This is a conversation between Teen!BandNerd!Phil Lester and Dan Howellᕽ.
Words: 4.6k (Love me. That's my longest Phanchat yet and the person who was Phil did like nothing. Yay)
Genre: (My speciality) Angst, With fluff too (kay)
Warnings: Long fic, Heartbreak, Sad, Really bad small references and puns from yours truly, (I don't know what else to add)
(A/N: This took me like three days to write and that heartbreak in the warnings was probably mine. So now, take this. I don't want it)
It's the evening of Phil's schools band concert.
Phil stood in his band tuxedo shirt and black skinny jeans, fiddling with the clip-on bow tie, trying to get it on.
"Hey Phil, you okay?" Dan asked, looking over at his best friend.
It was almost time for his performance and Dan is stood with him just before it begins.
Before quickly and quietly slipping away as it starts and heading into the crowd.
Cheering Phil and the rest of the schools band on.
Phil grinned, "It would be better if this damn bow-tie wasn't so hard to put on." He said then sighed and let it go, "Could you help me?" He asked.
"Sure thing" Dan smiled back, grabbing the bow tie from his hand and helping clip it on. Though it took a bit longer than he hoped, he got it on, "Tada" he said.
Phil chuckled slightly, "Thanks. And, uh, thanks for coming." He smiled warmly, grabbing his music folder with his sheet music.
"No problem," Dan said, laughing slightly as well, "you know me. I wouldn't miss one of these for the world!"
Phil grinned at that, "It means a lot, though. Really." He said and the conductor gives him then Dan a look.
Phil sighed and added, "Haz is giving you the evil eye, and I think you need to skedaddle."
"Of course" Dan said, mockingly, then looked over at the conductor who gave him a look for that as well and sighed.
Pulling Phil into one last quick hug before saying, "Good luck" and walking off slowly.
Sticking his tongue out from behind the conductors back jokingly before disappearing.
Phil laughed at that, that's Dan, always finding a way to make him laugh. Even in the most random of times and ways.
A few minutes later the band comes onstage.
He smiled nervously before sliding into a seat with his flute.
Dan is sat in the front row, a big goofy grin plastered on his face upon seeing Phil get onstage. He usually finds space in the first row because he comes early and gets it before anyone else.
Coming with Phil to early practice has its perks, Dan noticed in his early years.
Phil grinned at him and made a dorky face for a millisecond before snapping his attention back as the conductor steps onstage.
The concert goes by swimmingly, and after it was over Dan went over to meet Phil backstage once again. "That was amazing, Phil" he exclaimed. (Haha, pun)
Phil smiled, "Thanks!" He said as he started to walk over to Dan but tripped on a stand. Sending his music flying and him landing on the ground with a large crash.
Dan laughed a bit, not being able to contain his laugher, but stopping like 10 seconds later.
"Okay , I'm sorry. I shouldn't have laughed" Dan said, smiling at his friends clumsiness before reaching his hand out to help him up.
Phil laughed too as he grabbed Dan’s hand and stood up. Face flushed deep red, "Ugh, it would have been perfect, too! I-"
He got cut off by a couple kids looking over at him and laughing.
One girl in the group waving to him and him smiling back, rubbing his arm nervously.
"Hey, it was fine. You're just a really clumsy guy" Dan said, looking over at Phil who was looking over at someone else.
He turned around to see who Phil was looking at and saw them.
He looked away quickly and awkwardly, trying to avoid eye contact from that person and bent over to pick up the papers. Not wanting to seem weird.
Phil then bent over to help him, with a small smile. "Thanks" He said with a smile upon having finished collecting and placing all the loose papers into the folder.
"No problem," Dan replied, "you think Haz would let us go now? I just got a message from your mum saying she's outside waiting"
"Yeah, the concerts over anyway and by the looks of it, basically everyone's already gone anyways." Phil explained, "so yeah, lets go!" he finished.
Dan nodded and the two made their way out of the school and towards the parking lot. Into Phil's mum's car where she greeted them with a smile and a 'hello'.
Asking about the concert and their day as she drove them to their (the Lester's) house where Dan was spending the night. Seeing as though it was a Friday night and that's what they usually do on the Fridays after concerts.
The two boys spent the rest of the night hanging out and playing video games. As usual.
