wandering stars

This is the part where white people will never understand. Because yall keep saying he should've known something was being drawn on him, he should've done something about it blah blah blah. For us POC, sometimes the only way to stay safe is to be quiet. Because I sure as hell am not getting murdered by drunk racist white kids in the middle of the woods for that.

Yes it sucks. But I'd rather live.

YES YOU ARE SO RIGHT!!! I think it all comes down to white people being unable to conceptualize that sort of danger— to them, there’s no problem because they are often the ones causing it. I’ve been in situations where friends of friends have said some deeply fucked shit and I’ve felt like I had to stay silent because I didn’t know how they would react. Especially when you’re a teenager you tend to prioritize your own safety, and anyone who blames Hudson for acknowledging the danger he was potentially in (and frankly good on him for being able to do that while drunk) is someone I would not want around me when I’m forced to be around those people.

Real life is not a movie. Speeches about why Nazism is bad don’t do shit except put a target on your back. In the middle of the woods. While you are under the influence.

If Hudson knew what was happening (unlikely) and he did say something, who knows what his story would have been. I would like to hope that he would have made it out of the woods, but I truly can’t say that with confidence. And this is something that all the white people complaining will never understand. And I’m glad they don’t. I never want anyone to feel like we do. But they can’t claim that feeling doesn’t exist.

And this goes especially for Asians. We’re the expendable people of color, shoved to the side, tacked on at the end if we’re lucky. Would anyone have cared if one more kind, talented, brave, Asian boy went missing? Would they look for him? Would it make the news? Would anyone go to prison? Do we care about the missing and murdered Asian people that are missing and murdered right now?

Seeing that performance recognized on one of Canada’s biggest stages feels incredibly rewarding. Williams’ win is also historic in its own right. At just 25 years old, he became the youngest performer ever to win Best Lead Performer, Drama, at the Canadian Screen Awards, accomplishing the feat on his very first nomination.”

- Q+ Magazine

After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly

And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?

Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose

it's the year following s1. ilya is still in boston and shane is in montreal. they've just played a game against each other in boston and shane is staying over at ilya's house. after dinner they have a little fight about who's going to handle the dishes and ilya wins, play-snarling and biting at shane. shane rolls his eyes; ilya tells him to go into the living room and turn on the TV or something. so he does. settles into one corner of the couch. bundled top to toe in ilya's clothes: hoodie, sweats, socks. (he prefers his own, texturally, but he liked the principle of using everything of ilya's.)

he turns on some sports channel probably. five minutes later ilya comes into the room and flops onto the couch, head landing in shane's lap and the rest of his body stretching out lengthwise. he lets out a big 'ahh!' sound as he does and shane smiles, putting his hands on him. ilya turns onto his side so he can watch tv as well. maybe there's a hockey game on, i don't know. but they talk for a bit about whatever they're watching. relaxed observations traded back and forth. shane is absently playing with any part of ilya that he can easily reach. his hair, his ear, his neck, his shoulder. the night is winding down. they had a late dinner because they were having sex before. started the moment shane walked in the door. shane is full and relaxed. he has his favourite person in his lap. a silence descends on them both.

like t GOD he's always aware enough to not do it when he's mic'd up during a game, but wow wow makes a very regular appearance in his daily routine. almost knocked his protein powder off of the counter? wow wow. set a new lifting pr at the gym? wow wow. finished putting his laundry away? wow wow. getting out of the shower after a long day? wow wow.

part one part two

some more really great fics under 5k hits on ao3 :) hope you enjoy & don’t forget to show some love to the authors!!

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1. tell me what goes on behind closed doors by woodlands M, 5.1k

Rozanov purses his lips. “Probably you did not make out with old man Scott Hunter tonight, though.”

Shane bristles. “I did. I said I would.”

