where  once  was  an  eager  curiosity  to  engage  in  school,  something  so  normal  everyone  had  to  do  it  –  all  she  felt  was  a  heated  frustration.  a  pressure  against  her  chest,  and  a  loss  at  her  lack  of  understanding.  but  what  strikes  her  oddest  of  all  is  mike’s  ignorance  too,  once  thinking  him  to  be  possibly  the  smartest,  shadowed   only  by  dustin,  but  still.  confusing  didn’t  seem  to  cut  it,  it  was  …  “ stupid. ”  her  voice  comes  with  a  bite  behind  it,  anger  climbing  upward.  a  hand  hits  the  table  as  she  looks  at  the  equation  again,  finding  the  numbers  and  well  she  gets  to  the  letter,  and  then  the  end  of  the  equation  and  it’s  just  …  A  WALL.  looking  back  at  him,  her  eyebrows  slightly  knit,  expression  softens  to  indicate  that  she  doesn’t  mean  him.   “ can  we  do  something  else ?  my  head  is  hurting. ”

“    i don’t sound like that. and yeah, it’s chambers street.   ” she leaned her head against the window, getting visibly irritated at the question being dodged. dickhead. it reminded her of how hard it was to get everyone together back at home. the back and forth. being ditched. only one person showing up. it made her stomach heave, and forced her to roll down the window for fresh air. the thought of her previous friend group made tara’s stomach heave, forcing her to roll down the window.     “    i know amber isn’t fine. whenever we all hang out, the vibe always changes y’know?       ”  

   the ( two ) cups of alcohol  from earlier started kicking in, making the walk from the party to the car feel like a decade. she couldn’t help but to think that they should go back and wait for the others, despite mike saying he’d rather not. her inebriated mind still couldn’t wrap around it.   “     why don’t you like her?    ” she opened the door, standing still for a second before practically throwing herself in the car and shutting the door.  “    amber, i mean. you never liked her?     ”  

“    we can just go back to the dorms. mindy is waiting for her anyway. i think.   ”  tara pulled out her phone, waving the cigarette smoke out of her face. “    god, i’m going to have an asthma attack - look. there’s a party there and we can just… party hop.     ” she pushed herself off of the steps before offering a hand. she knew trying to explain why they should wait for amber would go nowhere, which angered her for a moment. oh, well.    “    let’s go. deena said she’ll meet us there.    ”  

           she starts to laugh,  but catches herself when she steals a glance at mike to find the sincerity of his expression.  god,  she’d  struck  a  nerve.  she wasn’t even trying,  this time around.  like,    𝗌𝖾𝗋𝗂𝗈𝗎𝗌𝗅𝗒 & 𝗍𝗈𝗍𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 & 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗉𝗅𝖾𝗍𝖾𝗅𝗒    –––  well.  maybe a little bit.    ❝ that’s not  ––  ❞    she can’t help the smile,  however brief,  the absurdity of her defending her position.   popular?  she rids herself of it finally as a grimace overtakes her features.     ❝ i wasn’t saying that.  ❞     brows furrow,  now taking genuine offense. 

            ❝ and i’m not –––––––  ❞    the smile returns,  in part,  uncomfortable & accompanied by a quick,  breathy laughter.   ❝ just because,  like,  you don’t hang out with the same people anymore,  doesn’t mean you don’t like them.  i’m just saying high school is just,  um   ––   i mean,  like,  totally bizarre.  and different.  that’s all.  ❞         backtrack,  backtrack.         ❝ you’re probably going to make new friends.  which is,  like  ––  ❞       another glance stolen as he grip on the steering wheel tightens.         a smile comes back in full,  this time purposeful.        ❝ exciting.  right?  ❞ 

“    wait… oh my GOD.    ” she abruptly made a stop, kicking up dirt in the process. the moment felt like a comedy movie to her. oh, he can’t be fucking serious. when it came to mike, ( or just people in general ), max couldn’t help but to be blunt. she grinned at him, letting a scoff slip from her mouth.   “     you mean to tell me all of this going back and forth was for… no reason.        ”  her grin faded instantly. there was never a moment where she wasn’t fighting the urge to hit mike wheeler in the head with a mallet.    “     yeah, bullshit.        ”

“    i’m just busy, okay?   ” he responded calmly, pinching the bridge of his nose. most of what he said was true ( at least in lucas’ eyes ), he hasn’t hung out with dustin in weeks.   “    sometimes i can hang out and sometimes i can’t. but whenever we do hang out, nothing fun happens.       ”  

“  oh ,    so    suddenly    we    aren’t    fun ?    what ,    you’re    too    cool    for    us    now ?    and    why    do   you   even    want    to   be   one    of   those    asshole   jocks   anyway ?  ”    the    conversation    had    been   set    off   like    a    bottle    rocket . 

           ❝  oh,  shut up.   it so is.  ❞   mouth hangs agape as she struggles to find the words to back up her point,  but she knows,  instinctively,  that she’s right in this.  ❝  i mean,  like,  with  𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥  gone and all,  and didn’t you say lucas was  ––  in lacrosse or something?   i just figured you guys were all kinda getting too old for dungeons and gargoyles.  ❞    she throws her gaze to mike,  only briefly before returning to to the road;    ❝  listen,  i’m just  ––  saying.    it happens.  like,  people,  you know …   grow up.  change.  or,  whatever.   ❞

          she offers a shrug,  repositioning herself uncomfortably.  she was never one to give social life advice,  given her noticeable lack of one,  but on the subject of changing circles,  she figured she at least held some minor amount of expertise.  still,  she was realizing with increasing speed that this was a stupid topic to undertake.  not great morning commute converation.    ❝  jesus,  look,  um  ––  sorry i mentioned it. ❞          [   ᴀ ʙᴇᴀᴛ.   ]           ❝  so,   like,    you guys have …   plans  …   to play it?   sometime?  ❞

he    pushed    himself    against    the    seat    with    so    much    force    that    when    the    back    of    his    head    connected    with   the    headrest    he   felt    what   was    surely    his    brain    bouncing    off    the    inside    of    his    skull .    the    car    felt    suddenly    like    a    cage .    he    felt    his    head    begin    to    hurt .     “  no .    we    don’t .  ”    

jane    and    mike    sat    on    the    patio .    sharing    orange    slices ,    smiling    sweetly    to   each    other .    only    will    knew    how    unhappy    she    was .    when    she    told    mike    about    the    sleepovers ,    the    birthday    bash ,    the    pool    party ,    he    wouldn’t    question    her .    he    wouldn’t    know   how    skilled    she    had    become    in    lying . 

“  i    wish    you    never    had    to    leave .  ”    she    tore    an    orange    slice    between    her    thumbnails    and    began    picking    at    the    pulp .    /    @palaedin