Pidgeon

Lady in drive through had a bearded dragon sitting on her boobs and she held it up and let me pet it. killing myself canceled

*hitting my brain with a rolled up newspaper* I am allowed to be annoying! I am allowed to be wrong! I am allowed to take up space! Not! Everyone! Has! To! Like! Me!

god's weakest soldier is scrolling tumblr instead of being productive or participating in any of their hobbies

If a fantasy world has an ancient tree of wisdom, that means it must also have young trees that are dumb as shit. Just giving terrible advice like, "the evil wizard is kinda hot"'

The problem with being married to someone super fit is that you just can’t be physically coercive in the cute ways you want to. This morning, I was trying to convince B to sleep in and cuddle and instead of being deterred by the fact that I was entirely wrapped around his torso, he just…got out of bed with me clinging to him and went about his business picking clothes in the closet and putting on pants and doing his skincare in the bathroom with me just there along for the ride. And when he finally tickled me into letting go so he could finish getting dressed, I was so completely awake from laughing so hard that I didn’t get to sleep in either. An outrage.

Unfortunately, this is an accurate depiction of the hindrance I presented (minor).

sex is some naked bullshit and food is some crap they found on the ground but online poker is forever

crazy how quickly dust accumulates. i should be allowed to put my trinkets on a shelf and not touch them and they remain in perfect condition forever. dont even get me STARTED on the inside of a computer. why do i have to brush your teeth. youre technology.

chiropractors get paid to injure people. i'd do it for FREE after a long shift

on the subject of it often being out of character for characters to be having carefully negotiated bdsm sex in smut fics: 90% of metal gear ships are insane toxic yaoi and would definitely be having sex that is neither safe nor sane and only borderline consensual HOWEVER otacon and snavid would be thoroughly negotiating kinks before during and after sex like theyre doing mission briefings on a codec call