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@patchworkideas

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being an adult is so weird
You ever have those days where youāre like āthere is technically no one but yourself stopping you from randomly moving to a different country. or spending nearly three hundred bucks on a reproduction of a medieval tapestry. or learning the accordionā
and the other part of your brain is like āthereās also no one but yourself stopping you from doing the dishes. gotta do those firstā
update: i did the dishes
i also bought the reproduction medieval tapestry
I know it's unfair vilification and stuff but it's also a lot of fun to see old media and stuff where people were SO scared of big animals like lions, sharks, crocodiles and wolves were fully expected to just come and eat you the moment you stepped into their territory. In older media we also made that assumption about gorillas and in still older we thought it'd be whales. But some animals that will actually fuck you up got left behind. Boars will kill you and eat you. They're way more likely to do so than any of those other things actually. Hippos, obviously, got off like bandits always being depicted as cute and dopey. And then there's the squids. Not giant kraken size squids. The eight foot squids that hunt in packs and will fuck you up if you fall in the water at night. I can't BELIEVE people slept on that. It's like all they cared about were the huge deep sea ones we never see. The medium size wolf pack squids were right there.
Oh some of you don't know about the squids. I talked about them in another thread that went kinda viral somewhere or other but one of the reasons you should not swim in the open ocean at night in many parts of the world is that the water starts teeming with these:
And as you can see it is not like instant death, they too are just animals and they are often just gently curious about the presence of humans! But people who study and dive with sharks will tell you you're safe as long as you stay calm and know what you're doing. The world's leading professional night divers and experts on these squids, specifically??? Stress in every interview and article and paper they write in that you simply do not fuck around with these squids. They know what they're doing and they still all have at least one story of being attacked, in some cases having to be hospitalized. Considering just how rarely anybody puts themselves in the pitch dark nighttime ocean on purpose, let alone during a squid feeding frenzy, it sounds like they're quite a bit more likely to consider you potential food than other marine predators. We also don't know how many fatal attacks might have ever happened, because what humboldt squid like to do with large prey is just drag it away into the darkness forever. The two worst attacks ever proven involved two or three squid at a time latching on to a diver (in BOTH cases they were professionals and knew the risk!) and jetting straight downward with enough force that both divers suffered injury from the sudden pressure change alone, including burst eardrums, nearly passed out and they probably would have died if they hadn't broken free. In general, people who die drowning in the dark open ocean are either never found, or they're found in pieces picked over by enough scavengers that the precise cause of death can only be narrowed down to "the sea." But now you know ONE of "the sea's" possible murder weapons :)
There's a short section on Humboldt squid in Wikipedia's entry for Cephalopod attacks on humans:
And if you can get past some of Animal Planet's hokey presentation style, this video includes a bit of interview with one of those professional experts who still got nearly squidded from existence:
There is of course some debate about all this, with some arguing that all proven documented attacks occurred on people with reflective diving equipment, which they say the squid must have mistaken for the shine of fish. However, there are lots and lots of people who have to fish around these squids to survive, who do not have access to that kind of equipment, and also have a consensus that if you fall in the water when big squids are out hunting you might disappear without a trace or perhaps just get your head bitten open. With many modern science guys agreeing with this sentiment, this is one case where the "they're just misunderstood sea friends" crowd is kind of outnumbered. The sea at night is theirs and not ours is all. It's not ours during the day either but since we are neither marine nor nocturnal animals we are double fools in the eyes of the squids, which by the way are these eyes:
No for real:
Absolutely! Also, the Humboldt squid will hunt in packs, sometimes with one flashing brightly to draw attention while the others approach in near unseeable camoflage!
Beautiful footage of the nefarious sea demons also :)
Also because I can't reblog every addition together:
Okay where's the other 1199
I absolutely adore Humboldt squid. I saw a doc once where a scientist was cage diving to study them, and one of the squid squeezed it's entire massive body through the cage bars, bit the guy and squeezed right back out.
Why isnt this an animal that's already long gone viral like honey badgers once did. This is the animal that actually gives no fucks. People really are just that obsessed with bigger squids I guess? But the bigger ones frankly come across as big softies in comparison. One big sea monster can never be as intimidating as a thousand coordinated man sized sea monsters.
This is why I thought that if mermaids had a cultural equivalent to lycanthropy it'd be weresquids. Fun fact nocturnal marine life increases activity on the brightest nights ie the full moon.
This is all fascinating but I'm reblogging it exclusively for the phrase "got nearly squidded from existence."
Video captions: And stop trying to show your ex what they missed out on! Stop trying to teach your family a lesson for not believing in you! Stop trying to shit on your haters! Do it for you! Do it because you deserve it! Do it for YOU! Water your dreams with love! Donāt put no hate and resentment, and try to ā āoh Imma fucking show them, Imma showā ā FUCK THEM! Fuck them, do it for you! They donāt matter! They NEVER mattered.
ššš
I need to draw men being obnoxious to their partners and getting In The Way right now immediately.
it is it's nature to Be In The Way.
Just... Pick them up??? Grab a blanket, wrap 'em up, then move them out of the way.
the consequences of doing that:
just needed to make a conclusion to this
tbh this post is Just for the it/its crowd now. keep shining.
(but for real it makes me happy other it/its folks are getting a lil joy out of an it/its character like. casually existing and having a fun gender.)
I get asked this a lot surprisingly

