DO(UBT)

         (   part of the youtube starter series   )

‘  i told you, it’s not as magical as it sounds.  ’ ‘  oh boy, did he not like his box and he spent years in his box not liking his box.  ’ ‘  you have a habit for citing movies as evidence.  ’ ‘  kids kind of all look the same.  ’ ‘  when babies are born, everyone goes, ‘oh, what a cute baby’ eh, it’s a baby either your baby’s ugly or normal.   ’ ‘  i was a very ugly baby.  ’ ‘  i have the mind of a detective.  ’ ‘  you don’t have the mind of a detective, you just stumbled upon a good question for once that, you know, actually pertained to the story.  ’ ‘  what do you have against pennsylvania?  ’ ‘  it’s quite up there in pennsylvania, people to too much free time. you know what happens next.  ’ ‘  how’d that turn out? do we have any pictures of that?  ’ ‘  that’s not something you really tell someone in passing.  ’ ‘  who sold his son? he sold his son!  ’ ‘  anytime you have to say ‘it’s not incest, technically’ – that’s not great.  ’ ‘  did you just realize something? what just happened?  ’ ‘  did you not realize that until now?  ’ ‘  did i just solve something? i may have just solved something!  ’ ‘  the day you solve something, i’ll give you $500.  ’ ‘  $500 real dollars? i could go with disneyland on that kind of money. that’ll last me a couple days maybe.  ’ ‘  i’m not a sick-o, i’m just interested in– okay, maybe i’m a little weird.  ’ ‘  i love this right off the bat.  ’ ‘  i love it when serial killers have a fun little thing. i don’t approve of serial killers, but i think – if you’re gonna kill a bunch of people – you might as well have some fun with it.  ’ ‘  they don’t make serial killer baseball cards though, do they?  ’ ‘  everybody had an axe back in the day, huh?  ’ ‘  sometimes, even the most beautiful places, hold the darkest secrets.  ’ ‘  i’m gonna look up a slouch hat because that sounds like something i need.  ’ ‘  this guy sounds like a villain from rocky and bullwinkle.  ’ ‘  jazz it! honey, you gotta jazz it. i’m not gonna throw out this axe, so we better jazz it.  ’ ‘  let’s see how many of these fuckers i can make dance.  ’ ‘  i think, just, how about don’t kill people?  ’ ‘  i thought we were here to get into the mind of a serial killer.  ’ ‘  no, no, no, no. just a theory? it’s dumb.  ’ ‘  he seems like a cool dude.  ’ ‘  i think he just did it because he’s a badass.  ’ ‘  what’s so funny about that? he has a bomb.  ’ ‘  –you think james bond ever wore a clip-on bowtie?  ’ ‘  it seems like a bad idea to make your get-rich-quick scheme to be to impersonate a criminal  ’ ‘  which makes this, most likely, complete horseshit.  ’ ‘  they just said ‘unidentified object or some stupid shit like that.  ’ ‘  that’s interesting… if that’s true, that is interesting.  ’ ‘  cool guy. coolest guy in history. nice sunglasses. wow! bourbon’s great.  ’ ‘  and then he died?  ’ ‘  and then he died. talk about a guy who appreciates a cliffhanger.  ’ ‘  you don’t wanna make enemies of the deep state.  ’ ‘  he’s kinda starting to sound like an idiot.  ’ ‘  he’s a big dumb-dumb.  ’ ‘  that’s a good point. i never thought about that!  ’ ‘  in a lot of ways this dog is the real hero of this story, it seems like.  ’ ‘  i’d like to have something happy about this story and the dog is a regular lassie.  ’ ‘  oh. well, that’s a weird childhood.  ’ ‘  i can’t say i feel exhilarated right now.  ’ ‘  just try to picture one of the most famous people in the world trying to sneak into the tsa with a glued-on mustache and thinking that it’s gonna work out. i can’t believe he was even considering it.  ’ ‘  that’s avalanche of ‘he-done-it’ right there.  ’ ‘  oh boy… that’s uh… holy shit! is all i have to say.  ’ ‘  from my knucklehead perspective, this looks very bad.  ’ ‘  he dr. seuss’d his way out of a murder.  ’ ‘  this episode is bumming me out.  ’ ‘  you’re really hitting at their heart right now. keep going, keep going. maybe you’ll make a difference.  ’ ‘  i don’t like this guy.  ’ ‘  people were murdered… and this guy’s playing dress up?  ’ ‘  i feel dirty. i feel like i need to take a shower and then a bath and then another shower.  ’ ‘  i need a drink.  ’ ‘  don’t cite the internet.  ’ ‘  i mean, could you even detect ‘fruity garlic’ if it came down to it?  ’ ‘  i’m… li– if i were to– what is– what?  ’ ‘  shut up, you idiot. we’ve already decided!  ’ ‘  so you think this was all an elaborate hooky scheme.  ’ ‘  yeah, i don’t know, man. it’s just fucking weird.  ’ ‘  well, i think this theory is bullshit, but… anyways.  ’ ‘  it’s a real thing, pal.  ’ ‘  the whole idea of hysteria is that you don’t realize it. you’re not like ‘yeah, we all participated in a mass hysteria, it was a real riot. man, she got fucked up. she was having a great time. what a fun hysteria that was.’  ’ ‘  …and you don’t believe this, because?  ’ ‘  oo, this goes all the way to the top! i don’t know if we should be looking into this. some stones are best left unturned.  ’ ‘  meanwhile, they’re playing hot potato with a poison syringe.  ’ ‘  okay! you just shut your mouth. i’m done.  ’ ‘  i mean… shut up, you’re– i can’t even– this is… i thought you were like, on the level on this one.  ’ ‘  can you say, definitively, that she was not abducted?  ’ ‘  that’s it? fuck you! that definitively did not happen.  ’