bitch

everyone eat more vegetables NOW!!! and mention the last vegetable you ate in the tags so we're all on the buddy system. I'll start: bok choy

"It's 3am and there's a new shape on my ceiling" sounds like the first line of a bad two sentence horror story, but nay, unforeseen weevil appearance in my kitchen

Someone in the reblogs said "It could be worse, it could have been a roach". Don't go looking for them, I don't wanna put them on blast but. spraying this user with a big can of Annoying Away, nothing about this post was meant in a way to indicate I was upset about the weevil, I was excited about the new weevil and I don't need your roach hate on my post

You can completely 100% agree with someone and if they are animated by resentment you cannot allow yourself to follow their lead I'm so serious. They might have opinions you find revelatory and you still cannot allow yourself to follow them if they are driven by resentment you absolutely cannot, that is where you meet your downfall

You gotta be careful too because nobody wants to admit they're driven by resentment, not even to themselves. They'll wrap it up in schadenfreude and ironic detachment and justified anger, anything but naming it for what it is, and it is fucking intoxicating getting to indulge in it without having to confront that's what you're doing. You gotta be careful and you gotta be real honest with yourself or that's how you end up in Hell World

Vampire girl explaining that vampires don’t necessarily have to kill someone to drink their blood, but she did kind of kill a lot of people back when she was all depressed pre-transition: “when I was an egg I ate four dozen lads”

Concept: PG-13 movie of a Shakespeare play, allowed one F-word. Where in the screenplay do you insert it?

When Fortinbras enters at the end of Hamlet. It’s his only line, and the play ends immediately after.

i need everyone to get into college football right now i am dying to talk about the texas tech situation. this is the kind of thing that will be referenced for the next 100 years. there will be documentaries and biopics about this.

update on this: texas tech is claiming that every school who has/is considering cancelling all contests is "afraid" that texas tech is better than them. what's funny about this is that sorsby's stats are average. he is not good enough for this kind of protection. many schools who have already cancelled or are considering it have much better quarterbacks than sorsby. also, texas tech's head coach had said that it's actually ok that sorsby bet against his own team because it "its not murder or assault."

the attorney general of texas has threatened to investigate the Big 12 conference if they sanction Texas Tech

AU where the women in straight porn just grunt and say stuff like "take that big pussy, bitch" while the men scream and moan and convulse and arch their backs while shouting "Oh my god! You're wrecking my dick!"

Heading to the Bund now. Tour guide talking about the history of Shanghai and two minutes in began talking about how evil Britain is for what they did during the Opium Wars. Relevant to the general topic re: rapid development of Shanghai but also very funny anyway. Hell yeah "poisoning our people for profit." Reminds me of when I went on a tour in Valladolid and the tour guide was like "Before I continue I need to talk about Spain destroying indigenous knowledge"

Are they like..... Yknow.... [Goes to do a hand gesture but forgets I'm a wizard and I accidentally cast Lv50 lightning bolt]

#my brain deciding what information to retain

can't believe the only options are 30 minutes early or 10 minutes late. if only there were some other way. but what can you do

A good game of string.. I see he's played before