My Life as a Teenage GoBot

10th May 1999: ABC underwent a wild new transformation. Premiering at the prestige 5:30pm Monday slot, Protocol and Scholastic's live-action Animorphs series treated viewers to the secret battle between humans and alien Yeerks, plus a cameo by the Beast Wars PC video game.

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In this space year of 2025, it's easy for Transformers collectors to take anniversary years for granted. New movies, cartoons, toys and every type of ancillary merchandise under the sun are expected. Sometimes they strike it lucky and get (almost) everything one could've hoped for. Other milestones saw a bare minimum of material for one reason or another. Such was the sad case of 1999, where Australian fans were limited to Animorphs plus a handful of long-delayed leftover Beast Wars episodes and Transmetal 2 toys.

Upon their arrival to shelves the first week of April, fans greeted this new breed of mega morphing heroes with nothing short of disdain. "NOT Transformers!" and "A disgrace to the Transformers name!" hollered the usual masses on Usenet. Opinions and profanities were in plentiful supply, as soon would be the toys themselves. Whether it an attempt to cash in on the show and book's popularity or simply corporate greed, Animorphs were treated by retailers as a 'prestige' line and increased their prices accordingly.

Compared to their $22 beastly counterparts, Deluxes sold at $28 each. Megas jumped from $34 to $40, and the triple-changing Visser Three a staggering $68. Some stores like Toys R Us, rather than play competitive, decided to raise their respective Transmetals prices to match. This had a staggering knock-on effect by the time Beast Machines and the nation-sweeping GST kicked in a year later.

As so memorably said in the song, there was no turning back, no backing down, nowhere to run and no solid ground from an onslaught of unsold toys. Such sharp prices put many of these figures well out of reach from both show's intended audiences, thus were left to languish on shelves across the land for years. And years. Though if it's any consolation, stock was plentiful for ABC's later repeats.

To this day there's no doubt Australia is home to more boxed Visser Three's floating around among collectors and forgotten factory stock than there are loose samples.

13th May 2020: 760,000 Aussies tuned in to watch the mid-season finale of ABC's long-running TV series Hard Quiz, where Tom Gleeson submitted superfan Sebastian to several rounds of brain-bending Transformers-related questions. Much to the delight of fans, Sebastian won!

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Five months into 2020 and Australia had seen its fair share of controversies. One of the worst bushfire seasons ever leaving thousands homeless & upward a billion wildlife dead. A rapidly spreading pandemic throwing domestic & international travel into chaos. A Prime Minister refusing to hold responsibilities let alone a hose. Toilet paper became the nation's highest currency. Plus a televised battle between Clarinets, Pythons, Transformers and Islamic political movements. Guess which drew fan ire most.

From its October 2016 inception, multiple self-proclaimed "high-ranking influencer" fans tried applying. Hard Quiz's vetting process is notoriously rigorous, and those early attempts were rejected due to ABC considering it too broad a subject. A later change of policy saw management more open to the idea, so after months of competing applicants put through both knowledge and on-screen appeal wringers, one immensely lucky local made the grade.

In the epic tradition of Steven Bradbury, our champion was an outlier. Victorian teacher and long-time Ozformers lurker Sebastian was equally shocked at the selection and began heavy rounds of secretive robotic research. By the time it went to air, they stood third among musician Ash, logistics manager Darren plus government contractor Penny. An agonizing twelve minutes of clarinet queries and python ponderings followed before Gleeson gave fans what they wanted & turned topic to Transformers.

Representing the whole Australian fandom is an immensely unenviable mantle, but after some early Diaclone-induced nervous jitters, Sebastian presented well & managed to score four out of five correct. A barrage of generalized questions followed ranging from Rambo to Alvin and the Chipmunks, and by final round came second with 40 points.

Transformers vs Pythons. Ten more questions & five minutes stood between them. But with four correct answers and Darren crashing out, he was handed the win. Well done Sebastian, you lit our darkest hour!

21st May 2014: Mark Wahlberg arrived in Sydney as part of the Age of Extinction press tour, and you (yes you!) could've been there. Event and Mediawater offered one fan the chance to fly over and score a grand prize.

Said prize? A moment to ask Wahlberg a single question.

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What's the most "out there" Transformers cross-promotion?

Was it Gelatissimo's limited Transformers One icy treats? Zing Pop Culture's one-of-a-kind Megatron surfboard? That time Dick Smith gave away an official Bumblebee-branded Camaro? Or even the misadventures of The Housebot? With 40 years under the brand's belt there's no shortage to choose from, but even in a world where Star Wars, Knight Rider, Sonic the Hedgehog, Ghostbusters and Animorphs can cross paths with our favourite Robots in Disguise, this one definitely earned a top mark.

After a much-publicized missed flight saw the acclaimed actor forced to make a brief detour to Melbourne, Wahlberg arrived just in time. Strictly professional invite-only event as it was, that didn't stop Event Cinemas George St. descending into a media madhouse. Forget about Prime Minister Tony Abbott's wink at a struggling phone sex worker, Judge Kurt Eisgruber telling Mandy Broadman to forgive her monstrous husband, Channel Ten axing their morning show or anything else happening in the news. Marky Mark was in town and overzealous reporters in turn lapped up every second of it.

"Brace yourself ladies!" They ecstatically gushed. Wahlberg cast his jetlag aside and put on a brave face to meet the adoring fans. Cheers were plentiful, photographs popped non-stop, all intensified when radio personality Merrick Watts brought him onstage to answer that heavy question. By night's end he was "just lucky to have been a part of it".

"Do you wanna come with me? 'Cos if you do then I should warn you.

You're gonna see all sorts of things. Ghosts from the past, aliens from the future, the day the Earth died in a ball of flame. It won't be quiet, it won't be safe, and it won't be calm.

But I'll tell you what it *will* be... the trip of a lifetime!"

Let's travel back to 21st May 2005. A Saturday, when Kylie Minogue was making headlines for all the dire reasons. Schapelle Corby's trial overshadowed by news of her father's own promiscuous past. Howard's government boasted heavy payouts for drought-stricken farmers. Will Smith booted off the music chart as quickly as he arrived, switched in favour of Black Eyed Peas. And everyone was flocking to cinemas itching to witness that long-awaited climactic duel between Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi.

But the adventure of a galaxy far far away wasn't the only sci-fi classic making a grand return to the local scene.

They said it couldn't be done. They said it was culturally dead and buried, merely the stuff of stereotypical geek culture refusing to let nostalgia fade. They said it wouldn't stand a chance in an era of short-attention spans and rapid-hitting US action dramas. But all those critics, all those naysayers and doubters were about to be proven wrong. After taking the United Kingdom by storm, Australia scored its turn to welcome an old hero. Doctor Who was back, and it was about time!

But first we must meet Rose Tyler. At nineteen years old she's got a job, a boyfriend, plus sharing a cozy flat with her mother at London's Powell Estate. Making her way to work at Henrik's Department Store, never could she have foreseen what felt yet another day in an average uneventful life would be anything but. For one wayward lottery ticket and descent to the basement later, Rose found herself pulled into a whole new universe of terror, tragedy, triumph and an awful lot of running.

Over the course of 45 minutes, head writer and lifelong fan Russell T Davies was given the herculean task of bringing Doctor Who into the 21st century. Speculation had been rife ever since the official 40th anniversary magazine broke the news. Who could play the lead role? Will it continue weekly multi-part stories? Was it a complete reboot or would the past 26 seasons be respected and represented? But more importantly, should the BBC renegotiate with Terry Nation's estate to continue using the dreaded Daleks? And as the subsequent 17 months passed, fans got their wishes answered in spades.

Fresh from his role in Davies' prophetically-titled 'The Second Coming', BAFTA-nominated actor Christopher Ecclestone was announced as the Ninth Doctor. Casting choice for his companion went to Billie Piper, who had made quite a name for herself on the music scene with several chart-topping hits. Eight months of filming began with their rooftop chatter in fourth episode 'Aliens of London', and despite being beset of dramas, time crunches and multiple leaks, managed to deliver 13 episodes with 3 days to spare.

Armed with a bold new direction while retaining its quintessential British-ness, updated music and effects plus return of fan-favourite 1970's baddies The Autons, BBC's gamble was a roaring success. But what about here? The Doctor was most definitely 'in', with over 1.1 million Aussies switching on that fateful night. It was ABC's most-watched program for the day, effortlessly won its 7:30pm timeslot in every state (except Queensland who decided for whatever reason Inspector Linley was more important), plus set a ratings record for the show. A record which would remain unchallenged until June 2008's premiere of 'Voyage of the Damned'.

Fans loved it. Audiences loved it. Even critics loved it. "Can Dr Who be too sexy?" pondered The Age paper's Sophie Cunningham, who was "All in a lather" over Ecclestone being "So sexy it's scary". When interviewed for The Canberra Times, self-professed addict David Green ecstatically proclaimed "Dr Who is a hero, and the world needs heroes. He travels to any point in time and to anywhere in the universe, meeting alien beings and saving the universe from evil. There is endless scope for adventure!". A sentiment shared by Courier Mail, calling the new series "State-of-the-art magic", and guaranteed "Newcomers and nerds alike should be well pleased".

Suddenly the show was cool again. Each episode became the talk of offices and playgrounds the following Monday. Former stars Katy Manning, Colin Baker and Sylvester McCoy made appearances both on TV and as part of Tim Ferguson's stage show 'Inside The Tardis'. Ecclestone and Piper's faces were plastered over papers and websites. 612 ABC Brisbane's listeners scored exclusive preview clips and limited edition prizes. Purchasing all four volumes on DVD would net fans a free Dalek talking bottle opener, the first in a cavalcade of merchandising.

It is a world transformed, where things are not what they seem.

It is a world of heroic Autobots waging their battle to destroy the evil forces of the Decepticons. And on Saturday 18th May 1985, the time had arrived for the land down under to become part of that world. Happy 40th Aussiversary, Transformers!

Many were unprepared for the ensuring onslaught of robotic rumbles, but a select few found their journeys brought full circle. These strange metallic beings from another planet had infiltrated Australia much earlier, with their Marvel Comics exploits hidden among newsagent, supermarket and comic shop racks throughout latter 1984. Toy retailers with their ears to the ground also knew Hasbro and Takara's offerings were a certified million-dollar hit, leading to a handful of independent outlets importing what was left of a limited range just in time for the festive season.

Comic books were all very well. As was winning TAGMA's prestige Toy of the Year award. But how would the cartoon measure up? Initially slated to air at 8:30am as the final segment of Network Ten's Saturday morning Cartoon Capers lineup, 'More Than Meets the Eye: Part One' was abruptly brought forward an hour to make way for supposedly more important extended Rugby League coverage. This would be the first of multiple times Ten's sport-shunting schedule plagued the series. Compared to other preempted programs it's a miracle anyone saw it at all, but young fans did, and the Transformers' popularity swiftly skyrocketed.

Among the first major retailers to stock them was Grace Brothers, who mere weeks earlier began advertising the range. Those limited to loose change could pick up a Decepticon cassette pack or Construction for $7.99. Bigger pockets meant enough for one of their assorted Autobot cars at $13.99, or even splurge a dollar extra for that elusive Decepticon jet. Soundwave meanwhile could infiltrate daytime playtime for $19.99, or standing in a league of his own was the mighty Optimus Prime, setting parents back a steep $29.99.

If buying them wasn't an option, then fans could always try to win them. One day after 'More Than Meets the Eye: Part Two' aired, The Sydney Morning Herald transformed their weekly "Super Scene" colouring contest into an epic space battle between Grimlock, Slag, an autonomous floating Auto-Launcher plus a duo of tiny Jetfires. Judging was split between under-11's and 12's-up, three from each in with the chance to win an Optimus Prime, Soundwave and assorted Decepticon jet. Foreseeing the intensity of entrants, they generously offered forty lucky runner-ups a free random Autobot mini-car.

"Attack the Autobot Commarnduh!" echoed across playgrounds as plastic and metal clashed with Earth's fate hanging in the balance. The Transformers triple-pronged invasion of imaginations, screens and shelves was a success, but local distributor Milton Bradley were far from finished. The latter half of 1985 would hit with an unprecedented and seemingly unending wave of Autobot and Decepticon names, faces and emblems emblazoned across almost any piece of merchandising imaginable.