2. the stones and the boulders by smallestchurch M, 2.8k

it's after the after. after the sunset, back at the cottage, the comedown. a quiet conversation in the warm tub, night buzzing in through the open window. some ideas about the future. about what it's like to have one at all.

3. spitting blood like the golden sun god by deadcliche M, 1.3k

The camera zooms in and Rozanov’s licking blood from his teeth, grinning wide and vicious and victorious as the blood keeps drip drip dripping from his nose. And Shane… Shane wants to kiss Rosanov messy, wants to smear crimson across his lips, wants to taste the iron on Rozanov’s tongue, wants to feel the blood get sticky on his own skin.

Shane wants and wants and wants.

4. Always wants a little more by isevsianne E, 1.6k

The hotel room around them seems hot and airless. Shane feels ready, so anxious to get to the next part—isn't that what they both came here for? But every time he reaches for Rozanov’s dick, Rozanov knocks his hands away with a stern, "Not yet, Hollander."

But Shane is ready now and he doesn't want to be whiny about it, but fuck. It's not right that he has to keep his hands to himself.

5. your best american girl by running_like_a_plover E, 3.8k

Ilya Rozanov likes blondes. This is a known fact. It makes things easier somehow—safer. Like math. Girls Ilya likes = blonde. Shane = not blonde. So Shane goes a little bit insane after seeing photos of Ilya on a date with a mystery brunette, and Ilya shows him why it's not an issue.

Featuring: yearning, sex as character study, Shane Hollander's under-examined biracial Asian feelings, a little light dominance, and a conveniently placed bedroom mirror.

6. Do What You Want To Me by ToastMaloneIII E, 1.3k

They don't fuck in Nashville, but boy do they get close.

7. Gambit by grailquest E, 4.8k

Sometimes Liliya thinks this is her favourite part: her fingers hovering above the chess piece, the heartbeat of stillness before her move. Pure potential. She could make Jane crawl across the floor, kiss her feet, beg. She could make Jane bark like a dog.

8. Swagger by siegeofangels E, 1.5k

Ilya is going to have a heat and Shane is going to knot him as many times as Ilya asks. He can do this. It can't be worse than the combine.

9. dad toques by nomadsland T, 2.2k

David Hollander knows that he’s supposed to hate Ilya Rozanov. Yuna has laid it out for him several times in painstaking detail, twice with the help of a slide deck on her computer. David can name many of the reasons he’s supposed to hate Ilya Rozanov...

10. A Side Door into the Dark by magnetica NR, 8.9k

Amundsen-Scott Station, Antarctica

—

In grad school the only flirting he had mastered was the strategic deployment of phrases like ‘oh, really?’ and ‘is that so?’ It was brought to his attention by one of his more regular hookups in the kitchen of his apartment while they were cooking dinner, and he had said whenever Shane wanted to fuck he started talking like a coastal elite college girl who’d never had to ask for it outright. Now, in this strange point of contact with Ilya where it was obvious something vaguely carnal had passed between them, he thought about emulating his particular brand of assured charm. Whatever ideas he’d concocted devolved rather quickly into his own unintentional directness, and he said, “Does it scare you?”

“Does climatology scare you?” Ilya’s face was measured and calm, his foot still pressed against the curved joint above Shane’s heel.

“Yeah,” the word came out like a laugh, “it does, actually. A lot.”

bonus: After The Break, We Chat With Raiders Captain Ilya Rozanov by harmonic_oblivion G, 1.8k

𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐯 𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭

Stories I have read and created a fic rec list for!

