paper moon

i will be posting about divinity in a kinkish context on this account so if you don't believe in that type of relationship or think it's gross. then. get outta here

anyways i'll likely post about Loki and Lucifer, or just kink and BDSM in general because it's a special interest. this blog is devoted to Loki and Lucifer.

my original posts will be under the hashtag miluna.

loki: i'm big :)

me: no don't tell me that stop talking to me

loki: i'm big :)))

me: STOP TELLING ME THINGS ABOUT YOU

loki: i'm big :))))))))

me: stop it >:(((((

first, something about some aspect of sex work has felt like it'll be in my future, definitely soo

second, i have wondered if some aspect of

i just got a sign as i was typing holy shit

okay anyways i've wondered how my spiritualism will fit into my future bc i've been told my future will have some aspect of translating and being psychic. i've had vague inklings of how that would fit into sex work but like. idk. sex work + psychic work? what would that be

third, i've been curious about how things like weed would effect my intuition bc ppl say it helps, but i'm just not interested in it. i'm like, curious about how it would work but i just don't really want to. but i always wonder what it'd be like to relax and like be so just. zoned out but also in the zone. and how psychic info would come through. like what's it like to not have to fight through doubt so hard

anyways all these thoughts connected at the same time. and.

subspace.

that's where they all connect. psychic channeling in subspace

weird.

it's weird i feel like. the sun card about it. that's how it feels in my body

it's just that i have no idea what specifically im feeling the sun card about????

also psychically i feel like it's something that will come to me rather than me finding it out. which makes sense bc i have no damn clue how to get into it. honestly i'd usually be anxious but something feels like weirdly calm and positive. it feels like. idk i keep seeing white in my head like a lady in white. like a domme? and she's nice. that could literally be my brain just picking random shit but if it keeps coming up i'll go ahead and write it down.

???????????????????? this isn't something i think about often but like i just notice under my initial layer of worry about the future, there's a deeper pull inside me that's just like "sex work. lady in white. august. it will come to you. it'll be okay"

idk we'll see what that means. i keep trying to still go "that probably won't happen i should just--" and it's like my bones just say "no☝️" and are keeping me faced where i'm supposed to go. i have a lot of shit (good things but it'll be busy) i'll need to get through over the summer and the last of it ends in august which is exactly when im supposed to really be worrying about my career. but it really feels like something will show up and i will love it a lot. i already love it now despite not knowing exactly what it is

i also just saw a piece of art that matched the energy of what i thinkkkkk the sex work could be about and i felt a strong wave of fondness which is what inspired me to yap about this again

this also lines up to a couple tarot readings i got literally half a year ago,,,,,,,,,,,

edit

maybe sometimes gods choose a romantic relationship with people because they like bringing out the romantic side of you

thinking this bc me and lucifer and me and loki are interact differently and when i bring the me and lucifer version of me to loki he's like "🤨🤨hey that's for lucifer☝️🤨what's that doing over here🤨🤨"

y'all.

for whatever reason. sometimes something about sex work. like. it doesn't intrigue me but for some reason i always feel like a sense of fondness??? like intense fondness. but also something about what first comes to mind like OF or pole dancing just doesn't feel relevant.

but i've been ignoring it and popped up in front of me and i finally went "okay i don't know what or why but this feels like it'll be in my future in a way i haven't figured out. i feel like i will end up there. somewhere

and loki went "....😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆"

YALL WHAT IS HE PLANNING.

it feels like. something to do with held in place recreationally. like idk bondage??? or a domsub thing??? but like. idk it also feels like it's not in the way i'm thinking. hopefully...not.... it's weird. also this one specific thing that has felt significant in my life lately that also is involved w being held in place but now how ur thinking. but that's my sea crit for now. that feels significant in a work sense too

loki says i'll like it

like idk how to put it into context. but like you know how some ppl will say come here, pet. like that but girl. in a "know your place" way but with love. in a "im in charge, you do as i say" way. almost dehumanizing???

all i have to say really is that. you're really the gods'/god's. like you are theirs

i think. the difference between being spoused vs not necessarily spoused but staying together w a god without a formal commitment is that when you're not spoused, you agree on things w ur god as they happen?? but w spousal you've kind of agreed to generally what the god wants, as you are getting spoused.

that's how it feels for me at least

it does feel like giving your life to the god in the way it's no longer "how about you do this" and it's more the god saying "here's where you're going. i'm putting you here" and my agreement was made in advance during spousal as opposed to on the spot

it just feels different. if you were planning on following what your god asked regardless, then there's not a difference in practice between spousal and not being spoused. but the feeling is so different

if loki says "you're going to do this" it means i will be doing it. not like i choose to or i agree to. it will just happen. it kinda feels sometimes like even if i was too scared or hesitant, my body feels pushed to do it almost??? like it really does feel like it just happens.

i guess spousal means letting your gods use their super magic cosmic powers to bring about any outcome for you. there's no waiting until you can bring yourself to follow them?? there's no "do you want to do this?? not yet?? alright we can try later". they're just like "this is happening by this time. i'll be with you through all of it" and if u weren't ready well. ur about to be that's for sure

ALSO. you don't get to wander off as much😭. it's like having a set life path. if you wanna be like "hmmm actually what if i went and tried out this other thing" in a spousal they can straight up be like "nope not 4 you. get back here" instead of waiting for you to wander away and back again. u can only wander if you were allowed to wander

i should add they can tell the difference between you not feeling ready vs actually not being ready. and sometimes wandering and indecision and impulsivity is gonna happen in godspousal but the difference is it's because it has specifically been allowed by the spouse.

