worried about being unable to control the strength of the very specific spell with the amount of magical military training he'd received, so Theo and Rien had had the most practice with it. Using it on small spots on an infant was easy, trying to clean all of Adam would be more effort than it was worth.

Adam sat in the tub and let the hot water relax all of his tense muscles. It had been far too long since he could actually just soak in a tub like everything in his life was normal again. The tub in the house they'd been staying in was broken, and though Helle's castle was safe and spacious, the plumbing hadn't been updated in centuries. Short, mostly warm showers were all that he'd had since coming to Jubilant Accosts, so an actually hot bathtub was a luxury he didn't know how much he'd missed. Still, he felt guilty leaving Theo with two infants while he relaxed. It wasn't fair to leave Theo alone, and it was pretty rare to get to spend time with Theo without either Abercius or Despina around, so Adam reluctantly got out of the bath.

There was a housecoat in the bathroom closet that had to belong to either Trysten or Xanthos. Adam borrowed it, hoping that it was clean and no one would be angry about its disappearance. He could throw his clothes into the washing machine and wash the robe and Alphaios' tiny clothes later.

"Hey, is everyone alright?" he asked. "Sorry that I took so long."

To Adam's surprise, Theo gave him a look Adam hadn't seen in over a year. Theo was checking him out and barely trying to hide it. Adam flushed furiously, pulling the housecoat over more of his exposed skin self-consciously.

"You didn't miss anything," Theo replied. "Alphaios went back to sleep, and I've been playing on my phone. Nice housecoat, by the way."

"Uh, thanks."

"So, crazy stuff keeps happening," Adam said, sitting on the floor, hoping that Theo would join him. To his delight, Theo's phone disappeared and Theo sat across from him on the floor. "Helle and Abercius are reincarnated lovers and starting a monarchy, the Pryors' dad is in love with their uncle and they're both reapers. What do you think is going to happen next?"

"I hope Xexys will be defeated next and we can go home," Theo replied. "Seeing these kids reminds me of my family. Don't ever tell my parents, but I miss them. All my siblings too. It's lonely here and I'm tired of pretending that things are okay. I'm turning sixteen next week and no one will be here to celebrate with me. I won't get to have my dad's birthday cake or wear the stupid birthday hat. I'll be stuck in this stupid place and I know my parents are going to be falling apart back home. My dad especially. I'm worried about him."

Adam tried not to look surprised at Theo's openness. Theo wasn't exactly an open book since their breakup, even if he had been getting better since they'd arrived in Jubilant Accosts. Adam could have probably guessed at Theo's feelings, but it was nice to have them confirmed.

"Your Dad will be okay," he replied. "He's been through a lot, and he's a lot stronger than you think. I'm sure that he'll lean on the rest of your family until we get back. You can't feel guilty about what he feels; he's the parent and you're not responsible if he goes to a dark place. We have to be here."

"Do we?" Theo asked. "Helle and Abercius have to be here. Despina wants to be here to chase after the ghosts of her parents. What are we doing, except for letting Despina experiment on our dreams? I feel so useless, Adam. Why are we hurting our families by staying and watching everyone else solve this?"

"Some of us don't have families to go home to," Adam said quietly.

Theo swore, then looked apologetically at the babies for swearing in their presence.

"Shit, I didn't think about that. Sorry. Of course, I want to solve this plague so your Dad and sister wake up. Sebastian too. It just all feels so hopeless! Lukas has gotten things done. Despina is getting things done, I think, and what have I done? Blood magic isn't going to help here, and the demonic magic I know doesn't seem effective against a type of demon no one has seen in millennia. Don't you ever feel like this?"

Adam sighed heavily.

"Yes, at times," he admitted. "Not for long though. We're helping Despina do important work. We're helping provide security for Helle. People are afraid of your powers, even if Xexys isn't, and we're ambassadors from another realm. We get to show Jubilant Accosts what life outside their realm is like, and by giving our support to Helle, we're lending credibility to her government. Our mission isn't just battles and sword fighting, Theo. Our mission is to find a cure, defeat Xexys, and be an example of what all 'Tredonians' can be in this realm. We have to do the same things that my dad does when he represents the coven. Some days are tougher than others, but it's our duty to do everything we can to help this realm while representing ours."

"Yeah...yeah, sorry. Like you said, it's a bad day, but I'll be fine tomorrow," Theo lied. Adam could practically feel the giant emotional walls surround Theo once more. "It was just as moment of doubt. I know my family will be fine. Turning sixteen isn't important, and our work here is. Sorry."