An open letter to OBs and L&D Nurses: We Are A Team
To my colleagues in the obstetrics profession,
First I’d like to take a minute to introduce myself. My name is Tenáj Ikner. I am a labor doula and owner of Pasadena Doula Associates, a rising doula practice in Pasadena, CA. I have proudly supported your patients, my clients, and worked in tandem with you to create a birth team they can trust.
Last night, I was annoyed. There is a new miniseries on Netflix, Sex Explained. Out of the five episodes, only one caught my eye. I’m sure you can guess which one. Yep! The episode titled CHILDBIRTH. As I watched, there was one moment, a mere 20 seconds of the entire episode, that caused me the most pause, irritation, and the very reason for this letter. During the brief segment, the narrator says, “...And the natural childbirth movement brought back one of the most ancient types of labor support... Having a doula present. They’re trained birth coaches, there to support the laboring woman and make sure her wishes are being respected by the medical provider.”
"“...And the natural childbirth movement brought back one of the most ancient types of labor support... Having a doula present. They’re trained birth coaches, there to support the laboring woman and make sure her wishes are being respected by the medical provider.” " -- Sex Explained: Childbirth
WHAT?!
This is a gross and unfortunate fallacy. A professional doula IS NOT there to make sure her client’s wishes are being “respected” by you. As a professional doula, I am there as a part of a birth team my client has thoughtfully put together to support her in achieving the best birth experience possible. As a professional doula, I am there to “instill strength and reduce fear” for my clients. As a professional doula, I am there to educate and support emotionally and physically. I am not their body guard, nor to be reduced to just an “emotional support person”. There are adorable Labrador Retrievers for that.
I am NOT an advocate for my clients. They don’t need me to advocate for them. I trust they have chosen you because they believe you will help them to reach whatever their vision for their birth is. This is something I make very clear. I do not speak for them.
My interactions with my clients wishes for her birth are with her. I remind her of her goals. I push her beyond what she believes she capable of, if that what’s she’s asked me to do. And IF she changes her mind or circumstances require her to deviate from what’s on that birth plan, I help her to navigate the new territory while you shift gears and get things in order.
You, medical provider, will not have to be concerned about me coming into any birth space to “save the day”. That medical establishment is your house and I am a guest in it. I am there to support my client, keep her safe, and get that baby birthed safely, same as you. We simply have a different set of responsibilities for the same goal.
I just want you to know, I respect you, your profession, and your place on the birth team. You can bet your favorite stethoscope (I know you have one.) that I or any doula affiliated with Pasadena Doula Associates hold this same regard.
I look forward to working with you. If you see me around, please say, “Hi.”. If you have any thoughts on the matter, share them with me in the comments. Let’s dialogue and see how we can continue to collaborate.
Sincerely,
Tenaj Ikner, CD-L
