π

Grace, choking on his coffee: EXCUSE ME?

Simon, rolling his eyes: Sit on my back, dumbass! I need more weight for my reps!

You just know Ryland is fighting for his life as Simon does that deadlift

Ryland Grace, brave boy that he is, passes out immediately upon being picked up by Simon.

Rocky: Armando has. Why, question?

Simon: I, uh, mighta... accidentally... killed Ryland

Rocky: Alarm! Grace dead! Bad Simon!

Grace, slowly waking up: no, Simon good. Simon very, very good

Reading enemies to lovers reminds him of his nemesis

It was a quiet Sunday afternoon, the kind of day that stretched lazily across the hours. Perry was finally relaxing at home. He had already double-checked his schedule (just in case he had even asked Carl to confirm it). Today was his official day off. There were no missions, no gadgets, and no sliding through secret doors to receive assignments. It was just Perry. His hair was down, unstyled in his comfortable civilian clothes: a loose shirt, khaki shorts, and his glasses perched neatly on his nose; his posture carried none of the sharp discipline he maintained while acting as Agent P.

Today, he wasn’t an agent. He was simply boring Uncle Perry.

The day had been slow and relaxing, almost too slow. He soon found himself restless, a little bored, and with nothing urgent to occupy his mind. After pacing around the living room, he decided to pick up a few books Linda had snagged at a garage sale. She had recommended them with a mischievous giggle, insisting they were “surprisingly entertaining.” Perry wasn’t sure what to expect, but he trusted her taste enough to give them a try.

The covers were delightfully retro, each one painted with a handsome protagonist in some dramatic pose. One featured a blonde sailor tangled in the grip of a monstrous tentacle. “No.” Another promised a space adventure, the hero brandishing a laser gun against a backdrop of stars. “Nope.” A third showed a masked cowboy. “Mmm, maybe.”

The last one caught his eye: a spy thriller. Its cover featured two men standing back-to-back; one in a smoking jacket, the other in a dark suit with an eyepatch. The synopsis promised a nemesis tale full of passion and espionage. “Meh, why not?” Perry thought, amused by the idea of seeing how an author imagined a spy's life to be. He settled into the sofa with the novel in hand.

To his surprise, the book was... engaging. It wasn’t just the action, though there was plenty of that, but the subtler details. The protagonist, a seasoned, handsome spy, had a complicated relationship with his nemesis, an eccentric scientist bent on revenge against the people who had wronged him. Their battles were fierce, but beneath the arguments and schemes, Perry noticed something else: tension. Romantic tension. The kind that simmered under sharp words and long stares.

By the time he was halfway through, Perry was completely absorbed in a particularly intense scene. The spy had cornered the scientist, their fight escalating until the agent growled, “Just give up. I can’t let you destroy this place. They hurt you, I know… but they don’t value you the way they should.”

The scientist faltered, his guard slipping. “I cannot do that… I don’t know what it’s like. to be provided by affection.”

The agent’s voice softened. “Then I’ll show you.” The agent pulled the scientist close and kissed him with desperate passion. The scientist clutched him back, equally frantic, equally vulnerable.

And suddenly, Perry’s mind conjured an image: the spy and the scientist blurred into him and Doofenshmirtz.

Wait. What?

WAIT. Why was he thinking that?!

He found himself flushing brilliant red. His relationship with Doof wasn’t like that. Sure, they bantered. Sure, they fought. And yes, over the years, they had grown closer in ways Perry hadn’t expected.

But romantic? No. Absolutely not. He couldn't picture them like that... Could he?

Except his mind traitorously filled in the blanks anyway. He imagined grappling with Heinz during a fight, feeling the man's warmth as they both panted for air, their faces inches apart. He imagined grabbing Heinz by the lapels of his lab coat and pulling him into a kiss with that same intensity. He pictured Doof responding, hands tangled in Perry's unstyled hair, their closeness undeniable. The thought of leaning in, tasting him.