Be it puzzles, colouring books, soaps, stationary, cutlery, activity stations, clothing, bedding, storybooks, shoes, badges, cassette players, party goods, board games, confectionary or collectable Action Cards, there was no escape. Who could forget the Transformers chocolate bars? Those small rectangular treats were Lifesavers' answer to Cadbury's Furry Friends, each wrapper containing one of 24 temporary tattoos to collect. Or Peters' official ice block which 'transformed' between lemonade, raspberry and cola flavours. But don't throw out those sticks in case they contain an instant toy prize. And if not, they make great bookmarks for Peters' and Federal Comics' limited edition omnibus reprint of the first four Marvel issues, complete with 'alternate' ending giving the Autobots a final, decisive victory.

That wasn't to say Cybertron's finest were entirely immune to criticism. Among the first to face moral guardians' firing squad was Megatron, whose realistic alt mode drew enough criticism in several states for the toy to be recalled or even outright banned. Canberra Times' Debbie Cameron dismissed both The Transformers and rival Bandai's Machine Men as "Terrible toys that convert from robot to war-toy", taking particular disdain towards Cy-Kill. In a later article titled 'They Want These Things Because They're on TV', late journalist Keith Dunstan bemoaned how "Every child I encountered was besotted with Transformers", echoing suffering parents cries that "The disease was of such proportions" and "It's the most insidious thing I've ever known".

If they had any hopes of swaying the public away from supposedly evil robot toys, such arguments fell on deaf ears. Particularly come Christmas when, in spite of foreknowledge, extra lead-in time and a near-complete range of the 1984/5 assortment available, Milton Bradley underestimated their success. Last year's top seller Trivial Pursuit was all but forgotten when newspaper and TV reports filled with scenes of Transformersmania, boasting how "Sales success of other gifts pales to insignificance beside this phenomenal seller".

The struggle to keep up with demand took a fatal hit when Milton Bradley were unable to supply more in time for the holidays, leading to chaotic scenes at stores. One Grace Brothers outlet reported selling 90 Transformers in less than an hour. K-Mart fared no better; many limited to a single shipment the size of two shopping trolleys meant fighting for that prized character. Even the new Tyco transforming electronic racetrack and train sets with their blistering $99 price tags became elusive. And when an average four out of five toy shops were completely cleared out well before festivities began, increasingly desperate parents turned to trade classifieds in the hopes of securing even a single toy.

Back in August 2012, Sydney played host to its first (and last) Heroes & Villains Pop Culture Expo. They dedicated the Sunday morning panel to a trio of comic book creators, who over the space of an hour, discussed and dissected the trials and tribulations of the publishing industry. It wasn't long before parallel development became a heated topic. One creator expressed enthusiasm over a new graphic novel idea; humanity is about to go extinct in the future, so they use time travel to zip back millions of years and rebuild the species. The outline was approved and story ready to go... until Kelly Marcel and Craig Silverstein's Terra Nova was announced. All their hard work? Instantly gone.

What's that got to do with Transformers? This month's robotic retrospect looks at two instances when the series was directly competing against itself, one where a competitor steals the same idea first, plus a bonus entry from a time when they... fought to survive accusations of being public enemy number one. So much senseless in-fighting. Can't we all just get along? No? Alrighty.

11th April 1984: Hoping to win the transforming toy robot race before it even began, Bandai Australia attempted to trademark the word "Transformers" for their ongoing Machine Men figures. For a brief time, both names are slapped on packaging released here and New Zealand.

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When two tribes go to war, a point is all that you can score. And there were plenty of points on offer in 1984. Frankie Goes To Hollywood took a shameless swing at oil-oozed capitalist America and their delusions of nuclear grandeur, reaching fourth on the local music charts. Marvel Comics' greatest heroes clashed in their almighty 12 month shadow duel. A second election was held in as many years, cementing Bob Hawke's position as Prime Minister.

Yet one Secret War remains exactly that. On the left stood Bandai and their Sydney legal powerhouse Spruson & Ferguson. Up against them, Milton Bradley packing their own Sydney solicitors Baker McKenzie. The prize? Determine once and for all who deserved to use the name "Transformers" on their converting plastic toy robots.

Two people pushing the same yet distinct idea for total market control? A tale as old as time. Although these toys were described by news media as "An origami R2-D2", the potential $100 million industry was no laughing matter. Already having success with their Machine Men, Bandai swooped first and trademarked the name, hastily adding it to their products in bright yellow sans-serif font. Milton Bradley were less than impressed. Letters were sent and barbs were thrown, resulting in months of bureaucratic battles.

By October, the war had ended. Bandai withdrew their application and Milton Bradley's plans went ahead. When interviewed by The Sydney Morning Herald over this impending robo revolution, they attempted to save face by printing design chief Seiichi Haga's oft-quoted "Japanese children have always liked mechanical systems as well as all kinds of vehicles, so that gave us the idea to combine them" remark. But the press smelt blood and queried about their rival splurging $8 million on advertising. Bandai deflected with "We invent names that sound strong and futuristic. Foreign-sounding words are catching", followed by a list of their most popular robot toys, including GoBots.

Round One? Hasbro.

15th April 2019: Coles Supermarket dipped its toes into selling Signature Publishing's Transformers Rescue Bots magazine, offering shoppers an "exclusive" edition of issue 17. The partnership worked out, and by late 2020, they became said magazine's sole local distributor.

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The latter 1980's were a grand time for comic enthusiasts. Dropping by a local newsagent offered a bounty of books; from Uncanny X-Men to The New Teen Titans and so many in between. But in particular for Transformers fans, the inclusion of Marvel US and UK titles ensured Aussie got the best of both worlds.

Fast forward three decades and the market has fallen apart. The loss of Dark Horse's Star Wars: Legacy and Archie Sonic the Hedgehog in November and December 2014 delivered the 32 page floppy format's final blow. An invasion of imported British magazines boasting free gifts became the way of the future, winning out similarly to the 2000's battle between K-Zone and Disney Adventures, where bigger was seen by cash-strapped parents as better.

And it was through these periodicals that Transformers made their triumphant return after a five year absence. Arriving last week of 2015 was Signature's first 'Robots in Disguise'. Priced at $8.50, young fans could now read the adventures of their new favourite characters. Yet if one monthly fix wasn't enough, history soon repeated itself. Joining the party in February 2019 was 'Rescue Bots', which in typical Australian fashion, kicked off with issue 15.

So what made this "exclusive" edition special compared to its newsagent counterpart? Why, the inclusion of a new Optimus Primal toy, ready to compliment next month's "Bumblebee Dino Bot". Was it excess stock sold on the cheap? Was one of Coles' upper echelons a Transformers fan? Perhaps the latter. It must've done well, for beginning with issue 32 in October 2020, Coles were the only store to stock copies.

Readers who missed Primal would have to wait until he resurfaced with Academy-approved packaging in issue 41. Or 48. Or 52. But ultimately both magazines, and Signature itself, went extinct. Shortly after Rescue Bots' final issue, it along with rival Kennedy Publishing were amalgamated into Claverley Group Ltd., bringing 19 years of family friendly features to an end.

19th April 1987: Canberra's Bruce Jones takes aim at The Transformers in a scathing Sydney Morning Herald article, proclaiming a direct link between the TV series and increased violent behaviour at schools. So which character do they use to draw reader attention? Voltron.

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Ah, the Australian mainstream media. Can't live with them. Can live without them? In their ever-desperate, conservative-leaning bid to perpetually win The Right Side of History™, it doesn't take much for a person, politician or brand to go from yesterday's dream teen to media trash queen. The 80's were no different, as barely a week after running a colouring contest to win Betamax and VHS copies of their first movie, The Transformers became blacklisted under The Sydney Morning Herald's poison pen of publishing persecution.

"Kids Copy TV Violence at School!" bellowed their bold, boisterous headline. Taking up top third of page 19, Bruce dove into detailing a Federal Parliamentary Committee meeting over whether to include mandatory messages of "Research shows violent and degrading entertainment has a harmful effect on children and adults" on videos. Spearheading talks were Joint Select Committee on Video Martial chairman Dr Dick Klugman, plus National Coalition on Television Violence research director Dr Thomas Radecki.

A controversial figure then as now, no expense was spared in Radecki's mission to demonizing Cybertron's finest. According to studies carried out among Australian schools, "Children playing Transformer war games were more likely to lose their tempers and get into fights", "Develop aggressive attitudes in school" and "Were more likely to get into drugs"! He further took aim at the Australian Censorship Board's decision to give the show a G rating.

"It is an extremely violent war cartoon produced by Hasbro Toys, America's second largest toy company... to maximize the sale of Transformer war toys", and how "Violent entertainment was a $20 billion a year industry, with war toy sales of $1.2 billion". Other 'offensive' cartoons such as ABC's 'Battle of the Planets' and 'Mysterious Lost Cities (sic) of Gold' took a hit, though in spite of being used for the article's eye-catching image, The Herald made zero mention of Arus' legendary defender Voltron.

27th April 2000: The battle of Beasts deepened a divide between poor and rich Australian kids. Free TV's Channel Seven returns Beast Wars to its weekly afternoon timeslot with Optimal Situation, while Pay TV's Foxtel premieres the Beast Machines episode Mercenary Pursuits.

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Cometh the hour, cometh the machine.

An exciting new millennium meant exciting new things. The Sydney Olympic Games, K-Zone magazine, Sam Neill's hit 'The Dish', Bardot's rise to fame, plus Dragon Ball Z. The TV arrival of Beast Machines on Easter Monday should've by all rights been just as grand, but almost immediately found itself taking one side of a fierce rivalry over conglomerate media control.

It's a feud which could be traced all the way back to October 1998, when Optimal Optimus led the charge among Hasbro's third wave of Transmetals toys. Just in time for the premiere of Beast Wars' second season, boasting a then-unprecedented $80 price and limited to a handful of stores, fans itching to see this primate powerhouse in action would have to wait longer. Significantly longer. Seven's summer of sports played havoc among all three installments of 'The Agenda', and with no news of more episodes anytime soon, fans were left to explore other avenues.

In their attempt to win back a steadily rising crowd switching over to Foxtel, Seven resurrected the idea of hosted weekday morning cartoons. Thus 'The Big Breakfast' took on a second life in August 1999, where among the lineup was a batch of Beast Wars repeats running erratic on alternating days at 6:45am. Here the third season premiered with little promotion and even less fanfare in November.

By comparison, Beast Machines began its invasion of local shelves come late March 2000. Bigger, plentiful, pricier, but the only way to watch their adventures was via a Foxtel subscription. 5pm weeknights soon marked an evolution revolution, while Seven returning Beast Wars to 3:30 pm Thursdays hoped to recapture glory days. Viewers had three choices; watch old episodes again with now outdated characters, keep up with expected societal trends and dump them all in favour of the hot new toys on the hot new channel, or for many poor fans, miss out entirely.

Feeling cute.

Might vandalize this innocent sketch cover with -gasp!- Archie Sonic characters later.

Where did that last month go? Probably the same place this post's initial opening paragraphs centering around themed coincidences and free Hasbro-affiliated goodies ended up.

Ah well. No need for long-winded introductions, let's dive right in.

19th March 2016: Hoping to win back the youth crowd, notoriously conservative-pandering media machine Herald Sun release a free set of Transformers-themed Top Trumps trading cards. They're made available to hundreds of participating newsagents in Victoria (& some for NSW).

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For over two centuries Australia has enjoyed mutual cultural ties with the United Kingdom. Many like Cricket, Fish & Chips, Action Man and Gogglebox stood the test of time and became beloved hits. Others not so much. Despite its status as a popular, long-running children's pastime, Aussies were notably late to the Top Trumps party.

Their first 'major' publicity push came in the April 2004 edition of K-Zone magazine, who devoted a half-page "exclusive" article boasting how it "already has a cult following in the UK" and won said Toy Fair's 2002 Game of the Year. Elsewhere this issue featured a splash page promoting various decks including Marvel Comic Heroes, Buffy, Star Wars, Dinosaurs, and The Simpsons.

But 2004 was a tough year for cards. Spurred on by Pokémon and Dragon Ball Z, competition was fierce among companies over who could win the quadrangle. Against new Yu-Gi-Oh!, Duel Masters, Neopets, plus Croftminster's Genio or Myths & Legends cards, Top Trumps faced an uphill struggle living up to its "most addictive card game you're ever likely to play!" claim.

When 2016 rolled along, Transformers scored their first 'retro' deck. Presenting a cutout token earned newspaper readers one of four free packs; Shopkins and Adventure Time over the previous weekend, while Transformers united with My Little Pony. Some 919 newsagents participated in this event, but a paltry 40 were located in New South Wales (6 from Broken Hill alone) and a lone 1 represented Canberra.

