Do you believe in destiny?

This is the funniest thing I’ve seen in weeks. Literally, I’ve never been this funny in my entire goddamn life

perhaps you're right about a flaming sword being a useless and extremely hazardous weapon to wield but the fact remains that i am looking sexy wielding this kickass flaming sword and you are not

there’s a huge cut in my mouth but i’m eating salt and vinegar chips anyway. why, you ask? well, i’m twisted. i’m insane. a fucking cycle path. i’m da fucken jocker baby

@033h we've been saying

"toc toc toc toc you are now a porcupicicle"

“directement above your appartement”

male wifes unite! you don’t need the girl bosses, the girl bosses need you! labor is entitled to all it creates!

I'm just amazed that they managed to find someone who knew none of this

I knew what would happen and yet

The best part is that the cat’s first box was already too small. “I learned nothing and never will.”

This cat is looking and thinking “okay, but what if I fit”

i don’t think we can gaslight gatekeep girlboss our way out of this one boys

Ok, God, I am fucking wheezing, I got trained to work with mice today since I’ll need them for some experiments and the guy who trained me was like, “Yeah ok so if there’s a day where you just absolutely cannot get your mice to cooperate you can always do this” and picks up this cone-shaped bag and just put the mouse face-first into it and shows it to me and I lose my shit because deadass it was a piping-bag of mouse. Like, the whole mouse was pressed into this cone, fur and ears and feet all pressed up against the plastic, tail sticking up absurdly out of the top of the thing. It was so unimaginably fucking funny but like the mouse was perfectly ok with it, there’s a hole for air at the bottom so she could breathe and all but it was genuinely the most absurd thing I have witnessed in months

you will be turned to icing if you don’t start acting correctally.

Cone of shame

the difference between tumblr and twitter is that pretty much everyone on tumblr needs some kind of compassionate intervention in their lives, but at a low background level. Twitter has 99% normies succumbing to internet brainrot and 1% just the most outlandish personalities you’ve ever seen. 

your average tumblr personality is a shaking dog in a Sarah McLachlan appeal, with enough time and care they can be rehabilitated and placed in a loving home. your average big-time twitter account should be sent to a prison colony on the moon

how quickly we forget our past on this site…

#DO NOT CITE THE DEEP MAGIC TO ME WITCH#I WAS THERE WHEN IT WAS WRITTEN