Lena :)

just showed the gate agent the Wikipedia article for Mussels instead of my boarding pass. don't text

This is so me when I wasn’t paying attention to my wife so she looked at my screen to see what I was so focused on and it was the Wikipedia page for oats

one thing about americans is that they know how to make a fucking milkshake

i hate the stupid milk consistency shit you get here like if you give me a milkshake it better be rock fucking solid. i want that thang thick like concrete. it should piss me off trying to drink it through a straw. i should have to wait for it to thaw

Thinking about the unmatched joy I had in high school buying the largest slushie before every football game. Green Apple Jolly Rancher flavor I miss you dearly <3

Guy at the bar keeps trying to pick a fight with you and when you turn him down and say you don't want to take it outside he busts out the biggest, saddest, most shining puppy dog eyes you've ever seen