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@pantlesscait

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this is the greatest tweet of 2018
How could you leave out the best reply?
how we act alone when we donât feel like we have witnesses.. that is the genuine self.. me walking around my room punching the air talking to myself in a bad southern accent, thatâs ME baby. youâre never going to know me like i know me. haha.
wow i love this
One of the truest things Iâve ever heard is that people who say theyâre âbrutally honestâ are more interested in the brutality than the honesty.
THIS.
And most of the times they arenât even honest, just hopelessly deluded.

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This is actually A+ cat management. âMirroringâ is a big thing with cats. Itâs why they will lay in similar positions several feet apart, or will come and try to do things when you do them. Itâs a sign that they love you and want to show. This cat wants to be close to its owner, and also wants to do what its owner is doing, to be involved in some way. Giving them their own thing to use is a really great way to redirect them and allow them to mirror the behavior in a non-disruptive way that frustrates neither party. This is a GOOD IDEA.
This is actually A+ cat management. âMirroringâ is a big thing with cats. Itâs why they will lay in similar positions several feet apart, or will come and try to do things when you do them. Itâs a sign that they love you and want to show. This cat wants to be close to its owner, and also wants to do what its owner is doing, to be involved in some way. Giving them their own thing to use is a really great way to redirect them and allow them to mirror the behavior in a non-disruptive way that frustrates neither party. This is a GOOD IDEA.
remember when lol meant âlaughing out loudâ instead of âthis is to indicate that this brief text isnât hostileâ
Small town culture is knowing that there are Old Folks with strange nicknames but never knowing the stories behind them.
Of course, I made the mistake of asking why everyone calls this one guy Brickaday and it turns out that he worked at a brickyard for 40 years, stealing exactly one brick every day and making no particular efforts to conceal the theft. Nobody thought anything of it until years later he was discovered to have built three houses.
His boss is said to have shrugged and made some remarks about the importance of coming up with a plan and sticking to it.
Iâm trying to arrange my face into an appropriate approximation of silent bafflement and failing miserably.
i appreciate brickaday
chaotic good
My grandpa once told me he worked with a guy called Scrappy at General Motors back in the 50s. Every few days he would wheelbarrow out metal shavings and the foreman was convinced he was stealing things and hiding them in the scrap metal to get it out of the factory. But every time theyâd go through the scrap theyâd find nothing. He was stealing the wheelbarrows.
One of my late grandfatherâs friends was called Salami because he used to steal salami and cured meats so Iâm seeing a pattern here

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I wish i wouldâve thought of this when I was in school
D&D Breakfast Time
Source
My brother just sent me this on snapchat I canât fucking stop laughing this is so stupid I hate him
whatâs going on

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john mulaney and pancakes
ok SO john mulaney has a new live show on the netflicks (the comeback kid) and i was lucky enough to see him do this act live in milwaukee this summer!!! but the recorded show is missing something special
so summer in milwaukee is known for being like. comically humid. disgustingly, oppressively humid. âcanât tell the difference between being downtown and being literally submerged in lake michiganâ humid
and poor john mulaney was wearing a nice-looking but also very warm suit. so once about every 10-20 minutes he would pause whatever spiel he was on, wipe his forehead, flutter his jacket about, regret his fashion choices and ask what was wrong with us that we donât properly air condition our venues
about halfway through the show, a woman in one of the front rows stood up and started to walk out so in classic mulaney fashion he razzed her that she couldnât take the heat either and asked her to bring him a pepsi - she didnât break stride (i would try to play it cool too if over a thousand people were suddenly watching me get razzed by mulaney)
as soon as she was out of the theatre, he turned his mic off and started yelling to those of us who were still in there
âokay guys, weâre going to play a little prank on her! can everyone hear me? WEâRE GOING TO PLAY A PRANK! at some point later in the show iâm going to say âyou know what they say in milwaukee!!â and youâre all going to wave your arm around like thisâ - he jauntily waved his arm with his first finger outstretched, like an 80 year old man doing the charleston - âand you will all shout âgimme some PANcakes!!!ââ
we did a few rehearsals of this until he was satisfied, and he turned his mic back on and continued with his act
a few minutes later the woman walked back through the theatre but passed her row, walked all the way up to the stage, and set a can of pepsi at mulaneyâs feet. he stopped, mouth agape for a moment and touched his chest. âis this really for me?â he asked. âdid i ask you for pepsi? i have no idea why i would do that, i hate pepsi.â he thanked her sincerely several times, and when she turned his back to him to return to her seat, he made frantic âkillâ motions across his throat to signal to us that the prank was off
he continued to lament the heat for the rest of his act, eventually lost the jacket and drank the gifted pepsi, grimacing cartoonishly every time. at the very end of the night he thanked us for being a great audience, thanked the woman in particular for her kindness, and triumphantly said âBECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY IN MILWAUKEE!!!â and 1 very generous women was hopelessly confused when 1299 people shouted âGIMME SOME PANCAKES!!!!!â