Goddess of Crickets

MOSSY FISH !

cw: suicide

You know, Good Omens was an umbrella. It was a safe gathering space, a shelter and a haven for queer and traumatized and outcast folk for more than 30 years. Some of us are survivors of unspeakable horrors, and having to watch our comfort characters suicide onscreen with absolutely no warning, no toll free numbers and no consideration-- after a heavy barrage of seemingly intentional catfishing and misleading-to-outright-false advertisement from literally everyone involved in advance-- was simply devastating.

Coming up against smug, rude bullying, disdain and hate from long-beloved peers inside my own fandom for reacting emotionally to a trauma and continuing to struggle to reconcile the finale has been... fucking ass. Some of you are so nasty, so damn cruel. I'm thrilled it's just a show for you; my inbox is full of people who are having to go/back on psychiatric medications, triple booking therapy they can't afford, enduring fresh bouts of intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation, and self-harm. Several people I know vomited at the end of go3 and were unable to keep food down for days after. I cannot say it strongly enough. It was a savagely cruel thing to endure for many, including those who have experienced loss of loved ones from suicide, for example, like myself.

These fresh-- and old, retraumatized-- wounds require airing out, at a minimum. And sometimes that's uncomfortable for those around us, I know. But for Christ's sake, could you take a swing at a little empathy for us? Block the tags and let us grieve. We have been brutalized newly in a place we believed we were safe, where we had been actively promised and previously shown we were safe-- a place we trusted.

I'm sorry our agony isn't moving along fast enough for you. Personally, I have had three years of intensive healing torn out of me, and have thirty years of wasted love for my ineffables to grieve.

In the finale 15 minutes I was physically ill, blacking out during the show for brief seconds, almost threw up, and laid in a coma for several hours unable to cry or move.

This wasn't because characters I loved an adored and wanted the best for got completely vaporized while doing their best for humanity. That was an end that was in my Rolodex of possibilities.

It was because a joyous, witty comedy wrapped in theological sarcasm ended on a 'fuck all this and let's end our selves as well for no reason because we didn't get allowed the scripting time to insert enough reason for this' note.

GO 3 Finale was something different. This is NOT trivializing anyone's show or movie that left them totally smashed emotionally. If you found connection with a character and felt their story arc/demise was cruel, unjust and brought you distress, it's all valid. But why is it normal in a show like Game of Thrones, even when it's shocking and argued about later? Because GRRM had a book series before and we knew much of the tone and what to expect. YES, I get as a reader of the book the show changed things wildly and even went harder at times (when it truly didn't need to...) But frankly, the night Ned met his fate or the Red Wedding dropped I remember the fan reactions online. But I had read the book, we all knew the format that even main characters were in peril. Many shows run on this format. Good Omens built fanciful peril, but you'd never expect anything like the Red Wedding. That wasn't the mode of operation. Yes, it had been guessed a very similar ending for years. This Ao3 user gets it uncannily correct; [META] My Prediction about the Good Omens 3 Finale: Imagine There's No Heaven

How come I can get behind THAT prediction and not what I got on screen? (Again with the caveat I know the filmmaking team probably had no choice but to use what they were given, I get it)

But can we go to the point of how subversively BAD a message that was likely unintentional. The crowd that makes up GO fans is heavily; non-binary, neurodiversive, outsiders, people struggling with identity.

So when the ending is framed like My trauma (that doesn't get properly re-aired in s3) is so great, I'm so broken and only want good for this world, let's just end us for good and restart for everyone else?

If you are suicidal in any way, if your life is difficult and you are living closeted, abused, in a way you would like to otherwise leave, etc this is very very very traumatic to see your comfort characters subjected to AND disposed of coldly with this message.

After a month I've managed to move into whatever was the next step. But I broke on my mental check up with my annual physical. I wasn't good, it exposed and resurfaced so much.

I don't hate on the end and the people that had to make it, the cast, etc. I continue to have strong opinions (glad to share them) I have also fun parts I enjoyed and love to interact with my fellow fans on points, and even joined some art projects based around the Finale. Making lemonade out of lemons.

I know many found joy and resolution in it, and will never stomp on someones happiness if they did.

I still need time, and some of us need a lot of time.

This excellent piece by Aivelin wraps up why I feel the tone and character choices were so hurtful.

For another spot on analysis that wastes no time and is worth the watch to understand how bad trauma is for us;

Archaic marble sculpture of a recumbent frog,

Shang Dynasty (1600-1045 B.C.),

Length 9⅞ in., 25 cm,

Pumpkinhead (1988)

Tumblr is rolling out a new reblog/notes system that completely disregards creators. In their new system, they're taking a twitter-style approach where reblogs will have their own notes that DO NOT contribute to the original post's notes.

Because of this, creators will no longer be able to see an accurate display of likes/reblogs/etc. This is completely altering the way feedback and responses to works are going to be received on this website.

If you come across a fan work that you enjoy, please take the extra step to go to OPs original post, and leave your comment/like/reblog there. Or go one step further and send an ask to OP directly to tell them what you liked!

But right now? I'm out of the meds I need to keep being able to breathe normally, and the house is pretty much out of anything that isn't ramen or close to going bad. I need to make around 200 today, minimum. Which blows.

So yes, I'm asking for help. If you're up for donating, here's my link: http://paypal.me/tormentedartifacts

Otherwise, if you'd like to get something awesome like these?

There's always my website: http://tormentedartifacts.com