coo~

“Need some help with that?” Alvin gestured innocently with his hand, as his voice did all the suggestive mood-setting he needed.

Jude flushed slightly, mingling with a pink tint already in place thanks to the summer sun’s golden rays. “No, no. I’m alright.” He quickly dismissed the idea but of course, it lingered in his mind as did so many other things Alvin said.

“Mm, is that so?” Alvin stood up, brushing the sand from his swim trunks, and holding a chilled water cup which he downed in a few gulps. Jude watched with more interest than perhaps he should have. A droplet of water dripped along Alvin’s chin and then down the contour of his neck slowly, until it was wiped away. “Well if you’re alright by yourself, would you mind helping me out with mine?”

Jude realized he had forgotten to breathe momentarily, and a strangled cough was all he could manage as a response. Of course, Alvin was kneeling beside him in seconds with a wide grin, knowing full well he’d already won.

Alvin ruffled Jude’s hair and his eyes flicked over the other’s expression, taking it in slowly and lingering a moment longer on the boy’s soft lips.“Well, that didn’t sound like a no, so...” the mercenary shrugged cheerily and removed his shirt, Jude listening intently as the fabric moved, the shuffle of layers and soft sound it made as the sweat-laden garment hit the ground. For something which should have been so commonplace, he found himself imagining far more than he cared to admit. It was almost more intense looking away, than seeing Alvin undress all the countless times they’d shared a room at the inn. His heart was pounding fast, and things didn’t look too good for the whole “staying calm” thing. Alvin had shown him a little mercy, however, as he moved to sit with his back to Jude, though he was positioned right up against the younger’s crossed legs in a prime position to have sunblock rubbed into his shoulders.

“Make it thick alright? I don’t feel like being deep fried today.”

“But I…” Jude started to complain that he was in the middle of his own sunblock routine, but he knew it wouldn’t really help matters to have the mercenary turn around. He sighed, trying his best to sound unaffected by the whole thing, as he always did. “Alright, fine. You win.”

He took a generous amount of sunblock into his hand, and smoothed it between both hands before starting to work it into Alvin’s shoulder. The whole thing should have been very straightforward, it was a simple enough request on Alvin’s part, but the sounds Alvin made caused Jude to squeak in embarrassment, and he accidentally knocked over the sunblock bottle with his knee. “Alvin!” He chided, trying to keep his voice down but knowing full well that the other wasn’t planning on behaving. What had he expected, really? Agreeing to go to Kijara Seafalls on a trip with Alvin should have been obvious what was going to happen. It was uninterrupted teasing time and… well. Uninterrupted time together. After all the tension between them lately, maybe this was just what they needed. Jude’s thoughts dissolved into a messy array of images, and his face colored a bright shade of red though luckily Alvin hadn’t noticed yet.

“Whaat? It just felt nice okay? Sheesh.” Alvin’s coy complaints only caused Jude more symptoms of whatever it was he felt. Interest? A-Arousal? Probably a bit of both.

“Do you have to always be so…?” Jude was searching for a word, but the only thing he came up with were images, mostly of Alvin. Mostly of the things he couldn’t ever completely stop thinking about, the images and words that lingered far longer than they had any right to.

“So... what?” Alvin at last turned to steal a glance over his shoulder, curiosity written on his expression until he saw Jude’s new look, much changed from what it had been a moment ago. Alvin grinned widely, turning back to allow Jude a moment’s privacy. “Hmmm….” Alvin’s sound of puzzlement was so fake you could almost drown in it, but of course that was so Alvin. He paused for emphasis. “So maybe it’s not a lost cause after all…” And though his voice was still teasing, his suggestion was quite sincere.

“What are you talking about, Alvin?” Jude worked hard to keep a stammer out of his voice, but that didn’t do anything to keep his hands steady as he righted the sunblock bottle. “Honestly…” A soft chiding was all he could manage at the moment, any sort of retort could and most likely would be used against him at this point.

“Honestly?” A contemplative pause. “Hmm, alright then. Maybe that would work better.”