🏒 2014 𝙑𝙚𝙜𝙖𝙨 𝙍𝙚𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 | 5+1 𝙁𝙞𝙘𝙨 𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙩 1 | 5+1 𝙁𝙞𝙘𝙨 𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙩 2 | 𝘼/𝘽/𝙊 𝙁𝙞𝙘𝙨 | 𝘼𝙡𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙐𝙣𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙚 | 𝘼𝙢𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙖 𝙁𝙞𝙘𝙨 | 𝘽𝙤𝙮𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙀𝙧𝙖 | 𝘾𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙣 𝘿𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚 | 𝘾𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙀𝙖𝙘𝙝 𝙊𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 | 𝘾𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙖𝙪𝙧𝙨 𝙋𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙚 𝘾𝙧𝙖𝙨𝙝 𝙍𝙚𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 | 𝘾𝙤𝙙𝙚𝙙 𝙎𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙨 | 𝘾𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙚𝙜𝙚 𝘼𝙐 | 𝘾𝙤-𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙠𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝘼𝙐 | 𝘿𝙤𝙢/𝙎𝙪𝙗 𝘿𝙮𝙣𝙖𝙢𝙞𝙘𝙨 | 𝙀𝙭𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙨 | 𝙁𝙖𝙢𝙤𝙪𝙨/[𝙉𝙤𝙣] 𝙁𝙖𝙢𝙤𝙪𝙨 𝘼𝙐 | 𝙁𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙠4𝙁𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙠 | 𝙂𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙊𝙪𝙩𝙚𝙙 | 𝙃𝙪𝙧𝙩/𝘾𝙤𝙢𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩 | 𝙄𝙣𝙟𝙪𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙃𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙫 𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙩 1 | 𝙅𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙤𝙪𝙨 𝙃𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙫 𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙩 1 | 𝙇𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙁𝙞𝙘𝙨 (80𝙠+) | 𝙈𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙙 𝙃𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙫 𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙩 1 | 𝙈𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙙 𝙃𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙫 𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙩 2 | 𝙊𝙪𝙩𝙨𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙋𝙊𝙑 | 𝙋𝙧𝙚 𝙏𝙇𝙂 𝙁𝙞𝙘𝙨 | 𝙍𝙚𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙣 𝙎𝙘𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙨 | 𝙎𝙤𝙘𝙞𝙖𝙡 𝙈𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙖 𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙩 1 | 𝙎𝙤𝙘𝙞𝙖𝙡 𝙈𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙖 𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙩 2 | 𝙏𝙚𝙖𝙢 𝙊𝙩𝙩𝙖𝙬𝙖 𝘾𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙖𝙪𝙧𝙨 𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙩 1 | 𝙏𝙚𝙭𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙁𝙞𝙘𝙨 𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙩 1 | 𝙏𝙚𝙭𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙁𝙞𝙘𝙨 𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙩 2 | 𝙏𝙇𝙂 𝙁𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙍𝙚𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 | 𝙏𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙎𝙈𝘼𝙐 | 𝙏𝙪𝙣𝙖 𝙈𝙚𝙡𝙩 𝙍𝙚𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 | 𝙒𝘼𝙂 𝙃𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙫 🏒

𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐯 𝐑𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭

Stories my followers have requested for me to make into a list!