Fans already put off supporting Rupert Murdock's racist rag found further disappointment when opening its plastic wrap. The box paraded a mighty montage of Marvel era illustrations, yet each card used reproduced 1984-5 toy packaging art on white backdrops likely sourced, as many did at the time, from Botch the Crab's excellent archive. Tech Specs faced creative liberties, character choices bizarre, plus an overwhelming number of Autobots left budding players bewildered.

"How do you do fellow kids?" indeed.

21st March 2003: Australia scored its first ever official Happy Meal promotion. McDonald's import and repackage all 8 USA Transformers Armada characters slated for sale over 4 weeks, until Megatron and Demolishor are recalled when real-world events label them "war toys".

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After the half-hearted, half-a-toyline that was Robots in Disguise, Hasbro Australia were banking on Armada giving the brand a big boost of confidence.

First out the gate were Big W, stocking shelves with the second wave of toys just in time for Christmas 2002. Other retailers joined in by late January, by which point Hasbro went hard with cross-promotions. Those scallywags Jade and Ryan gave a glowing review in Cheez TV's toy testing segment. The 2nd anniversary edition of Mania magazine devoted two pages covering the series' history and introduced fans to new favourites like Alexa, Bureshock and Star Scream. Warner Vision scored the DVD rights, and with a Melbourne-produced video game in the pipeline, 2003 was shaping up to be Year of the Transformers.

But when Dreamwave's spinoff comic was skipped by newsagents, nor space to air the anime on Cartoon Network or Channel Ten until July and August respectively, they needed material to maintain momentum and fast. In stepped McDonald's who, in a first for its time, brought over all 6 toys from their 2002 USA campaign. Swapping out Hello Kitty for Ohio Art's Betty Spaghetty, young fans guzzled cheap fast food, saved their $5 Toys R Us voucher, then logging onto the Happy Meal website for a chance to win over $300 worth of toys.

Wait. All 6?

One day before this promotion began, Australia's Government ordered SAS troops in the Persian Gulf to join a US-led 'Coalition of the Willing' and launch mass strikes on Baghdad. "Countdown to Conflict!" blared across the news. Disney Adventures magazine's feedback column filled with letters from readers who "feel scared and sometimes unsafe". The War in Iraq had begun, and after witnessing mass anti-war protests across our cities, McDonald's ordered Megatron and Demolishor with their controversy-causing tank modes be swiftly scrubbed from stores.

Yet again Transformers were embroiled in real-world conflict, and yet again Australia banned a Megatron toy for being too realistic.

25th March 1996: Speculation mounted among locals at alt.toys.transformers over whether or not Hasbro Australia would import Kenner's brand new Beast Wars toyline. This soon hit a peak when Melbourne fan David Golding logged on to proclaim the series had been discontinued.

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"Transformers DISCONTINUED?" may sound like yet another buzzword-boasting, self-aggrandizing social media effluencer's conspiracy theory video, but for fans pondering the fate of Cybertron's finest nearly 30 years ago, a message title like that meant nothing short of serious business.

Better people on better sites have waffled philosophically how The Transformers were in terminal decline. Those glory days of being crowned Toy of the Year had long passed, and not even a nation like Australia who enjoyed ten unbroken years of plastic robot action were immune. They survived He-Man. They survived Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. They survived The Simpsons. But stiff competition from superheroes, Matchbox Action System and the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers looked to be their undoing.

Easter and a potential sales spike was two weeks away. If Hasbro hoped Cheez TV's 7am repeat run of Generation Two would elevate interest, they were quashed days later when Power Rangers introduced Australia's own Katherine "Kat" Hillard to the team. Ninjor powered heroes were in, while unsold Laser Rods, Rotor Force and Classics Combiners languished in discount bins.

Speculation on the brand's future flooded from emails over to then-juggernaut watering hole alt.toys.transformers. Eyebrows were raised when one user delivered "bad news for Australian Tf fans, it looks like we AREN'T getting Beast Wars down here. I ran hasbro today and they said they weren't carrying TFs this year.", but Golding's later proclamation drew the most discourse.

"I live in Melbourne, Australia, and at a toyshop recently I was told that the Transformers line had been discontinued. I would like to know if this was errant b******t on the part of the toyshop owner, or if this is really true?"

The comment was evaluated, dissected and criticized by fans both local or overseas. And while Beast Wars did eventually arrive in time for Christmas, those next 9 months would prove an ultimate challenge for diehard Aussie fans.

31st March 2023: Taronga Zoo Sydney and Western Plains Zoo Dubbo culminate their Hasbro partnership with the official Rise of the Beasts Roar & Snore Experience. Over five nights, a select few lucky fans (and celebrities) are treated to a beastly Base Camp under the stars.

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Is it truly a Transformers movie without heavy emphasis on promotional contests? Be it humble days of free posters and toys in late-1986, Civic Video's colouring page for free toys come 2007, right up to an Oliver Brown sponsored New York trip complete with… free toys. This may be a series built on change, but as Airazor once proclaimed, "The more things change, the more they stay the same."

Not since the long-forgotten Transformers stage show at Louisville Zoo had fans witnessed their favourite robots duke it out among nature. Unusual for the time, but after two generations plus a new film built on 90's eco messages and character nostalgia looming over the horizon, promoting the brand at two wildlife sanctuaries were simultaneous strokes of creative and obvious genius.

The contest began on 9th January and focused on zoogoers wandering around to complete their free Beast Power character map. Dubbo's visitors were assigned to locate and decode a message among each Maximals' signature animal; Siamang, Ostrich, White Rhinoceros, Cheetah and African Wild Dog. Sydney on the other hand received their own set of beasts in the forms of Western Lowland Gorilla, Andean Condor, Asian Elephant, Sumatran Tiger and Corroboree Frog. Once complete, the decoded message was submitted online and in with the chance to win.

Quite the generous contest in itself, but Taronga were only getting started. A week later, obnoxious stickers slapped on by underpaid workers littered figures across every Big W. They boasted more prizes; 10 guided zoo tours, 100 free entries, 100 movie tickets plus another round of overnight stays at the newly-branded Beasts Base Camp.

The time has come to bombard this site with another triage (or in light of recent political events, a Trigon) of titillating Transformers trivia featuring an all-Australian twist. It was an unexpected yet pleasant surprise to realise each anecdote this month dived into the Transformers' formative years; where civil wars, format wars and franchise wars abounded. But enough with the long-winded introduction, let's explore some long-lost tales of Generation One.

Batteries and interdimensional demons not included. Bummer.

25th February 1991: Aussie kids rush home, yearning to catch The Transformers' triumphant return to Channel 10's afternoon timeslot. They are instead met with breaking news of the Gulf War entering its final & deadliest phase, which rule local airwaves throughout the week.

-=-=-=-=-=-

"For the first time in its life, The Transformers truly understand the meaning of war."

Wait. No. That doesn't sound right at all.

From its very inception, the era commonly coined 'Generation One' was intrinsically linked with real-world conflicts. Tensions were high, Reaganomics ruled the day, and anyone wanting to watch two sides duke it out over precious fuels could just as easily open a newspaper. The fallout from years of petroleum supply scares brought on by international incidents lingered. Some made the best with what they had, like manufactures switching from plastics to die casting to keep costs down. Others didn't hold back; North Africa and Middle East nations were frequently depicted in media as mad dictators who overthrew the heads of their oil-rich country, or wealthy rulers of tiny, power-hungry regions. Each more often than not suffering grisly fates.

The day Transformers arrived in Australia, the US tore up their long-standing alliance with New Zealand after coming to loggerheads over nuclear weapons. As years (and wars) went on, they followed. People gasped in awe as the Berlin Wall fell, but locals were out buying Golden Entertainment's new omnibus home video edition of 'The Day of the Machines'. Channel Seven ran a repeat of 'The Transformers: The Movie' while Kuwait was being invaded. And in keeping with these parallels, the Gulf War closed as 'More Than Meets the Eye' began.

After several years away from TV screens, it begs to ask why this sudden weekday afternoon resurgence? Were they squeezing out another run before the rights expired? Or was it a deliberate ploy to promote Hasbro's expanding line of Classics reissues? Whatever the reason, fans were gifted the chance to rewatch all 65 episodes from the first two seasons. Someone at Ten considered it a syndicated success, and the network showed them all over again come October.

The Transformers were ready for the 90's, though their Carbombya escapades wisely excluded this time around.

28th February 1985: Hot on the heels of its US counterpart, the 20th International Toy Fair is held at the old Royal Sydney Showground in Moore Park. Milton Bradley are thrilled as The Transformers toyline debuts, winning its much-coveted Best New Toy of the Year Award.

-=-=-=-=-=-

Key moments don't get much key-er than this. Or at least until the next rolls along.

How does one mark the measure of success for a toy? The number of products on shelves? The number not on shelves? Demand from licensees to slap your logo and artwork on merchandise? Or the sweet dollarydoos generated from fans when selling off historic artifacts in online auctions as part of a desperate bid to fill a pocket?

There was a time when such answer could be found in downtown Sydney. Seizing the opportunity to fill a consumer void, TAGMA, the newly-minted Toy and Games Manufacturers’ Association, began yearly exhibitions for investors and distributors in the 1950's. A strictly local affair, these early days would prove bemusingly prophetic of modern fanbase stereotypes, being held in the Town Hall basement.

But tides were turning. Over the next decade, half the $54 million dollars worth of toys sold annually were imports, a third of which from Britain alone. This growing nation of buyers were hungry, and overseas businesses looking to dominate the Land Down Under's market were more than happy to comply. TAGMA was out and International Toy Fair in, opening the first of many doors on Monday 14th March 1966.

Fast-forward to 1985. After numerous location and state shuffles, the event settled into its new home at Moore Park. "Caring and Sharing" may have been touted as that year's buzzword, but nobody told manufacturers that. Competition was fierce among budding brands like Voltron, Popoids, Star Fairies, Pound Puppies, plus General Mills' The Hugga Bunch whom media touted as firm favourite.

But alas it wasn't to be. Milton Bradley's The Transformers came, saw and conquered. By Fair's end they took pride of place among a growing prestigious list of toys including Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Cabbage Patch Kids, Tamiya Off-Road Buggy, Metti Dolls and Ministeck Galleon mosaic kits as top prize winners. Congratulations!

Still waiting for a Popoids revival aaaaaany day now.

29th February 1988: Vestron submit ten episodes of The Transformers to the Australian Classification Board for home video release. Most including Webworld, Ghost in the Machine, Nightmare Planet, Call of the Primitives and The Return of Optimus Prime, had yet to air on TV.

-=-=-=-=-=-

Having taken Australia by storm in 1985, one would think there weren't any frontiers left undiscovered for the Transformers. But where money lay people will follow, and there was plenty money in the budding video rental market.

Vestron Video International (via Locus Video Group and Outland Promotions) swiftly grabbed the license and set out to produce a range of tapes. Two-part adventures were overall favoured, and their venture began June 1986 with 'Dinobot Island'. Proudly boasting they were "Superstars of the Toy World", this first edition sported shamelessly flipped promotional artwork, and was available in both Betamax and VHS formats. As the year drew to a close, two more arrived; 'Desertion of the Dinobots' plus the surprisingly fitting 'Attack of the Autobots/The Golden Lagoon' combo, now featuring animation frames for covers.

1987 saw 'Megatron's Master Plan' and 'The Key to Vector Sigma' round out the roster. Something which couldn't be said for 'The Transformers: The Movie', whose underlying rights agreement meant this cinematic outing was released during Easter '87 exclusively through RCA Columbia and Hoyts Entertainment.

That's five volumes down, but they weren't done yet. Rather than spread them over time and allow Season 3 to finish its (admittedly limited) TV airing, Vestron banged out five more tapes, again on Betamax and VHS. Fans were treated to 'The Return of Optimus Prime', 'Surprise Party/Call of the Primitives', 'Dark Awakening/The Killing Jar', 'The Nightmare Planet/The Ghost in the Machine', and 'Webworld/Madman's Paradise'. And yes, that was their release order.

After two years and ten tapes, this ultimately marked both last hurrah for Vestron's handling of The Transformers' video license, plus the Robots in Disguise's availability on Betamax. By year's end Golden Press secured the rights and begin multiple 'budget' releases in their own outlandish episode orders.

The grand space year of 2024 may have closed, but the 40th anniversary celebrations for The Transformers are far from being all over.

Not every country got the series at once. These rollouts took time, particularly during decades past. Regions including Australia, New Zealand, Japan, and parts of Europe had to wait until 1985 before the Autobots and Decepticons brought their conflict to local shores. A delay definitely worth the wait for budding fans and shareholders alike.

