bee

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It had all started with a tense moment late in the shift. Dennis was on his last few hours of a double shift when he missed what should have been an easy catch.

As the crash kart got pulled, Robby's face shifted from loving to serious, his face pulled in annoyance and disappointment as Dennis listed off symptoms and stats.

"Just go, Dr. Whitaker," Robby snapped, lightly pushing the man out of the way, "if you can't be helpful here, then leave." Dennis knew he shouldn't have taken anything said personally; that was true for any medical emergency. If you weren't going to be helpful, then step aside for someone who can be. Regardless, it didn't stop the sense of dread washing over him or the tears in his eyes.

Dennis floated from patient to patient since the words exchanged, sure to check for any possible complication before moving forward. But no matter how hard he tried to preoccupy himself, the words echoed around in his head.

"not helpful."

The words forced a shiver down his spine; it was like saying he was bad. Was he a bad doctor? He didn't think so, but maybe Robby thought so.

As the last hour wrapped up and night shift began to slowly trickle in, Dennis made his way towards the lockers. He didn’t wait for Robby to wrap up before he slipped out the door, walking towards their shared townhome. Robby shouldn’t be leaving for at least another 30-40 minutes after finishing the handoff with Jack. That was enough time to make up for it; that was enough time to be helpful.

Dennis rushed to unlock the door, fumbling with his keys as he pulled them from his pocket. He slipped off his shoes as he stepped inside, carefully folding his jacket and placing it on its designated hook, and heading upstairs to change out of his scrubs.

Making his way downstairs, he started in the kitchen, pulling out the chicken breasts he had taken out that morning, and quickly made a soup. As it simmered, he cleaned top from bottom, methodically wiping cabinets, scrubbing grout, even getting the fancy stainless steel wipes to clean the front of the fridge. After the kitchen, he threw in laundry before starting the same cleaning process in the bedroom.

On his third check for the soup, was when he noticed that Robby should have been home by now. It was now an hour since Dennis had arrived, and yet there was no sign of Robby in the house or driveway.

Panic jolted through his body. He really wasn’t good enough, not good enough for Robby to come home to anyway. Maybe he had talked to Jack at hand off and was crashing at Jack’s tonight, to avoid Dennis. He choked back a sob as he stumbled back upstairs and into the bedroom.

If Robby wasn’t coming home tonight, Dennis would just have to clean everything he could so it could be perfect when the man returned home. Show the older man that he can be helpful, that he is worth keeping around. Dennis was well aware of the deficits that he brought to Robby’s life. The added numbers to the water, electricity, and food bills. Robby had insisted that he pay for everything, stating that he remembered his resident years and wasn’t about to let the boy pay for a thing. Now Dennis wished he had shoved what money he had into the man’s hands.

It felt like hours that he kneeled on the tile floor, scrubbing at the bathroom baseboards until any grime came up. In reality, it had probably been 20 minutes, but his tired body couldn’t handle the pressure right now. Standing up, Dennis found himself leaning over the toilet, whatever meager contents he was able to grab a bite of between shifts coming up and into the porcelain bowl.

He rested his head against the cold porcelain for a few minutes before shakily getting up, making his way towards the bedroom. Making eye contact with the empty, cold bed made him want to run back into the bathroom all over again; instead, he just shifted his eyes away.

He pulled the soup off the burner, keeping it warm, now almost an hour and a half past since Dennis had returned home. He served up a bowl just the way he knew Robby liked, and placed it in the microwave, leaving a note on the counter of its whereabouts.

Dennis felt ill as he slid his shoes back on, checking every room to make sure it was perfect before slipping out the front door and into the night.

— —

Robby was aware he could have handled what happened a lot better. He was stressed by Gloria, and he knew Dennis was a better doctor than this, but seeing the hurt on Dennis’s face made Robby want to take all his words back. To hold the man he had just hurt and tell him he knows he didn’t mean to.

To show his apology, Robby added a stop to his route home. Going 15 minutes out of his way to the only nearby 24-hour grocery to pick up the mini cake he knew Den adored. While Dennis usually preferred the items he baked himself at home, there was something about this chocolate mousse cake that the blond couldn’t resist. They had bought it for their 6-month anniversary and had occasionally bought it ever since.

So when Robby pulled up to the townhome, an hour and 45 minutes since he had seen the mouse slip past the door, he expected to find the man in bed. Surely the man had eaten a quick dinner and slipped into bed after pulling a double.

But when Robby unlocked the door, Dennis’s shoes weren't there. Robby noted that the jacket Dennis had left with that morning was sitting on his hook, but his shoes were glaringly missing from the shoe rack.

“Den? You upstairs?” Robby was met with silence; the only noise filling the room was Robby’s breathing.

