Phantom Grape

He also recently did an inexplicable photoshoot with his catcher, Cal Raleigh aka The Big Dumper (named because of his big ass), in which they posed together eating Costco-brand peanut butter pretzels. It was captioned "and they were batterymates..."

The Mariners are, in general, a great team to get into if you've never really cared about baseball but want to give it a shot. They're just really odd, and kinda bad at baseball, but also occasionally unbelievably good. They've had some of the best players of all time, including Randy "exploded a bird with a pitch" Johnson and Ken "never did steroids but kept up with steroid boys" Griffey Jr. Mariners legend and first Japanese Hall of Fame inductee Ichiro Suzuki refused to give his dog's name to reporters because his dog didn't give her permission. The city voted to get rid of them but they stayed anyway. The guy who named the team vanished without a trace.

he was so delighted by my fits of giggles that he drew eight wet skeletons for me