➳ hey my dudes, so I don’t really know if I’ll keep writing for tbz bc of the whole haknyeon debacle; it’s so fucked up and it hasn’t really sunk in that he’ll seriously won’t come back to the group, and the boys are quiet on it and he has Tor ight this injustice in court and I haven’t really heard any big resistance from deobi either so I’m just kind of fed up with their company and the fandom and the other boys, even or whatever
REQS CLOSED | BETA READERS
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synopsis ▸ when jiung gets caught practically stripping on stage, you’re none too happy to find out just how showy your boyfriend is for his fans. but when you banish him from the bedroom, he manages to weasel his way back into more than just your bed.
δ — nsfw (mdni), smut, extremely needy jiung, degradation/anger kink, fucking while they're mad sorta, one sided arguments (reader yells and jiung just takes it and gets horny), unprotected sex, creampie
ᯓ an — thank u lily for bringing my motivation back with this scrumptious idea <3 this is just porn with a little plot bc i would be mad asf if i was his gf and he was out on stage lifting his shirt and telling people its because he was wet yeah u were mf i see u
“Choi Jiung.”
Jiung hasn’t even taken one step into his home, and he knows already that he’s in deep, deep shit.
For what, he can’t surmise. Though he might have an inkling.
He shuts the door behind him very slowly, takes his shoes off very slowly, then rounds the corner from the hall into the living room very, very slowly.
And there you are, standing against the island with your arms crossed. You don’t look angry, and that’s the worst part. You just stare at him, expecting, like he’s the one who called this impromptu intervention.
He doesn’t dare speak first because he knows whatever he says will be the wrong thing anyway.
But when you keep staring at him, eyes growing narrower by the micron as the steely seconds pass, he’s left with no choice.
“I missed you—“
“What the hell is this?” Your voice makes him step back, startled at the sudden way you step forward and shove your phone into his space.
He blinks rapidly, the screen coming into focus.
It’s a looped, blurry video of him on Twitter, lifting his shirt and exposing himself—butterflies and all—in the middle of a performance, on stage and in front of thousands of people... thousands of women. Well, that’s what it seems like but all he remembers is trying to detach the sticky fabric off his skin.
But watching it now, it looks… suspicious… and when he lifts his gaze back to you, the glare explains it all.
“Wait, no, that’s not what it—“
“Not what it looks like?” You huff, shoving the phone in your pocket. He stammers silently, unsure how he’s somehow said the wrong thing again.
“The shirt was wet! I was—“
“So you had to flash everyone?”
Well, truly he can’t remember what he was doing. His brain goes on autopilot sometimes during the shows and the questionable things he does aren't really in his control. That’s stage Jiung, not normal Jiung. Stage Jiung is the promiscuous harlot, not him!
He means to say all of this. But all his brain can make him do is gape like a fish.
You click your tongue, and in his 24 years of life Jiung has never felt so chastised—not even when his dad found him after he ran away from home that second time.
You turn to leave and Jiung lurches forward, grabbing you by the arm.
“Love, I promise that wasn’t me—“
Okay, that came out wrong.
You whip around again, your glare somehow even sharper, and Jiung nearly curls into himself.
“Oh? Who was it then, prancing around the stage like a show whore?”
His face burns, his body burns. He knows you’re upset with him, but his dick doesn’t seem to get that hint.
He swallows down his pride, wringing his hands together, eyes flitting away. “…Stage Jiung?”
The silence is somehow worse.
Then a sigh, and you’re turning away again.
“You’re sleeping on the couch tonight.”
And you leave him there, kind of scared that he’d actually pushed it too far this time, and kind of turned on that it just makes him want to push more.
𓆩⟡𓆪
You should’ve known that banishing Jiung to the living room would be a fruitless attempt. He’s clingier than you are possessive, and keeping him away from you for more than a workday is like depriving him of oxygen.
So, soon enough, when it hasn’t even been an hour since you’d tucked into bed, you hear his soft footsteps pad eagerly up to your door.
You take a breath, mentally preparing yourself for a war of attrition, completely determined to not let him win this time.
Even his quiet, endearing little “jagi?” as he pokes his head into the room doesn’t sway you. You shut your eyes quickly in hopes that he’ll just change his mind and go away.
He doesn’t.
“I know you’re not asleep,” he says, and his tone is so stringy and drawn out and warm in the way that makes you want to coddle him that you nearly hurl a pillow at his head.
It makes you violent sometimes just how cute he can be with his voice alone.
You let out an irritated huff, sharply turning to face away from him.
Like the nuisance that he is, he crawls into the space behind you anyway. You curse yourself for not keeping it all occupied to steer him away.
He’s quiet for a while, and you’re fine to just let it go and go to sleep without saying anything to make your point, but then he’s talking to you again in that tiny voice of his.
“Are you really ignoring me?”
You grit your teeth. Yes, you yell telepathically.
It’s a strategy, you remind yourself. He knows how to weaponize his cuteness. You’re not falling prey to it again.
You feel a gentle tug at your hair—he must be twirling it around his finger like he always does when he wants to just be connected to you somehow.
You’re about to turn around and bat him away—but then he’s plastering himself to your back.
“Please don’t ignore me,” he whines into the back of your head. Then, he grinds his hips against your ass, and your eyes snap open at the prominent hardness you feel prodding against you. He buries his face into your shoulder, his hot breath hitting your neck. “‘M so hard… help me?”
You squeeze your eyes shut, pursing your lips as you turn your face into the pillow.
Fuck, what the hell are you supposed to do now?
Nothing, your brain supplies.
But Jiung gets restless without attention, and very persistent. He’s bound to wear you down.
Whatever, he hasn’t earned the grace of your attention. If he wants to get off, he can get off himself.
“Tried on my own. Didn’t work,” he grumbles like he’s got a gateway into your inner thoughts.
You hold in a gasp as he adjusts himself to slot his bulge against you, giving just enough pressure against you that has you nearly pushing back for more. You hold yourself strong.
And he hates it, clicking his tongue as he ruts helplessly against you again like that’ll get you to cave.
“Jagi,” he whines again, drawing out the word as he shoves his face into the back of your head.
You swallow down your hammering heart, squeezing your thighs shut to quell the growing burn.
The thin fabric of your sleep shorts is a feeble barrier to hide the way his cock pulses against you with heavy need.
He lets out a short grunt, frustrated when you still don’t respond.
“Fine,” he huffs and you can almost hear the pout.
You think it’s a cue to him leaving and you nearly protest the idea—until you hear the shuffle of clothes and then feel the blunt head of his cock nudging against the back of your clothed cunt.
“Just—” He cuts off with a guttural groan as he traces your slit, the heated line of pressure of his cock carving through you as he pushes into the warm crevice created between your thighs.
His arms wrap around your waist, clinging desperately as he messily bucks into you, slathering your silk shorts with his precum and quickly making you make a mess of it too with your own growing arousal.
“Please,” he mumbles, words slurred against your ear. “Jus’ let me have this… just this, ‘ma make you feel—hah—feel good too…”
You fight to hold in every little noise that threatens to escape you whenever he nudges against your clit, but the pressure is so quick and short lived that you kind of want to throw a tantrum and demand he fuck you properly. But that would mean him winning. And you’re very egotistical in that sense, maybe even worse than him.
Your fist clutches into the sheets as he drives himself against you, very uncoordinated and clumsy, but the careless noises that spill out of him that he would normally contain point to that fact that he couldn’t give more of a fuck about anything if it doesn’t mean him getting to cum.
And it’s becoming almost unbearable for you to hold it all in, with the thick pressure of his cock sliding against your heat just a barrier away, so hot and so enticing.
Your cunt weeps with the emptiness. And you nearly sob when he stops moving, just for a second.
“‘M sorry I’ve been misbehaving,” he mumbles into your ear, gasping when he starts to rut into you again, even quicker and even clumsier. “Promise it was a mistake… fuck—” he breaks when his cock slips into the leg of your shorts, pushing into the wet mess of your folds.
You can’t hold your gasp back then, your body seizing at the sudden friction of his bare cock against you.
“Sorry,” he gasps, but just starts to fuck into that space anyway, apparently not very sorry.
He holds your hip with one hand to keep you still, whimpering when his tip catches against your hole.
And instead of heeding his own word to get himself off and pulling away, he pushes in.
“Sorry!” He gasps again, grunting at the tight heat of you clamping down at the sudden intrusion.
“J-Jiung,” you heave, starting to squirm, but your train of thought gets completely derailed when he starts chanting ‘sorry, sorry, sorry,’ as he just pushes in and in and in until he’s seated deep inside you.
You both settle with deep, shuddering breaths, bodies seized tight to get used to the feeling after days of nothing.