Keeping in line with the above nations, Australia has consistently kept Transformers on toy shelves since the beginning. No US-style gap years, for there was always something to see, read or buy out there. It's a testament to the brand's longevity and fandom's enduring passion. As the Transformers Universe trailer attested, "They were always real to me".

As seen elsewhere, rather than belt out another year's worth of rodent-based ramblings, this account instead will highlight a slathering of fascinating yet ultimately useless knowledge from Transformers history in Australia. But unlike elsewhere sharing them bang on their respective dates, this account's waiting until month's end for a single, easy to read post.

There's one from each and every year; some glad, some sad, some outright bonkers including (and far from limited to) Mark Wahlberg's Sydney press tour, Otter Press' Dreamwave reprints, that time comedian Tony Martin crushed an Optimus toy on prime time TV, various VHS and DVD releases, newspaper clippings condemning the series, Happy Meal promotions, that time Beast Wars Airazor and Razorclaw toys topped Christmas sales, exclusive toys, and many more.

Best of all? They're free. Yes, free. No social media influenza mentality begging for dollarydoos at each opportunity to read fan wikis aloud here. The title is hardly the most imaginative or inspiring wordplay, but certainly beats the sad, self-aggrandising trend where anyone with half an ego and aspiration for digital fame make a hashtag using their own name.

11th January 2008: Promoting their new release of The Transformers: The Headmasters on DVD, Madman Entertainment choose three winners in its 'Design a Transformer' contest. Among the entrants was late comic book artist Lindsay Walker, with her fan character Ultra Fairmont.

-=-=-=-=-=-

Kicking off this robotic retrospective is a trip back to early 2008. Michael Bay's first live-action film had been an unprecedented success, and companies looked for a slice of that sweet energon pie.

Retro toys were back in, and it's hard to believe there was a time when Madman were the only game in town for 'classic' Transformers merchandise. Having a keen eye for fans since the early 2000's, they produced a swath of licensed G1 and Beast Wars DVD's and apparel. When time came for catering to Japanese audiences, they went all-in, announcing this contest.

Dozens of fans hoping to be the next Alex Kubalsky picked up their artistic tools, logged into their Madman accounts and submitted venerable masterpieces. Of the 46 entries, all-new characters were order of the day, though a few redesigns of old favourites managed to slip through.

So which lucky fans walked away with the top prizes? In first place stood Channandeller and their time-freezing Decepticon saboteur, Time-Ex. Second place went to davetec, who uncovered a long-lost photograph from 1903 featuring the autonomous horseless carriage, Albion. Rounding out third was Norcinu with their evil, mind-controlling Adminbot representative, Comcall. An outstanding trio of well-deserved winners.

The contest was open to casual and professional fans alike, among the latter was rising star Bendigo artist Lindsay Walker. A fan since the Transformers began, Ms. Walker was by that point making a name for herself in the comic book industry. Illustrating both fan and licensed products, her artistic prowess covered the likes of King Kong, Voltron, Sheena, Street Fighter and Hack/Slash. She developed video games, worked art galleries, and proud advocate for the trans community.

After submitting Ultra Fairmont, Ms. Walker went on to fulfil her dream illustrating her beloved Ghost Who Walks for Moonstone Books, and later for the character's local publishers. A career which abruptly ended in tragedy come late September 2016.

17th January 2021: As Covid weaved its deadly web, Sydney's Hayden Orpheum Picture Palace lights the fandom's darkest hour with a screening of 1986's The Transformers: The Movie. Billed as a one night only experience, the event proved popular enough to run multiple times.

-=-=-=-=-=-

"A rare screening of the 1986 animated classic!" proclaimed those fine folks over at Hayden Orpheum; and true to their word, this fateful night had been a long time coming for local fans.

At a time when licensing issues cancelled an earlier Melbourne screening, to say nothing to rising daily Covid cases placing lives and livelihoods at risk, it looked like Aussies may never see the film score an official rerelease. But now they had, and with jubilation came trepidation. Plus jealousy from hardcore fans in other states who'd face mandatory 14 day quarantines.

Despite the brisk drive, the writer of these posts opted not to attend that first night for obvious reasons. But several hundred other fans did, and they had a grand time. Cheering, booing, even recreating the Junkion dance number. A much-needed escape into summer fantasy for many during a perilous period.

For those technical inclined, this edition of the movie was the US 'star cast credits' version, as opposed to the international 'Star Wars Scroll' variant which played at cinemas here back in 1986, & sourced from Madman Entertainment's Blu Ray released June 2009. Spite of being slightly zoomed in to fit the wider cinema screen, nor the option of a crisp physical 35mm print to load up and play, the video was nonetheless an impressive improvement over previous copies.

Unfortunately cracks began to appear when, rather than go with the old Mono track, they used its "enhanced" Dolby 5.1 edition. It made the dialogue pop, but many sound effects (notably when Optimus Prime transforms & takes down the Decepticons) were suppressed, while others replaced by new "improved" sounds. It only got worse from "Megatron must be stopped" right until the film's end, as the entire audio track was delayed by about half a second. Hardly noticeable with the dialogue, but the action suffered. Moments like the satisfying crunch of Prime's uppercut, or the duel between Hot Rod, Kup and the Sharkticons, were painfully out of sync.

27th January 1995: Agro's Cartoon Connection came to the rescue of parents hoping to peacefully sleep off yesterday's public holiday bender. Alongside new host Terasa Livingstone, Agro dedicated our morning to the last ever public TV repeat of The Transformers: The Movie.

-=-=-=-=-=-

What's the deal with The Transformers: The Movie and public holidays?

For years both were invaluably intertwined. A fascinating partnership enough for some imaginative fan to make quite the venn diagram; much like an unspoken yet underlying overlap between followers of both long-running Archie Sonic the Hedgehog comics, and 2003 Teen Titans cartoon.

One month after the Commonwealth Film Censorship Board ordered Spike's expletive outburst be deleted, The Transformers: The Movie arrived in Australian cinemas on Boxing Day 1986. The Sydney Morning Herald ran a colouring contest through Easter 1987, where six lucky readers won a poster plus copy of said movie on VHS or Betamax. Any fans yearning for a nostalgic new year experience got exactly that on 1st January 1989; Channel Seven heeded their wishes and premiered it at 9am.

Despite one critical slamming of "a long advertisement for the fad toys of the 80's", that didn't stop Seven rolling out their cinematic outing again and again. It aired midday Tuesday 25th September 1990, kicking off the spring school holidays. Another repeat followed on Boxing Day 1991. Fans still collecting were treated to double runs in 1993; first at 11:30am on Mother's Day, followed by (surprise surprise) a 9am repeat on Boxing Day, this time one half of a shared feature with Machine Men: Battle of the Rock Lords.

Sonic the Hedgehog issue 266 AU Publication Date: 29th December 2014 Price: $8.50

Carry On, My Wayward Sonic. There'll Be Peace When 'Botnik's Gone. Lay Your Weary Legs to Rest. Freedom Fight No More.

Obligatory parodies aside, there comes a time when everyone has to stop and say goodbye. Sometimes it's sudden, others gradual and methodical, yet its lingering hurt remains the same. As the space year that is 2024 reaches a close, there's still time for one last super sonic spin back to 10 years ago, when Australian fans prepared to pour one out for their favourite comic book.

Farewells were equally present at the box office. After knocking Katniss Everdeen from her three week domination, eager moviegoers entered a war on which final installment of a trilogy would reign supreme. They paid tribute to the dearly departed Robin Williams and Mickey Rooney, neither of whom lived to see Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb while Christopher Lee and Ian Holm bid goodbye to in what would prove their final film roles in The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies.

But with goodbyes came new beginnings. The final few weeks of 2014 belonged to Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars when their acclaimed collaboration Uptown Funk worked its magic all the way up the charts. And if someone from the future materialised to proclaim Uptown Funk would not only be among the top 3 selling singles of all time, but remain popular enough to feature over seven years later as part of a dance sequence in the second live-action Sonic the Hedgehog movie? Fans would probably reply "There's a *second* Sonic movie?!"

It can be hard to imagine there was a time the Blue Blur's big cinematic feature almost never happened. When news broke in June via The Hollywood Reporter that Sony were deep in developing such a film, fans met the news with extreme trepidation. A live-action/animated hybrid like their successful Smurfs films? The latest news being a conversation a month earlier with co-writer Van Robichaux, whom already proclaimed being a big fan of the series, announced their script was aiming for a PG-13 rating for violence. Fans openly pondered a potential dark and edgy hedgy awaited them. None of which would be found in the equally perplexing rumours of something called Sonic Runners.

So what of the local political scene? After fifteen months in the top job, that oft-quoted "honeymoon period" was well and truly over for Tony Abbott. He may have coerced voters by a grand sweep of electoral reforms including that pivotal "No cuts to education, no cuts to health, no change to pensions, no change to the GST and no cuts to the ABC or SBS!" promise, but the usually complicit conservative mainstream media smelt blood, and begun the usual trick of turning against their once-adored conservative Prime Minister.

2014 saw the proverbial dominos fell. A harsh annual budget built on electoral backflips and $5 billion dollar deficit, heavy losses in the Victorian election and South Australia by-election, to say nothing of pushing unpopular policies such as deregulating university fees. "Yes, it's difficult..." Abbott (con)fronted the press a week prior. "...but step-by-step it's getting done and I think the public in the end will focus on the substance and not on the soap opera." To Abbott's credit however, he vowed to "sweat blood" in achieving constitutional recognition for Australia's Indigenous population, but not before a pre-Christmas cabinet reshuffle. Ironically said reshuffle played in the favour of conservative colleagues Scott Morrison and Peter Dutton, both of whom destined to play pivotal roles bringing Abbott's leadership, and the prospects of Indigenous recognition, to an end.

As for the increasingly cultural dead zone that was free family entertainment, Toasted TV joined the ranks of trundling over to exclusively digital channel Eleven, and on that day aired a flurry of Care Bears: Welcome to Care-A-Lot, Mia & Me, Pokemon XY, Totally Wild and Lalaloopsy repeats. Only a new adventure of Wakfu at 7:30am was there to break up the cavalcade. Channel 9's output offered little better; a whole day of repeats ranging from Digimon Fusion and Max Steel, to Winx Club, Power Rangers Megaforce and Super Megaforce, along with perennial Thunderbirds half-hour 'cliffhanger' edition of 'Brink of Disaster'. As with their competition, only a single new toon that day; the classic Yu-Gi-Oh! episode 'Unwanted Guest: Part 2', ironically once rival Ten's media darling, this and the entire fifth season were skipped, instead chosen to purchase the supposed white-hot Yu-Gi-Oh! GX.

The carefree days of early morning children's entertainment were long gone, as was the Sonic fandom's critical reception landscape. Social Media had by that point permanently wired itself into its collective consciousness, making it further difficult to gauge unified reactions. Yet at least four vanguards of the message board days remained standing. Sonic Retro… didn't talk about the story, instead focused on speculating the lineup of Sonic and Mega Man's impending Worlds Unite crossover. The fine folks over at Power Rings were in a similar boat. Archie Sonic was still their bread and butter, however its remaining users had shifted more towards sharing their own sprite comics and fanfics. And as for Sonic Stadium, any reviews swiftly disappeared under a flurry of soon-to-be-deleted pages debating Sonic's status as "a Free Spirit that can't be controlled!", or whether Ian would keep his word on Shard making a comeback. It's telling when independent sites like Arcade Sushi were giving the comic more attention.

For any self-respecting Archie Sonic enthusiast still looking to dig deep into their favourite comic, Ian's very own BumbleKing Forums remained the place to be. Cracks were slowly beginning to appear which would ultimately cause the board's demise, but for that moment, its hundreds of rowdy regulars still went about happily posting their comments and speculations. Or at least some were happy.

"Plotwise it was really neat seeing Sonic in a situation like this." They started. "He's so worried about the Werehog hurting people and it makes sense all he knows is he Hulked out and wrecked some stuff and he's not going to let that happen. People keep talking about how a more "Segay" Sonic can't have character development but I've felt more connection with this archie-Sonic than the one Pre-Reboot. I can really truely see that this Sonic is a hero he wants to help people he'll do whatever it takes he'll trin with Moss to make sure he doesn't get anyone hurt.". Such was the enthusiasm that "I never really felt that with Pre-Reboot Sonic he also felt like the moron that SatAM played him as who treated everything like a game and saving lives was an after thought. I really couldn't see Pre-Reboot Sonic staying behind to make sure the Werehog didn't kill anyone. He'd more wing it and hope everything turned out okay."

