patulae

Big changes are happening in my life. I am calm and happy. And have a rash on the back of my head.

09.06.18 | London The past week have been difficult. I found myself loosing control of my feelings, of the way I treat people, of the way I live my life and work for it. And I took a break from think, found the support of my beautiful friends and understood what is going on inside me. I have decided to work to grow and be happy, and generous. Who thought it would be that simple. I found the joy of doing what I love and work for it. I have been sending my PhD proposal to professors. I have made a step forward. Cut my hair. Started doing yoga in the garden again. I can work for myself, and love myself.

Back to work on the PhD proposal after a long long break. The translation is finished, the little article writing job is going to be easier this month. I’ve had time to relax and get a grip on things. And I am getting impatient. I have a list of professors and universities, but every time I am about to send the email, I get from terribly excited to disheartened - because what if they say no? And I have postponed this for a while out of fear of being rejected. But it’s time to do this. Revising some stuff before editing my proposal and sending it off to people. I can do this. And I love this so much.

And oh, I’m getting a free haircut and I’m going full Miranda July. What a glorious world we live in.

04|05|18 Had a few terribly stressful days, got a rejection letter, cannot keep up with anything, the cat is sick (taking antibiotics now tho), and I kind of hate everything I'm doing at the moment. Translation is not finished yet, some writing is taking longer than I thought, and I just keep sending job applications. I feel stressed and hopeless, even if I know I have no reason to. But it's warm today and I have a t-shirt with hearts on my nipples.