Perry’s face burned crimson. Oh, sweet mother of muffin. He dropped the book onto his lap and buried his face in his hands, utterly mortified by his own imagination.

“Uncle Perry? Are you okay?”

His head snapped up. Candace was standing behind the sofa, her brow furrowed in concern. He waved his hand quickly, giving her a strained smile to signal that everything was perfectly fine. She shrugged, easily distracted, and turned back to her phone. “Yeah, Stacy, I’m totally going to bust them next week...”

Perry exhaled shakily, staring down at the cover of the spy novel. Maybe... maybe he should switch to the cowboy book instead, just to scrub those thoughts from his brain.

Hello, I decided to make a list of my favorite Spirk/Space Husbands fanfiction. I’m not sure how many fanfiction there are in this list but I’d guess at least a hundred. (it took up 33 pages in MS word) Edit: 142 stories and counting.

I’ve tried to label them as either AOS(reboot movies), TOS (60’s show), or AU. I’ve also clearly labeled all the mpreg ones because I know so readers don’t like them, so just skip those and enjoy the rest :) If you notice anything I’ve mislabeled please let me know so I can fix it.

Updated: 9/15/14

Some people say Spock would have a hot body temperature because he is from a hot planet.

Others say he would have a cold body temperature because he is from a hot planet.

It seemed to me that we could test this thesis! Do animals from hot climates have a hotter or colder body temperature than animals from cold climates?

Humans have a roughly average temperature for mammals, 98.6 F (37 C).

Penguins have a core temperature of 100-102 F. Polar bears have a temperature of 98-99 just like we do. They can maintain this temp even in 40 below zero temps!

What about hot weather animals? The camel can vary from 93-104 F—a huge range, but on average around the same as ours. The elephant also has a large range, 95-99 F.

The coldest-blooded mammal is the echidna, at 89 F. The hottest is the hummingbird, at 107. Neither of these is from an extreme environment. It's more about the metabolism: the echidna's is slow and the hummingbird's is fast.

And yet, you see the range is not very great among mammals. This is because many enzymes work efficiently at these temperatures. Above about 104 F, some start breaking down. By 131 F, there's not much enzyme activity that can happen.

Okay, so: Vulcans. We know that they will not have an especially warm or cool body temperature because of the climate. Since they're warm blooded (an assumption, I admit! But I will defend it later) they will have an ideal core temperature their body will function best at and have features to maintain that despite the heat.

Note: Vulcans can also survive more extreme cold than humans; that's why Spock has to help Bones in a blizzard in All Our Yesterdays. This makes sense to me, because desert climates like Vulcan are prone to extremes. It might get very cold there at night with little moisture to trap the heat. This is one reason I think Vulcans are warm-blooded—a cold-blooded creature would have been useless in a blizzard. The other reason is that cold blooded creatures have a slower metabolism in general, and Spock could not possibly be described as slow moving or slow thinking.

Okay, so what is the Vulcan metabolism? Is it faster or slower than humans? My guess is faster, because of their fast heart rate, strength, and quick thinking. That said, we don't have solid proof either way. It might make sense for them to have a slower metabolism so that their body produces less heat and is less likely to get into the enzyme denaturing zone on a hot Vulcan day.

Which brings us to another question: how do they beat the heat? They seem perfectly comfortable in their climate, they're not using behavioral practices to stay cool as humans from hot climates do. They must have ways to efficiently radiate heat from their core. Those ears, for instance. Remember elephants? Their huge, flappy ears are a major cooling mechanism for them. They are able to push more blood through the small capillaries of their ears in hot weather and restrict it when the temperature drops at night. This is called vasodilation—controlling blood flow to either shed or retain heat. We do it too, though not as much. When you're hot, your ears will be hotter. Out in the cold, your fingers and toes will get much colder than your core.

Like camels, elephants can maintain a larger range of body temperatures than humans can. That's another coping technique they have. Other ways to shed heat include sweat and panting.

