🪖

mutual 1: fuck this stupid job im killing myself

mutual 2: Isn't it so crazy how we're all getting older and our bodies are breaking down and we all know we have to start living healthier and better but we're just stuck in a terrible cycle and the patterns are repeating and repeating and repeating

mutuasl 3-5: I need kpop boy hole NOW

mutuals 6-7: I need weird old man hole NOW

mutual 8: Send roman roy to the reeducation camp

mutual 9: [painstakingly detailed director's commentary on the fanfic they just posted]

mutual 10: I can't stand [mutual 4]'s ass

mutual 11: who else 4loko drunk at work on a wednesday at 11am!!!!!

assault (technically not committed on purpose, but could’ve been construed as such by the builder who she, very violently, threw a mug at)

failure to comply with building regulations (was told the house was structurally unsafe after building work and not to have X-amount of people in one room at any one time, but lied about it for monetary gain which then led to a workplace accident)

blackmail (knew about barclay’s tax avoidance and used it against him to save herself money in legal fees)

confidence trickery/fraud (conned several paranormal investigators)

criminal damage (punctured a guest’s tyres)

bribery (to stop her driveway being “fixed” by the council)

told the captain he couldn’t sing (isn’t actually a crime but should be)

bonus morally dubious behaviour:

# look how happy he is

🎈You find your competitive stride in the studio after half-arseing it during the pre-recorded tasks. Fortunately, you turn out to be really good at studio tasks and it wins you a couple of episodes, but not the series.

🥥You get to take your anger out on Alex by getting him to do some weird shit during one of the tasks. You’re also pretty sure he’s kind of into though it so like. kinda weird.

🏠You win five tasks in total and come dead last, but you do get first place in a prize task out of pity.

⏱ You get overly competitive, but the audience hates you for it because you’re obviously not having fun.

🛁You get to to submerge yourself into something really weird but you’re also kind of into it.

✂️You get overly competitive, but the audience loves you for it because watching you go apeshit is really cathartic for some reason.

🪜You're genuinely trying your best, but fail at tasks in ways Alex didn't even think was possible. On the other hand, the audience is so endeared to you that you go down as a legend.

🐄 You win the series! Congrats!

🏆Your attempts at lateral thinking gains you a lot of fans, but it get you disqualified more times than you win. While you endear yourself to the audience, some of them suspect you being a psychopath.