flannel pants

this is our pet dog and yueus she bites. get closer. go ahead. she bites

i will defeat you

there's a new language with no writing system or speaking system or moving around system or whistling system or way to communicate at all

You can lie when you name things

WOAH just saw spiderman eating pizza on a roof

oh shit he ate the whole thing . he just like me frfr

spiderman just left the pizza box on the roof but then came back a minute later and clearly felt bad for littering so now hes swinging through downtown holding an empty pizza box

hes hit a street light

he's swinging away now clearly very embarrassed and he thinks nobody saw it. i saw you spiderman

fuck

theres a new villain roaming around new york that has all the powers of a tapir. give me an hour or two im gonna go google what the fuck tapirs do ill let you know if we need to be scared

not to be a history fucker on main but the whole mystery of the lost colony of roanoke is so fucking funny

Another reason why trains would be good is that most people are not good at driving

i always make sure to walk at least five feet away from other women in case they should fancy to unleash a spin attack on several adversaries

basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*

*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god

*thunderous slam dunk noise*