And then you push your hips back, just a little, and the dam breaks.
He clamps both his hands on your hips, pulls you back into an arch, and starts pounding into you, whispering and begging and sobbing into your hair about how he needs you, wants you, has to cum in you or he won’t be able to sleep.
And it drives you mad, how even after thoroughly pissing you off, he somehow manages to piss you off even more with how good he can fuck that anger out of you.
Your body melts into the mattress as he flips you down and pistons you into it, muttering his apologies and singing his gratitude.
“Won’t be bad ever again,” he vows into the back of your shoulder as he fucks right into that gummy spot inside you. “‘M just yours—fuck, thankyouthankyouthankyou—fuck!”
His cock pulses inside you, but just before he can spill, he rips himself off of you and flips you over.
Because Jiung has an obsession with filling you with his cum that it doesn’t matter what position you’re in, he’ll fold you in half and drive in as deep as he can to make sure he’s giving it to you properly.
And you lay there, eyes rolled to the back of your head as the warmth of his cum pools deep in your womb, his head buried in your chest, that you thank whatever power that’s out there that makes him act like a whore on stage, because none of them know just what Jiung reduces himself to for you and only you.
SYNOPSIS. You’re devastated to discover that your flower shop’s latest high-profile wedding booking belongs to Hansol’s family, your first love and deepest heartbreak. Believing he’s the groom, you silently endure designing the perfect romantic day, only interacting with the bride and the planner to protect your own heart.
PARING. Vernon x F!Reader
GENRE | TAGS. One-shot, non idol!au, exes to lovers, second chance, comedy, angst, smut.
WC. 25k
RATING. Explicit adult content (MINORS DNI).
WARNINGS. HEAVY miscommunication, the names Hannah, Angela, Leonor and Poppy are being used, small (tiny even) car accident, swearing, panic attack symptoms, mentions of parkinson's disease, light alcohol use, jealousy/mild possessive behavior, lots of making out, brief dry humping, unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, oral (f. receiving), fingering, eating out, soft dom!hansol, body worship, hair pulling, multiple positions (only two but).
AN. 1. I chose to ignore the fact that Hansol has a pollen allergy. 2. I loved writing this. There's a lot of my personal life in this story, and I'm honestly really proud of how it turned out, so I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. 3. The meanings of the flowers mentioned in this comes from a very, very old magazine that belongs to my great aunt (we're talking 2003), so credits to Editora Abril (i guess). 4. I'd also like to say that this is very late lol, but I'm happy it's finally here.
🎧 SOUNDTRACK. moving along - 5 seconds of summer, minto pra quem perguntar - anavitoria, love me again - v, a couple minutes - olivia dean, if you leave me - seventeen, i'm scared i’ll never sleep again - 5 seconds of summer, still - niall horan, come back to me - rm, lover of mine - 5 seconds of summer.
— This is written for @svthub' First Blooms Collab ! Thank you so much for hosting the collab and for letting me be a part of it!
Blue violets — melancholy of lost love and the pain of being forgotten.
The sheer, unadulterated irony of life is that it doesn't just kick you when you're down. It waits until you're wearing your favorite blouse, gives you a dazzling smile, and then shoves your face into a puddle of mud. Or, in your case, a puddle of very expensive imported white hydrangeas.
You're sitting on the edge of your office desk, starting down at a piece of paper that feels less like a financial lifeline and more like a beautifully calligraphed nightmare: a retainer check.
How can a retainer check be a nightmare, you ask?
Well, the number written on it is large enough to cover your shop's rent for the next nine months, pay your employees for the rest of the year, replace the temperamental walk-in cooler that has been threatening to freeze your hydrangeas to death since October, and still leave enough to tackle the thousand other expensive problems lurking in both your business and personal life.
But it's the last name signed in the bottom right corner that's making the room spin.
Chwe.
You see, New York City has over eight million people. It spans five massive boroughs, boasts thousands of blocks, and houses hundreds of high-end floral designers who would gladly sacrifice their firstborn child for a wedding budget this astronomical. If you want a floral arch in Manhattan, you're spoiled for choice.
Yet, out of every flower shop on the island, the universe decided to guide this specific bride right through the glass doors of Poppy's Garden.
It's hilarious, really. If you don't laugh, you're probably going to throw up.
"Y/N, sweetie, are you still with us?" Angela's voice cuts through your spiraling thoughts.
As one of Manhattan's most sought-after wedding planners, she's known for two things: flawless events and a bun the size of a pear, pulled so tight it could double as a facelift. It isn't the first wedding you've worked with her, and judging by her ever-growing client list, it certainly won't be the last.
"Yes! Sorry," you say, blinking yourself back to the present as you quickly force your lips into a bright, professional smile. A few quick blinks bring the two women seated across from your desk back into focus. "Just… marveling at the scope of this. It's an incredible vision, Hannah."
Hannah — the bride to be — beams at you. She is quite literally a walking angel. With glossy, shoulder length hair, a soft laugh, and eyes that crinkle at the corners whenever she talks about her upcoming wedding. She's impossible to hate. Over the last forty-five minutes of your consultation, she hasn't made a single bridezilla demand. She even brought you a latte from the café down the street because she remembered you mentioning it in your initial email thread.
She is lovely. She is kind. And you're currently fighting the deeply irrational urge to bolt out the back door because you're almost certain she's marrying the love of your life.
"I know it's a lot," Hannah ventures, leaning forward to rest her hands on her knees. A massive diamond ring nearly blinds you for a split second. "But the moment I saw your portfolio online, I told Angela this is it. Your style is so romantic, so organic. I don't want traditional arrangements. I want something that feels alive."
The corners of your mouth lift. "You came to the right place."
"And when I told my in-laws about you, they insisted we book you immediately. They said my fiancé and I deserved nothing but the absolute best."
Your stomach lurches violently. Yep, you might actually throw up.
When the initial inquiry form landed in your inbox two weeks ago, signed simply by Hannah's Events, you'd noticed the groom's last name buried in the details: Chwe & Yang. A knot of suspicion had settled in your gut right then. Hansol's last name wasn't exactly rare, but it wasn't particularly common in New York high society either.
Of course, you had brushed it off. Don't be ridiculous, you told yourself. You're just projecting. You hadn't seen or spoken to him in four years, and now you were convinced every Chwe in the tri-state area was him.
But seeing his father's full name printed right there on the memo line of the check was no coincidence. It was simply all the confirmation you needed.
You stare down at the signature again. The man who used to grill burgers for you on the rare weekends you and Hansol managed to escape your university schedules and visit his family home. The same man who had looked at you with concern during your final semester, knowing—just as you and Hansol had known—that the two of you were about to be pulled in opposite directions.
Did they know the shop belonged to you now? Would they have sent Hannah there on purpose?
You want to believe—and hope—not. There's no way they could have known. You changed the shop's name when you took over, renovated the whole space. Besides, Hansol's parents had never been unpleasant or cruel to you. If anything, they loved you like a daughter throughout your entire relationship.
"So…" Angela pulls you back as she taps her pen against her iPad screen, eyes narrowing slightly, clocking your sudden drop of energy. "The budget covers the rehearsal dinner, the full ceremony installation, the reception, bouquets for the bride and bridesmaids, boutonnieres, twenty-five grand in table centerpieces, and so much more. We need a firm commitment today, Y/N.”
Angela had never been one to beat around the bush. Time was money, and you knew that better than anyone, because it was for you too.
“So, if your shop can't handle a production this size, I have three other florists on standby."
Say no, your brain screams. Tell her you're fully booked. Tell her you have a sudden rose allergy. Tell her you're closing the shop and moving.
You look past Angela's shoulder, out in front window of your shop. A couple walks by, laughing, as they duck from a sudden drizzle. Inside, the shelves are beautifully curated, filled with imported vases, delicate terrariums, and the fragrant scent of eucalyptus and fresh-cut roses. This shop is everything you have sacrificed over the last four years.
When university ended, you knew Hansol was going to Los Angeles to chase his dreams in music. You had every intention of following him, hoping to land a position at a prestigious botanical conservatory, a future your degree in botany had made possible, and one you'd been working toward for years.
Then the bomb dropped, and just like that, the choice to take over the shop was made for you.
You loved each other fiercely. You had tried the long-distance thing, the late-night calls, the clashing time zones, counting down the hours just to hear his voice. But love, in the end, hadn't been enough to bridge the gap between you.
And the thing is… if you reject this contract, you might not be able to pay rent next month. The landlord has already sent his second warning. If you walk away to protect your bruised, fragile little heart from watching your first love marry someone as lovely and adorable as Hannah, you lose the very business you broke up with him to keep.
Talk about a cosmic joke.
