Goddess of Crickets

cw: suicide

You know, Good Omens was an umbrella. It was a safe gathering space, a shelter and a haven for queer and traumatized and outcast folk for more than 30 years. Some of us are survivors of unspeakable horrors, and having to watch our comfort characters suicide onscreen with absolutely no warning, no toll free numbers and no consideration-- after a heavy barrage of seemingly intentional catfishing and misleading-to-outright-false advertisement from literally everyone involved in advance-- was simply devastating.

Coming up against smug, rude bullying, disdain and hate from long-beloved peers inside my own fandom for reacting emotionally to a trauma and continuing to struggle to reconcile the finale has been... fucking ass. Some of you are so nasty, so damn cruel. I'm thrilled it's just a show for you; my inbox is full of people who are having to go/back on psychiatric medications, triple booking therapy they can't afford, enduring fresh bouts of intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation, and self-harm. Several people I know vomited at the end of go3 and were unable to keep food down for days after. I cannot say it strongly enough. It was a savagely cruel thing to endure for many, including those who have experienced loss of loved ones from suicide, for example, like myself.

These fresh-- and old, retraumatized-- wounds require airing out, at a minimum. And sometimes that's uncomfortable for those around us, I know. But for Christ's sake, could you take a swing at a little empathy for us? Block the tags and let us grieve. We have been brutalized newly in a place we believed we were safe, where we had been actively promised and previously shown we were safe-- a place we trusted.

I'm sorry our agony isn't moving along fast enough for you. Personally, I have had three years of intensive healing torn out of me, and have thirty years of wasted love for my ineffables to grieve.

In the finale 15 minutes I was physically ill, blacking out during the show for brief seconds, almost threw up, and laid in a coma for several hours unable to cry or move.

This wasn't because characters I loved an adored and wanted the best for got completely vaporized while doing their best for humanity. That was an end that was in my Rolodex of possibilities.

It was because a joyous, witty comedy wrapped in theological sarcasm ended on a 'fuck all this and let's end our selves as well for no reason because we didn't get allowed the scripting time to insert enough reason for this' note.

GO 3 Finale was something different. This is NOT trivializing anyone's show or movie that left them totally smashed emotionally. If you found connection with a character and felt their story arc/demise was cruel, unjust and brought you distress, it's all valid. But why is it normal in a show like Game of Thrones, even when it's shocking and argued about later? Because GRRM had a book series before and we knew much of the tone and what to expect. YES, I get as a reader of the book the show changed things wildly and even went harder at times (when it truly didn't need to...) But frankly, the night Ned met his fate or the Red Wedding dropped I remember the fan reactions online. But I had read the book, we all knew the format that even main characters were in peril. Many shows run on this format. Good Omens built fanciful peril, but you'd never expect anything like the Red Wedding. That wasn't the mode of operation. Yes, it had been guessed a very similar ending for years. This Ao3 user gets it uncannily correct; [META] My Prediction about the Good Omens 3 Finale: Imagine There's No Heaven

How come I can get behind THAT prediction and not what I got on screen? (Again with the caveat I know the filmmaking team probably had no choice but to use what they were given, I get it)

But can we go to the point of how subversively BAD a message that was likely unintentional. The crowd that makes up GO fans is heavily; non-binary, neurodiversive, outsiders, people struggling with identity.

So when the ending is framed like My trauma (that doesn't get properly re-aired in s3) is so great, I'm so broken and only want good for this world, let's just end us for good and restart for everyone else?

If you are suicidal in any way, if your life is difficult and you are living closeted, abused, in a way you would like to otherwise leave, etc this is very very very traumatic to see your comfort characters subjected to AND disposed of coldly with this message.

After a month I've managed to move into whatever was the next step. But I broke on my mental check up with my annual physical. I wasn't good, it exposed and resurfaced so much.

I don't hate on the end and the people that had to make it, the cast, etc. I continue to have strong opinions (glad to share them) I have also fun parts I enjoyed and love to interact with my fellow fans on points, and even joined some art projects based around the Finale. Making lemonade out of lemons.

I know many found joy and resolution in it, and will never stomp on someones happiness if they did.

I still need time, and some of us need a lot of time.

This excellent piece by Aivelin wraps up why I feel the tone and character choices were so hurtful.