I never really imagined Vulcans as very sweaty. In a desert climate, methods of cooling that involve water loss wouldn't be ideal.

Here's my guess: they are extremely efficient at regulating core temperature by controlling blood flow. In hot temperatures, their skin and especially their ears would be hot, but their insides would be maybe 100 degrees. When it cools down, their skin would be very cool to the touch, but they would keep a core temperature in the 90s. They might also be able to speed up and slow down their metabolism somewhat to control their temperature.

So. On the Enterprise, which is kept at a comfortable temperature for humans...I think Spock would be a little chilly to cuddle. If you want a warm cuddle with Spock, go to his quarters, where he keeps it nice and toasty.

HELLO??? AMANDA AND SAREK BASICALLY NAMED THEIR KID “the best parts of both of our hearts and souls”

Not a soul:

Me: I'm going to use this post to nerd out about Vuhlkansu because that's what I do 😎👉🖖

So Spock's name is interesting from the perspective of Vulcan language because it's like... not actually a Vulcan word? Like it could be a Vulcan word, it sure sounds like one, but it's not transliterated into Federation Standard English in a way that makes sense. Vulcan is a very phonetically accurate language in how it's written and avoids letter combinations like "-ck", and there are several sounds in Vulcan that kind of sort of sound like an English "o".

IRL, the Vulcan language had not been fully created all the way back when Spock first appeared in TOS. In-universe, chances are that when he was signing on to Starfleet and was asked his name, the clerk who registered this had 0 Vulcan language skills and just went like "okkk well part of that sort of sounded like "Spock" to me so that's the only thing I'm writing down".

This means that it's hard to determine exactly what the meaning of Spock's name actually is, because depending on how you transliterate it back into Vulcan characters, the meaning can vary greatly. There is no conclusive canon about it either, so fans have come up with different possibilities.

One of them is the one presented above, "Spo'k'hat'n'dlawa", which is hecking cute and also is an actual phrase in Vulcan. It would be shortened as "Spok" or perhaps "Spo'k". I think this was first proposed in the KirShara website but I'm not certain?

Another popular possibility is Spahk, meaning "talon" or "claw", which follows a very common pattern in Vulcan male names of being named after nature elements that are pointy/aggressive sounding ("Stonn" means "antler" or "horn", for example).

I've also seen it transliterated as "Spohk", but that version does not have a meaning assigned to it as far as I'm aware. Fans who use this version of the name normally argue that it's the most phonetically accurate representation in Vulcan of how T'Pau pronounces his name in Amok Time.

I've also seen a post around saying that the way most humans pronounce his name is the Ancient Golic Vulcan word for "pancakes"? I think that came from a fanfic? It's a very funny thought but sadly it has no basis in the Vulcan language as we know it in the fandom.

By the way, his surname is also not actually 100% canon either. The only thing we know from canon is that most humans struggle to pronounce it, so Spock doesn't even bother telling them. It's widely accepted to be S'chn T'gai, which looks fairly Vulcan and difficult enough to pronounce for English speakers. It does not have a specific meaning in Vulcan, and it first appeared in the TOS novel Ishmael.

Another alternative is "Xtmprsqzntwlfd", which these days is normally disregarded as it's not recognisable as a Vulcan word. This was proposed by D.C. Fontana in an issue of the fanzine Spockanalia, long before Vulcan had been developed as a functional language IRL.

Kirshara did a really interesting series on Vulcan names if you want to read it!

http://kirshara.wordpress.com/2013/03/14/vulcan-personal-names-part-1/

There is much more to Vulcan cuisine than plomeek soup- or as we call in Vulcan, shur t’plomik.

Vulcan cuisine is dominated by the hardy vegetables and fruits that grow in the desert climate, and, in keeping with Surakian precepts, is entirely vegan. But do not let this make you think it is plain and boring!

