Jesus, "Honeymoon in Vegas" might have Hollywood's most interesting cast ever.
Mike Driver
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
AnasAbdin
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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Discoholic đŞŠ
Show & Tell

JVL
Keni
I'd rather be in outer space đ¸
TVSTRANGERTHINGS

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Janaina Medeiros
Xuebing Du
i don't do bad sauce passes
ojovivo

blake kathryn
we're not kids anymore.
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@patrickcassels
Jesus, "Honeymoon in Vegas" might have Hollywood's most interesting cast ever.

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New headshot.
Acid washed: â90s high schoolers caught on tape
Depending on your age, Josh Burdickâs 45-minute slice-of-life home video âApril 1990 - Video I Shot Of My Typical Day Of a High School Student,â is either a nostalgia trip or strange alien artifact of a bygone era. Thereâs no real attempt at a narrative through-line here. Instead, itâs exactly what it says on the cardboard case, starting with the then 18-year-old Burdick waking up to his alarm clock and making breakfast and ending some time around the end of the school day.
Even the act of being filmed is cause for sheepishness or intrigue, rather than being simply a natural part of a teenagerâs life. Itâs an authentic glimpse into a seminal time for another generation.
More at avclub.com
I love absolutely everything about this video.
Informal poll: best fictional beverage from the Mike Judge universe?
âThe Sizzler Is A Chiliâs Now.â A Bruce Springsteen-style song I wrote with Brian Murphy a few years ago for an unproduced CollegeHumor music video. It's about being nostaligic for the town your grew up in, when the town you grew up in was an overdeveloped suburb. The song isnât sponsored by anyone; we just love chain restaurants. Composed by Jay Wadley.
Comedy

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âBack to the Future In Actual 2015.â A new cartoon I wrote with Mike Trapp. Great Scott!
#Hero
Mike Trapp and I invented a game show that proves either (a) how charming sociopaths are or (b) how sociopathic charmers are.
Here is another video I wrote. (Wrote = thought of body parts that made me laugh.)
I wrote another installment of âActors Tweeted.â Special thanks to famous people for having no filter online.

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Now Whatâs Cooler Than Being Cool?
ICE COLD!
Now whatâs cooler than being âice cold?â
LIQUID HELIUM!
Now whatâs cooler than being liquid helium?
ABSOLUE ZERO!
Okay, now whatâs cooler than being Absolute Zero?
NOTHING, BY DEFINITION ABSOLUTE ZERO IS THE COLDEST TEMPERATURE MATTER CAN BE!
Alright alright alright alright!
Leaked Excerpts From The âTo Kill A Mockingbirdâ Sequel
Some pages from Harper Leeâs highly anticipated âGo Set A Watchmanâ just leaked online. Her prose is as beautiful as it was 50 years ago.
âScout Finch was the best damn lawyer in in the state. At least, thatâs what sheâd tell you. Then again, sheâd tell you just about damn near anything if she thought there was some cold, hard cash to be made in it for her. Money, thatâs what Scout cared about. The green stuff. But tonight, as she took a swig from her whiskey (her favorite drink) under the fluorescent lights of Gilâs Bar, Scout wasnât really in the âcelebratingâ kind of mood, if you know what I mean. No, not with that son of a gun Griswold still on the loose. And not with this shitty damn whiskey Gil the bartender was serving. âHeh,â thought Scout to herself in her own head, downing the last of the brown stuff, âjust my luck, ainât it?â It was gonna be a long night.â (p1)
ââAre you alone?â the figure asked Scout from the shadowy corner of the parking garage. âNah,â joked Scout with a grin. âI brought my nana, and the 1929 New York Yankees.â Scout took a last drag on her smoke and crushed it with her boot. âI heard you were funny,â the figure said. âBut you wonât be laughing once the Parallax Corporation finds out you have the microchip.ââ (p30)
âJason Bourne tossed Scout a loaded Walther PPK and the two raced through the halls of Pentagon looking for terrorists. Scout griped the handgun tight. Damn, she liked the way it felt in her hand. It was strangely familiar, like gripping a bottle of cold gin (her favorite drink), or a loverâs hand. Scout loaded a bullet into the chamber and cocked back the hammer. âMommy like,â she quipped to Bourne.â (p200)
Pat's Top Fireworks
-The blue and yellow ones that go POW
-The purple-y durple guys that make that dope krackling noise
-Those red motherfuckers
Hope you all had a great America's B-Day. Here is a re-post in honor of the holiday!
President Whitmore's Speech at the End of "Independence Day" if It Fell on Different Holidays than July 4
âIn less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world, and you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. Perhaps itâs fate that today is Groundhog Day, and we once again find ourselves wondering if the winter will last another six weeks. A metaphoric winter, I mean, of this alien invasion.â
ââŚPerhaps itâs fate that today is Administrative Professonalsâ Day, and we once again find ourselves, um, buying mugs from The Hallmark Store to show our appreciation for our co-workers. Mugs of courage. And the co-workers are, like, our fellow humans. And obviously not an actual Hallmark Store. (whispers to self) Youâre blowing it, Whitmore!â
ââŚPerhaps itâs fate that today is Independence Day. Icelandic Independence day. And we â or at least those of us who are Icelandic â once again find ourselves fighting for our freedom. From the Danish. It makes sense if you think about it, I promise.â
ââŚPerhaps itâs fate that today is Chinese New Year, and we find ourselves standing as proud as the noble, um, whatâs this the year of? The rat? Okay, not very noble. Shit. Fuck.â
ââŚPerhaps itâs fate that today is the first day of Oktoberfest, and most of you appear to be drunk. Speaking of which, may I ask who plans on flying in less than an hour? Wow, like the drunkest ones.â
ââŚPerhaps itâs fate that today is Rosh Hashanah, and we find Earthâs resources coveted by a race that wants to rule the world. Wow. That came out really wrong. I obviously meant the aliens and not the okay youâre booing me Iâm gonna go.â
Re-posting in honor of Independence Day. WELCOME TO EARF.
Jurassic Park In Different Geologic Eras. I had a lot of fun writing this tribute to one of my favorite films (co-written by Mike Trapp). P.S. This has one of the best Goldblum impressions Iâve ever heard.

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Think I figured out why âGame of Thronesâ co-creator David Benioff drastically re-cast Daario.
To: [email protected] From: [email protected]
G'day team,
Last night there was an accident at the velociraptor paddock and Geoffrey was eaten. I think weâve been getting reckless around the dinosaurs lately, so Iâm making the following changes to park protocol:
Do not...