Zesty!

other features include a couple of foldable tables and chairs, a box of jenga that’s missing pieces, and 37 national geographic magazines from the 1990s. all free to use at your leisure.

you can smoke in here, but only with the cigarettes i’ve bummed from strangers elsewhere and only using lighters i’ve found on the ground. inventory is extremely limited.

i do sell coffee for $2 a cup, but it’s just keurig pods. if you bring your own keurig pod, it’s a quarter.

there will be a rack of old t-shirts from my closet that i can’t wear anymore. these will be sold on a “name-your-price” basis, but if i can tell you’re rich, they’re $50 apiece.

i’ll be there in a lawn chair reading the odyssey or otherwise brushing up on my greek mythology narratives, but you can’t ask me about anything in the text because i won’t remember.

there will be a coffee can on the ground next to me with a note that reads “advice $5.” i will provide a disclaimer that i cannot attest to the quality of the advice or the level of my own intelligence but only after you put a fiver in the can. ask your question and follow the advice at your own peril.

on friday nights, there will be a cover charge of $10, and i will affix a disco ball to the ceiling with duct tape and play grouper’s seminal 2008 album dragging a dead deer up a hill from my phone.

posted hours are 2 pm to 12 am, but these are merely ceremonial. the store will be open whenever i feel like it.