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i'm so hungry i could eat a food

you solve the mystery of what to have for dinner one night and you think "hell yeah case closed forever" WRONG there is a dinner mystery the next night too

I think aliens would find astronauts charming with their stocky limbs and helmets that look like a big shiny eyeball. I think they would own marketable plushies of them or perhaps a labubu style keychain

you don’t realize how important lunch is until you’re wandering around thinking about how unloveable and untalented and uniquely cursed you are and then it’s 4pm and you finally eat lunch and you go Oh. oh right.

lot of people commenting on this post like "who eats lunch at 4pm that's a terrible time to eat lunch" yes. that is the point. 4pm lunch is inadvisable. 4pm lunch is not the ideal. 4pm lunch makes the mind demons real.

dead wife montage but it's a henchman reminiscing about da boss after he got put six feet under. picking flowers before hiding the bodies, wiping cocaine from your nose after a big night, that long drive down the beach to find the bookie who squealed. where did the days go

atheist quarterback throws a hail darwin

agnostic quarterback throws a hail maybe

see my problem is if i “listen to my body” it literally only wants to lie down and take naps, all the time

age regressing by 5 minutes so i can remember what i was just asked to do

they hate me because the years of memory loss has purified my mind

im a fake fan of everything i like because i cant remember anything

i love you a little. haha april fools. i love you lots