With an occasional movie finding its way into their schedule.
Which was great because they had the same taste in movies and video games.
As well as TV shows and such.
If someone didn't quite know them, they'd think they were as different can be.
But if they did they'd know they're anything but.
Besides first impressions and appearances, seeing as though Dan wore all black and acted like he didn't have a care in the world, while Phil wore all bright colors and was always smiling, you'd see they're basically the same person.
They love the same things, think the same way, and even laugh at the same things.
These things easily making them the closest of best friends ever since they had met in primary school.
~timeskip of two years aka year 10 ~
"Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan" a voice said, bringing Dan back to consciousness.
"Yeah Phil?" Dan asked with a groan.
"Why are you sleeping, sleepy head? We're supposed to head over to the library to study for the math’s test.
Dan groaned once again, "Leave me alone Phil. I'm sleeping"
"Nope Danny, I'm staying and I'm going to continue to annoy you until you get up and we go" Phil said, a small smirk playing on his face.
"You're so difficult Phil." Dan said pulling is duvet over his face to block out the light.
"Says the person who's not getting out of bed!" Phil sighed, "It's getting late Dan. If we don't go now it'll close and we wont be able to study"
"Oh what a shame" Dan said in a mocking sort of tone.
"If you don't study, you'll do bad on the tests and if you do bad on the tests you will get bad grades and if you get bad grades you wont graduate or go to college-" Phil explained but got cut off by Dan.
"Its fine, screw school, I'll just become a-"
"NO, YOU WONT" Phil exclaimed both not letting and wanting Dan to finish what he was going to say.
Dan chuckled at Phil's reaction, removing the duvet from on top of his face and slowly getting out of bed.
Causing Phil to sigh in relief.
After about five minutes Dan was ready and the two were out of the house and walking to the library that was nearby to both their houses.
Which were surprisingly, not really, only a couple minutes walking distance from each other.
They reached the library and there sat at one of the tables were two of their friends.
They were these two guys they met and quickly became good friends with in year eight.
Their names were Chris and Pj and they were best friends like Dan and Phil were.
When they first met, they hit it off so well.
So well that there almost always together and even had a name for their group.
They were called the "Fantastic Foursome"
It started as a joke but then the name stuck and quickly the whole school knew of the Fantastic Foursome.
~timeskip of a few hours of studying~
"Okay, how bad would it be if I cheated on this test?" Dan asked out of nowhere, after giving up on reading his textbook with the rest of the guys. Tired of the quietness that filled the air.
"Dan" Phil said, in surprise, hitting his friend on the arm slightly.
"Not that hard really" Chris shrugged, "with the divider folders and where you're sat, it wouldn't be difficult to just slip out your phone and-"
Phil cut Chris off with a sigh and began, "Chris. Are you encouraging him to cheat?"
A smile was plastered on Dan’s face and Pj was shaking his head at the scene that was unfolding in front of him.
"Well, not really, I'm just telling him how he could cheat. I mean, how do you think I pass all my tests?" Chris said, with a smug smile.
Phil then turned to Pj, "You sit right next to him and you just let him cheat like that?"
Pj shrugged, "yeah, I mean, he gives me answers sometimes for the ones I don't get as well. So, I don't really mind."
Phil let out an exasperated sigh before giving up and returning back to his task at hand which is actually to study.
Ignoring Chris teaching Dan just how easy it is to cheat and not get caught.
(Chris is literally me, tbh)
~timeskip to them leaving bc I'm very lazy~
It was getting late and the boys still had a curfew, so they said their "goodbyes" and four parted ways. (Two by two)
"That was... Interesting" Dan finally said out of the blue as they were walking the route that took them home.
Phil rolled his eyes, "You're a disgrace"
A look of shock grew on Dan’s face upon hearing that, though it was nothing new, that's the type of friendship they have. "I'm a what?"
"You heard me. You're going to get caught and not get good grades and you're going to fail and not graduate and-" Phil said but got cut off by Dan.
"You literally just said the same thing before we left my house" Dan said with a chuckle.
"It's true" Phil shrugged.
"I'll be fine Phil. I won't actually just cheat, only little by little, like what I don't remember. Though I actually understood this lesson and if I don't understand a lesson I always have you to help me." Dan said with a smile.
