Romper Not a Fighter

my friend told me last night that he gets girls to come back to his place by telling them “oh i can’t wait to go home and have some stew” and “i’m so hungry, good thing i have stew at home” and it’s worked every time

bro the worst part is last night i went to his place and it’s 11pm and i’m sitting there eating fucking stew like god damn it worked on me too

a dilf is not a dilf if he’s shitty to his children

i only type in lowercase because i hate capitalism

Poll: if your mom remarries when you’re 26 years old is that guy still your stepdad or is he just your mom’s husband.

MAGNIFICENT

Alright, but what if my mom on her third marriage found a decent man, but my mother herself is shitty

"my stepdad's wife"

its like. thats his truck and hes ordering from a drive through at 12am

chicken samwich and scratch my butt please.

what would you do if you came to my room and there was a sweeney todd movie poster

no more gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss. Only touchstarved, transgender, trainwreck

Craft stores are just like "can I interest you in some...objects? some items? would you like some things?" and every time I'm like Oooh I love objects and items and things!

AHHHHHHHHHHH b,,,babes

I think Orla was doing her book report on Erin’s diary bc, just as she heard everyone saying you ask the fella you like the most to be your date to the dance, she probably heard her teacher say that for their book reports they needed to choose the writer they most admire, and Erin is the writer Orla most admires 

Accidentally swallows the coin I was buried with and gets left on the dock for eternity because I couldn't pay the ferryman

Are ancient greek burial rites too niche for notes I'm sorry