"Y/N?" Hannah's voice pulls you back to the present yet again, her brows furrowing with genuine concern. "Are you okay? You look a little pale. We can totally scale back the thousand peonies if it's too much for your team—"
"No!" you blurt out, voice a little too high, a little too desperate. You quickly smooth down your apron, fingers pressing the fabric flat, and paste a reassuring smile back onto your face. "No, Hannah, I'm so sorry. I was just mentally calculating the flower orders."
Guilt needles at you for lying to someone so nice as her. But what else can you do? Tell her the truth? Yeah, absolutely not.
You swallow hard, then press on. "Summer is a busy season the Dutch auctions, and I want to make sure we secure the best batches for you. The thousand peonies are entirely doable." You manage another smile, somehow steadier this time. "It's going to be breathtaking."
Hannah lets out an audible and visible sigh of relief, her shoulders dropping. "Oh, thank goodness. You really scared me for a second. I've been dreaming about this since I was a little girl."
Another wave of guilt settles into your chest. Looking at Hannah, you feel like a monster. She's sitting there, entirely innocent, sharing her dream wedding with a florist who used to blow her fiancé under the table when he was working from home. She doesn't know. To her, you're just a vendor helping build her fairytale. To you, she's the woman living the life with Hansol that you had to let go of.
And you can't ask about him. You seriously cannot bring yourself to say his name out loud in this context. Where he is the groom and you're not the bride.
Angela claps her hands together once, completely oblivious to the emotional warfare happening inside your head. "Excellent!" She slides a thick, leather-bound contract across the table toward you. "If you'll just sign on the dotted line, we can lock in the timeline. We'll be handling all communication through my office, of course. Hannah is very busy with dress fitting, and the groom is currently out of state, so you won't have to worry about coordinating with him at all. It'll just be us."
He's out of state right now. Of course he is. You'd bet you even know the address.
"Perfect!" Your fingers tremble slightly as you pick up the pen. In your ears, your voice seems to belong to someone else. "That sounds perfectly fine."
You don't look at Hannah as you press the pen to the paper. You don't think about Hansol's laughter, or the way his brown hair looked when you ran your fingers through it, or the promises you made in a cramped dorm room, ones that neither of you could keep. You just focus on the blue ink flowing onto the page, binding you to the biggest contract of your shop, and the absolute worst nightmare of your life.
Pink eglantines — a wound that will not heal.
Nothing says out-of-body experience quite like standing in your ex-boyfriend's parent's backyard, clipboard in hand, discussing the placement of fifty thousand dollars' worth of imported white hydrangeas for his wedding to another woman. Forget roller coasters. If someone asked you for a guaranteed adrenaline rush, you'd recommend this instead.
You didn't even have so much as the luxury of a warning. One minute you were plugging the address into your GPS, convincing yourself it was just another private estate in Scarsdale, and then next, your beat-up delivery van was rolling past a set of wrought-iron gates you had driven through a thousand times before.
Your feet automatically steer around the loose stone on the third step of the grand patio as you walk in, guided by nothing more than muscle memory. You know better than stepping on it. Hansol used to trip over it every single time you were here, despite knowing it was there. You know they've probably fixed it by now, but your body avoids it instinctively.
Beyond the patio, the massive, rolling insanely green backyard stretches out before you, looking exactly as it did in your memories. Only now, it's being measured for Hansol's wedding.
Considering everything, you're not surprised your heart is currently performing a full Olympic gymnastics floor routine inside your ribcage instead of simply skipping a few beats.
On the bright side, Angela and Hannah had both mentioned that Hansol was out of state, which meant he didn't have time to be here. And really, that was the only thing keeping you from climbing back into your van and driving to literally any other state instead of heading back into the city.
"Y/N, look at this space." Hannah's voice bubbles with pure excitement as she sweeps her arm toward the perfectly manicured lawn. "We're thinking the main floral arch should go right between those two ancient oak trees. What do you think?"
You swallow the dry lump in your throat the size of a golf ball. You were there for a topographical venue preview, florist speak for scoping out exactly how much rigging you'd need to suspend thousands of dollars' worth of foliage around the space and turn it into something out of a fairytale
"It's… it's beautiful, Hannah," you manage to squeak out, your throat drier than the dehydrated fern on your left.
You grip your clipboard a little tighter, holding it like a shield against the ghosts of your own past trying to hunt you down.
You know exactly how the light hits those oak trees at sunset. You know that because Hansol kissed you breathless against the trunk of the left one the first time he brought you here, exactly at sunset. So yes, professionally speaking, it's a perfect location. Every photograph taken beneath it will be breathtaking.
You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to force the memory away as you pretend it's just the sunlight bothering them.
Professional. You are a professional. Look at the perimeter. Measure the archway. Leave.
Before you can spiral any further, you take a deep breath, raise your laser measuring tape, and aim it at the lower branches of the oak tree.
You're focused on measuring and writing everything down when, a few minutes later, the distinct scent of a jasmine perfume drifts through the small boxwood hedges. Every survival instinct you own kicks into overdrive. You know that perfume very well because it belongs to Hansol's mother. It's the same one that used to linger on the hugs she'd pull you into whenever you arrived for Sunday dinners. You know it by heart.
"Hannah, dear, you have to see the caterer's mock-up for the champagne tower!"
Her voice slices through the air, sweet and melodic as ever. Your entire body locks up, pencil freezes against the paper, blood draining from your face so fast you actually feel dizzy.
Hannah waves happily toward the veranda. "Oh, there's my mother-in-law! Eomeonim, this is—"
You don't think. You just act.
"You know what?" you cut her off. "I need to go measure the clearance on the side gate really quickly. I just want to make sure our delivery carts can fit."
The lie slips out effortlessly, punctuated by nervous laughter, your feet already carrying you backward.
"I'll just be a minute!"
Without waiting for Angela or Hannah to reply, you duck behind a massive, towering trellis covered in ivy, pressing your back against the wooden slats. You hold your breath, heart hammering a frantic rhythm against your chest. Through the gaps in the leaves, you watch Mrs. Chwe glide down the stone steps, looking immaculate in a polka-dot dress.
She's gesturing toward the very spot you were standing thirty seconds ago as she speaks, "It's going to be placed right over there, near the rose garden," Mrs. Chwe explains to someone you can't see.
"It's perfect, eomeonim," Hannah says, her voice carrying genuine excitement. "You've been so incredibly helpful. I know how much this must be."
"Nonsense," Mrs. Chwe replies, stopping just a few feet away from your hiding spot. You hold your breath for what feels like the hundredth time since you got here, terrified that the erratic thumping of your heart might give you away. "It is my absolute pleasure."
You watch her gently stroke Hannah's arm, and something pinches in your chest. You can't stop thinking that you've stood in that exact spot in her life before.
Mrs. Chwe continues, turning her attention to Angela. "Our family has hosted many events here, but this one is different. It has to be flawless."
"It will be," Angela answers smoothly. If she's intimidated, she doesn't show it. "That's why we assembled the best team possible."
She nods once, satisfied. "It is my son’s big day, after all." Her gaze sweeps across the lawn, taking in the measurements, the sketches, the carefully marked plans. A smile softens her features. "He deserves nothing but absolute perfection."
My son's big day.
You brain desperately claws for an alternative—any alternative—but your own memories immediately slam the door shut.
It couldn't be his brother. It simply couldn't.
You vividly remember sitting at their family dinner table, listening as Seungcheol raised his glass and toasted to his freedom after his latest brutal breakup. He'd declared, loud enough for the entire family to hear, that he was going to remain a bachelor for life and leave Hansol and — ironically — you to carry on with the family name.
In your memories, Seungcheol was a cynical and independent corporate workaholic who viewed marriage as nothing more than a bad business merger. Hansol was the romantic one, even if he had his own, very particular, way of showing it. So, if a Chwe son was finally standing beneath a floral arch in the backyard, the math pointed to only one devastating conclusion.
You cannot stay here. You cannot spend another second scouting this property without throwing up your breakfast all over their perfect lawn.
You wait through agonizingly five long minutes until Mrs. Chwe links her arm through Hannah's and guides her back toward the sweeping doors of the sunroom. The moment the doors click shut behind them, you practically sprint toward the front of the house, this time tripping on the third step of the grand patio but barely registering it.
You throw yourself into the driver's seat of your cargo van at record speed, slamming the door shut behind you, hands shaking so violently you drop the keys twice before finally jamming them into the ignition. You put the van into reverse, back out of the side lot, and start down the long driveway, making a mental note to text Angela and apologize for the sudden escape.
You just want to get back to the safety of your flower shop. To bury yourself in your flowers and customer invoices and pretend none of this is happening.