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Kim Keever
āMiniature topographies inside 200-gallon fish tanks, based on traditional landscapeĀ paintings. Keever fills the tanksĀ with water once heās sculpted and placed the miniatures, and colored lights and pigments create dense, atmospheric environments.Ā He views his works as an evolution of the landscape tradition andĀ deliberately acknowledges the conceptual artifice.āĀ
i love having the hubris to go 'sure i'll try that, how hard can it be' about every creative skill under the sun. jack of all trades master of shit fuck but who says you have to be a master??? maybe i want to sew a mediocre plushie and code a janky mod and write a bland song. im having fun. im in my lane. im learning and im thriving.
I love this because like 99% of this kind of paleoart is patriarchal Man the Hunter type fantasies but these guys are just like āfuck it weāre outta hereā
we have not changed.
The Flight Before The Mammoth. Paul Jamin. 1885
Behind The Scenes Of National Geographic. Teodor Vladimorov, Brandon Smith. 2011. read more
Lunch time.
Snufkin doing whatever the fuck he does during the winter

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Arches National Park, Utah photo: Elliot McGucken
Freakin looking at me
William Mason Brown (1828-1898) "Raspberries in a Wooded Landscape" Oil on canvas Located in the Crystal Bridges Museum of American Art, Bentonville, Arkansas
@sinnahsaint saaaaame. That many berries in such good shape, fallen on a path with no berry bush obviously nearby, and at the edge of light and shadow - at best, someone has dropped their berries. At worstā¦something terrible has happened to someone, just outside the frame.
AND they dropped their berries
Those and the third possibility of an unsprung trap baited with berries.
No thank you.
These are the goblin fruits they warned us about
I find it particularly perturbing that the painting includes what appears to be a wild strawberry plant on the left, with unopened flowers. Strawberries ripen before raspberries (itās usually generally strawberries in spring, raspberries in summer) , so where did all these out-of-season raspberries even come from!?
Definitely a trap from the fae.
The way they trail into the bushes really does just scream TRAP doesn't it?
I made this, please feel free to use
I made this post a couple months ago, and I completely forgot that I made it
today has been one of the worst days of my entire life, and this post somehow made its way back to me, like a mental-health chef boyardee can.
it actually helped me a lot
have some more
I love how all of the Batman villains are like āah heās not at the manor, itās defenseless! and then alfred just racks an AK-47 and is like pull up bitch
Batmanās Villains: The butler will be easy prey!
Heās just an old manā¦he doesnāt have any of the Batmanās gadgets or training or fighting skills!
Alfred: Oh my youāre right
Thereās something else of Master Bruceās I donāt have as well
(Cocks a shotgun) A CODE AGAINST KILLING
Batmanās Villains: Wayne isnāt here to save you old man!
Alfred:
Alfred is the originalĀ āCall an ambulance ā but not for meā
@dragonpuppies I spent way too long on this
Bruce: I have a code.
Alfred: And I have a gun.
Bruce: time to remove the guns.
Alfred: good fucking luck.
Iāve peer reviewed @ebonyheartnetās addition and found that it deserves a reblog.

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you forgot the best part tho
(via @butchmuppet)
no lie, the second half of this post really helped me put a different perspective on my life and greatly the decreased the anxiety i have about my life to come
joli poli