Maybe Dennis was just really tired getting home and took his shoes off in the bedroom while getting changed. It was unlikely, Dennis had always had a thing about tracking mud in the house, but it was possible.

Robby made his way up the stairs, noticing the faint smell of bleach and lavender cleaner in the air. When he arrived in the bedroom, it was clear that someone had been in there, but not in the way Robby had anticipated. The bed had been perfectly remade, the book Robby remembered dropping this morning was gone, and most alarmingly, Dennis was nowhere to be found.

Robby turned on his heel, making his way back down the stairs and into the kitchen. At first, his eyes just scanned the room, checking for the body of his boyfriend, until he paused on a yellow sticky note, stuck to the counter by the stove. Shuffling over, Robby peeled up the note and shoved his glasses on his face.

“Dinner in the microwave, I love you very much.

- Den <3”

Robby felt his heart break a little bit. He threw the note back on the counter before reaching for his phone. Opening their texts, Robby didn’t hesitate before simply hitting the call button.

The rings ran long, filling the silence of the house, before, at the last second, it went through.

“...hi?”

Robby perked up, grabbing hold of the phone he had set on the counter. “Hi, baby, where are you?”

He could hear shuffling on the other side before he heard Dennis’s voice again, “I’m not home, is something wrong? I made the bed and threw laundry in. Did you find dinner?” His voice sounded small, a little distant.

Robby frowned, “No, baby, I found dinner, I’m just confused as to why you aren’t here to eat it with me.”

More silence, “I thought you might want time alone, so I came to Trinity’s. Don’t worry, I’ll be back to move the laundry over tomorrow morning and put leftovers away.”

“You walked to Trinity’s?” Robby asked, “In this weather?” Realistically, the weather could have been much worse, just a little chilly, but Dennis hadn’t grabbed his coat.

“I’m okay,” Dennis added, “I’m really sorry, I should have been better today, hopefully the cleaning and stuff were helpful.” he sniffled on the other line, “If not, I can do something else, I don’t want you to have to do everything yourself.”

Forget his heart breaking; Robby’s heart was shattered. “No, sweetheart, I’m not upset. I appreciate dinner, but is it okay if I come and get you? I would like to fall asleep with my boyfriend if that's okay with you.”

There was a long stretch of silence and whispers that Robby couldn’t quite make out before Dennis answered, “Um, yeah, okay.”

“Okay, I am gonna come pick you up, okay love?” Robby grabbed his keys and slipped into the car.

“Okay,” Robby hung up the phone and pulled out of the driveway, wasting no time.

It only took 10 minutes before he was pulling up to the curb of Dennis’s old apartment, the light on from the small window in the door. He didn’t get a chance to reach for his phone before the front door creaked open and out stepped his small boyfriend.

Dennis made his way to the car as Trinity glared out from the doorway into Robby’s eyes. Robby awkwardly waved to the asian woman, but was met with an eyeroll before she said something to Dennis and slid back inside.

Dennis pulled open the door of the truck and slid into the seat, the skin around his eyes a little red and his eyes a little weary.

“Hi, love,” Robby whispered, reaching for Dennis’s hands to thread their fingers together.

“Hi,” Dennis gave a half smile before Robby reversed and made his way back to their home.

— —

“I was trying to be helpful,” Dennis explained as he sat on the bed, “I'm sorry what happened earlier with that patient.”

Robby sighed, “Baby, you are plenty helpful, even if you don't clean the whole house and make dinner.” he came and sat next to the man, “You are a competent doctor, even really good doctors make mistakes, I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that.”

Robby brought a hand up to cup Dennis’s cheek as a tear slipped down his face. “I don’t feel like a very good doctor, or person,” Dennis whispered to the room, pointedly keeping his gaze across the room, avoiding Robby’s eyes. “I’m not helpful, I freeze in the moment at work, I don’t clean as much as I should, I don’t even know how much our bills are because I don’t help pay them.” Dennis’s shoulders shook as he let out silent sobs, tears running down his face at a faster pace now.

Robby gently brought Dennis’s face to his chest, cradling the man's head in his hands as he shushed the man. They lay there for a while, until Dennis’s sobs resided and Robby felt the younger man's body go lax.

Robby regretted a lot of what had happened today, ripping open the old wounds Dennis tried his hardest to live with.

Robby gently lifted the younger man and laid Dennis under their blanket, tucking the boy into the bed. Getting into bed next to him, Robby kissed his curls and tucked the boy into his chest. In the morning, they could talk about the words exchanged earlier in the night or the feelings that had been shared. But for now, Dennis was in his arms, and Robby was content.

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special thanks to @jack-abbot-sub-truther for beta reading :> forever appreciative of you !!!!