Jude tensed immediately, frozen in place. No, no, nO. This could not be happening, they’d avoided it this long, how could he have not seen this coming?? When it came to feelings he knew he was the last one to understand, all he knew was that he liked secretly crushing on Alvin and he hoped to never, ever get caught. Though he knew on some level Alvin always teased him purposefully to get a reaction, and he always… Jude’s stomach flipped just thinking about the whole situation. He couldn’t get away with these things he imagined, if Alvin told him to stop, he’d have to...

“I’m talking about you, Jude.” Alvin began, closing his eyes and for once, feeling like honesty was what they really needed right now. “And me. About us, and what I want, and what you want.”

Jude swallowed nervously, heart beating fast and hard, lingering on every word that he knew would keep echoing in his mind with all the others, for better or worse.

“Would it kill you to say something, kid? This is too weird, it’s like I’m talking to a brick wall!” Alvin was not one for patience, so he shifted to one side and slowly turned himself around, sitting with one knee to rest his arm on and seem nonchalant about it all. Though in truth, he was probably just as nervous as the kid here. He almost regretted broaching the topic, maybe it had been better just as it was? He always was one to fuck things up. Alvin sighed heavily.

“Look, don’t take this the wrong way Jude.” Alvin tried again, and Jude’s fears only grew. “I’ve seen the way you react when I… uh. It’s not really a secret from anyone that you…” He paused, already at a loss for how to explain this. Jude remembered to blink and then his eyes stung horribly, but he really hoped that it didn’t look like he was going to cry because really his eyes were just stinging horribly…

“Dammit Jude, I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but. I can’t help it. I…”

Jude wiped his stinging eyes one more time for good measure, though from Alvin’s perspective it looked like he’d already made Jude cry before finishing one sentence.

“It’s getting harder and harder to keep going on like this because when you push me away, I just…” Alvin stared at the ground for a long moment before searching for Jude’s gaze. “When you do that, I want you more. It’s… I know it’s probably not something I have any right to ask, but…”

Now completely speechless, Jude watched Alvin’s mouth move and tried to comprehend what was going on between them right now. Weirdly in the moment, but also stuck in a previous one and trying to figure out what was happening.

Alvin’s next words were lost on the kid and instead the man discarded all sense of caution, closing the gap between them and planting a soft kiss on Jude’s lips, the very same lips he had been eyeing earlier and knowing he could never touch, but here he was breaking every rule he had set for himself, every rule intended to protect Jude’s innocence and sweet nature, and here he was fucking it up royally, enjoying the taste and savoring it with his eyes closed. It took every ounce of restraint he could muster to leave it there, just a taste, nothing more.

“There, that’s my bit. Sorry Jude...” He dared a glance at the young face he’d probably just scarred for life, already planning his next few weeks of utter awkwardness and potential ways to leave their group in the middle of the night, to make it easier…

A light wind ruffled Jude’s hair, he blinked several times, and finally his senses were returning. This little trip was getting way weirder than he expected but… his body’s reactions had already given him away all this time, apparently. Alvin knew. That was almost a relief, even if it was the most embarrassing thing he could imagine. The younger tucked a lock of hair behind his ear as he gathered his thoughts, the feel of Alvin’s lips still lingering on his own.

“I think… you already know how I feel. So…” Jude swallowed nervously, a shy smile growing with every moment. “...don’t apologize, Alvin. I… ”

Hopeful eyes lifted to meet the amber ones moving closer, Jude was up on his knees and had one hand cautiously reaching towards Alvin’s meticulously styled hair, wanting to touch it for the first time in curiosity and a moment’s bravery. “Please…?”  

“Please...?” Alvin stammered nervously, wondering which way this conversation was going to go. Please get away from me, or please what? Jude was such a tease, and he hardly seemed interested in all the things Alvin wanted to give, but if there was any hope at all of making him happy, Alvin knew he wanted that more than anything.

It seemed apparent that neither of them was very good at communicating in the moment, so Jude moved before he had time to really think it through, his body knew better than he himself, and very slowly, gently, he leaned closer to steal a kiss while Alvin stared at him in shock. This was one of the scenes he had always imagined, playing in his mind with the thoughts always lingering and always so frustratingly impossible, the things he could never have asked of the other no matter how desperately he may have longed for them. But now, all of that was going to change. He could see a new future right there, waiting for them.