"Unfortunately" Phil said, feigning annoyance.
Causing Dan to raise an eyebrow, "oh shut up. You love me"
"Not really" Phil replied simply, though it was a lie.
"Don't lie, Philip" Dan warned.
"Alright, alright. I do. You're my best friend" Phil said with a smile.
Dan gulped, 'best friend, huh?' He thought and a looked of sadness was evident on his face but only for a moment. Seeing as though he quickly shrugged it off and put a smile on his face, "yeah. You're my best friend too."
By now they had reached Dan’s house and they were saying their final goodbyes of the night. (Besides the texting they'll probably be doing 'til midnight)
The two boys hugged 'goodbye' and Dan asked Phil to text him when he gets home.
~timeskip of Phil getting home~
Upon receiving the first message of only "Home" from Phil, a chat grows and they text 'til a little past midnight and until Phil says he's actually going to go to sleep so he wouldn't be tired for the test in the morning.
Leaving Dan who couldn't quite fall asleep as quickly as Phil did.
It's not really anything new though.
The test isn't really the main reason for it either.
He just has a lot on his mind.
Especially with the conversation he had with Phil just before he went to sleep still etched into his mind.
Though it wasn't anything he hadn't dealt with before.
It started back in year eight, though back then he didn't quite understand it.
But now, around two years later, he understands more.
What he'd do to go back to the good old days when he didn't have to worry about the things that kept him up at night.
And one of the main reasons being Phil himself.
~timeskip of a little over a year or something. Basically they're in year eleven now~
Dan didn't want to go to school today.
He didn't want to go to school today but he knew he had to.
Not because of tests or anything, he could have easily feigned sickness and did the test the next day if that was the issue.
But no, it wasn't, because life wasn't that easy.
Which is exactly why he's here.
Watching his best friend walk up to the girl that he had liked since year nine and ask her out on a date in hopes that she'd say yes.
His breath hitched, it looked like it was going well.
He was tempted to just walk away and start heading home in hopes of leaving the two to be happy.
Though just as he was about to turn and walk away, he heard footsteps approaching him and saw an incredibly heartbroken Phil looking at him for a second and then walking out of the school doors.
He then looked over to where the girl and her group of friends were last stood. She and her friends all had sympathetic looks on their faces as they saw Phil walk to Dan and out the door.
'At least they aren't assholes and she wasn't then type of popular I had always thought of her as.' Dan thought as he shook his head.
She still broke his best friends heart,
He then took a deep breath and started towards his friend’s house, here he'd meet Phil on the walk there.
If he runs he knows he'd meet up with Phil quicker than he would if he just walked.
Though he wasn't the biggest fan of running, he knew it'd be best.
Reaching Phil who had only made it a little away.
He was walking and it was obvious Phil was crying.
Dan finally made it towards Phil's side and placed a hand on Phil's shoulder in hopes of comforting him.
Dan removed his hand after that but wasn't going to give up, so he took Phil's hand in his (which he surprisingly didn't reactTM to) and walked towards Phil's house with him.
No one said a thing the entire walk there.
Dan wasn't expecting Phil to say anything and Dan knew it'd be better if he kept quiet.
They had reached Phil's house and luckily it was empty.
Meaning they didn't have to deal with three different people asking why Phil was crying and Dan was thankful for that.
He wouldn't know how to explain it especially since he doesn't even know it himself.
Now his main priority is Phil and no matter what, he can't let his heart get in the way.
Like he has been for the past couple of years...
~timeskip of a bit because I can't right now~
Dan had finally gotten Phil to stop crying.
Right now they were sat on Phil's bed not really saying anything.
Just simply sitting in a peaceful and comfortable silence on the blue and green duvet that matches the black and white one Dan has at home.
They had bought those two together and thought it was a great idea.
Which they weren't wrong about.
Suddenly a familiar voice brought him out from his thoughts, "She didn't like me back. Of course she didn't. Why would she? It was so stupid of me to get my hopes up like that. She probably didn't even know who I was. We only talked a few times and even the first time we saw each other, it was just that, she saw me. I saw her. She smiled. I smiled back. Nothing more. It was too good to be true. Me thinking her and I would actually work out."
He was starting to cry again.