"Moss is starting to grow on me! :(hearty laughter):" Said another pleased user. "No, but seriously, Moss just became my new fa-vorite character in this universe (Sorry, Relic). Its like, he's cool & calm, can can give sonic a run for his money (In the jungle that is, but probably other places too), & seems like hes trolling even though hes giving wisdom! I also kinda like the idea of Mighty leading his own team of freedom fighters. That would be an interesting concept"

Not everyone shared this sentiment. "Ladies and gentlemen, I think we may have our first post-reboot Mary Sue. Meet Moss: A representa-tive of (some vague version of) a real-world religion, whose teachings in that religion--despite not be-ing at all related to Sonic's beliefs--are just what Sonic needs to hear so he can solve his problem. (Hey, just 'cuz he's not accepting any Personal Lords or Saviors today doesn't mean it's not preachy.)" the complaints began. "Moss is so wise, in fact, that Mighty (who before the reboot was peaceful because that's just the kind of guy he was) now owes his ability to keep his cool to Moss's teachings, and preaches about how wise Moss is at every opportunity. Moss is even so wise that he can crack wise at Sonic, and condescend at every turn, and still have Sonic (grudgingly) respect him! (What is he, the SatAM version of Sally?) But Moss brings more to the story than just wisdom: He can also give Sonic a run for his mony in a race! How does he do this? While he may not possess Sonic's speed, he is able to use his environment to his ad-vantage in ways Sonic can't, just like Knuckles did in the Genesis games. Ugh. If I were in Sonic's posi-tion, there's no way I'd train with this guy to help me control my anger. Every time he opens his mouth, I want to punch him!"

Other users joined in the debate, going so far comparing Moss unfavourably to the likes of Master Spliter or Yoda. A sentiment not universally shared, yet more often than not "…definitely getting on my nerves, and for more than one reason. He's cliched like all heck, but that's not what really bugs me, it's that he's overshadowing Sonic's friends, who belong in Moss's role much more than he does. Tails mentions "we can help [Sonic]", and yeah, he's right. Why is Sonic trusting this random hippie when he has his friends to fall back on to help him control the Werehog?"

Elsewhere Sally Acorn was undergoing her now-standard cycle of revolving lovedom and hatedom, some arguing her place as being "bland" and "a blank slate" in the new timeline. A female character put to task by fans over personality problems? What a surprise. Nor would she be the last, when one member emphatically demanded "Why are Cream and Big sidelined ? I mean, Sonic Heroes took place in this world, didn't it ? Like, seriously? I know Cream is a little girl, but come on! Shes like the only one who barely gets do anything! The only thing Ive seen her do was just serve tea & cookies like 2-3 times now! Heck, even Big is at least doing something in the next SU arc! If Heroes, Battle, & Advanced 3 happened in this world, She had at least have some sort of skills that can allow her to go on mis-sions! I mean she can fly, use cheese as a freaking projectile, she can do a spin like everyone else (I think almost all sonic characters, or at least 7 of them can), & with two other people, she can use thundershoot! & Its not like she has to do missions by herself but let her have some of the spotlight at least!". Others agreed, declaring "For cream it's like old continuity amy rose all over again.".

From the more mixed side of Mobius, "I enjoyed the issue, but does anyone else feel like Sonic gained control over the Werehog way too quickly? For all the trouble it's been giving him ever since he got gassed back in "Countdown to Chaos", it feels kind of cheap for him get it under control so easily after only one out of control transfor-mation." however "I'm enjoying Sonic and Mighty's continued interaction in this storyline. They finally feel like actual friends, unlike the old continuity where their friendship was more of something that was just talked about rather than shown for the most part.". Elsewhere fans had just about their fill of Robotnik's newest creations hogging the spotlight, declaring "I really hope the staff is getting all the E-100s out of their system, because that's a ridiculous amount at this point.".

Archie Sonic's sweeping reboot was proving something of a mixed bag among fans both new and old, with a rift forming between the optimistic and pessimistic. "This isn't going to be over in a year." One fan openly opined in what would prove frighteningly prophetic. "It'll be amazing if The Shattered World Crisis is even over in 2016. I say this as someone who's actually enjoying the Arc/Saga/Epic/Whatever and think's it's the bet the books been in a long time but there's such a thing as a story being too decompressed."

It's a story thousands of Australian fans would miss.

Comic imports were in steep decline, and by late 2014 only a smattering of DC, Archie and Dark Horse titles remained. In spite of being one of distributor Gordon and Gotch's longest-running and best-selling comic imports, the future of Archie Sonic was abruptly cut. Issue 267 was still solicited for a 29th January 2015 release but would never see the light of day. How ironic the comic ended on Sally Acorn, once a media darling and face of SEGA World Sydney, take a hit and collapse from Robotnik's horde. Not exactly a subtle "out with the old" policy.

Beyond a handful of sporadic Super Digests, Sonic's near-unbroken streak of 22 years standing proud at newsagents, toy stores and supermarkets across the land down under was over. Sure fans could visit comic stores for later issues, but those were (and still are) rare compared to newsagents.

It outlived Image, Malibu, IDW and even Marvel imports. It continued the adventures of Sonic between the extensive breaks between cartoons. It was readily available to virtually every town who ordered newspapers. It offered affordable adventures for those of us who lived through "the recession Australia had to have".

In an era of numerous self-aggrandising social media infuenzas who claim everything before a certain year is rubbish, or love pedalling out that ever-present pathetically playground-level buzzword about Archie Sonic being "weird", or those superficially pointless debates over what's a superior canon, none of that matters. Above all else, the comics made so many fans happy. It sparked imaginations, driving them to read more, to create stories and artwork of their very own.

Sonic the Hedgehog issue 166 AU Publication Date: 3rd November 2006 Price: $4.95

The phrase "What Could Have Been" gets thrown around an awful lot these days, and in many ways become synonymous with the blue rodent. Every writer, artist and editor who dedicated time to his ongoing tri-coloured triumphs went in with the best of intentions. They wanted the book to flourish, to thrive in an ever-shrinking market and ever-increasingly fickle audience divided over what they considered valid.

This comic zigged as many times as the eponymous hero zagged, gathering an impressive menagerie of paths *not* taken. Ideas which tested character boundaries and editorial sensibilities. Tantalizing glimpses to other worlds and other adventures, some built into notorious reputations, others remain shrouded in mystery. More than enough for some dedicated readers to compile a compelling thesis. Or a lengthy page on TV Tropes.

Sonic the Hedgehog issue 40 AU Publication Date: 28th October 1996 Price: $2.70

-=TRANSCRIPT OF PROCEEDINGS=-

(Copyright in this transcript is vested in the Crown. Copies thereof must not be made or sold without the written authority of the Director, State Reporting Bureau.)

SUPREME COURT OF SAXONDALE - No. 09128 46977

CIVIL JURISDICTION - HON. SHELBY RENAEUS JP

PLAINTIFF - Roberto Nickenzo, The United Legionnaire Vindicators of Australia

and

DEFENDANT - Sonic the Hedgehog

JUDGEMENT DATE - 28/10/1996

Sonic the Hedgehog issue 3 AU Publication Date: 24th September 1993 Price: $2.25

There's something wrong with the world today, and it's not just like a case of deja vu. September 1993 was immensely important for the enduring success of everyone's favourite blue boy over in the Land of the Free, but how did Australia stack up by comparison?

The ongoing adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog were far from many a mind when the late Juan Antonio Samaranch infamously proclaimed "The winner is… Sydderny!". Thousands packed Circular Quay in celebration of securing the 2000 Olympics bid. Pre-dawn fireworks swept over Sydney Opera House for lucky locals, while the rest tuned in early on Channel Nine for overnight coverage, then Channel Seven's afternoon recap. Or at least when they weren't watching the premiere of 'Stay Tooned: The History of Tom and Jerry', a half-hour feature promoting their grand cinematic outing which opened a week prior.

For those with kids or simply being kids at heart, the morning was instead another romp on Agro's Cartoon Connection. Having gnashed his teeth in the late 1970's, everyone's favourite talking bathmat underwent an extensive rework come January 1990, now joined alongside youthful cohost Ann-Maree Biggar. This dynamic duo were by 1993 indomitable, winning the nation with their two and a half hours of animation, antics and a rambunctious live studio audience.

Not that it stopped other networks attempting to muscle in on their success. Launched on the week of Christmas 1992, Channel Ten attempted to fight back the timeslot with 'The Big Breakfast'. Hosted by equally youthful larrikin Tim Bailey, their prime directive focused on quantity over quality, airing upward seven different cartoons a week. For that day, sandwiching the penultimate episode of all-new 'Capitol Critters' were repeats of 'Bionic Six' episode 'Ready, Aim, Fired', and 'Speed Racer' episode 'The Desperate Desert Race: Part 2', the latter ironically stolen from their competitor.

Speaking of fight backs, the conservative branch of Australian politics were in shambles after their centerpiece policy failed to swing voters. At 650 pages, the highly contentious Fightback! manifesto offered among other things higher tax cuts for the wealthy and striking a proverbial axe to low income earners. Riding off the back of "A Recession that Australia Had to Have", the mainstream media months earlier declared the left-leaning Labor party's chance of retaining power an "unwinnable" prospect. But they did, and Prime Minister Paul Keating was on top of the world. Plus leaving his mark on the world, that month exchanging pleasantries with US counterpart Bill Clinton while pushing for Australia to officially sever constitutional ties from the UK.

Yet there was an even larger development which swept Aussies off their feet. More than Meat Loaf ruling an unopposed 8 weeks with his megahit "I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)". Higher than Michael Crichton and Steven Spielberg's adventure some 65 million years in the making which sent Harrison Ford tumbling off the proverbial box office dam. Enticing thousands more than the launch of Australia's first ever Toys R Us at Belconnen, complete with Sonic mascot greeting visitors at the door. And yes, arguably even more than The Dinky-Di's potential animated film and guaranteed tax write-off Mephisto's Web. All those and more paled in comparison to the rise of the Internet.

Once the experimental plaything of Melbourne university students back in June 1989, technology had become more widespread and affordable for the common layman. Internet Service Providers sprung up, ready to compete in the inevitable web wars while fans across the land stretched their fingers, ready to type away to complete strangers about all the important information of life, like commenting and speculating over whether or not a storehouse in Toronto housed a horde of missing Doctor Who episodes.

As for the Blue Blur, it's hard to gauge a consensus on this and numerous other early issues as the organized Archie Sonic fandom was by that point nonexistent. Granted the comic sold thousands of copies across multiple nations, but it would take more time for fans to escape the confines of playgrounds and mingle over his monthly adventures online. As far as then-Hedgehog enthusiasts were concerned, Archie Sonic was but a supplement for his new cartoons. And it's through the likes of early fan pioneers like Ron D. Bauerle, David DeSimone, Serinthia Kelberry, Lindsay Cibos and Dan Drazen the success (or lack thereof) of Sonic's formative years are measured.

"If you read the comic book put out by Archie Comics, the characters featured there also come out in the series." One early reviewer commented. "They have Princess Sally, Bunny Rabbot, Antoine, Tails and of course Sonic. Being an animation fan and having seen DIC's earlier derivative works(there are too many to name), I expected it to be a hodge-podge of scenes/situations lifted directly from the video games(As DIC did in "Captain N", a lame lift from Nintendo). Actually, this show introduces some new, interesting characters, allowing for more original stories. Instead of ripping off the game, this show expands on it. The voice characterization is good,too(cast includes voice veterans Jim Cummings and Charlie Adler). So if you're a Furry, a gamer, or just can't get a chance to see ANIMANIACS, give this one a try."

"I think it's one of the better NEW Saturday morning 'toons, and probably the best thing I've seen from DIC in years." More swiftly agreed. "Anyone who's seen the weekday versions of Sonic would probably agree with me that the weekday episodes have nothing on the Sat AM ones.", or how "I've seen the daily Sonic show (TAOFSTH)… and I can safely say it's poorly animated cartoon swill.". Yet a few treated it with trepidation. "While not great, it's better than the Bonkers dreck. I had decided to skip it, but saw the ABC preview last night and there were some cute-looking furries in it.".

But as the weeks progressed, a divide slowly formed between cartoon and comic counterparts. "It is true that the television show derives from the Archie Comic, but from what I've seen in SEGA VISIONS, the cartoon's artistry and storyline is MUCH better than the comic. Besides, the Furries ARE neat, and the voice characterization is well done". Future long-running debates were born including "The editor of the letter column in Issue #5 of the Sonic comic says she's a squirrel, but I don't believe him - not with a short tail like that. I still favor chipmunk myself.".