🏒 2017 𝘽𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙠 𝙐𝙥 𝙃𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙣𝙨 | 𝘼𝙜𝙚 𝙂𝙖𝙥 | 𝘼𝙡𝙥𝙝𝙖/𝘼𝙡𝙥𝙝𝙖 𝙃𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙫 | 𝘼𝙣𝙜𝙧𝙮 𝙎𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙚 | 𝘼𝙣𝙜𝙨𝙩𝙮 𝙎𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙚 | 𝘼𝙣𝙜𝙨𝙩 𝙬/ 𝘼 𝙃𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙮 𝙀𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 | 𝘼𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙘 𝙎𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙚 | 𝘽𝙖𝙗𝙮 𝙏𝙧𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙜 | 𝘽𝘼𝙈𝙁 𝙎𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙚 | 𝘽𝘿𝙎𝙈 𝘼𝙐 | 𝘽𝙚𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙮 𝙈𝙖𝙧𝙠𝙨 (𝙄𝙡𝙮𝙖) | 𝘽𝙤𝙙𝙮 𝙎𝙬𝙖𝙥 𝘼𝙐 | 𝘽𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝘼𝙨 𝘼 𝙏𝙚𝙧𝙢 𝙊𝙛 𝙀𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩 | 𝘽𝙤𝙩𝙩𝙤𝙢 𝙄𝙡𝙮𝙖 | 𝘾𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙖𝙪𝙧𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙉𝙊𝙏 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙈𝙚𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙨 | 𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙎𝙩𝙪𝙙𝙮: 𝙄𝙡𝙮𝙖 | 𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙎𝙩𝙪𝙙𝙮: 𝙎𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙚 | 𝘾𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙎𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙚 | 𝘾𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙝𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙈𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙨 | 𝘾𝙤𝙩𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙚 𝘾𝙤𝙧𝙚 | 𝘾𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙠/𝙃𝙪𝙢𝙤𝙧 𝙎𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙨 | 𝘿𝙞𝙨𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙚𝙙 𝙀𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 | 𝘿𝙧𝙖𝙛𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙏𝙤𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 | 𝘿𝙮𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙥𝙞𝙖𝙣 𝘼𝙐 | 𝙀𝙖𝙧𝙡𝙮 𝙍𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥 | 𝙀𝙨𝙘𝙤𝙧𝙩 𝘼𝙐 | 𝙁𝙖𝙠𝙚/𝙋𝙧𝙚𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙍𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥 | 𝙁𝙞𝙣𝙖𝙡 𝘽𝙤𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙣 𝙔𝙚𝙖𝙧 | 𝙁𝙡𝙪𝙛𝙛 & 𝙎𝙢𝙪𝙩 | 𝙁𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙩 𝙋𝙖𝙜𝙚 𝙃𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙫 | 𝙂𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝘽𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙏𝙤𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 | 𝙂𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙣𝙚𝙧 𝙎𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙚/𝙄𝙡𝙮𝙖 | 𝙃𝙖𝙮𝙙𝙚𝙣 𝙁𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙨 𝙊𝙪𝙩 | 𝙃𝙞𝙜𝙝 𝙃𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙫 | 𝙃𝙤𝙗𝙗𝙞𝙚𝙨 & 𝙎𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙞𝙖𝙡 𝙄𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙨 | 𝙃𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙡 𝙂𝙮𝙢 𝙍𝙚𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 | 𝙄𝙡𝙮𝙖 𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙨 𝙎𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙚'𝙨 𝙁𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙠𝙡𝙚𝙨 | 𝙄𝙡𝙮𝙖'𝙨 𝙎𝙪𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙧𝙩 𝘾𝙧𝙚𝙬 | 𝙄𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙣𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙯𝙚𝙙 𝙃𝙤𝙢𝙤𝙥𝙝𝙤𝙗𝙞𝙖 | 𝙆𝙞𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙣 𝘾𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙄𝙘𝙚 | 𝙆𝙞𝙙𝙣𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝘼𝙐 | 𝙇𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝘿𝙖𝙮 𝘼𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝘾𝙤𝙩𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙚 | 𝙇𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙙 𝙈𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙖𝙜𝙚𝙨 | 𝙈𝙖𝙟𝙤𝙧 𝙄𝙣𝙟𝙪𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙨 | 𝙈𝙖𝙧𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙤𝙫 𝙁𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥 | 𝙈𝙤𝙢𝙖𝙜𝙚𝙧 𝙔𝙪𝙣𝙖 | 𝙈𝙤𝙗 𝘽𝙤𝙨𝙨 𝙄𝙡𝙮𝙖 | 𝙉𝙚𝙬 𝙏𝙚𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙨 | 𝙊𝙡𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙃𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙫 | 𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙎𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙚 & 𝙄𝙡𝙮𝙖 | 𝙋𝙡𝙖𝙮𝙗𝙤𝙮 𝙄𝙡𝙮𝙖/𝙂𝙤𝙡𝙙𝙚𝙣 𝘽𝙤𝙮 𝙎𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙚 | 𝙋𝙤𝙙𝙛𝙞𝙘𝙨 | 𝙋𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙑𝙚𝙜𝙖𝙨: 𝙎𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙚 𝙇𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙚𝙨 𝙄𝙡𝙮𝙖 | 𝙋𝙧𝙚-𝙍𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥 𝙃𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙫 | 𝙋𝙧𝙚𝙜𝙣𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙎𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙚 | 𝙌𝙪𝙚𝙚𝙧 𝘾𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙪𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙮/𝙋𝙧𝙞𝙙𝙚 | 𝙍𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙥 𝙍𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙖𝙡 | 𝙍𝙤𝙯𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙫'𝙨 𝙍𝙤𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧 | 𝙎𝙖𝙛𝙚𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨 & 𝘼𝙛𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙚 | 𝙎𝙚𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙩 𝙈𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙞𝙖𝙜𝙚 | 𝙎𝙚𝙭 𝘽𝙖𝙣 | 𝙎𝙚𝙭 𝙏𝙤𝙮𝙨 | 𝙎𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙚 𝘾𝙝𝙞𝙧𝙥𝙨 | 𝙎𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙚'𝙨 1𝙨𝙩 𝙂𝙖𝙢𝙚 𝘼𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙩 𝙈𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡 | 𝙎𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙚 𝙋𝙡𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝘽𝙤𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙣 | 𝙎𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙚 𝙋𝙡𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙊𝙩𝙩𝙖𝙬𝙖 | 𝙎𝙠𝙚𝙥𝙩𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙡 𝙃𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙨 | 𝙎𝙪𝙜𝙖𝙧 𝘿𝙖𝙙𝙙𝙮 𝘼𝙐 | 𝙏𝙞𝙢𝙚 𝙏𝙧𝙖𝙫𝙚𝙡 | 𝙏𝙤𝙤𝙩𝙝-𝙍𝙤𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙁𝙡𝙪𝙛𝙛 | 𝙏𝙤𝙭𝙞𝙘 𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙘𝙪𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙮 | 𝙏𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙨 𝙃𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙫 | 𝙐𝙣𝙨𝙪𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙁𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨 | 𝙒𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝘼𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙄𝙡𝙮𝙖 🏒