“Hey, Phil. It’s alright, don’t say that and don't cry (craft). You’re a great person and if she’s dumb enough to not see that, she wasn’t worth it anyway. Anyone would be lucky enough to go on a date with you. And you should know that. Even I know that. You're sweet, you're funny, you're smart and you're all around a great guy”
Dan didn’t even try to stop the words that were coming out of his mouth, without a second thought.
Though they were all true, he wasn’t sure if he wanted Phil to know that he liked him and was actually really jealous whenever he found out that Phil was going to ask her out on a date.
Phil was his friend, his friend that without any choice in the matter, he’s falling in love with.
And maybe he's saying it because Dan cannot stand to see Phil unhappy.
The look on his face is the look of puppy after someone kicked it and no one likes hurting puppies.
"Yeah, sure, okay" Phil scoffed, obviously not believing him, "I can't even get one girl to like me!"
His words couldn't help but break Dan’s heart.
To Dan, Phil was perfect and he hated that Phil couldn't see that.
"Believe me Phil, one day you'll find that one perfect person and you'll forget all about her. Really. Its not good dwelling on crushes that you know wouldn't work out since they will never like you back. It hurts like a bit*h. Believe me" Dan said and upon realizing what he said, his eyes opened wide.
And now Dan's literally screwed.
Phil looked up at Dan, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "Hey Dan" he began and all Dan could think is 'nononononononononono'.
"You're talking about a person that you like that they would never like you back. Who is that person?" Phil questioned.
'He asked....' Dan thought.
"It's no one, really" Dan said, simply. Hoping Phil would just let it go.
"Come on Dan. I've been your best friend for so long and with that I know everything about you. And you have never once actually brought up liking someone in front of me 'til this day." Phil said, seriously.
"And don't lie. I know when you're lying" he added.
"Seriously Phil, it's fine. Just let it go" Dan pleaded.
"How am I supposed to help you if I don't even know the full issue, Dan?" Phil asked.
"You don't need to, okay? I'm here to help you Phil. You don't need to help me!" Dan exclaimed, but then his face softened a bit and he calmed down a little, "I don't need help. I've been dealing with it myself for three years now"
"It's been three years and you didn't think it would be important to tell me" Phil said, sadly.
"It's not that Phil." Dan replied, "If I could tell you. I would. Really"
"Why can't you?" Phil pressed.
Dan gulped, pleading once again, "I just can't. Come on Phil. Just leave it."
"You can trust me. You know that. You-" Phil said, but got cut off by Dan.
Who looked like he had tears in his eyes.
Dan was crying and he spoke through sobs, "It's you! Okay? It's you. It's always been you! Is that what you wanted? You wanted the truth and this is just as truth as it could get! Are you happy with your answer Phil? Are you happy?!?! I sure as hell am not."
"I-" was all Phil could say.
Dan shook his head, and tried to wipe the tears from his eyes, "Whatever. Bye Phil. I have to go." Was all Dan said as he walked out the door.
Dan started crying again.
Phil could hear him as his footsteps became further and further away.
Leaving Phil shocked and wide eyed.
Even after his mum came into his room and asked why she saw a crying Dan walk out of their house.
And after Dan told her it was nothing and he was fine.
Dan's not that good of a liar.
So if the two thought it would be would be difficult explaining to Phil's family why just Phil was crying, it was be a million times harder for both of them.
Especially with only Phil being there to explain and him not wanting to.
"Chris, Pj, its been two weeks since I last heard from him. He's been purposefully ignoring me. I can tell. Though we sit next to each other in every class, we haven't actually talked. He wont respond in anything more than one word long to me when I ask him something and I just want to talk to him." Phil explained to his two other friends, "And that’s only for the days he actually shows up. I'm flipping out. This is a new feeling for me. We've been inseparable since we were both eight and in primary school! And now all of a sudden he doesn't answer my texts or calls and I feel terrible. What do I do, guys?!?!?!?!? I just want my best friend back!"
Chris and Pj looked at each other and gave each other a look that Phil didn't quite get but chose to ignore because suddenly Pj began to speak, "So, now that you know he likes you-"
He got cut off by Chris who added, "Which was pretty fu*king and we were literally surprised you didn't realize until it was too late"
"You guys knew?" Phil asked.
"The whole world knew, Phil. The whole world besides you, I guess." Pj shrugged.
