pöhnäke

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."

universal pictures really dug themselves into a hole with the “minions flock to the biggest villain on the planet” thing because there’s no way to deny that minions must have worked for like, fascist italy or the mafia… but they made their bed so now they can lie in it

minions are directly responsible for every war crime and atrocity in human history

i want you all to know that there is an artist (carmen papalia) who, after he started using a white cane, assembled a 12 foot long white cane and began using it in downtown vancouver. the length of the cane made it functionally useless as a device and the only purpose it served was making him an obstacle for sighted people. dare i say… 2019 goals

……okay, that last one is my absolute favorite

obi-wan kenobi movie where there’s just ewan mcgregor getting drunk, weeping, then trying to hug force ghost liam neeson every night  

It’s awsome I wish I had a teacher like that

not to be dramatic or anything but i would fucking die for you violet

non native english speaker culture is constantly switching between british and american spelling and writing words however you prefer without caring about consistency and you dont really always know which is which anyway

A perfect balance of extremely impressive and completely ridiculous.

Apple trees are DETERMINED. My parents planted a twig of an apple tree, and that first year it grew one apple. And the whole thing was bent over from the weight of it. It had one job and by God it was gonna do it.