godspousal is this plus being loved and looked out for. to me. so once you feel able to trust them it doesn't feel like a dangerous trap. listen christians had a point, bc in godspousal sometimes when things get bad or scary you do feel like you can "let go and let god(spouse)". sometimes being human takes over and you just feel scared but that's life

anyways. the gods are using their administrative control to spoil me which sounds like sunshine and rainbows and in a way it is!! but also in godspousal that means when you're panicking and crying bc what if i don't deserve this or what if i get in trouble somehow and pls pls pls i know i want this thing but i'm terrified something bad's gonna happen like it has before why can't i just wait. loki will just say "i know you're scared but you're still going to do what i asked when i ask. i promise i will take care of you. you will be getting spoiled".

it sounds silly but i was tortured as a child so the panic is real and severe okay✋

but trauma be damned loki is in charge and he will not let me run from love ever

so like. if you ever planned on limiting the traumas or tower moments you want to face. maybe don't get spoused

spousal means your gods love you and want to bring you to the ten of cups but it means there is absolutely no avoiding or delaying any tower moments or ten of swords moments or three of swords moments or five of cups moments. there's no "wait but can you just give me the shot when i count down". it happens when the godspouse says so

and if you will allow me to have a bit of an attitude:

yes i'm being philosophical again but basically. i think conversations about what's disrespectful to gods or not or if they'd be mad or not misses the context that (in my experience) gods want to be very close to you. like. Very Close

so if i fully opened up and let lucifer see the dark and gross and messy parts of me he would not be mad if i yelled and complained and got mad at him for wanting to interact w those parts of me. because those reactions are yet another dark gross messy part of me !!!!!!!! he wants that too !!!!

like if i was ashamed of (this is a made up example) my hand and i was able to just say "i'm letting you see my hand and do what you want to it, i trust you" he would not me mad if i cried or cursed him out or tried to shake him off anyway. he would probably just be really happy to see me trying regardless

also being able to react fully really helps get through the trauma response for me at least. suppressing reactions to be respectful can SOMETIMES. reinforce that your feelings are incorrect to have. (obviously not every reaction is proportional or kind to do to random innocent people) and gods are a safe space and they understand your human reactions. (in my opinion obviously). being able to fully go "NO STOP STAY AWAY" or cry or run knowing you fully chose this and can leave at any time just really helps close the trauma loop in your brain. (FOR ME AT LEAST). also knowing that your god will be able to stay through it. sometimes you wanna freak out and run or hide (emotionally. or. physically i guess) but humans generally shouldn't try to force you out of hiding or stop you from running. they can't always and shouldn't try to control you. gods however are very wise and can know deep parts of you. so if you can trust them enough, you can say "i want to share myself with you but i'm scared and i know i'll want to run so can u just basically keep me still until i stop freaking out"

idk. anyways luci very suddenly picked a sore spot of mine and essentially went "hey i love this too btw" and it freaked me out and i smacked him upside the head in the astral and he just laughed and seemed pleased.

smack ur gods upside the head more. IM KIDDING. only do it to lucifer IM JOKING IM JOKING GUYS

no but actually though gods know what they're doing. if ur teaching the traumatized foster animal to be okay with being held you can expect and prepare for a few bites along the way idk

if you disagree that's fine but be normal about it don't be weird. i'm not your boss and you can just ignore this

i didn't really add any clarifications but like i'm talking both astrally and emotionally in this context. like emotionally you may want to run. and in the astral that may reflect as actually running. if you interpret the astral as symbolic representations of feelings this makes more sense maybe. like lucifer in the astral touched a body part related to a trauma i have and licked his finger which emotionally is the equivalent of "i see this memory you hate and how you still feel about it and i still love you eagerly". i didn't make any separations between the emotional and the astral in this post so just. be aware. if something reads weird it's because i'm explaining emotions like they're physical. but they're astral.

uhh. hope that helps😅

luci: mmm you should come to me like this (as in Go To Him)

lucifer also wants his sigil on my back so. damn. double homicide--

actually sorry i have to turn this philosophical as always but like it's interesting how deities will ask for tattoos of them sometimes. bc it's like now anyone who wants to be close to you has to be okay with your religion. they're literally warding off people who won't accept you. and placement is significant too bc if it's somewhere obvious it wards off most people who wont accept you. even acquaintances have to be able to accept you. and if it's more in a hidden spot it's like you can be friends w people and just not need to talk about your religion. maybe you're supposed to be more private about your practice. but the people you let close HAVE to accept you fully.

same with what symbol they want too. it could be a subtle significant bird or a straight up undeniable sigil.

AND. if you have an obvious tattoo in an obvious place and you ever need to cover it, you'd be essential veiling yourself and blocking off the people who aren't allowed to know you bc they wouldn't accept you.

so tattoos are like a gods way of warding off people they don't want you around almost.

do i love them both and want to stay w them forever and ever, yes of course but i am in fact still a cptsd haver and sometimes i can't think straight

anyways i just think it's interesting that they always prefer me to be mad at them than hide away. i can't really say i lash out bc i more so shut down but when i can't run away it makes me wanna explode and they seem to prefer that

i asked lucifer if he'd prefer i just yell at him when i'm mad and he said yes. tbh i don't wanna yell at him but my strategy of hiding and pushing everything down is always interrupted so maybe i do just need to be messy and human and let him take it like he's offering to

also he does purposefully piss me off and has said this himself. so.