Take the Wheel

What is provably the WORST gun for home defense? A .22 single shot rifle is at least small and quick to point. A Barrett M82 is at least going to instantly stop whatever it hits. Even a good old fashioned musket is going to do good damage and won't hurt your ears. No, I wanted to know what the undisputable worst home defense gun in the world is; and I have found it.

This is the .950 JDJ Fat Mac. It is a 100 pound, 5 foot long rifle that shoots a one pound solid brass bullet at 2200 FPS. It is a non-NFA item only because the ATF gave it a sporting exemption as a joke as if anybody is going to hunt with this. This round would be overkill for hunting blue whales.

I would like to paint a picture for you. It's 2AM and you hear a window break in your living room. This is the worst day this could happen, as every single one of your guns was lost in a tragic boating accident this morning. All were lost except for one. You look across your room in dread at your anti-kaiju rifle. You know what you have to do, but you don't know if you have the strength to do it, both literally and figuratively.

Heaving the rifle into your arms, you load a .950 cartridge and begin to waddle towards the door.

Your feet make a loud "thud" as vou take each 6" step. You know the intruders hear you. You hope they do, for perhaps they will run and spare the world the suffering that is about to befall it.

You try to set the rifle down, but end up clipping your bedroom door and it is immediately knocked off its hinges by this battering ram in your hands. You attempt to round the corner, bonking the muzzle against the doorframe and adjacent wall across the hall at least 4 times. To your horror, two invaders stand there at the end of the hall.

With a heavy heart, you raise the rifle to your shoulder while making inhuman grunting noises from the strain of attempting some semblance of a shooting position. The burglars simply stare in disbelief, unable to process the situation they are witnessing, as if in a dream.

You cannot aim the rifle, as the last time you fired the gun, it turned your $3000 Leopuld into a kaleidoscope. You simply hold it at an angle that appears correct and fire.

You are immediately knocked to the floor as if hit by a semi truck going 20 MPH. The shot connected with one of the criminals and it erased him from existence. Even the memories of him have been destroyed and you're wondering why you just shot into an empty hallway. The shot continues to travel through at least 4 houses, a car, and a 10 ton boulder before lodging itself 20 feet into a nearby hill, never to be seen again.

It is at this point, you realize you cannot hear.

The surviving burglar can't hear either but he's also on fire from the muzzle blast and is currently vacating your home. You don't care.

[image transcription] More details have emerged about the Russian attack on a boat carrying flood evacuees.

“Three civilians died, ten more were wounded, including two law enforcement officers,” the governor of Kherson region, Oleksandr Prokudin, said.

In a statement on Telegram, he said a 74-year-old man used his body to shield a woman from Russian fire and was hit in the back and died.

(from The Guardian)[end image transcription]

As usual the Russians have no mercy. Targeting even the civilian evacuees of the flood they’d caused.

Governor and U.S. presidential candidate Mike Huckabee went on an alliteration spree on cable news recently, saying the following about the response to the Paris attacks:

“[Democrats are] more interested in protecting the image of Islam than they are in protecting Americans… If these were Militant Methodists, Extreme Episcopalians, Bad Boy Baptists, do you think we would be afraid to say that?”

@TrevorNoah on last night’s Daily Show: “No we would not be afraid to say that. Because Bad Boy Baptists is an awful name for a terrorist group, but a GREAT name for your Christian Soul Rock, one-man, bass-only album.”

If you apply in the morning, you sweat too much and the damage is done by the time what’s left of it starts working. But at night you have just the right amount of ‘baseline sweating’ to suck in the active ingredients and make a ‘plug.’

Think about it- have you ever needed a deodorant refresher at night, and then you shower the next morning and feel the residue? It doesn’t seem to wash all the way off - but even if it did, it’s ALREADY IN THE DUCTS. You technically don’t have to reapply.

And it’s been on the label the whole time.

I just learned all of this. I don’t use this term often, but MIND. BLOWN.