It drew new fans like "Sonic's superspeed is interesting (but then, I liked "The Flash"). Jaleel White does an adequate job of voicing him, Kath Souci does the princess, and Christine Cavanaugh (Gosalyn from Darkwing Duck, I believe) does the bunny. Does anybody have a better explanation of the basis of the show? How about the video game? (About which I know nothing.) I'll keep watching for the furries, if nothing else…". Praise was short lived however, and by the conclusion of its first season, "These stories are really going downhill. Where did all the light come from in that underground world? And sorry, but I can't believe in any magic fertilizer water that makes trees grow instantly. I'd rather have seen a continuing story than all of these disjointed lame ones. E.g., are we ever going to find out what happened to Sally's father? Probably not, with only three more to go.".

Sonic the Hedgehog fans. Fawning over the female cast, criticizing plots and bashing the Archie series since 1993.

Sonic Universe issue 16 AU Publication Date: 6th August 2010 Price: $6.50

(Alternate title: 'A Farewell to Khans!'.)

Sixteen. Six. Teen. Siiiiiiixteeeeen. A number by all rights like any other, yet harbors more than a few connotations in life. Songs written and movies made have abounded over the decades in dedication to this number. It can mark exciting new beginnings, a (at least theoretically) responsible coming of age, a formal debut ready to tackle the more "mature" world of driving cars and leaving school in favour of the local workforce. Or maybe not. The author of these posts can't remember their sixteenth birthday beyond being pretty sure it happened, it rained, and there was a new Transformers action figure involved.

But when it came to Aussies following their favourite hedgehog's monthly tri-coloured triumphs, sixteen marked a bitter end.

In comparison to the turmoil of 2010's political sphere, Sonic and his freedom fighting buddies' year-long battle against the Iron Dominion's wrath was a cakewalk. Having swept to power in November 2007 despite the best efforts of conservative media and racist fake pamphlets, the time had come for Kevin Rudd to resign. Labor's three year tenure of poll-topping high highs and scandalous low lows painted a divisive picture, and with the prospect of losing power on the back of a fatal home insulation program and increased taxes for mining non-renewables, Julia Gillard stepped up unopposed to succeed him on 24th June. Rudd agreed on 6th August to stay onboard for support, and within two weeks of this issue's publication, a federal election saw Gillard narrowly retain her mantle as Australia's first female Prime Minister.

Music lovers thrummed away to manufactured relationship angst of Eminem and Rihanna's collaboration Love the Way You Lie, which was halfway through its six week domination of the billboard charts. Christopher Nolan's brain-bender Inception had enjoyed its own three weeks leading the local box office, until Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg briefly blasted their way to the top in The Other Guys.

The glory days of analogue morning toon-tainment for kids were by this point faded memories. Having half an hour sliced off its slot beginning New Year's Day 2010, Toasted TV limped itself along offering viewers that day repeats of Huntik: Secrets & Seekers and Dinosaur King. The product of networks pushing for breakfast news programs and set top boxes becoming more prevalent (i.e. affordable) meant the future of children's television was well on its way to being all digital. Channel Seven's subsidiary 7TWO served up repeats of Avenger Penguins, Digimon Data Squad, Handy Manny and Power Rangers Jungle Fury. Not to be outclassed, Channel Nine's newly-minted 9GO! kicked off the day with new Out of Jimmy's Head before its own repeat cavalcade of Class of 3000, Chowder, Legion of Super Heroes, Ben 10, The Flintstones and The Jetsons.

Another far cry from the days of yore were fan reviews. Forums, groups and pages come and go. The regulars over at Sonic Stadium all but ignored the issue and instead focused on whether Mighty and Ray would get their own SegaSonic Arcade adaptation, while gushing over the impending Tails Adventure arc. Sonic HQ's once juggernaut now dustbowl Knothole Village had little to say beyond base pleasantries, as did PorpoiseMuffins' Saturday Morning Sonic message board.

For those hoping to dig deep into the comic proper, Ian Flynn's forum truly put the "King" in "BumbleKing". By that point in its life a thriving superpower, after 5 days and over 15 pages of speculation, residents of Archie Sonic's biggest watering hole considered it "without a doubt my favorite of the arc. It's mostly expostition with more or less no action but what exposition!" The good times rolled with "Good wrap-up to this arc in an arc. I enjoyed it. I liked Espio's backstory; thought it was handled well." and "I've said it before I'll say it again Ian gets Sonic's personality so right my favorite line has to be "'Careful'? So many foreign words today!" why cant SEGA write him like that.". Forum goers were excited to share their future speculations, notably the prospect of one character being the first in a series which, like Dimitri being the latest in a line of Enerjaks, began life as a fan theory shared on message boards during the late-90's.

Yet while fandom faces and places can change as time marches on, attitudes remain engrained. Even if they've never seen the character or read a comic, some people can (and will) criticize them, ranging from "not being accurate to other source material" or that incredibly tired buzzword of dismissing the series as "weird". When pressed to consider the extensive laundry list of Archie Sonic material going under the hammer of fickle fans, it's tough topping the decades of derision aimed at Mobius' own cybernetic simian, Monkey Khan.

The amalgamation of late writer/artist Frank Strom's admiration for Chinese literature hero Sun Wukong, Japanese actors in rubber monster suits, and 1970's Hong Kong martial art films, Khan found himself shackled among the swelling ranks of Geoffrey St. John, Nate Morgan and Mina Mongoose in the upper echelons of Archie Sonic's most reviled characters. Case in point, fans quickly booted up their modems as early as November 1997 to voice their displeasure online. Some remained optimistic, citing Khan "looks simply like a vessel for spouting chiche's and poor dialogue, but there's opportunity to make him more interesting (and more vital) to the story." Others took offence to the character's ancient roots, wondering if the coincidence "probably is, since this issue didn't seem very well thought out. If it was a reference, that would be the only excuse for the piece of Mass-Produced Crud".

As the years rolled on and Khan made a handful more cameos, this fan mentality never truly shook off. "I have come to NOT STAND Monkey Khan AND Frank Stroms writing and drawing skills…MK has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH SONIC THE HEDGEHOG AND IF THE EDITOR HAD ANY SENSE HE'D FIRE STROM. The guy has done NOTHING to show that he can even write a Sonic story." readers openly whined. "it really ticks me off that Frank Strom's version of the Monkey King was so poor… in fact, I bet he hasn't heard of MK in his life, but rather, Dragon Ball. smirk. Frank Strom is probably the worst Archie-Sonic writer I've ever seen, with the possible exception of 75% of Mike Gallagher's works.". They compared Khan to the worst type of wish-fulfilment self-insert, and Strom himself often written into fanfics as a target of obsessive mockery. Even the efforts of Ian Flynn to flesh out his character during 2009-10 (complete with hatred lampshade on the first page of issue 203) came across mixed, further fueled at a time when Archie Comics openly baited fans into a staggeringly pointless shipping war.

Hm. Seeing how Khan, Geoffrey, Mina and Nate were frequently criticized for stealing the spotlights of Sonic, Antoine, Sally and Rotor respectively, maybe there's an alternate universe where someone capitalized of this and united them to strike out in their own team. It would certainly make for quite the fanfic. But enough digressing.

There's a bittersweet irony here. Locals who loathed Monkey Khan's exploits and hoped to see the back of him once and for all were about to get their wish. A World Under Constant Vigil marked the last appearance Khan would make in a starring role, one which in a fantastical coincidence was published exactly on Frank Strom's 46th birthday. Further blurring the lines between a true case of "Sixteen Khandles" and the Monkey's Paw myth, Sonic Universe issue 16 would ultimately be the final comic released at Australian retail.

After 17 years of constantly easily accessible comics, time was up. Issue 211 and Universe 14 were the last to be sold at retail for $5.50, a price increase from $4.95 which began with issue 198. The move to fancy new glossy paper, an arguably remarked improvement which brought the comic's quality closer in line with the free Bionicle, HeroScape, The Batman and Teen Titans centerpiece of 2005-6 meant coughing up another dollar. Was it this move to $6.50 a copy that made the bean counters at Gordon and Gotch drop the title? Were they too frustrated by enduring the excessive length of Iron Queen's tenure? Was it the moonlit kiss and chest stroking between Sally and Khan in issue 212 that broke the camel's back? Guess fans will never know, for when the writer of these posts questioned said distributors at the time, they responded curtly that both Sonic titles "have now ceased and are no longer in production". So much for that.

As anyone who's kept up with these will know, the story of Archie Sonic in Australia was far from being all over. It's hard to keep a good high speed hero down, and one day he shall come back. Yes, he shall come back. Until then, there must be no regrets, no tears, no anxieties. Just go forward in all your beliefs, and prove to Sonic that he is not mistaken in his.

Sonic X issue 20 AU Publication Date: 20th July 2007 Price: $4.95

That… was certainly a historical month and a half for high-speed hedgehog enthusiasts. And 20th July was an equally historical day. A sentient supercomputer utilised some information superhighway down the telephone line to build an army of rampaging war machines. A dying species of faceless ones hijacked passengers from Gatwick Airport and stole their identities. A seemingly eccentric antique dealer 100 years out of time made off with a blue police telephone box as part of an overtly complex scheme to help his associate transmogrify lead into gold, while winning back his daughter from evil space pepperpots.

But enough of 1966. Flashing forward some forty-odd years and there's still plenty tales of conquest and mayhem, particularly across this great southern land. July 2007 saw Fergie begin an unbroken 9 week streak topping the music charts. First studio album in hand, she casually pushed Rihanna and Jay-Z into the rain, stole their shared Umbrella and tauntingly declared they down a cup of cement because "Big Girls Don't Cry". Harry Potter's fifth cinematic outing brought a dramatic halt to another fantastical war's two week box office domination, only for Hogwarts' finest to also lose out a week later. Amidst Canadian ceremonial cheers, a casually racist Rob Schneider boasted "I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry". An alter audience of one, but these newlywed newcomers rolled on up and hosed the Boy Who Lived down.

Having witnessed Cheez TV bite the dust years ago, its spiritual successor Toasted TV trundled along as number one in a remaining field of one for early morning children's entertainment. Any kids or tweens left to tune in 20th July watched new Pokemon: Battle Frontier, a repeat of 1967's now-infamous Spider-Man cartoon, and new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fast Forward.

A decade in power is remarkable for any leader. Since his 1996 victory, John Howard's conservative government may have skimped over the line twice after their polarising GST legislation, but lightning would fail to strike three times. Cracks in their political prowess began to appear, and after the immensely unpopular decision to follow America's own King George the Second into what looked an endless overseas war, the new WorkChoices initiative would ultimately seal his fate.

"Working families in Australia have never been better off!", Little Johnny Howard declared to the masses with ghoulish glee on 26th March. Journalists were taken aback, labeling his announcement nothing short of "Hubris!" Media conglomerates smelt political blood, and despite years of shamelessly supporting Howard and Costello's regime, shifted allegiances accordingly. Bookies already predicting his demise in the impending November federal election were thrilled. Howard's self-aggrandising sentence became a heavily replayed attack slogan for leftist opposition leaders Kevin Rudd and Julia Gillard. But more on their contentious relationship last month.

Those not engrossed in impending election annihilation instead skipped to their local newsagents, where Gordon & Gotch delivered a desire many had requested. Two completely unique yet intrinsically linked franchises poised, primed, ready to collide in a shameless attempt of cashing in on the winter's hottest box office hit. Or… second-biggest hit. Would you believe third?

It's ironic. For all their love and dedication from countless audiences and corporations over the decades, Sonic the Hedgehog and Transformers have never shared simultaneous peak popularity.

1994 saw Sonic enjoy two cartoons, two comics, multiple games and adoration from gamers and mainstream media alike. Transformers? Generation Two, and although it offered exciting new ingenuities setting up a successful future, was seen by Hasbro's bean counters as an unmitigated failure. 1997 saw Beast Wars save the franchise. It rose to 3rd highest selling boy's toyline, while all Sonic had to celebrate was the opening of short-lived SEGA World Sydney. Both Sonic Adventure games ushered a hedgehog pinnacle in 2001, compared to the dying gasp of Beast Machines. Dreamwave Productions and Transformers Armada jumpstarted the series and rode a nostalgic 2002-3 high, while SEGA and IGN's 'Year of Sonic' failed living up to its own hype.

If such a year exists, a case could be made for 2011. Transformers once again pulled spotlight, strong sales and a billion dollar box office success in Dark of the Moon, then the fourth highest grossing film ever. Sonic had plenty of love from the media and fans, yet in spite of initial hype and reviews, SEGA's 20th anniversary flagship game Sonic Generations crashed within a month. Close, but not quite.

