Only god can Judge Me

A programmer is going out for a stroll one evening. His wife asks him to swing by the store and pick up a gallon of milk, and if they had eggs, to get a dozen. He returned with twelve gallons of milk and said “They had eggs.”

if (eggs==true){   bring.milk(12) }

Sorry for putting pictures of boobies on your dash.

I’m not

BOOBIES

sorry guys, i usually don’t post NSFW stuff.. but this is a great pair of boobies.

I love a bouncing pair of boobies.

omg guys. I’m sorry I usually don’t post stuff like this.

boobies are great

This is what tumbler was made for

I love this

that is one huge pecker you got there

Sorry guys, I don’t usually post NSFW, but you gotta admit, that ass looks great.

YES.

All the NSFW

this post has fucked me up more than any other on this site

Okay but no, do you understand what happens to a caterpillar once it’s in its cocoon? It completely turns into goo. That’s right, GOO. The damn thing dissolves and the reforms into the butterfly. Even crazier, the wings of the butterfly are already inside the caterpillar, ready to go, just waiting to float around in some goo and then be a beautiful butterfly. The craziest part?!? A study was done where some caterpillars were exposed to a certain smell and then given an electric shock so eventually the caterpillar associated the smell with the shock. Well after those little hairy noodles came out of the their cocoons as butterflies, they exposed them to the smell again and the butterflies reacted super negatively, as if they were being shocked. A.K.A. not only is there wings floating around in that goo cocoon, there is also a brain, the same, unaltered brain as the caterpillar. The butterfly can recall its days as a caterpillar even after basically being turned into soup. And then it all somehow gets its shit together to be a stupid majestic little beast, and I can’t even remember where I put my damn phone.  

THIS IS FUCKING CRAZY

Insects are fucking scary.

Im upset that they become soup

Ew

Wtf

So pretty much they bake themselves again in an oven nest? That shit cray.

rich people must be hooked up to their own supercomputer mega consciousness network cuz i heard NOTHING about fyre festival till it turned out to be a scam

This. Completely this.

I have bullshitted my way through almost two decades of life

I’ve repeatedly seen British people make fun of American food for apparently always being either “too sweet or too salty” but our cuisine is still pretty mild compared to a lot of other countries, and having repeatedly tried British food, I’m pretty sure the term you’re looking for is “having any flavor at all.”

Britain invaded over half the world for spices and then decided they didn’t like any of them

Executive dysfunction is basically going “Okay one two three go. And now. Aaaaaaannnnnnnd we’re goinnnnng now.” for like three hours before the thing happens