🏒𝙈𝙮 𝙁𝙞𝙘𝙨 | 𝙇𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙁𝙞𝙘𝙨 🏒

Tag, DM, or use #HollanovArchiveFicRec if you want your fic added to my rec list ♡

It was stupid, to feel nervous. 

At least, that’s what Shane told himself, as he paced around his hotel room in Vermont, his heart fluttering like a hummingbird’s wings. 

Except…he was. Nervous, that is. Because he and Ilya hadn’t seen each other since before preseason, and now…now they were meeting up.

They were no stranger to clandestine meetings in hotel rooms, to be sure. But this time was different. They’d intentionally carved out this time, meeting in a city halfway between them both, booking a room specifically to see each other. It made the whole thing feel much more real.

And it was, wasn’t it? 

They were boyfriends now. They texted, talked on the phone, kept each other updated on mundane things like what they’d eaten or when they’d last jerked off. 

And it’d been good. Full of hilarious, bickering chirps over text and phone sex that’d left him seeing stars. Confessions on facetime and nights falling asleep with a smile on his face. It was so fucking good that Shane was terrified. What if, when they saw each other again, it somehow all went to shit?

So he paced back and forth, waiting for Ilya to arrive, trying to convince himself that he would be okay if something happened. That he would be able to go on, if his heart was ripped from his chest. 

(He lied to himself a lot.)

A soft knock on the door made his stomach lurch, and for a moment, he wildly considered throwing up.

Instead, though, he shakily grabbed the door handle and pulled it open.

And…

Oh.

How was Ilya even more handsome than he remembered? Facetime couldn’t possibly do the man justice, a piece of technology as inept as a cell phone camera unable to pick up the way his easy smile and beautiful presence took the air from the room in the best way.

As soon as Shane saw him, he wanted to fall to his knees, but something held him back. “Hi,” he said softly instead, because what else could he say? He’d forgotten how to speak, his brain too focused on the way Ilya’s eyes were alight with joy; sparkling with what looked like happy tears.

