Untitled

dead wife montage but it's a henchman reminiscing about da boss after he got put six feet under. picking flowers before hiding the bodies, wiping cocaine from your nose after a big night, that long drive down the beach to find the bookie who squealed. where did the days go

atheist quarterback throws a hail darwin

agnostic quarterback throws a hail maybe

see my problem is if i “listen to my body” it literally only wants to lie down and take naps, all the time

age regressing by 5 minutes so i can remember what i was just asked to do

they hate me because the years of memory loss has purified my mind

im a fake fan of everything i like because i cant remember anything

i love you a little. haha april fools. i love you lots

Although commonly believed to be true, Amazon Prime day isn't actually the day that Bezos was born & actually originates from a pagan tradition

…? whats that noise from my chimney…? it sounds like… evolution…?

it couldnt be… no, it is…!

CHARLES DARWIN !!!

Replying agreeably 16 years later is extremely relatable

Aaaaaaaaaaaa

"You snooze you lose" anti nap propaganda, changing it to "you snooze yaaaaayyyyyy yippeeeee"

the only way out is through but fuuuuuuuuuck fuuuuucckkkk cant i like scooch past or something