“you don’t know fear until you know me.”

poem from the blog widowbitesandhearingaids

i think after a tiring day of class, a rough game, a sleepless night, or just a long day, neil goes to andrew and holds out his arms, question on his face. andrew will allow a couple seconds of fronted apathy, then carefully bundle neil into his arms and hold him tight. neil curls into himself, making himself and small as he can, and buries his face in andrews neck, curls his fingers in andrews shirt or locks his arms around andrew's neck. sometimes neil will wordlessly tug andrew to the couch or bed and andrew will let him curl up against andrews chest. andrew pretends to be exasperated, berates neil for being so needy; but it's obvious he enjoys it by how tender his touches become, how he breathes in neil's smell and kisses his hair. neil will make little contented sounds and andrew will kiss his head in reply.

this is how andrew starts re-associating touch with love and safety rather than danger: andrew is a protector, a caretaker, at heart, so holding neil when he needs it is easier than a lot of other kinds of touch. to andrew, this is just another part of looking after his boy. their love language is protecting/being protected; this act--not just cuddling, but holding and being held--is, in my mind, a big part of their relationship.

i can’t seem to stop coming up with ideas for aftg playlists, so i thought i’d post them on here & update as i make more. (i can’t be the only one who gets to enjoy these materpieces)

1. andrew’s lot: imagine you’re one of the foxes and you’re waiting for practice to start, but kevin, neil, andrew, aaron, & nicky aren’t there yet. you’re frustrated and annoyed but you hear obnoxiously loud music approaching the locker room from the parking lot outside. basically, imagine the shit that andrew blasts in the maserati just to get a reaction out of kevin and aaron. that’s the playlist. [shuffle for best results]

2. bird set free: jean moreau. that’s it, it’s just jean moreau’s journey from the ravens to the trojans in a playlist. [best to listen in order]

3. andrew minyard: pretty self-explanatory, but it’s a chronological playlist of andrew’s life from his childhood to his time at the spear’s house, to juvie, meeting nicky & aaron, attending psu, meeting neil, thanksgiving, easthaven, and all the way to the domestic ending he gets featuring a boyfriend and two cats. [100% listen in order]

BONUS:

my sister has some sick aftg playlists too, so i’m gonna give her some free promo.

1. palmetto state foxes: ten songs. one for each character in order of the foxes lineup. brilliant.

2. kevin day’s ipod: yeah, kevin listens to avril lavigne on his walks between classes and queen while working out. trust me, she knows.

3. aaron minyard: aaron is one of her biggest comfort characters, so obviously she had to make him a flawless playlist. pls listen to this in order because it goes so smoothly from his childhood to meeting andrew to meeting katelyn to thanksgiving and everything. probably her best aftg playlist so far.

him, again <333

Spooky season?

I hope you guys enjoy this super short drabble :) I couldn't resist writing something for them!

----

The doorbell rang around four in the afternoon, and Aaron heard two pairs of feet stomp down the hallway to try to answer it first. He’d been in the middle of chopping some zucchini while Katelyn finished ordering the pizza for that night. It was going to be the weirdest dinner ever, because Aaron wanted ravioli and Andrew eventually decided on pizza after suggesting a cookie cake four times, which had also been purchased.

They were turning thirty five this year. Aaron had hoped it would take longer to start feeling old, but he’d been feeling old ever since medical school, so this year was no different. Just another day on the calendar that marked ‘you made it! Hooray!’ than anything else. Usually, celebrating his birthday consisted of hanging with his beautiful wife and daughters, talking on the phone with his cousin and calling his brother for a two minute exchange. But this year his oldest daughter Sophia finally understood the concept of twins and demanded to know what her Uncle Andrew does on his birthday if it’s the same day.

Aaron really had no clue, but he figured he spent it with Josten, so he told her as much. She asked if he got presents, and Aaron had hesitated long enough for her to get her answer. Now, they were finally having a joint birthday party for the first time in fifteen years.