The Vulcan body is prepared to conserve as much moisture as possible in the desert weather, and as such, Vulcans secrete much less saliva than humans, which impacts the sense of taste. To compensate for this, most Vulcan dishes are actually really spicy and hot by human standards!

Also of note is that Vulcans become intoxicated when consuming sucrose, not alcohol like humans. Alcohol has no effect on Vulcans, but many fruit juices are very popular due to their intoxicating qualities on the Vulcan physique.

Here’s a list of some other popular Vulcan foods and drinks that aren’t shur t’plomik:

MAIN DISHES

Balkra: a casserole made of a squash-like fruit. It tastes like yellow squash, but it has the texture of mashed potatoes.

Barkaya marak: a vegetable soup tasting like cream of spinach and served warm. It’s made from a peanut-like legume native to Vulcan. (The one in the picture below was made by KCGeeks).

Fori: a type of vegetable, served often in a wide variety of dishes.

Khara: a hardy desert bush with moisture-laden core; the soft edible pulp of its stalks tastes slightly salty.

Klitanta: also spelled Kleetanta. A popular dish, normally served with forati sauce (see below).

Pok tar: a Vulcan dish made of different components. As shown on ENT, it looks like this:

Pre tarmeeli: a hot and spicy Vulcan vegetable entrée, much like a vegetable curry.

Shur t'bertakk: bertakk soup.

Yarmok: a dish of raw fruits and vegetables often tossed with other ingredients and served with a dressing, what humans would call “a salad” (picture source).

SIDE DISHES AND CONDIMENTS

Yon-bar-kas: Redspice, a spice native to Vulcan.

Forati sauce: a highly spicy sauce that’s very popular in Vulcan, tastes vaguely like garlic.

Ob'taree: “fasting meals”; a high vitamin supplements taken with water during long ritual fasts.

Krei'la: a Vulcan staple resembling flatbread or biscuits, mostly eaten during breakfast. See below for an example, as baked by Sidzhan T’Gai of Kirshara:

DESSERTS AND FRUITS

Ameelah: a dessert, similar in taste to a fried banana.

Hirat: a type of fruit native to Vulcan, very similar to Terran grapes.

Kaasa: a blue-green fruit. It is often made into a distilled juice, which humans find very potent.

Pir mah: a Vulcan breakfast item that tastes much like strawberry toast.

Pla-savas: a sweet blue to black-coloured fruit (literally “blue fruit”).

Prusah kisan: a Vulcan fruit custard-like vegan pie.

Savas dukal-yel-travek: also called “globefruit”. A large, spherical fruit native to Vulcan, and known to be one of Sarek’s favourite fruits.

Tufeen hushani: a Vulcan dessert, very similar to carrot cake, and usually served at wedding ceremonies.

Yon-savas: a strongly flavoured yellow to red-coloured fruit (literally “fire fruit”).

Sash-savas: a strong, citrus-like, oblong fruit (literally “acid fruit”).

Gespar: a fruit often served for breakfast. It tastes tangy and spicy, and it has a reddish-pink colour. It is grown in the temperate zone of the Kir Province. The rind of the gespar was used in the production of soap and perfume in ancient times.

DRINKS

Birkeen: A sweet Vulcan herb, often used to flavour water.

Hivas: a purple-coloured milkshake-like refreshment.

K'vass: a Vulcan beverage reminiscent of hot-buttered rum, although completely non-alcoholic; it does contain enough sucrose to make it an intoxicating beverage for a Vulcan.

Saya: Highly intoxicating drink made from the juice of a fruit native to Vulcan. The drink is green in colour and has a herbal taste.

Su'aasal: the potent juice of a d'lechu (a type of desert plant similar to a succulent, which has psychotropic properties). It is used ritually to prepare children for bonding ceremonies.

Theris: also called theris-masu. A slightly bitter tea made by steeping leaves of aromatic Vulcan plants in boiling water. In contrast, the Terran style of tea is called tei.

