#2015 phan

It’s late on a Saturday night and rather than relaxing with a bottle of wine and anime like we want to be doing, I’m sitting in from of my iMac in my room on skype with Phil, who is sequestered away in the office, working on our book on a shared google doc.

“So I definitely think we should have a PINOF page. We can talk about how it’s our origin and kind of our legacy and everything and—oh hang on.” I disappear from the shot of the webcam and rummage through my bottom desk drawer. Finally, I lean back up into view and proudly hold up a wrinkled sheet of paper.

Phil leans closer to his webcam. “What’s that?”

I press the paper closer to the webcam to give Phil a better view. “It’s the list of questions we wrote for the original PINOF.”

“You still have that?!”

I realize how out of the blue sentimental this must seem to Phil. I’ve got an entire drawer full of relics from our relationship over the years, but I’ve never exactly shown it to Phil.

“Yeah, I used to be incredibly mushy.” I still am, but he doesn’t have to know that. “Anyway, as personal as it is, I think we should put a copy of it in the book. I think the fans would really appreciate seeing it, even though my chicken scratch handwriting is barely legible. It’s a really great starting point for talking about our respective YouTube careers and is a nice symbolic representation of the start of Dan and Phil™. I think—”

“Will you marry me?”

It takes a second for Phil’s words to catch up with me.

 “What?”

“Will you marry me?”

“That’s what I thought you said.”

“Oh. Well then?”

I sputter at Phil’s completely nonplussed attitude. “P-phil! You can’t just ask me to marry you over skype.”

To be fair, Phil at least has the grace to look a bit embarrassed. “You’re right. Stay. Don’t move.”

I slowly spin around in my desk chair to face my mostly-shut door. My fingers are relentlessly drumming against my thigh and I can’t seem to stop my leg from jittering.

I did hear him right, right?

Was he serious?

Has he even thought about this?

After what feels like ages, I hear soft, graceless puttering down the hallway. Phil’s footsteps veer away from my door, however.

He does know I’m in here right?

No shit, you were just on skype, of course he knows you’re in here.

Where the fuck has he gone?

Several loud bangs and thumps emit from Phil’s room, followed by a muffled shoot. I’d go check on Phil but I’m shocked still.

Without warning, my door pushes fully open. I open my mouth, prepared to ask Phil what the fuck, but lose my voice when Phil strides purposefully across the room. He stops in front of me, towering over me for just a second before dropping to one knee in between my legs.

Oh my god.

“Oh my god.”

The corners of Phil’s lips tug upwards. “I had a much, much better plan for how this was going to go, I promise. I was going to take you to Japan and see the cherry blossoms and…” My hands fly to cover my gaping mouth. Japan!? “Oh well. Listening to you talk so passionately about our projects, our history, our lives made me realize that I didn’t want to wait another moment to begin our future. Daniel, you’re my partner in everything – work, finances, social events… but most importantly, in life. So, what do you say? Will you make me the luckiest man in the world and marry me?”

I try to say something, but I’m mostly speechless and the small noise I do manage to make is completely muffled by my hands. Finally, I give up on words and nod my head enthusiastically.

Phil smiles wide and pulls my hands away from my face. I’m expecting him to kiss me, but am surprised by the chill of metal sliding over my finger. Looking down, I belatedly notice the small black velvet box in Phil’s hands. That’s where he went.

Still unable to find words, I settle for pulling Phil up and pushing him backwards onto the bed, my lips immediately seeking his. Halfway through our kiss, it really hits me: we’re engaged.

I pull back from the kiss as abruptly as I started it. I shakily hover above Phil and bring my left hand closer to my face. Wrapped around my third finger is a delicate black band.

“It’s not much, but I was also a lot poorer in 2011. I promise I’ll get you something nicer for your wedding band.”

I swear to god, I just about fall off the bed.

“2011?! You’ve had this since 2011?!”

“I bought it the week we got back from your cousin’s wedding. I knew for sure, without a doubt, I wanted to marry you and I was desperate for some sort of physical reminder that it was going to happen someday.”

Holy fuck.

That’s a long ass time.

Once again, I’m completely lost for words. I crash my lips back onto his, hoping to convey some of what I’m feeling.

“I can’t believe you’ve been holding onto this for that long. Since Manchester. And I can’t believe I never stumbled across it.”

“What can I say, I hid it well. Though there were a few close calls over the years. Especially during the move.”

“You’re ridiculous.” I lay my head down of Phil’s chest, replaying the last ten minutes in my head. One minute we were in the middle of planning our book and the next Phil was proposing to me with a ring he’s had since 2011 and talking about how he was going to do it in Japan and couldn’t wait.

Wait. Japan.

I pull back and hover over Phil. “Hang on, you said something about Japan in there.”

Phil looks a bit chagrined. “Yeah. I had it all planned out. I just got a bit carried away in the moment and suddenly I was asking before I could remind myself of my grand plan.”

I chuckle. It’s such a Phil thing to do. “I’m not complaining. We’re engaged. To be married. Can we still go to Japan though?”

“What? Proposing isn’t enough, now I have to take you to Japan, too?” Phil rolls his eyes, but I can hear the laughter threatening to break out and I know he isn’t serious.

“Shut up, you know what I mean. Come on, it can be our celebration.”

“Relax, Bear, it’s already booked. We leave a month from Tuesday.”

“Oh my god, you’re amazing. Seriously. I can’t even express how happy you’ve made me tonight.”

“I’m glad.” Phil’s smile turns mischievous. “Now, I can think of a few ways to celebrate before Japan.” His hands slid down my back, slipping beneath my joggers and lightly squeezing my ass.