“Hi.”

His voice was soft, too. Gentle, like Ilya was just as terrified to break the spell they’d cast. Reverent. Warm, worshipful.

“You’re–you’re here.” He didn’t need to point it out. But he did because all of a sudden, the ache he’d felt for weeks, the way he’d missed Ilya more than breathing, had welled up inside him, constricting Shane’s ability to breathe.

They still hadn’t touched, hadn’t reached for each other, but the tension in the air was so thick it could have been snapped in Shane’s palm. 

Ilya smirked a little. “You are, too. And you are not wearing suit. I am disappointed, I think.”

It took him a second to understand. He’d told Ilya the story of how he’d put on a suit before they’d first hooked up as teenagers one night on a phone call, needing to hear his boyfriend’s laugh. Of course, he’d regretted it ever since. 

Beaming, Shane shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Asshole.”

And then…they made eye contact.

It was like magic. Both men snapped together like magnets, connecting their lips, grabbing for jaws and hair and waists, swallowing each others’ moans, stumbling into the hotel room with such desperation Shane’s whole body shook.

He stands at the water’s edge and scans the beach, which has a few people lying on the chairs provided by the hotel, a family under an umbrella with some kids digging in the sand, and, unmistakably, Ilya Rozanov wearing a black swimsuit and a gold Rolex, walking toward him.

So, Shane successfully negotiated Ilya out of any props for this photoshoot, and he stands by that, but now wardrobe has taken things to the other extreme: Ilya is currently sauntering from the makeup tent to a section of beach framed by aesthetic rocks on one side and a wall of light reflector umbrellas on the other, and he’s wearing only a watch.

Okay, he also has on very small, black, silky briefs.

Please do not repost my work without permission

and in the morning (i'll be with you) by Apple51234 Rated T, 3,541 words

“Hey Siri, call Lily.” After a pause, “Hey Siri, put it on speaker,” was the next slurred command to come from the concussed hockey star.

All Andrea could do was watch in a state of both fascination and horror as the call was picked up after two rings.

“Shane? Are you okay?”

“Ilyyaaa! It’s your voice! How did they do that?” Shane looked at the device in awe.

Ilya’s confusion and genuine concern was audible. “What? Shane, what do you mean?”

“Ah!” Shane exclaimed, giggling into his hands. “Hi!” He looked up, then in a stage whisper, he said, “my nurse is still here. So be quiiiiiiiet.”

_____

Or, Shane gets ahold of his phone and calls Ilya while under the influence of his pain meds. And of course, he calls Ilya.

it's all fun and games until someone has been secretly gay this whole time by thegreenempty Rated M, 6,452 words

Hayden had never seen him like this before. The painkillers were making Shane…fun. He was funny, and kind of bitchy? All Hayden had to do was mention a player, any player in the league, and Shane had an absolutely devastating assessment locked and loaded. To hear Canada’s Golden Boy with perfect PR presence rip into everyone and everything…it was just too tempting to pass up.

OR

Hayden has some fun with Shane while he's high on pain meds. Shane starts being a little too honest and that's exactly when Ilya Rozanov decides to show some sportsmanship for the first time in his life. Hayden tries to run interference for his best friend and, man, what the hell did he walk into??

Of all the Ships that Sail the Sea by forestgreen Rated M, 38,975 words (WIP)

"Holy shit!" Vic gasps, gaping at Ilya. "Holy shit," he repeats more slowly as realization dawns on him. "Shane Fucking Hollander is your Montreal girl?"

OR: Ilya's teammates go with him to visit Hollander at the hospital and a high-on-painkillers Shane can't keep his mouth shut. Ilya learns that when it comes down to it, ice is thicker than blood.

