didi
You know, if the world held a pop quiz and my life was on the line, i’d choose you as the subject. You’re like a book that i’ve annotated, only that i had to copy you into a separate notebook by hand and maybe forgot a few things, like how i don’t remember what colour you like more, black or lilac or brown (but only like a good leather boot kind, not a brick wall kind) but i know that its one of them because i heard you talk to one of your friends about it, and when i remember about everything that you've ever said to me, i know that those were the colours that you talked most about and i know that you put body mist like its a lifestyle, but only ones with hints of vanilla and some of them you don't even touch at all because you attach a lot of significance to scents, and if you don't like someone you’ll also grow to hate the smell of their perfume and i like to think that i'm a bit like you in that way as well, cause sometimes in school ill remember what mom smells like and ill spritz a bit of this fancy perfume i have in my cupboard all over myself because maybe then i wont feel lonely. I know that whenever we have the choice to order food and someone offers pan asian, you’ll always say yes cause man asian is your favourite and not noodle pan asian but more like sushi and dim sum pan asian and i know that when someone tries to serve you something with maybe fats or calories in it you'll silently mutter to yourself and try to calm down but it rarely happens and i know that your stress or happiness or love always rests in your fingers, how you strip your nailbeds and make them bleed all just for a catharsis that you don't even notice anymore and i know that you love to hog the blanket but that you hate hugs from people including me and you hate when people touch or take your stuff but how you'll always take my stuff and how whenever we’re together you’ll mention taylor swift at least once to fill the void and how you so intensely hate being reminded of failure but how you never defend it in front of the wrong people cause mentally your head has already made and excell sheet laying out who all is bad but never who all is good for some reason and every night i sleep hoping that i never feature on that list even though i know that sometimes i do. I know that you believe that i can do art and yet you don’t respect my passion for it enough to respect my rituals for it and how i know that you’ll probably never come for a book launch party or a gallery opening but i know that ill definitely recieve a text about it the next morning talking about how im great but will never mention how im not great enough that you took a day off to see it. I know that i read too much about you that i know that im not the most important for you but you still hold a place for me in your heart. Even if all you know about me is that im your annoying younger sister and that i really like chocolate, ill still love you even if you dont have time for me didi.
