uh

the thing is, stephen king is generally pretty good at creating complex, well-rounded characters, which makes it all the more jarring when one of those characters abruptly comes out with what i'll term a "kingism". i don't know how best to define a kingism other than "you'll know it when you see it". it's the voice of the author intruding on the voice of the character, and in this case the voice of the author has a bad sense of humour and is ravenously, inexplicably horny

These are all from Needful Things, which was written during King's "coked out of his fucking gourd 24/7" era. Pretty much all Kingisms come from those books.

The funniest thing you can add to any piece of media is a boy detective. Breaking Bad needed a 13 year old child who goes around looking for clues to the caper and whatnot.

Hank

anon instant win 2koma where in panel 1 shes annoying and smug and in panel 2 she wins

basically the only time i see bad luck brian these days it's because he's having something terrible happen to his penis. which like, i get it, it happens to the best of us, but can he please call me some time other than when he's had his penis ripped off by penis gnomes? it really seems like he doesn't really value our friendship outside of being a rock to complain to, which is a shame, because i just got a great deal on a purchase from some penis gnomes

The princess does not have "depression," it's called an Air of Melancholy and it makes me very beautiful in a dignified and subtly tragic way

walking down the street with my 250 year old transgender elf gf and the other elves are glaring at her whispering cradle snatcher... predator... creep... and she grips my hand a little tighter, I wordlessly squeeze her hand back and stretch, revealing the handle of my dark killing blade, and they swiftly scatter and hide in their homes. she smiles, and I swear to you, she's more radiant than the sun, more precious than life itself, and she tells me "you're so widely feared for someone your age,"