For another spot on analysis that wastes no time and is worth the watch to understand how bad trauma is for us;

Archaic marble sculpture of a recumbent frog,

Shang Dynasty (1600-1045 B.C.),

Length 9⅞ in., 25 cm,

Pumpkinhead (1988)

Tumblr is rolling out a new reblog/notes system that completely disregards creators. In their new system, they're taking a twitter-style approach where reblogs will have their own notes that DO NOT contribute to the original post's notes.

Because of this, creators will no longer be able to see an accurate display of likes/reblogs/etc. This is completely altering the way feedback and responses to works are going to be received on this website.

If you come across a fan work that you enjoy, please take the extra step to go to OPs original post, and leave your comment/like/reblog there. Or go one step further and send an ask to OP directly to tell them what you liked!

But right now? I'm out of the meds I need to keep being able to breathe normally, and the house is pretty much out of anything that isn't ramen or close to going bad. I need to make around 200 today, minimum. Which blows.

So yes, I'm asking for help. If you're up for donating, here's my link: http://paypal.me/tormentedartifacts

Otherwise, if you'd like to get something awesome like these?

There's always my website: http://tormentedartifacts.com

“I made a duck-shaped piece of jewelry with this wonderful Tahitian pearl measuring about 13x14 mm. His eyes are two black diamonds totaling 0.07 ct set in white gold.”

And this is not on Crowley btw. I am not blaming the character. I don't think Crowley would do any of this. And I don't think anyone does this out of malice. But it worries me that people don't see what is happening. Don't know what a healthy relationship should be like. Not a perfect one, a healthy one.

S2 was definitely set up so Aziraphale is blamed for how it ended. We see he is coerced into his 'decision'. But good abusers can make it look like anything to the inexperienced eye. And why did it happen quite like this? I have no idea. For the fun of it? They could have been separated to our and their heartbreak without all of this.

It is still shocking to me, after such a long time that people don't see how menacing Metatron is and how he pushed Aziraphale into a corner and made him do as he asked, because he has all the power. It's so scary. How Aziraphale understood and pretended to be happy and tried to appease him while trying to talk to Crowley and signal his distress.

This does not make him weak or pathetic. It makes him a survivor.

And it's fine if you don't see it. Although I'd urge everyone to try and learn about the signs of abuse before it happens to them. Aziraphale's wants are not relevant in that Universe and Aziraphale has nowhere to go. Yes, Good Omens is a comedy but its universe is terrifying. This was the reality of almost every woman in almost every culture for millennia. You belong to your father. And then you belong to your husband. Aziraphale belonged to Heaven and his job. There was never an escape. Temporary relief is all he got. He was lucky.

I don't know if Crowley saw what was happening in F15 or not. It's not that relevant until we see S3. I hope he understood and what we saw wasn't exactly what happened. Or he understood shortly after and found ways to help Aziraphale. Either way I'm sure they'll work it out. They are a good team, despite the fact that never in their lives could they talk freely.

But the reaction of so many people to S2 is extremely relevant, because by large it's to blame Aziraphale, make fun of him and demand he forever begs for forgiveness from Crowley because he dared to 'do' what Crowley didn't want.

That is what worries me and scares me.

If, as people usually claim, they can see Aziraphale and Crowley both hurt each other and have to explain, both apologise, if it's even - why is everything in the discourse so one sided and why it's never Aziraphale who is angry or demands apologies or refuses to speak to Crowley etc.

People who do not blame Aziraphale seem to go by the - both worked with limited information but they will resolve the situation as soon as they will be able to. No drastic measures or wild apology tours needed.

Aziraphale does not deserve to be mocked or made fun of and if he does - then Crowley should be getting the same treatment for refusing to go back to Heaven with his partner and finding out how to change their world. Because as they are, they have nowhere to go and end of the world is in the works again. And sure, some people think changing Heaven is impossible, well then, they are doomed.

P.S. If you saw S1 and S2 more than once and think Aziraphale simply went back because he is blind to the fact that he is in a cult and all he needs is to see the truth like Crowley does and be free, then we are not watching the same show. Not only does Aziraphale know exactly what Heaven and Hell are, he also knows there is nowhere to hide from them. Not until they are changed or destroyed.

P.S.2 If you think Aziraphale left completely voluntarily because his biggest dream is to make Crowley an angel again and be happy in Heaven then you have not paid attention to anything Aziraphale does in the series.

Yes - people are entitled to their opinions and theories and interpretations. That's fine. I'd happily read a million theories on what happened and how it will be resoved. But that's not what is happening. At least 85% of all content is the same thing over and over. Blame on Aziraphale for going. And I wonder why.