You don't even realize you're crying until you feel the wet streak on your cheek, your vision starting to blur with frustrated tears, mind a swirling tornado of grief and panic. You press your foot harder on the gas, reversing the van far too fast down the gravel path, so consumed by the panic that you barely register what happens next until it's already a disaster.
See, the house has a long, winding driveway lined with ancient, thick-trunked oak trees—just like the ones in the garden—forming a blind curve near the iron gates at the entrance. On the drive out, the only thought in your mind is that you just need to reach the street, back to the safety of city asphalt.
You even check your rear-view mirror for a fraction of a second, clearing the blind curve. But apparently, whoever is watching over you isn't on your side today.
BAM.
It isn't a tap, much less a gentle bump. It's a bone rattling, deafening crunch of metal on metal that throws you forward against your seatbelt, the strap locking painfully across your collarbone. The van lurches to a violent halt shattered plastic, screeching tires, then the sickening hiss of a damaged radiator.
"Oh my god," you gasp in horror, the wind completely knocked out of you. "No, no, no, no."
Great. Perfect. Just what your terrible, horrible day needed: some rich delivery driver—or a catering scout, whatever—rear-ending your bumper. Rage, hot and bubbling and fueled entirely by heartbreak, surges in to replace your panic.
"Are you fucking kidding me?!" you yell at the empty cabin.
One of your hands flies to your face, rubbing your temples as a shockwave of adrenaline floods your system. You throw the van into park, your legs feeling like overcooked spaghetti as you shove your door open and step out onto the gravel driveway, ready to absolutely lose your shit on whoever hit you.
Directly behind your delivery van, its front bumper aggressively crumpled against your rear doors, is a sleek, dark, expensive-looking SUV. Smoke, or maybe steam, curls lazily from the cracked grille of the black car.
It doesn't take a genius to realize the accident might have been your fault after all. Of course it has.
You let out a small whine, an incredulous sigh escaping you.
"I am so sorry!" Your voice crackles as you rush toward the driver's side of the SUV. "I was backing up too fast, I didn't see you coming around the—"
The driver's door swings open, and within seconds it takes the person to step out of the car, your breath hitches so sharply you choke on the crisp air.
Hansol.
He's much taller now. How is he possibly taller? Aren't people supposed to stop growing at a certain age?
Even though years have gone by, he still looks as boyish as ever, complemented by the sharp angles of his jaw and his naturally relaxed shoulders. His eyes are exactly the same kind of brown, only even more beautiful under the sunlight, currently widening in absolute, unadulterated shock as they lock onto your face.
His hair is shorter than you remember, still graced by the most perfect shade of brown you’ve ever seen, and goddammit, how did the hell get more handsome?
The silence that settles between you bothers you more than you care to admit. The universe seems to pause somehow, and for a second, you think even the birds stop singing. Even the hissing radiator seems to hold its breath.
You stare at each other across the three feet of gravel separating you, neither blinking, nor entirely convinced the other is real and not just a stress-induced hallucination.
God, you're going to throw up.
"Y/N?"
His voice is deeper than you remember. A rough, gravelly sound that sends a shockwave straight down your spine.
"Hansol…" you breathe out, unsure whether you didn't pass out minutes ago and are now hallucinating.
You wrap your arms around your chest, suddenly hyper-aware of your dirt-stained slacks and the messy ponytail piled on top of your head.
He stares at you like he's seeing a ghost, eyes scanning your face as if trying to confirm you’re actually standing on his parent's driveway. "What… what are you doing here?"
You swallow against the dry sand in your throat, forcing your spine completely straight as you point a trembling finger toward your vehicle.
Do not cry, you scold yourself.
Hansol's eyes quickly dart from your face to the massive vinyl logo plastered across the side of your battered van, and then up toward the sprawling estate behind you. A look of deep confusion still washes over his features, his eyebrows pulling together.
"I, um. My shop. We're… I'm doing the wedding. The flowers."
He blinks once, then twice, the confusion slowly melting away and being replaced by something else. You might be hallucinating, but you swear you see the faintest trace of a proud smile tug at the corner of his lips, though his eyes remain clouded with something you can't quite read.
"Oh. So… things are going great for you, then."
"Yeah," you lie, voice tight and brittle. "It's going great. Really great."
"That's… that's amazing, Y/N. Truly. I always knew you'd make it happen."
He keeps nodding slowly, hands slipping into the pockets of his jacket. He rocks back on his heels, gaze sweeping over you enough to make your skin burn. He doesn't mention Hannah. He doesn't mention the wedding. He doesn't bring up the fact that his family home is being transformed into a bridal wonderland, and you certainly aren't going to congratulate him on finding your replacement.
You just want to run.
"Your hair," he murmurs, eyes lifting to your long messy ponytail and the stray pieces framing your face. For a second, you almost think he's going to touch it by the way he pulls his hands from his pockets. But he doesn't. "It's long now."
Your hand twitches, a desperate urge to reach up and touch your hair, to hide behind it.
When you were dating, your hair never fell past your shoulders. You liked keeping it short enough that it never got in the way, especially considering your hands were constantly buried in soil and plants. But after the breakup, you barely had time for a haircut, so you simply let it grow, cutting the ends whenever they started getting too long, and—
Why is he looking at you like that?
"It grew," you say stupidly, your brain unable to form a reasonable thought with him staring at you. You take a step back, gesturing frantically toward the smashed bumpers of your cars. "Look, Hansol, I am so sorry about the car. It was completely my fault, I was distracted. But I really, really have to go."
More like you really, really need to run and hide.
Hansol frowns, finally glancing down at the wreckage as if he'd completely forgotten the reason you were standing here in the first place.
"You can't just drive off. The bumper is completely caved in. We need to exchange insurance information. I need to get this fixed for you—"
"It's fine, Hansol, really. It's a work van. It already had a few dings," you rush to assure him, backing up toward the driver's side door. The urge to escape becomes almost overwhelming.
You had rehearsed this moment in your head countless times. Different versions where you would meet again, realize the breakup had been stupid, and decide you should spend the rest of your lives together, growing old and gray-haired side by side.
None of them involved a wedding to someone else, and definitely not a wrecked bumper.
"Y/N, please. Don't be stubborn," he insists, stepping closer. The proximity is dizzying. "I—"
"No, no, it's fine!" you interrupt, panic rising in your chest again. You can't be here. You can no longer stand three feet away from him, smelling his cologne underneath the strong scent of crushed radiator fluid.
"At least give me your number. Or your contact info. I'll have my insurance handle it, or I'll just write you a check directly. Please."
Realizing he isn't going to let you leave until he has a way to resolve it, you reach into your pocket, fingers trembling as you pull out a pink business card. You hold it out, careful not to let your fingers brush when he takes it. You're sure you'd melt right there if they did, and you've already had enough emotions for a day.
"Here. This is the shop’s card," you stammer, hesitant, because you don't really want to give him access to you, especially not now that he's tying the knot with your most expensive client. "My cell phone number is on the back. Just… send me the bill for your car. Whatever the mechanic says, I'll pay it. I have insurance."
He looks down at the card, his thumb tracing over the name printed in gold. "Poppy's Garden," he reads quietly.
You just nod.
"I really have to go," you blurt out, frantically checking your bare wrist as if you're wearing a watch. "I'm on a super tight schedule. I'm supposed to pick up Poppy from school, and if I'm late, she'll never let me hear the end of it."
"How's Poppy?" Hansol looks up, a genuine spark of curiosity breaking through his expression. "Wow. She must be, what, fourteen now. Tell her I said hi."
You ignore what him correctly guessing your sister's age makes you feel inside. "I will," you lie, knowing there's no way on earth you're going to tell your little sister that you've run into the guy who broke your heart and hers.
You grab the handle of your van door and pull it open, ready to climb back into your safe, insulated bubble. But as you set one foot on the running board, the crushing weight of the situation catches up to you.
The unfairness of it all twists in your gut.
You stop, knuckles turning white as you grip the edge of the car door, turning your head to look back at Hansol—who is still standing in the same spot where you left him, looking like he saw a ghost—over your shoulder. The sun filters through the trees, casting shadows across his face.
Your eyes burn, but you force yourself to hold his gaze.
"I didn’t know, Hansol," you say. A half-truth. A half-lie. Your voice cracks just a little, betraying the tough exterior you've tried so hard to hold up. "I didn't know this wedding was for your family. If I had known, I would have said no."
Hansol stands frozen on the gravel, your business card caught in his hand so tightly it's starting to bend. The wind rustles the leaves of the old oak trees behind him, pushing strands of his hair across his face.
He stares at you for a moment too long. Finally, his shoulders drop by a fraction of an inch, sadness washing over his beautiful features, making you want to do something—anything—to take it away from him. Only to realize that it is not your job anymore.
