perfectionisms.

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

there are sounds that only bald people can hear

this is because fisting is commendable while being a fistee is a mortal sin

hey.. two people were asking about you… so i gave them your address and phone number… their names were Skeletal Warrior and Skeletal Ice Mage

no because the first time he was doing just fine but the second time he was doing JUST fine

the thing about piracy is that i know i deserve everything for free forever