Behold. Despair. Dragons.

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."

having a headache while hydrated is so unfair. you were supposed to protect me.

Well, you know those anachronistic lever-operated elevators in the hero's solarpunk treetop village? I'm the guy who runs on a giant wooden hamster wheel twelve hours a day to power them. Yeah, no, the embarkation platform has a fixed camera angle that puts me just out of frame; they said it would "ruin the ambience".

joe biden should do another stimulus check where the ira sends me a lox bagel. with cream cheese please

irs.

I like cities, I like technology, I like women not having to spend their entire waking lives on labor, I like things being made on economies of scale so less labor is needed to produce things, I like disabled people not dying preventably, I like the industrial revolution and it's consequences!!!

partially-managed mental illness is so fucking funny i'll be sitting around doing my job and suddenly think "wow i hate myself" and immediately get confused because, like, that's not TRUE! i love myself so much. who are you to talk to me like that

i have personal beef with everybody who has ever taken umbrage with something