He doesn't argue, though. He just swallows and gives you a small, gentle nod. "It's fine, Y/N," he finally says, stepping back from the van. "Drive safe."
You pull the door shut, shift the van into drive, and pull away, leaving Hansol standing in the small wreckage of your brief collision, utterly oblivious to the fact that he's breaking your heart all over again.
Lilac — the magic of first love and youthful innocence.
The university greenhouse smelled strongly of damp potting soil and fertilizer. You sat on the edge of a metal workstation; your high Converse braced against a bag of perlite. Across your lap a battered, leather-bound copy of The Dictionary of Flowers.
It wasn't assigned reading for the botany peer tutoring session you were supposed to be running, but it was a Tuesday evening, and no one had walked through the doors in the last forty minutes—which wasn't unusual. Botany wasn't exactly a popular subject, and most people weren't interested in spending their free time studying plants.
Well... except you.
You flipped to the section on purple hyacinths, tracing a finger down the yellowed page. Sorrow. Please forgive me. It was a contrast to the bright, cheerful marigolds on the previous page, which apparently symbolized grief and cruelty despite looking like little bursts of sunshine. The book was ridiculous, highly unscientific, and entirely captivating.
A metallic screech echoed through the greenhouse as the heavy glass door was shoved open.
You looked up quickly, closing the book over your thumb to keep your place.
A guy stepped into the humid room, stopping past the threshold. He was wearing an oversized grey hoodie with the university logo faded across the front and carrying a single, battered-looking notebook under his arm. His hair was a bit messy, falling into his eyes as he looked around the rows of hanging ferns and tables covered in starter pots. He didn't look like the typical biology majors who came in to whine about memorizing the Krebs cycle; he just looked completely out of place.
"Is this the botany tutoring thing?" he asked. His voice was so calm and unhurried it seems to bounce off the glass walls.
"If you're here because you're trying not to fail your midterm, you're in the right place," you said, hopping down from the workstation. Your sneakers hit the floor with a dull thud. "I'm Y/N."
"Hansol," he replied, walking over with an unhurried stride.
He didn't seem stressed about the fact that the exam was in forty-eight hours at all. He stopped on the other side of the metal table, dropping his notebook onto the zinc surface.
"My advisor said if I don't pass this elective, I'll lose my studio hours next semester. Apparently, music production majors still need to know how photosynthesis works."
"A very important subject for sonography." You smiled at him sympathetically, pulling a stary piece of dried eucalyptus out of your hair and tossing it toward the trash can. "Okay, Hansol. What are we struggling with? Plant anatomy? Taxonomy?"
He sighed, leaning his hip against the table and shoving his hands into his hoodie pocket. "All of it." He wasn't frantic or embarrassed; he was just stating a fact. Then, his eyes drifted down to the leather-bound book you were still clutching. "Damn, is that a book just about plants?"
From the calm, even way he spoke, you couldn't tell whether he was making fun of you or not. You hoped he wasn't.
"Ah… not really. It's a Victorian flower dictionary," you said, feeling a sudden, slight flush of embarrassment. You set it down on the table, the cover flaking a tiny bit of leather onto the metal. "It assigns emotions and messages to different plants. It's completely useless for your test."
Hansol tilted his head, looking at the ornate, gold-foiled scrip on the cover. He reached out with two fingers and flipped the book open to a random page. His eyes scanned the text for a second.
"Geraniums. Gentility?" He looked up, an amused quirk at the corner of his mouth. "People actually used to send these to each other instead of texting?"
You giggled. "Yep," you said, pulling the biology textbook from your backpack to get down to business. "If you sent someone a yellow carnation, it meant you disdained them. Total rejection. It was the original left on read."
Hansol lets out a quiet laugh, the sound genuine enough to make you wonder whether he was actually interested or simply being polite. He didn’t immediately turn his attention to the textbook. Instead, his eyes lingered on your face, watching the way you animatedly explained the ridiculous historical trivial. There was a calm, observant stillness about him, a total lack of the usual frantic energy most college students carried.
You didn't know it then, but Hansol found the whole thing mildly entertaining. More importantly, he found you interesting.
"What about those? " he asked, nodding toward a tray of bruised, slightly wilted purple flowers sitting in the corner of your workstation. They had clearly been discarded from a lab session earlier in the day, their petals torn and dark at the edges.
You glanced over at the sad little pile. "Those are cyclamen. In the dictionary, they usually mean resignation or goodbye. Like something that's already broken."
Hansol looked at the bruised petals, then backed up at you. His expression didn't turn overly sentimental; he just nodded slowly, absorbing the information.
"Cruel," he murmured smoothly, finally pulling his notebook toward him and clicking open a pen. "Alright, teach. Show me the stuff that's actually on the test so I can keep my studio space."
For the first forty minutes of the session, you helped Hansol with everything he needed to know for tomorrow's exam, giving him practice exercises along the way. Surprisingly, he breezed through every single one of them. His eyes stayed fixed on you as you explained each concept, following every word with attentiveness that made you think he really wanted his studio time back—which could only meant he really needed a good grade.
"Damn, you're really into plants, aren't you?" It wasn't really a question. It was an observation, delivered as he leaned back against the stool with an amused smile.
You gave him a small, sheepish shrug. "Are you making fun of me?"
Most people usually did.
His eyes went impossibly wide, and for the first time, Hansol looked genuinely shaken, as though the idea that you might think he'd make fun of you genuinely bothered him.
“No, no—God, no,” he rushed out, his voice suddenly frantic as a stream of frantic no's tumbled from his mouth.
He dragged a hand through his brown hair, the tips of his ears turning an unexpected shade of pink. It was the absolute first crack in his cool, unbothered facade.
"I wasn't making fun of you," he clarified, his voice back to its usual low pitch, though there was a sudden earnestness there. "I think it's cool. You actually care about this stuff."
You let out a breath you didn't realize you'd been holding, the defensive tension completely draining from your shoulders. "Oh. Well... thanks."
"Yeah." He cleared his throat and picked up his pen. "Now, show me how these plant cells work so I don't fail."
The rest of the session went smoothly. By the time the clock hit nine, he had aced the practice midterm. You started zipping up your backpack, fully expecting him to grab his notebook and bolt back to his dorm like every other student would do.
Instead, Hansol slid his notebook into his bag and casually started helping you close. He grabbed a broom to sweep up some spilled potting soil while you wiped down the zinc tables. He even helped you heave the heavy bag of perlite back into the storage closet, completely unfazed by the white dust getting on his hoodie.
"You didn't have to stay to do that," you told him as you locked the glass doors of the greenhouse.
"I know." He shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Which way is your dorm?"
He walked you back across campus. The walk was quiet, but it wasn't the awkward kind of silence you usually had to fill with small talk. It was just easy. You pointed out a stray campus cat sleeping on a retaining wall; he told you a little bit about the bassline he was trying to fix in his latest mixtape. By the time the bricks of your dorm building came into view, you realized you didn't actually want him to leave yet.
You stopped at the bottom of the concrete steps, turning to face him under the overly bright yellow porch light.
"Well, thanks for the help cleaning up." You smiled at him, shifting your backpack onto your shoulder. "Good luck on the midterm tomorrow. I think you're gonna ace it."
"Thanks to you."
He didn't immediately turn around to leave. Instead, Hansol rocked back on his heels, his eyes studying your face in the dim light. There was that calm, observant stillness again.
"So," he began, his tone becoming something incredibly casual, as if he were commenting on the weather. "It's probably too soon for me to ask you out. Like, logically."
Your mouth snapped open. You stared at him, your hand freezing halfway to the handle.
Usually, guys spend three weeks hovering around the tutoring desk, making terrible jokes, or sliding into your DMs at 2 AM before making a move. They didn't just lay their cards face-up after exactly one study session.
"I—what?" you stammered.
Hansol didn't even blink. He didn't look embarrassed or flustered by your obvious shock; he just offered a small, thoroughly amused shrug.
"I'm just being efficient." He gives another easy shrug, a small grin following close behind. "Saving us both some time. I know I want to take you out, so there's no real point in waiting three weeks to say it." He pulled one hand out of his pocket, gesturing slightly toward the building. "So. Coffee tomorrow after my exam?"
The unfiltered honesty of it gave you mental whiplash. He wasn't playing a game. He wasn't trying to be overly smooth or intensely romantic. He just liked you, knew what he wanted, and figured there was no logical reason to wait around.
You would later learn that this was simply how Hansol moved through life. He never beat around the bush. When he wanted something, he said so. He didn't believe in games. It was one of the many, many things you liked about him.
You looked at him standing there under the bad lighting with his messy hair and his calm eyes, and you couldn't stop the genuine smile that broke across your face.
"Coffee," you repeated, your voice finally steady.
