Born ready but on the decline

petecarl of the libertines are interesting to me because i do think they're in love with each other like romantically but in a way that has shifted and morphed and changed a lot over the course of 30-ish years but i think they know that's what their feelings are for each other which is why each break-up was so painful for them and i think the fact that, in Carl's own words, their relationship was "physical" at times is just further proof that they've always consciously inhabited this space in between "romantic partners" and "just friends" because they're all sorts of different things, from just friends to best friends to brothers to bandmates to co-songwriters to plain old coworkers and sex has a place somewhere in all of that that's had varying degrees of significance and was probably far more important and intense and scary when they were younger and might even be right at the back of their minds at this stage both being married to other people and also old as fuck lol (they're not that old I just need one dig at them to not get too sappy) so it's probably not even been a dimension of their relationship for a few years now except they're so physical and tender with each other in some ways more than ever before and ofc it's impossible to know what goes on behind closed doors and also what they themselves as a pair and as individuals actually conceive of as "sex" and more importantly "sex with each other" cos did they ever fuck? and if they did, and I'm 99.9% sure they did, did they even think of it AS fucking? because im so certain carl thinks of himself as straight. like he'll call himself half-gay as a joke but if you really grilled him he'd be like im heterosexual!!!!!!!!!! I've just really enjoyed kissing and touching other men sometimes and also i would marry peter doherty if i could and i think he's beautiful. That's normal plenty of guys are like that. and like ok carl sure. love you. But peter... i don't know if he knows exactly what he is but i can't imagine he fully believes he's straight. maybe he thinks the gay part of his life as separate to his married with children part of his life but he's always always always violently vassilated between domesticity and the jet set life and i wonder if that's how he considers his bisexuality as well. i haven't read his journals in a long time but he's very introspective and sort of wittily self-aware so I'd be surprised if he didn't know and acknowledge that part of himself fully but i would NOT be surprised if he like compartmentalises and thinks of it in a really convoluted philosophical way that may have solidified and matured now that he's in his 40s but could still easily be quite stupid . Like if i asked him Peter do you think you're bisexual he'd give me a really long chatty windy answer that essentially boils down to Yes but you'd really have to needle him and fence him in to get HIM to say that.

fuuuuck i just realized that the future idealized version of myself cant exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things. has anybody heard about this

Does anyone want to get matching tattoos and immediately have an unsalvageable falling out

ever since i was a little girl i knew i didnt have a competitive spirit

I love tumblr bc it feels like im talking to a wall and sometimes the wall responds