A quote equally applied to their status as potential crossover mates. Both might've shared a swath of writers, artists, musicians, voice actors, plots and publishers, but nor have Sonic the Hedgehog and Transformers shared a proper official in-universe crossover. There have been fleeting instances like 2014's Mega Drive Megatron, or the World Bee Day promotion on Twitter, but both treat one-another as fictitious products rather than battlefield allies. At this rate the first crossover will end up being something like a fleeting glance at two characters in a Paramount+ commercial.

Archie Sonic has never been a stranger to the ever-changing world of those robots in disguise. Be it casual references in issue 21, 31, 125, 154 or 161, the antics of artist/inker Nelson Ribeiro constantly conveying 1984 supremacy, and who could possibly forget when issue 152's Sonic's Angels featured a cyber-terraforming plot lifting more than a few cues from Chris Sarracini's 2002 chart-buster Transformers: Prime Directive? With that in mind, it's arguably all the more befitting Sonic and Transformers' thus far only in-universe collision happened in the pages of Riverdale's finest.

Never let it be said Archie aren't quick to chase the latest hypes. Still locked in their DC Comics era, opening the comic reveals a full page advertisement for Teen Titans Go!. A popular all-ages spinoff alas not long for this world, cancelled exactly one year later when upper management saw no reason for a comic to continue promoting a cancelled show. Not that such ideology ever stopped local publishers Otter Press reprinting Justice League Adventures and The Batman Adventures stories as late as 2017. And speaking of the Caped Crusader, flipping to the middle offers an 8 page exclusive story featuring The Batman, baseball and chewing gum, ironically printed on paper stock glossier than the main comic itself.

So who better to lead the charge of this rodent and robot rumble than Cybertronian stalwarts James McDonough and Adam Patyk (unless asking the ever-accurate Archie Sonic Wiki's opinion)? A writing partnership of long-time fans who gnashed their teeth during the latter Dreamwave days, there's plenty to enjoy for readers young and old. Robbie Nick, the "giant floating head" gimmick's comeback, Sam Speed being Sam Speed, paraphrased yet fitting dialogue lifted from a certain 1986 animated movie, a robot design which screamed the long-lost love child of Hot Rod and Starscream, and Patrick Spaziante signing his cover in the classic Transformers font. Topping this energon goodie of a tale off? A back cover dedicated to advertising Michael Bay's impending million-dollar megahit.

Sonic X never quite managed to reach the heights of its main counterpart sales-wise, but nonetheless captured a passionate audience. Colourfully described at the time as "If comic book fandom was like a college dorm, STH would be the Emo kid who likes to act all dramatical while listening to Evanscence and My Chemical Romance, while Sonic X is the fat guy who likes to party and carries a beer keggar around.", this issue was no exception.

"I'm notone who usualy likes SX comics because I don't feel that it has the same charm the show had. But you know what I actually LOOOOOOVED this issue! It seemed to almost capture the experience of watching a SX televison show! Coloe me impressed!" fans said. "It's like reading a Sonic comic created alongside Sonic Adventure, in a way. It's a good escape for people like me, who deals with enough emotional draining in real life, that don't want to sit down and read even more drama.". Fun was order of the day, and so long as readers enjoyed what they purchased every four weeks, Archie Sonic was in good hands. With luck the series might even last about, say… ten more years to that day?

Sandwiched neatly between the unthinkable issues 175 and 176, Speed Lines! offered a breath of levity amongst the manufactured mayhem of Knothole's destruction, and the reunion of McDonough and Patyk a welcome albeit brief surprise. Neither returned to write for the comic or anything Sonic generally, but presumably they were at least promptly paid in full this time around. Then again after what Archie pulled on the likes of Dan DeCarlo and Stan Goldberg, one can never be too careful.

More Than Meets the Dime indeed.

Sonic Super Special Magazine issue 3 AU Publication Date: 4th June 2012 Price: $16.95

As our ancient Mayan forebearers gazed upon unspoiled lands from atop majestic pyramids, one can only imagine how they'd react to modern interpretations of their culture. How despite the transformations and advancements of western civilization, glyphs methodically chiseled to immense stone slabs continued to fascinate. How translations suggested the conclusion of their 13th b'ak'tun (or whichever term they preferred at the time) would unleash a time of speculation, panic and turmoil on a society often proclaiming itself as peak humanity.

Chances are they'd pause, stare at one-another, and share a good chuckle.

Such was the feeling of living through 2012. While the months slowly clicked down, prophecy morphed into profit seeking. Books, documentaries and movies sought to captivate audiences with doomsday diatribes. Local frugal publications printed tales of an impending destructive December. Murdoch's finest conservative newspaper covers heralded hastily photoshopped images of a drained Darling Harbour. Yet above all this doom and gloom, the impending extinction of all life on Earth meant something far more sinister; a grand total of zero new Sonic the Hedgehog media beyond that terrifying date.

Obviously the resultant cosmic shift would impact all of SEGA's output, but that didn't stop fans logging on to voice their outrage. "It's bad enough having to contemplate the crushing futility of a mortal universe…" wrote Shawn Nickeltenn, a youth volunteer at Marble Gardens Retirement Village who often posted under the alias of 'MightyPrower93' on the now-defunct Radio Free Robotropolis message board. "…But now there's not even the comfort of knowing that Sonic will continue with new games and comics under a new creative team in an entirely new universe for fans to complain about!"

Humour aside, the fandom didn't need rely on ancient Mayan calendars to spruike dark times for the blue boy, when financial and critical woes already plagued the House of Hedgehog. Sonic Generations started strong, as SEGA proudly boasted their 2011 offering broke all previous pre-order records in Sonic history. Critics loved it. Audiences loved it. Until sales tanked within a month against a flurry of other high profile games.

2012 marched on. Fans across the world were poised, primed, ready to celebrate their favourite masot's impending 21st birthday. Good timing too, for the rodent would undoubtedly need a stiff drink after future IGN subsidiary GameTrailers declared in early March that Sonic won the "well-deserved perch" in their Worst Blockbusters list. The beastial undertones of Sonic '06 proved horrifying enough, while Unleashed, Adventure 2 and the Olympic tie-ins "Do not deserve the cash they generated".

Between intense layoffs in their US and European divisions, and reports of SEGA suffering a predicted loss of upward 85 million dollars, rumours soon abounded of a potential series reboot coming 2014. Some hoped Nintendo or Archie would buy out SEGA, or try a new game in the style of then-hot Skylanders. Other commentators, optimistic as ever, declared "I don't see SEGA being around ten years from now. So the reboot idea seems pointless to me". It wasn't all bad however. US viewers got to see Sonic back on TV in January 2012 spruiking $380 automotive insurance. Probably the only "Progressive" media that hardcore conservative Sonic fans might enjoy.

Australian media meanwhile was enjoying Julia Gillard (and how refreshing it is to discuss a different Prime Minister for once), sadly for all the wrong reasons. By this point she was two years into top job, having successfully retained national leadership after a second spill motion from vindictive predecessor Kevin Rudd. This would not be the last time they went to loggerheads as she continued battling the vengeful former leader, entitled internal party members, and low polling brought on by a complicit conservative mainstream media. Elsewhere in June 2012, cunning linguist Flo Rida managed to whistle his way to number one on the local music charts, blowing away Carly Rae Jepsen. Men in Black 3's time travel antics weren't enough to stop Ridley Scott's Promethius bursting the box office. And in less than two months, Channel 9 would captivate audiences with their coverage of the London 2012 Olympics. Ultimately the home team reaped in a paltry 35 medals, with the swimmers having to pick up the slack by scoring ten.

A disappointing result. As would be fan reaction to Archie's third installment of their Sonic Super Special Magazine series.

Making its way to local newsagents over a week before Sonic the Hedgehog issue 235 and less than a week after Sonic Universe issue 39, the existence of this premium packaged product was already contentious among fans, with its often hedgehog hodgepodge of reprinted stories. Reviews this time around saw little improvement.

What should've been a turning point for the book with its "Exclusive story inside!" was anything but. "Oh boy, I can say I was disappointed with SSSM. The Sonic 4 plot? Tiny. To put it in a nutshell "Sonic, beats Death Egg robo, talks to Tails on Little Planet, fly off, hey look its metal." That's it. Bit of a shame really." or "Someone please tell me that the Sonic 4 ep 2 story will be more than five pages? That's all we usually get for game adaptations lately, and it's usually ridiculous.". Reader reactions ranged from "Oh geez, that sucks. You'd think for a 130-page magazine we'd get something a bit more substantial." and "Pretty much is a cas(sic) grab putting something slightly new in there to get people to buy it.", to "Yardley accidently drew Green Hill instead of Splash Hill..".

Setting aside the game adaptation, the special's remaining stories raised further eyebrows. Issue 176's 'Cracking the Empire' made the cut because... reasons, while Michael Gallagher and Patrick Spaziante's acclaimed 'Go Ahead, Mecha My Day!' ensured Archie literally gave complaining fans the finger. As opposed to 2008's Sonic Archive Volume 7, this version of issue 25's blockbuster story saw a further edit on the penultimate page, whiting out a finger used to represent the reader pressing a button. Resources such as the Archie Sonic Wiki may suggest the reason for such a change is unknown, but it's clear they did it to disguise the Caucasian pantone, making the insert feel more inclusive. Archie Sonic pulled quite a global readership for its time, thus fans could imagine themselves regardless of race in Sonic's shoe-erm, gloves, pressing the button to bring our loathed Big Round Guy crashing down.

For Aussie readers, and fans of Sally Acorn in bondage (a sentence this author never thought they'd unironically type), the inclusion of 'Reigning Cats and Dogs' was a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one. The two-part reprint specifically chosen to hype upcoming stories featuring Lupe and her Wolfpack proved a happy coincidence, as the latter installment completed a nearly 2-year long 'lost' Sonic story. More on that contentious matter in a later post.

Sonic the Hedgehog issue 134 AU Publication Date: 17th May 2004 Price: $5.40

For the first time in its life, Sonic fandom truly understood the meaning of war.

Never let it be said humanity will someday exhaust new and depraved ways to destroy one-another. From religious to political spats, extortion to embezzlement schemes, even petty squabbles in carparks. All it takes is a bruised ego and makeshift weapon to bring one or more life to a violent end in the barbarous pursuit of perceived justice.

The tragedy yielded upon thousands of innocents during September 2001 left the western world reeling. Months of anguish soon devolved to hatred, citizens and politicians desperately seeking answers and faces to paint as "the enemy". Taking a leaf from Ronald Reagan's book, US President George W. Bush proudly proclaimed his mission to "lead the world to victory". The media lapped it up, declared him "the avenger" in "a monumental struggle of good versus evil", and by the dawn of 2004, multiple nations were swept into the 21st century's first war.

Fictitious children's entertainment was far from safe. Swaths of "Mah Paytriatizm!" echoed across message boards and group chats. Fans projected such sentiments through art and stories, depicting their favourite characters decked out in full realistic militaristic garb, ready to fight their cause. In time, they too descended into anarchy when fansites boasted about going to war with each other.

Restoring the environment after Summer bushfires ravaged Dubbo and Ku-ring-gai Chase National Park was inconsequential. When not gleefully orchestrating the modern equivalent of Harold Holt's "All the way with LBJ!" speech supporting Bush's war in Afghanistan, then-ruler of the land John Howard (one day I'll get a chance to discuss a different Prime Minister, I swear!) waged war on migrants and contraceptives. Responding to a droop in national birthrates, the government hoped to persuade voters by dangling $3000 over their heads. The "Baby Bonus" announced in May 2004's budget instantly went down in infamy after offsider Peter Costello emphatically begged Aussies to "Have one for mum, one for dad and one for the country!". A temporary boost which totally wouldn't backfire on the housing market decades down the line.

After nine years dominating the war on morning entertainment, not even Cheez TV escaped its clutches when news of cancellation leaked online two weeks prior. In a move mirroring the final fate of longtime rival Agro's Cartoon Connection, Monday 3rd May 2004 saw 30 minutes permanently stripped from its timeslot, host segments reduced to barely a minute, and parody songs/skits virtually nonexistent. Any few remaining Cheezoids tuning in 17th May watched the premieres of Dragon Ball GT episode 'Saying Goodbye', and Pokémon Master Quest finale 'Hoenn Alone!'. How ironic. Both franchises at one point the hottest craze in the country, now long past their prime and cast aside in favour of new, more exciting animated imports.

And Sonic fans verged on a little civil war of their own.