"Coffee," Hansol confirmed, a slow, incredibly satisfied smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He took a step back, melting into the shadows of the sidewalk. "I'll text you. Have a good night, Y/N."
Bleeding hearts — my heart is open and unguarded.
The three weeks leading up to the wedding become a masterclass in sleep deprivation and manual labor. Your fingers are perpetually stained a faint, grassy green from stripping rose thorns, your cuticles are destroyed, and you’re certain your bloodstream is now composed of roughly seventy percent caffeine.
Sleep deprivation, of course, has less to do with the flowers and more to do with the fact that you're reliving the biggest heartbreak of your life, crying yourself to sleep whenever the weight of it all becomes too much to bear.
Seungkwan and Seokmin—your two employees, who also happen to be your best friends—at times, and practically on their knees, begged you to walk away from this wedding, while insisting you were torturing and driving yourself crazy.
They weren't wrong, but you couldn't back out. You're not a twenty-two-year-old college girl anymore. You don't have the luxury of making business decisions based on your feelings. And even if you lied to them and told them you were over Hansol, he was still just a memory from a different lifetime. This shouldn't matter.
Which is why you channel every single ounce of your heartbreak, regret, and resentment straight into the foliage. If you keep your hands busy, your brain won't have the bandwidth to spiral.
That is the theory, anyway.
"Y/N, seriously, look at this texture. It's like holding a cloud."
Hannah's voice is bright as she stands by the main display table, brushing her fingertips against a plush cluster of white peonies. She looks effortlessly chic, her diamond ring catching the shop's warm pendant lights a little too eagerly. Standing right beside her is a tall woman, introduced to you twenty minutes ago as Leonor, the maid of honor from LA.
You force your lips into your practiced smile of professional vendor.
"They really are perfect, Hannah," you say, stepping out from behind the counter with a bundle of silk ribbons over your arm. "They're imported from Holland, so they'll be at maximum bloom right when you walk down the aisle. For your bridesmaids, I was thinking we tie them with this muted sage ribbon to match their dresses."
Hannah gasps, clapping her hands together. "Oh, I love that." She turns to Leonor, her eyes practically sparkling. "Didn't I tell you she was a genius? Look at how it brings out all the undertones in the fabric."
Leonor nods in agreement, making a quick note on her iPad. "It's stunning, Hannah. Your man is going to absolutely lose his mind when he sees you walking toward him with these."
"Ugh, don't make me cry," Hannah laughs, leaning her shoulder against Leonor's. A tender expression washes over her face. "Honestly, he's so stressed with work right now, but every time I bring up the wedding details, he just smiles and tells me to get whatever makes me happy. He's just… he's so perfect."
Hannah continues talking about how he stayed up until midnight helping her assemble the welcome baskets for the guests, even though he had a call meeting at six this morning, how he keeps telling her he just wants the day to be exactly what she's always dreamed of.
You let it wash over you, only half listening. And then you tune it out completely.
The last thing you want is to hear how good Hansol is at being someone else's perfect fiancé. It doesn't matter how kind Hannah is, or how happy she sounds; you still don't have the emotional bandwidth for that particular kind of detail.
"Stop, you're making me nauseous," you hear Leonor teasing, smiling warmly at her friend. "The man is obsessed with you. We get it."
Yep, you certainly do.
"Anyway!" Hannah turns back to you, completely oblivious to the emotional devastation she's casually causing you. "I have my final dress fitting in fifteen minutes, so we have to run. But the bouquet mock-ups look absolutely incredible, Y/N. Thank you so much."
"Of course," you manage to say, your voice steady through sheer, desperate willpower. "Have fun. I'll see you Saturday."
You watch them gather their bags, exchanging bright goodbyes as the bell above the shop door chimes softly behind them. The moment the door clicks shut, the silence of the shop rushes back in and swallows you whole.
You let out a long, shuddering exhale, your shoulders dropping as you lean your weight against the wooden counter, and look down at the beautiful white peonies, suddenly feeling incredibly small.
You grab a pair of shears and aggressively clip the end of a rogue stem, trying to shake the heavy weight from your limbs. You need a distraction. You need to wash out the plastic buckets in the back. You need to do anything that doesn't involve thinking about Hansol's midnight basket-tying sessions.
The bell above the front door chimes again.
"We're actually closing for lunch in ten minutes," you call out without looking up, your focus fixed entirely on slicing through a stubborn branch of eucalyptus. "But feel free to browse the front display if you're just looking for a quick—"
"I'm not looking for a quick bouquet, Y/N."
The shears slip from your fingers, clattering loudly against the tabletop. Your heart does a violent back flip. You raise your head slowly, eyes widening as they lock onto the figure standing just inside your doorway.
Hansol.
He's standing there looking very layered for a summer day, and far too cute for your own good. Rugged yet relaxed, he looks so achingly familiar that your chest tightens with an emotion you can't bring yourself to name. So much that, for one terrifying split second, you forget you aren't twenty-two anymore.
"Oh…" Your voice comes out breathy. You quickly wipe your damp hands against your apron, trying to ground yourself. "You… you just missed Hannah. She left literally two minutes ago. If you run toward the corner, you can probably catch her—"
"I didn't come here looking for Hannah," Hansol interrupts quietly, looking rather confused.
He doesn’t move from his spot by the door. His eyes sweep over the front of the shop, taking in the exposed brick walls, the dangling fairy lights, and the floor-to-ceiling shelving stacked with geometric ceramic pots and lush, thriving monsteras.
"The place looks great," he murmurs, voice low. He finally takes a few slow steps forward, stepping deeper into the shop. "A lot different than when your parents ran it."
Your fingers grip the edge of the zinc counter tightly. "We did some renovations when I took over." You don't know why you feel the urge to update him on this, but you do. "It… it took a lot of work."
The shop hasn't always been Poppy's Garden. For twenty-five years, it had been a neighborhood staple run by your parents. Your dad was the business brain, and your mom was the visionary, the heart of it, her hands constantly covered in dirt. You had grown up hiding under these prep tables, watching them build a life from the soil up.
But life, as you were rapidly learned, didn't care about your plans.
Right around the time Hansol was packing his bags to move back across the country, the tremors started. At first, your mom just thought she was tired. Then she started dropping vases. Then came the doctor's appointments, the sterile waiting rooms, and the devastating diagnosis. Parkinson's.
It moved faster than any of you anticipated. Within a year, your dad—a man who had never missed a day of work in his life—had to step away from the shop entirely just to become her full-time caretaker. The medical bills piled up within months. The physical therapy, the home modifications, the specialized medications, it was a financial avalanche.
The shop started drowning. They were weeks away from selling the business to a commercial developer who wanted to get the building and turn it into a trendy vape lounge when you stepped in. You took the degree you had just earned, swallowed the bright, shiny dreams you had of working in California, and anchored yourself to this shop.
The bright side is that you don't regret the decision you made, and at the end of the day, you're happy and love working here.
"It suits you."
Hansol reaches out, his long fingers casually tracing the rim of a vintage terracotta vase sitting on the display table. He runs his hand over the textured surface with a slow pace, his gaze dropping briefly to the floor before lifting again to lock onto your face.
From where you stand, the air feels charged with a suffocating tension that makes it hard to draw a full breath. He's standing in your shop again, the shop he knows you stayed in New York for. The shop that had essentially acted as the final barrier between your relationship four years ago.
"What are you doing here, Hansol?" you ask, dropping the vendor tone entirely. Your voice is a little defensive, a little raw. Whatever reason brought him, it certainly wasn't to catch up or talk about the place.
He let his hand drop from the vase, sliding both hands into the pockets of his jeans. He shrugs one shoulder. "I came because of the van."
Of course.
"I tried calling, but it kept going straight to voicemail, so I figured the line was just busy since things are going so well."
The shop's phone is not a particularly busy line. Seokmin does a great job handing online and phone orders. But here's the thing: Hansol hasn't changed his number in the last four years, and when it started popping up on your screen—dozens of times, at least—you chose to ignore every single call, telling, or rather ordering, Seokmin to do the same.
You let out a dismissive breath, crossing your arms over your chest. You really don't want to go over this again, so you lie. "I told you, it's fine." Never mind that your van isn't currently working and you had to bike across the city to make a delivery earlier. "I already handled it. The damage is completely taken care of."
Hansol stares at you, his expression flatlining into a deadpan look that you recognize instantly. It's the exact face he used to make whenever you tried to convince him that your social battery hadn't run out and that he didn't need to leave the gathering early on your account, both of you knowing you were already halfway to exhaustion.
He slowly turns his head, looking out at the large glass front window of the shop. Directly across the street, parked perfectly in a loading zone, is your delivery van. The rear bumper is still aggressively caved in, a massive, jagged silver dent gleaming proudly in the afternoon sun, looking exactly like it had three weeks ago.
