PostsIHopeMyFriendsDon'tSee

he spent 48 hours with me. Within these hours I revealed to him how depressed and suicidal I was. How all I could think about was killing myself. I smoked 3/4ths a pack of cigarettes in front of him when I’d never smoked before. I burnt my wrists with the cigarettes and lighter, he saw the burns. I spent most of those hours crying without pause.

I don’t wish people dead.

when I came to the hotel bed we were to share he told me “you fucking reek, you can’t come in bed smelling like that go shower”. I did and went to sleep next to him. He didn’t touch me then. I woke up to see my legs up in front on me and him standing beside the bed raping me. He never made eye contact with me despite the fact I couldn’t stop looking at his face.

I don’t wish people dead.

that same guy kissed me for the first time after I specifically stated I didn’t want to kiss him or date him.

I don’t wish people dead.

the first time that guy raped me he’d had sex with his other gf I didn’t know about yet just hours before without showering in between or using protection.

I don’t wish people dead.

different guy. We hooked up sometimes. Didn’t matter to him he was 41 and I was 22 and clearly mentally unwell.

I don’t wish people dead.

that guy watched me get drunker than I ever have. I probably had 20 shots if not more. I didn’t black out, I don’t know if that was lucky or not. He wasn’t nearly as drunk. He laid me on the bed and he never made eye contact with me. He lined his dick up with my ass and proceed to anally rape me. He didn’t speak, didn’t make eye contact despite the fact I couldn’t stop looking at his face. The next day I found the courage to tell him that was wrong and the mother fucker laughed and said “you can make the sex plans next time” like it was a fucking planning issue.

I don’t wish people dead.