phoenix_of_angels

characters whose sexuality is "i'm under way too much stress to figure that shit out rn"

character whose gender is "im probably nonbinary but im on a quest so idrc about that rn"

see i think when a Final Girl kills a Slasher she should automatically inherit his mantle

the sequel should reveal that the previous movie's Final Girl is the sequel's Slasher. like a curse

wait. make it a metaphor extended allegory for transitioning

gentle reminder that if u feel hungry soon after eating, it might be bc you’re eating mostly carbs without adding enough protein. try eating a handful of nuts or smthing alongside your next meal.

and you don’t have to change the recipe or anything! you can eat what you were going to, just add some cheese cubes or a handful of nuts or salami slices on the side. u don’t have to change your meals, just add a little extra protein

thats nice but what do I need to do If I wake up around 3 am every other night with an unquenchable hunger for flesh even tho I ate normal balanced meals trough the day?

spoonful of peanut butter

another way to manage the undying hunger for flesh is to eat 15-20 live crickets. their souls are weaker than most other animals that size but they are easy to get a hold of and have the best flavor

this checks out!

a few people have commented that sometimes heartburn gets mistaken for hunger. I’d never heard that before. If you regularly feel hungry after eating certain types of foods (and adding protein/fat doesn’t help) maybe try chewing an antacid. the digestive tract is dark sorcery basically. an ancient worm coiled in your body whose impish mischief u must appease

not trying to be mean, that was just the natural conclusion of a judgemental aspec teenager forcibly surrounded by other teenagers. classmates would go on and on about their Longings and Yearnings and id be like. girl u r fifteen

*peering down at my intestines in consternation* u need to get a Fucking Grip

the meaning of life? is to make your bedroom as comfy as possible. that's it that's the purpose

the secondary purpose is to equip your kitchen and get really really really into international cuisine

so the synopsis of The Ring is: you will die 7 days after watching this videotape. my question is does that apply to rewatching the tape. let's say I watch the tape, wait 6 days, and watch it again. does the timer reset to 7 days? can I do this indefinitely? can I become functionally immortal by watching the evil videotape on a weekly basis?

so strange when people assume 'waking up early' means increased productivity bc no??? im awake so i can read fanfic in bed before breakdown breakfast

who on earth is out there waking up early to get shit done??? the purpose of waking up early is to have QUIET TIME LOUNGING IN BED before the world gets LOUD & ANNOYING AS FUCK

weighted blanket's not enough i need to be compressed by a hydraulic press

Heated rivalry shouldve been about 2 ugly old guys that play mahjong then maybe id consider watching it

when fictional creatures are characterized as having superhuman agility (e.g. some versions of vampires) i think they should also canonically have flabby skin. "this species has catlike predator traits" ok now give it catlike baggy skin for flexibility. make its tummy jiggle like a slinky

that time in high school when my computer died and i was so deeply distraught i legit wrote an entire obituary for a laptop

Where is the obit Gaud, come on don’t hold out on us

Caches to caches, rust to rust

I am sorry for your data loss

another one bytes the dust

Cntrl-Alt-But never Deleted

Anyone else wondering what the obituary was written on if the computer had gone toward the blue-screen light?

The witch cursed you to become a monster so that your outsides would reflect your character. Your home town took this news better than you would've thought. A lot better. You're more popular than ever and got immediately swamped by marriage proposals from just about everyone available in town.

The prince has been cursed, forcing him to live the rest of his life as a woman. At least that's the story the royal family is going with, because apparently an "unbreakable genderswap curse" is (sadly) much more acceptable than the princess being trans.

You, an elf, married a human, built a small farm and raised children. Your children grew up, had families, and started farms nearby. So did their children, and those children’s children. Now your many descendants have formed a bustling city and you are known as the official “town grandparent”.

A crew of 5000 humans are placed in Cryosleep and sent to another planet to colonize it. When they arrive 1000 years later, they learn that, thanks to advancements in Space Travel, the planet had been colonized by humans for over 500 years.