Hansol turns his gaze back at you, raising a single eyebrow. "Right." He drags the word out slowly. "Taken care of. Is that a new avant-garde design choice for the bumper, or are you just waiting for it to magically heal itself?"
A stubborn flush of embarrassment creeps up your neck. You lift your chin, refusing to back down. "The mechanic is backed up, okay?" you say, harsher than you intend. "The parts are on back order from Germany. It takes time."
"Y/N, it's a delivery van. The parts are made in—I don't know—Buffalo?" he counters, taking a step toward the counter. "I know you're trying to avoid sending me the bill because you don't want to owe me anything."
"Well, I don't owe you anything!" you argue, your voice rising a fraction. "I was the one who backed into you! If anything, I should be paying for your smashed SUV grill."
Knowing Hansol, there's no way he'll let you pay for it. But there's also no way you'll let him pay for anything, either. You don't want your ex-boyfriend and first love—who will soon be a married man—doing you any favors.
"My insurance covered it," he says evenly, his tone completely unflappable against your rising panic. "And yours should cover this, but you haven't filed the claim because you know your premiums will skyrocket, and the shop ledger can't handle the hit right now."
You open your mouth to shoot back a fierce, biting lie, but the words die in your throat. He knows you too well. Even four years after the breakup, he can still read through your defenses like a children's book. It's infuriating.
"You don't know anything about my ledger," you mutter, looking down at your green-stained fingers.
"I know you," he simply says.
You like to think he doesn't.
Because despite everything, there are things he doesn't know. He doesn't know that your father called you yesterday because your mom's physical therapist is recommending a new intensive program. He doesn't know it's an extra three days a week, and that it isn't covered by their insurance. He doesn't know your father sounded tired, and that he didn't ask you for money, but he didn't have to, you simply know.
And then there's Poppy, your smart-ass little sister, somehow both annoyingly and brilliantly smart. She's pulling straight A's in honors classes while surviving the absolute nightmare of being a fourteen-year-old girl, all while dealing with the fact that her mom can't even braid her hair anymore.
He doesn't know that your parents' savings are gone. Drained. Every spare dime the shop makes goes into a high-yield savings account for her, and it's still barely a drop in the bucket. Because if Poppy wants to go to Stanford and enroll in their pre-med program, she will. You'll make sure of it.
"No, you don't anymore."
He lets out a humorless laugh. "Yes, I do. I know that you'd rather work yourself to the bone than ask for a single dollar of help. Some things don't change, Y/N."
"A lot of things change," you snap, finally looking up to meet his gaze. Your chest rises and falls too quickly, like you've been running instead of standing still. "People change. We haven't spoken to each other in four years. So don't stand there and act like you still have me figured out."
Hansol's eyes darken, his jaw tightening as though the thought of not knowing you anymore bothers him far more than he'd ever admit. He shifts his weight, his hands clenching inside his pockets. For a moment, he looks like he's about to say something about that, but the words never come.
"I'm just trying to pay for the bumper, Y/N." His voice drops into a careful, measured tone. "It's a standard transaction. You don't have to make it an emotional battlefield."
"Everything with you is an emotional battlefield," you whisper before you can stop yourself.
He takes another half-step forward, closing the distance between you until the clean scent of his cologne completely overwhelmed the fragrance of the sweet-pea bundles on the counter.
Hansol opens his mouth to answer you, but before he can say anything, the shop's front door swings open, the bell chiming loudly overhead.
"Sis! The farmers' market was hell. If you ever make me, go with these two again, I am going to—"
Poppy marches in dressed in her school uniform, two paper bags clutched in her hands, while Seokmin and Seungkwan trail after her, bickering about something you can't quite make out over the noise of the traffic outside.
She stops dead in her tracks, whatever complaint she'd been about to make dying on her lips as her eyes land on the man standing in front of the counter. Her jaw drops, and the bags fall onto the hardwood floor.
"Hansolo!" she shrieks.
Before you can even open your mouth to stop her, Poppy launches herself across the floor. She doesn't walk; she literally runs, skidding to a halt right in front of him and throwing her arms securely around his waist, burying her face into his jacket.
Hansol's eyes widen in brief shock, but a second later, a smile breaks across his face—the first real smile you had seen from him since you parted ways. He pulls his hands from his pockets and wraps his arms around her, lifting her completely off her feet for a second and shaking her slightly.
"Hey, kiddo," he laughs, his voice instantly dropping into a warm, familiar tone that sends a devastating wave of nostalgia straight to your gut. "Look at you. You're huge. What happened to the braces?"
You see, Poppy loved Hansol. Your relationship began when she was very little, and considering how much time she spent around the two of you, it didn't take long for her to consider him an honorary older brother. He let her ride on his shoulders, helped her with her school art projects, even took her to Coney Island, buying her a whole lot of candy and gifts because he simply couldn't say no to her.
When she found out he was getting married, she seemed a little more heartbroken than you, her nose scrunching as she looked genuinely offended. "He's getting married? To someone who isn't you? I liked him. We liked him."
Seungkwan is the first to enter the store after her, his eyes almost popping out as he takes in the scene, and then you. Even from outside, you can hear Seokmin's exaggerated gasp as he follows inside. They're the perfect combination of two people who are anything but discreet, looking between you and Hansol and gesturing like two completely insane men who have just witnessed something they shouldn't have.
You simply sigh, signaling for them to move, and the two head straight to the back with a small nod of greeting to Hansol, who is still wrapped up in a very excited Poppy.
"I got them off last summer!" Poppy beams, stepping back but keeping her hands gripping tightly to his elbows. "Oh my god, you look so old! Why are you here? Are you back in the city? Did you bring me those pink tacos from the truck near your old apartment?"
Hansol lets out a booming laugh, reaching out to playfully ruffle her hair, completely ignoring her squawk of protest. "No pink tacos this time, Pops. And I'm not old, I just have a more distinguished face now."
He pauses, his smile softening as his eyes drift away from Poppy and lock onto yours.
"But yeah. I'm back in the city. Permanently."
The silence that follows is deafening.
"W-what?" The word falls out of your mouth before your brain can filter it. Jerky breaths stutter over your lips, your eyes widening despite your best attempt to hide it. "You're back?"
"Yeah. I moved back last week," he confirms, watching your face closely, eyes searching for a reaction. "The production company is opening an East Coast branch."
Your mind completely goes blank. Nada.
He's back. Here. In your zip code.
A sudden, treacherous spark of hope flares up in the center of your chest. Why now? After all this time, why would he uproot everything to come back to the city? The thought comes uninvited, dangerous that could he have missed—
Hannah.
The spark is violently extinguished, replaced by a cold, heavy dread that settles in the pit of your stomach like a stone.
Of course. Hannah. The beautiful, sweet fiancée who was just standing in this very shop fifteen minutes ago, gushing about the man of her dreams. Hannah, whose family is rooted in New York. Hannah, who has been talking about looking at brownstones and loving the autumn weather.
"Wow," you finally manage to say, forcing your rigid facial muscles into a polite, hollow smile. You take a step back, putting the physical barrier of the counter between you and the crushing reality of his new life. "That's... great. I'm sure your family is thrilled."
"Are you moving back to West Village?" Poppy interrupts, completely oblivious. She leans against the counter, looking at Hansol with wide, hopeful eyes. "Because if you are, you still owe me that trip to the Natural History Museum. The one we were supposed to do before you moved."
Hansol stops. He looks at Poppy, then back at you, his eyes catching on the frantic, jerky movements of your hands as you start to scrub the counter surface like your life depends on it. He lets out a heavy, defeated sigh, running a hand through his hair.
"Brooklyn, actually," he tells Poppy, though his gaze never leaves yours. "And yeah. I know still owe you that trip."
That's when Poppy starts rambling about her own life, her face glowing with the same adoration she's had for him since she was a little kid watching him help her build a volcano for the science fair. But then, as if a switch had flipped inside her brain, Poppy's smile suddenly vanishes. Her eyes dart from Hansol, over to your stiff, pale face, and then back to him.
You can see the realization hitting her.
Poppy drops her hands from his arms as if his clothes have suddenly caught fire. She takes a massive step backward, her expression twisting into a fierce, protective scowl. She crosses her arms tightly over her chest, mimicking your previous posture exactly.
"Wait." Her voice drops into a dramatic, frosty tone. "I forgot. I am currently mad at you. You are on my banned list."
Hansol blinks, looking entirely amused but trying to hide it, eyebrows rising. "Your banned list?"
"Yes," Poppy declares, lifting her chin with an immense amount of teenage drama. "You broke up with our family, Hansol, which is a major violation of the honorary big-brother protocol. So, I am rescinding my hug. Goodbye."