Gespar-masu: the juice of gespar (see above).

Vulcan mocha: a Vulcan take on the popular Terran coffee.

T'mara omi: a green alcoholic beverage produced in Vulcan and normally consumed after meals. Due to its alcohol content it is highly priced in the Federation, even though Vulcans cannot feel its effects. It is commonly known as “Vulcan port”.

and i had the WEIRD thought like “what if spock just straight up called jim ‘water’ or some very logical and bland shit like that”

but then i was thinking. and like. that would actually… kinda??? make sense??

because water is one of the necessities for all life (okay not ALL, but most) and spock comes from VULCAN, which is a fucking. DESERT PLANET. so water is something that’s probably pretty cherished? and also in pon farr, vulcans are like “i burn” and all that dramatic shit. and like. water…… puts out fire?

so basically if a vulcan called you “water” they would be calling you

a necessity in their life

highly cherished and valuable

Mon-masu - Potable Water (”masu” is water)

Savas - Fruit (generic)

Yem-tanek - Nutrient

Kap-yar - Wheat

Kap - Bread

Sazh - Vegetable (generic)

Rau-nol - Shelter/refuge

more along the lines of “honey”:

Slor-tukh - Sugar

Kasa - Fruit (specific) 

Tufeen Hushani - A wedding cake similar to carrot cake. I can’t find another word for “cake” - but I’m just going to pretend that Hushani is.

Prusah Kisan - Fruit Custard Pie (Tart) - Same hat. I’m going with Kisan for pie.

K'vass - A non-alcoholic drink that intoxicates Vulcans.

Bar-kas - Spice (generic)

Pir mah - Strawberry toast

Kreyla / Kreila / Krei'la - Biscuit (eaten for breakfast)

Ameelah - Fried bananas (dessert)

and the closest I could find to honey:

As we know Vulcans practice logic. However, logic as a whole is completely dependent on axioms.

As in: different societys have different priorities and values, therefor the “logical” answer to a day-to-day situation may very. For logic to exist, a pre-defined set of “truths” must exist.

Therefore:

Where do these core values come from? Were they part of the teachings of surak?

Do they come from social norms that predate surak? Are these values being maintained or updated?? Is there a body of elders or something that does that?

Is there even an answer in cannon?

This leads me to believe that the bases of their logic was a blending of traditional cultural values, Surak’s teachings as passed down in oral tradition, and ongoing modern interpretations. There are several Vulcan governing bodies whoes opinions are valued in this process.

What was deemed logical by one time period may not be logical today. Logic is logic, but a Vulcan must always be careful to separate fact from opinion, and be on alert for bias in facts and research and assumptions made based on those facts. Some Vulcans are overly attached to traditional assumptions, other Vulcans in Star Trek frequently reevaluate their logical conclusions when challenged by other, even “less logical” species.

I think the key word is practice. Vulcans practice logic, understanding that even when controlling/suppressing their emotions they still need to solicit multiple viewpoints in order to reach the most logical conclusions.

I have more to say, but it would be spoilers for newer Trek. DM me if you are interested in discussing. We can chat about Vulcans and when you try to defend prejudice with logic.

As we know Vulcans practice logic. However, logic as a whole is completely dependent on axioms.

As in: different societys have different priorities and values, therefor the “logical” answer to a day-to-day situation may very. For logic to exist, a pre-defined set of “truths” must exist.

Therefore:

Where do these core values come from? Were they part of the teachings of surak?

Do they come from social norms that predate surak? Are these values being maintained or updated?? Is there a body of elders or something that does that?

Is there even an answer in cannon?

It’s an interesting proposition that Star Trek gives us: is logic a smokescreen to justify already-existing cultural norms, or did the cultural norms evolve from many Vulcans over time upholding the same logical code? Personally, I think it’s the first. Vulcans may imply that they are purely logical beings but they have a strong and well-defined culture.

Various K/S pins, 1970s-80s