"With the way he always looked at you. It was always filled with so much love and it was obvious. You were like the best thing to ever walk the Earth for him and its just-" Chris took a deep breath and continued, "We don't blame you though. He never wanted you to know."
"He never wanted me to know? Did he ever want to be happy? Did he ever want to know exactly how I felt about it?" Phil questioned.
Chris scoffed, "Yeah, okay, like he'd tell you. Especially when A) you were head over heels for someone else, B) you were his best friend and he didn't want to ruin that and C) he wasn't even sure you even liked people of the male gender. Think Phil, would you??"
"I-" was all Phil could manage at that moment.
"Exactly" Chris said, sadly.
Something then occurred to Phil, "Wait. You said I was his best friend"
"Are you still?" Chris asked rhetorically, seeing as though he already knew the answer to that question.
"Yes, I do," Phil said, "and I still care"
A small smile grew on Chris's face, "Then go tell him"
And that’s exactly what Phil went to do.
Dan still wouldn't answer his phone and Phil was worried.
Even if Dan doesn't think he still is.
Phil had called Dan about twenty times just today in the past fifteen minutes and not once was there an answer.
He was about to call one more time when his name got called out and he turned to see it was Haz, the conductor.
He was wasting practice time before the performance and Haz was not happy about it.
Phil gave the conductor a pleading face and mouthed that he need just a little more time.
The conductor rolled her eyes and just walked away.
Likely to give Phil the time he needed.
And Phil wasn't going to waste the time he was given.
Phil waited through the phone call, that of course had no response, and around the time the automated phone message asked for a voicemail, Phil knew exactly what to say.
~Not Dan’s POV but it's following Dan~
Dan knew Phil was trying to get through to him, but he didn't think he could bear to talk to him. Especially anytime soon. Though the fact that Phil probably didn't hate him and actually wanted to talk to him after he messed up, big time, was reassuring.
Especially after about twenty øne calls and one.... voicemail.
It was new, which was probably why Dan decided to open it.
The voicemail began and it was Phil.
"Hey Dan, it’s been a while since we've actually talked normally and I just... I- I miss you Dan. I hope you're okay. Though I'm sure you're- I mean. If I were you, I'd be mad at me too. I completely understand why you haven't answered my calls or texts or even talked to me normally. You told me how you felt, confessed from the bottom of your heart and I didn't say anything. Heck, I didn't even stop you from leaving. Which I realized that just after you left was a total asshole move on my part and I'm sorry. I feel bad for everything and I hope that you could find it in your heart to forgive me. Because you're my best friend. Always have been and always will be. NO matter what. I care for you so much and yeah. I know this is pretty long and I'm probably rambling, but I don't care and I’m probably going to come over to yours after the performance. It's been way too long already." Phil's voice said and chuckled for a bit before saying, "And no. I don't mean this voice message. Which I just checked could be as long as three minutes long. Haha. Anyways. I've got to go. Practice already started and if I miss more before the performance Haz will kill me. So yeah, bye."
The messaged stopped there.
The performance was about to start and Phil felt like backing out.
He's used to Dan always being there on these days.
And Dan being there always made him feel at ease.
But today, no Dan means no ease.
He hopes he could make things better with Dan soon.
But until then he's going to try and go through the band performances without freaking out.
Because Haz, who had just told the members it was time to go onstage, wouldn't be pleased.
'Is it too late to-' Phil thought but got cut out of his thought by someone pushing him onstage.
The lights were bright and hurting his eyes.
The atmosphere was uneasy and so was Phil.
He probably messed up a few times too.
And as his eyes scanned through the crowd of people it was obvious why.
His usual spot in the front was taken by some old lady and the old man in the spot next to it was most likely her husband.
They seemed sweet, smiling kindly at the nervous boy who made awkward eye contact with them.
And neither was guy that stood in front of the door.
Though he did look very much so like him.
With the swept brown hair and brown eyes and black attire and-
At that moment it hit Phil and a stupid smile grew on Phil's face, not caring if he'd get chewed out by Haz later.
Brown hair and eyes with a comforting smile (and a body because human) made its way towards Phil and Phil couldn't help but smile back upon hearing what Dan said next.
"I told you I wouldn't miss one of these for the world"