To think 2004 began with such promise. Having boasted on IGN how 2003 was "Year of the Sonic", the only way was up for SEGA's mascot. New games like Sonic Heroes and Sonic Advance were on their way to shifting over a million units each. A new anime pulling respectable ratings in Japan and the US. Merchandise and fast food promotions sold well, and with annual profits up 300 percent, other companies were taking note. Archie Sonic equally enjoyed success with increased circulation figures and media attention thanks to co-creator Yuji Naka's contribution to their 10th anniversary milestone issue.

After years of crafting stories around SEGA/editorial mandates, head writer Karl Bollers entered 2004 with a spring in his step and a bold new vision for Knothole's finest. Having nailed the details with editor Justin Gabrie over the weekend, he dropped by the KP WWWBoard on the afternoon of 4th January to wish readers a happy new year and discuss canonicity of the impending 'Mobius: 25 Years Later'. This message was well-received by fans. Or at least the select few who saw, for it was deleted within the hour. Bollers tried again shortly thereafter, only for the webmaster to yet again hit delete. His days answering questions and chatting with fans on that site were over.

Thanks to prior (or more fittingly "Pryor") experience writing Marvel's favourite mutants, long-running fansite ComiX-Fan invited Bollers to host a section of their message board in August 2003. Initially limited to X-Men discussions, the floodgates opened 5 days later for Sonic fans. No longer would they have to rely on contact through other boards or ICQ chats, though he still occasionally visited Sonic HQ's Knothole Village to put Dan Drazen in his place. Excellent resource as it was, sadly would not survive to see year's end.

Among the numerous stories discussed was issue 134's 'Say You Will', the culmination of his 'Home' saga. To say its 19 pages raffled the fandom's jaffas is an understatement.

But as is the way with many works, general consensus changes over time. Contemporary sources like the Archie Sonic Wiki will boast the "massive outrage" it brought, and how Sally's reputation "went downhill with fans". Such hyperbolic inaccuracies are par the course unfortunately. From the perspective of someone who lived this issue and its fandom the first time around, the truth is far more nuanced.

Sally Acorn had been a popular target long before 'Say You Will' hit shelves. From video game purists demanding no "canon foreigners" in their favourite media, to shippers with the pointless yet staggering "Sally Vs. Amy" debate which gained traction among online fans since the release of Sonic Adventure. Sites who already looked down upon Archie's efforts including Sonic Anime, The GHZ and Sonic CulT were given more ammunition to push their views, declaring anyone who liked this supposed "Psycho Sally" not a true fan.

If outrage existed, one wouldn't have found it on pro-Archie sites like Sonic HQ. Once a major watering hole, readers heaped praise on the story. "This argument had to come eventually" they said, or how "Superman and Lois split up not long before they got married, so all is not lost". Newcomer artist and then-forum moderator Jon Gray also received his fair share of love, having "brought a life to the comic I haven't seen in ages", and "everything about it is vibrant and lively, the characters seem to burst off the page, they're that expressive". Residents of the Knothole Village Message Board overall viewed it "a treat for me and a delight to read", going so far to vote 'Say You Will' the best story of 2004.

Other websites proved indifferent, split or worse. The Sonic Foundation and TeamArtail, the latter of which hosted plenty of Archie Sonic fans, remained civil. DeviantArt not so much. And despite longtime fan Ian Potto summarising the story in his review as "brilliant", the KP WWWBoard spent weeks at each other's throats. Bollers was heavily targeted for Sonic and Sally's fight, Bunnie's newfound firearm appreciation and more. Yet none moreso than webmaster BobR who went straight for the jugular after this issue's release, launching a scathing verbal strike and ousting the identities of writers Benny Lee and Romy Chacon.

Was 'Say You Will' the unspeakable abomination touted by fans today? Hardly. It's true plenty of vocal detractors hated the new direction, but others equally sang high praise. Which is far more than can be said for the likes of 'Return to Angel Island', 'Sonic's Angels' and 'Line of Succession', all of which were even worse recieved by fans at the time. Many diehards chose to wait it out and see where the story went before casting final judgement, but they would never get the chance. By the time of release, Justin Gabrie was gone and Mike Pellerito stepped in to weave his editorial red pen, swiftly cancelling any and all prospects of 'One Year Later' seeing fruition.

Sadly this will be the last retrospective to feature Karl Bollers, on what was fittingly enough his final 'full' story. There are a plethora of excellent comics under his belt worth discussing, and wouldn't mind tackling them another day. In the meantime, it's cathartic knowing he's continuing to make an impact on the industry. Having joined Oni Press last year, I have no doubt that if asked, he'd be perfect for their recently announced 'Biker Mice from Mars' miniseries. Goes without saying he's had plenty of experience writing a turbo-revving freedom fighting anthropomorphic rodent's gang who protect the environment from a portly intergalactic warlord.

To conclude this excessively long-winded post, I'm reminded of a coincidentally fitting event; throughout May 2004, the Australian music chart was a constant battleground between two performers, each rising and falling from top spot. D12's 'My Band' took a swing at the superego, chronicling singer Eminem's public perception as the band's star attraction. The hero. The main man. The one who gets the job done overshadowing everyone else. Anastasia meanwhile told a gripping, emotion-charged ballad 'Left Outside Alone', reciting her feelings of anguish towards a failed relationship. How she wasted years imagining a fairytale ending only to face for the harsh realisation it would never happen, slowly gather her voice, and defiantly speak out against her fears.

Two entirely different musical genres and themes. Yet they both perfectly encapsulate Sonic and Sally's respective feelings by issue's end. Each wanted the same thing but refused to meet in the middle, irreparably hurting one-another in the process.

And if us humans aren't willing to meet in the middle to work through our differences, what hope did a pair of comic book characters have?

Next Time: The phrase "Go Big or Go Home" is rarely thrown around anymore. But for a time, Archie Sonic was willing to indulge both. One of their "big"gest outputs will be going under the knife, shamelessly boasting a special surprise or two along the way.

Knuckles the Echidna Volume 2 issue 1 AU Publication Date: 14th April 1997 Price: $2.70

Spinoffs. No self-respecting media can live with them. No self-aggrandising media can live without them. And for those of us who lived through the space year that was 1997, corporations were chomping at the bit for a slice of those sweet spinoff dollarydoos.

Best place to start and witness such influence would be, arguably, the cinema. After Baz Luhrmann's blockbuster remake Romeo + Juliet spent weeks atop the box office, the majority of March was a bitter struggle between Wes Craven's thriller Scream and Cameron Crowe's football drama Jerry Maguire. A fascinating if ultimately pointless grudge match between two distinct genres. For all their efforts, neither claimed victory when by month's end, a film 20 years their senior blasted both off the map. The Star Wars Special Editions had arrived.

The promotion (and merchandise deals) was huge. A New Hope proved an instant hit, swiftly followed on 10th April by The Empire Strikes Back. Everything old was new again, and the re-hits just kept coming. Audiences pounded the pavements, eager to revisit Jurassic Park when its sequel The Lost World saw release on 29th May (only a week after its US premiere, a then-impressive feat). Superhero buffs ignored the winter freeze to watch Batman and Robin on 26th June, a film often lauded yet pulled respectable numbers and local reviews at the time.

Speaking of space, following a successful campaign through latter 1996, the Oddbodz were back. Smith's Chips and Glow Zone launched their second series of 61 collectable glow-in-the-dark cards featuring a myriad of wacky, wicked and occasionally controversial space-themed characters. If gross-out humour wasn't your speed, ripping into packs of Thins, Ruffles, Cheetos or Doritos chips instead offered adventures in a galaxy far far away with official Star Wars 3D Magic Motion and Techno Tazos.

After the toyline's initial launch in January, Beast Wars had successfully put Transformers back on the map, though kids would have to wait at least three more months to see their favourite characters in animated action. To Channel 7's credit, they at least gave the program a decent timeslot. More than can be said for Channel 9's decision that April to broadcast the all-new Star Trek: Voyager season 2 and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine season 4 at the ghastly time of 11pm weeknights.

In spite of the former losing 30 minutes off its timeslot, the rivalry between weekday morning children's entertainment continued between Agro's Cartoon Connection and Cheez TV. Both were banking on the spinoff craze, and viewers waking up 14th April could choose between the premiere of Power Rangers Zeo episode 'Oily to Bed, Oily to Rise', or the premiere of Earthworm Jim episode 'Darwin's Nightmare'. For the musically inclined, American rockers No Doubt had enjoyed 8 weeks atop the music charts with the third single on their third album, 'Don't Speak'. At least until April saw them bumped off by Aussie pop prodigy Savage Garden and their third single 'Truly Madly Deeply'.

But of all the spinoffs to arise and bedazzle locals, after three years of development and an exclusive preview party the night prior, SEGA World Sydney opened its doors at 4pm on Saturday 22nd March 1997. Touted in print and on TV as "Australia's Largest Indoor Theme Park!", it offered hours of unrivalled entertainment and programs for Sydneysiders and visitors alike. Anyone who could afford its hefty entry fee lost themselves in all the games and rides they could handle (except Mortal Kombat, which was pulled last-minute). An escape into pixilated fantasy guaranteed to forget their real-world troubles for several hours. Mundane adult things like Victoria and Western Australia's brief yet brutal summer bushfire seasons where 3 lives and some 59 homes were lost. Or how after one year into the top job, captain conservative John Howard faced international anger over comments at the United Nations General Assembly, and local anger over casual dismissing threats by extreme right-wing rival Pauline Hanson's One Nation party.

Be it stage shows, costumed cameos and all types of merchandise featuring their antics, fans of Sonic, Tails, Sally and Robotnik were in paradise. Unfortunately the same couldn't be said for a fifth member of the cast. For someone who enjoyed strong popularity and a species originating right there, SEGA World put the bare minimum effort into giving Knuckles the Echidna his own time to shine. A remarkable oversight undoubtedly leaving young fans wondering where that embattled echidna was hiding. As luck would soon have it, they needn't look far.

Nestled comfortably among the shelves between Sonic issues 45 and 46 came Knuckles: The Dark Legion. Sales had proven strong enough (or at least stronger than Tails and Sally's comics) to warrant the development of a second miniseries. Exciting in its own right, only amplified when exclusively announced through AOL in January 1997 it would evolve to a fully-fledged ongoing spinoff. No longer was trotting off to the newsagents exclusively a Friday end-of-month treat. Knuckles' arrival meant a mandatory Monday mid-month booster for us deprived of Mobian adventures.

Over the course of its 32 issue run, Knuckles the Echidna was, much like Endgame two months later, once praised as a pinnacle of Archie Sonic. Fans adored the series, giving ol' Rad Red his own unique mythos and adventures. While Sonic naffed around aimlessly in a post-Robotnik world, we saw Knuckles as the cool, 'mature' comic. He had stakes. He had drama. Quite a turnaround after the heavy criticism its writer took in late 1996 over Sally's leaked demise. Within months he was described as "a kewl writer!", or "one of the ONLY "good" and "balanced" writers Archie has", or how they're "so much better then sonic comics now its not funny." with "all the good villains and family members." Fans swarmed en mass to his WWWBoard, creating their own stories, characters and entire websites tied to the Brotherhood and Dark Legion. Not everyone agreed on the book's mission statement "Why does everybody liek it so much? All it is really is a bunch of Penders' characters running around with slight appearacnes by Chaotix and occasionally knuckles himself.", but it made a lot of other people happy. Enough for both The Dark Legion and Lost Paradise reissued as 'back catalogue' orders to selected comic book stores in late 2004.

And just like Endgame, those nostalgic memories have since dissipated when adults reflected on his tales with matured, scrutinous eyes. We grow. We learn. We reevaluate on what was once adored as adolescents, realising perhaps those good times weren't all that good. Maybe the series and characters were fine in concept but lacked competent execution. Maybe our childish expectations meant they were never good to begin with and the critics were right all along.

The youthful, creative glory days from the late-90's to mid-2000's of Knuckles of an Echidna, Kragok Comics, Echidna Gals, Dark Legion HQ, Echidnapolis, Knux Redux, Tisha-Li's Dark Legion Camp, Kensuke Aida's Julie-Su Shrine, Echidnoyle, Shattered Moonlight, Knuckles 9000, Kiri Megami's Chaotix Hideout, Darkest Mysteries, and of course True Red's mighty Knuckles Haven have long passed.

It's from learning said past our futures are forged, but do any of these characters have a future? Do they even deserve a future?

Or maybe it's just best they're all forever banished to the Twilight Zone of cultural irrelevance.

Next Time: For years I said it wouldn't be done. Yet promises, like the hearts and cheekbones of fictitious rodents, were made to be broken. Will May's hedgie rectrospect-y truly be worthy of such hate? Or have revisionists painted a far worse picture over the past two decades?