Two-Four-Eight-One-Oh-Eight (Ilya Hollander. Shane Rozanov.) by callmeautumn Rated G, 4,864 words

“Maybe—maybe Lily is sleeping,” she says. Bargaining, she realizes numbly. She’s bargaining for more time. And for whatever is unfolding here to stop unfolding and in fact fold itself back up. Her thumb shifts away from the call button. “And you should be sleeping too, mister.”

“He’s not sleeping.” Shane flares his nostrils—another gesture Yuna hasn’t seen in so many years. “He’s waiting for me to call a third time. Mom. Please. He’s—he’ll be so worried.”

Yuna shifts her thumb and lets it drop. Is Yuna a bad mother if she hopes "Lily" doesn’t pick up?

-x-

or: Shane needs to call someone the night he's laid out by Marlow, and Yuna reflects on her quietly, obsessively devoted son.

where nobody knows you by dottiedoesotherfandoms (dottie_wan_kenobi) Rated T, 31,720 words

After a moment, Hayden pulls back. Then he hands her the phone—Shane’s phone.

“I grabbed this when I was getting his stuff and I saw, well.”

He looks away from Yuna, briefly glances at David, then looks away from him too. There’s an oddly guilty look on his face that has Yuna suspicious at once.

“Um, has Shane told you guys about Lily?”

--

Basically, I am treading water at this point. Any help would be immensely appreciated.

Unfortunately, due to the moving situation, I won't be able to commit to any editing or proofing jobs until well into June.

We need tires for the trailer. That is going to run us around $550.

My partner is no longer employed. I don't get paid until the 29th. We have to be out completely by the 31st.

I am desperate.

to the wonderful people who have donated already, either recently or in the past few weeks, THANK YOU. you have no idea how much your support has helped, and I am so unbelievably grateful to all of you.

to everyone who has shared my posts, THANK YOU. I'm genuinely so grateful. even if you can't donate, getting the word out and sharing this post is so helpful.

I want to reiterate, I don't expect donations. anything I get, I am so incredibly grateful for and humbled by. I hope someday that I can be able to pay some of this kindness forward to others who need it.

"Did I ever tell you," Ilya said casually as he and Shane sat on the dock by the lake, staring out onto the water, "My father made me watch tapes of you playing while we were flying to Canada? The first time?"

Shane, who was deeply contemplating the pros and cons of an early-morning swim the next day, jumped a bit and looked to his boyfriend. "What?"

"Yes. I had seen you before. I am sure you saw me, too," Ilya said confidently, like it was obvious that everyone in the hockey-playing world had heard of him by the time he was seventeen. 

He was correct, of course.

"But my father, he was convinced I needed to study you more. Said you would be my competition. I told him that boring Canadian boy would not be a problem," Ilya remembered, grinning at Shane, who huffed.

"Yeah, I watched you a lot, too. I thought you were an overly-confident asshole with nice hair and a killer backhand," he admitted, flushing a bit at both the admission and the memory of their younger selves, the feelings he'd had and hidden.

"Ah, so you were correct," the other man smirked. "Baby Shane Hollander had a crush, hm?"

"Maybe," Shane shrugged, because, looking back, it was entirely possible. 

"What is funny, though," Ilya murmured, dipping his feet in the water and looking away, "is that my father said to me: 'Ilya, watch out for this boy. He will ruin you, if you let him.'" Shane saw a little smile form on his lips, like he knew something secret. Then, he turned his stunning eyes to Shane. "I think he was right, you know?"

Shane tried to catch his breath as he stared at Ilya, a bit lost in how gorgeous he looked in that moment. "I...ruined you?" he repeated, trying to understand.

"In a good way. The best way. Like...old me, scared me, angry me, he is ruined. You have made better me," Ilya murmured, shrugging a bit, like the vulnerability of the statement needed to be balanced by such a blasé gesture.

But Shane's heart soared. "Oh," he said, smiling. "Yeah. I think you did that for me, too."