It wasn’t for a lack of trying. Andrew and Neil lived almost three hours away, and birthdays just weren’t their family’s thing. Sophia and her sister, Isla, were used to parties, but Aaron knew that he and Andrew never were, so something private was more than enough. Still, Aaron had made sure to let his brother know that he was more than welcome if he wanted to come, even if it was out of the way and during the exy season. Andrew had declined every time, so if he was going to come this year, it couldn’t be Aaron who asked.

Andrew had the biggest soft spot for his nieces, spoiling them rotten and going out of his way to come babysit once in a while. Aaron remembered the conversation his brother and Sophia had pretty clearly: “Uncle Andrew, can you come here for your birthday?” she had asked, cradling Aaron’s cellphone in her hands. “Cause I made you a card but I don’t have stamps! How can I mail it without stamps, Uncle Andrew?”

Obviously, Andrew had suggested something terrible and probably illegal, because the next day Aaron could’ve sworn he saw his seven year-old daughter trying to bribe the mailman, but Katelyn had laughed at that suggestion and Sophia had never explained when asked. He blamed Andrew for teaching his children the art of avoiding the question as well.

“Hey,” Katelyn called, bringing Aaron out of his thoughts. He put the knife down and stared at the half-chopped zucchini, wondering how long he’d been lost in thought. “You good?”

“Yeah,” Aaron replied, and it was true. Honestly, he was sure he had been anticipating this moment, because there was a small part of him that wasn’t sure if Andrew would actually come. But hearing his daughters babble about random things as they led their uncles - oh shit - into the living room was just about perfect.

This night would be a disaster, but a welcome one.

~*~

By the time the food had been eaten, presents had been opened and the two girls got to scream-sing happy birthday, the sun had long since set and Aaron knew his brother wouldn’t be staying much longer. Andrew had walked out the backdoor, probably overwhelmed and needing a minute, so Aaron took that opportunity to find the small present he’d wrapped just a few days ago in his closet. He avoided the kitchen as he made his way to the backdoor, flipping the box between his hands a few times.

He couldn’t remember if he’d ever gotten his brother a gift before.

Opening the door and stepping into the chilly night air, Aaron was almost surprised to not smell any smoke from a cigarette. Instead, Andrew was sitting on one of the back porch steps, leaning against the railing and staring at the small splatter of stars in the dark sky. Aaron approached slowly, sitting down on a step below and shivering.

“Should’ve gotten a jacket,” Andrew said.

“Yeah,” Aaron agreed. He looked down at the box in his hands, wrapped in the pastel wrapping paper that Katelyn had gotten for the girls’ birthdays, trying to work himself up to handing over the gift. Andrew didn’t rush him, which didn’t help at all, because if he did then maybe Aaron wouldn’t feel like chickening out.

Was this seriously the first gift he’d gotten for Andrew?

Wordlessly, he turned and held out the small box until Andrew took it, then shoved his hands in his pockets. “Happy birthday,” he said quietly, staring at the porch steps. His heart pounded as he heard Andrew flip the little box over a few times, the contents rattling inside, but he didn’t take long to finally open it. Aaron almost held his breath while he waited.

“Aaron,” Andrew eventually said.

“It’s for emergencies,” Aaron quickly started to explain. “What if something happens and the girls need you? What if I break my leg, or something? Or if you’re going to watch them overnight and need to lock the door?” He paused for a moment, then finally looked up at his brother holding the silver key loosely like he’d hold a cigarette, staring at it intensely. Aaron cleared his throat and shifted. “You don’t have to keep it. But I’d prefer if you did.”

Andrew was still quiet. It was almost like he was frozen, and for a second Aaron thought he’d done the wrong thing, but slowly the furrow between Andrew’s eyebrows relaxed, and he moved to hold the key tightly in his fist. “I didn’t get you anything,” he mumbled, almost as if he was upset about it.

“You’re here,” Aaron pointed out, standing up and walking towards the door. “That’s what I wanted.”

Silence, again, but Aaron didn’t mind. He walked back into the warm house and into the kitchen, where his wife was trying to wipe frosting from the cookie cake off of Isla’s face and Sophia handed one of her toy teacups to Neil, who somehow managed to look both completely out of his element and also in it.