You slap your forehead, taking a deep breath. "Poppy, back room. Now."
Poppy gives Hansol one last, lingering glare that's slightly ruined by the fact that she still looks like she wants to ask him for help with her arts homework, before she spins on her heel and marches behind the curtain, letting it slam shut behind her.
The silence returns infinitely more awkward than before.
"She... she hasn't changed much," Hansol murmurs, looking at the curtain with a faint, nostalgic smile.
"She has biology homework to do," you say stiffly, hands flat against the counter.
You can't look at him anymore. Seeing him with Poppy—seeing how naturally he could still fit into your life for those brief minutes—is entirely too much to bear.
"Look, Hansol. I appreciate you coming by, but I really am very busy. The wedding is on Saturday, and I have a massive shipment arriving from the auctions. You need to leave."
Hansol stares at you for a long, agonizing moment. You can see Adam’s apple rise and fall as he swallows hard, his eyes searching yours for something you're determined not to let him see.
He lets out a quiet, defeated sigh. "Fine. I'll leave."
But instead of turning toward the glass door, Hansol takes one step closer to the counter. He reaches inside his denim jacket, pulling out a small, neatly folded rectangular slip of thick blue paper. He doesn't hold it out for you to take. He just slides it across the surface, coming to a stop right next to your discarded floral shears.
He looks up, and it almost shocks you that you can still recognize the exact moment his guard drops completely.
"I didn't just come here to argue about a bumper, Y/N," he says, his voice becoming a whisper only loud enough for you to hear. "I came because I wanted to see you. I just... I needed to see you again."
The air is sucked from your lungs. Before you can formulate a single word—before your brain can even begin to process the confession—, Hansol turns on his heel. The little brass bell chimes wildly against the glass as he pushes the door open and steps out.
You stand entirely frozen, staring at the empty space where he had just been standing. Your chest rises and falls in ragged, shallow gasps before your legs finally move. You walk over to the wicker table near the door, your heart pounding against your ribs.
Slowly, your eyes drop to the counter, your fingers trembling as they reach for the folded paper. You unfold it to find a personal check. The amount printed is astronomical, more than enough to replace the bumper, repaint the van, and probably buy a second transmission just for fun.
On the memo line, in his familiar, messy scrawl, are five simple words: For the van. Please.
"Sis?"
You look up to find Poppy standing in front of the curtain, her voice small and uncertain. You immediately force on a bright smile, swallowing back tears that appeared out of nowhere.
"Yes, honey?"
"If I help you load the delivery van on Saturday, am I allowed to kick him in the shin for breaking up with you, or does that violate the vendor contract?"
You walk over and press a kiss on her forehead. "Pack up your things, Pops," you murmur, grabbing her empty lunchbox from the counter. "I'm buying you tacos for dinner. And no kicking the clients, please. I'm a professional."
"That sucks."
Pink camellias — my longing for you is endless.
Four days later, dead center of Hansol's family back lawn, you're wearing an unbothered, I've-got-this smile for six hours straight, with your cheeks are already starting to hurt.
Underneath the black apron, your spine has been making its best impression of a question mark ever since hour four, while the three layers of concealer working overtime under your eyes are trying their absolute best to hide the fact you're running on two hours of sleep.
That, and the fact that you spent the entire night crying.
You cried into your pillow until the memory foam was soaked. You cried in your perfectly-fixed-bumper delivery van while Seokmin navigated the early morning traffic, pressing your face against the cool glass of the window with him and Seungkwan tactfully pretending the radio news was fascinating, and completely abandoning their usual morning sing-along.
And, most pathetically of all, you cried while assembling the bridal bouquet.
It was supposed to be a joyous task. Instead, standing in the cold walk-in cooler at two in the morning, you had systematically bound together pristine white peonies, trailing sweet peas, and delicate lilies of the valley, while hot, bitter tears slid silently down your cheeks and dripped onto the zinc prep table.
You were making the perfect bouquet for the perfect girl who would walk down the aisle and marry the only guy you ever loved—and he, too, was perfect.
"Y/N, we need eyes on table fourteen!"
Seungkwan's voice snaps you back to the present. You blink rapidly, forcing the stinging heat behind your eyelids to retreat. You plaster on a smile so bright and unbothered it makes your jaw ache. For a moment, you wonder if people are actually buying that smile, or if you just look like a raving lunatic.
"The centerpieces are slightly off axis," you call back, walking swiftly across grass, dodging catering staff carrying towering trays of crystal glassware.
You reach table fourteen and gently rotate the massive, cascading arrangement of white hydrangeas and orchids by two inches. You've done countless weddings. None of them had been as big as this one. And none of them needed to be this perfect either.
"The cascading orchids need to face the entrance, not the head table. We want the guests to feel pulled into the space, not blocked off by the foliage."
"Got it, boss!" Seungkwan salutes as if he were reporting to a general, even though his eyes keep darting over your face with concern. He reaches out, gently brushing a stray leaf off your shoulder. "Are you okay? You look like you're about to either faint or commit a felony."
You shake your head. "I am a vision of zen," you lie, grabbing your clipboard and checking off the reception tables. "I am practically levitating with inner peace. Now, where's Seok?"
"He is finishing the floral aisle for the ceremony. Everything looks incredible, Y/N. You outdid yourself."
You swallow hard, the knot in your throat feeling thicker than a fist. "Good. That's good. Everything has to be perfect."
You take a deep, shaky breath, looking down at the small tray resting on table thirteen. Sitting on the top of the velvet lining are five meticulously crafted boutonnieres, featuring a single white ranunculus blossoms accented with trailing greenery.
"I'm going to run these up to the main house," you announce, voice sounding too hollow for your liking. "If Angela comes looking for me, tell her I am delivering the boutonnieres to the groom's suite and will be back in ten minutes to do the final sweep of the aisle."
Seungkwan opens his mouth to offer to go in your place — you can see the pity forming in his eyes — but you grab the tray before he can formulate the words.
You can't let him do it. If you're going to survive today, you must face the worst of it. You have to look Hansol in the eye on his wedding day and cut the invisible cord that has kept your heart tethered to him for years.
When you walk in, the inside of the house is quiet compared to the bustling chaos of the backyard. The Persian rugs swallow the sound of your sensible flats, creating an eerie silence that only amplifies the frantic, terrified hammering of your heart.
You walk up the staircase toward the second floor, your hands gripping the edges of the tray so tightly your knuckles are stark white. The air up here smells like lemon polish, layered with the familiar scent of the house you used to spend your weekends during your university days.
You mentally rehearse the script in your head, over and over. Congratulations. Have a wonderful wedding. Clean. Professional. Devoid of the fact that you want to scream until your lungs give out.
First, you hand out the groomsmen's boutonnieres one by one, not recognizing a single face among them. It makes you wonder what happened to Hansol's friendship with Minghao and Chan—his two best friends—and whether these men belong to this new chapter of his life, one you are not part of.
They're all nice, of course, and one of them even flirts with you, giving you the certainty that they don't know who you are. The one who introduced himself as Mingyu flashes you with a beautiful smile and asks if he'll be seeing you at the reception later.
Not a single chance. Not even over your dead body.
Finally, you reach the double doors of what used to be his father's study, now converted into the groom's holding room for the day. You raise a trembling hand, preparing to knock. But before your knuckles can even graze the wood, the handle clicks loudly and the door swings open, violently knocking the air straight out of your lungs.
Hansol steps out into the hallway, and your brain immediately flashes the mental equivalent of a TV with no signal.
He isn't just handsome — he's absolutely, devastatingly breathtaking. He's wearing a custom-tailored black tuxedo, but the jacket is nowhere to be seen. His crisp white dress shirt is unbuttoned at the collar, exposing the long line of his throat. A black silk vest molds perfectly to the expanse of his chest, though it's still unfastened, and a black satin bow tie hangs loose around his neck, completely undone.
He looks flustered, his hair slightly ruffled as though he's been running his hands through it in frustration. "I swear to God, if they put one more safety pin in this collar…" Hansol grumbles to himself, looking down at his cuffs.
He looks up, and the moment his eyes lock onto yours, he freezes.
The silence is absolute as you stare at each other, both of you forgetting, if only for a minute, what you were supposed to be doing.
You force your eyes away from his face, lowering your gaze to the tray holding the only two boutonnieres left in your hands, because if you look at him for one second longer, you're going to fall apart right here against the wainscoting.
Surprise colors his voice as your name leaves his lips. "Y/N."
"I brought the boutonniere," you rush to explain before he even has a chance to ask, the words coming out almost mechanically. "For the groom and the groomsmen. I didn't want to leave them with the caterers' downstairs. They… they need to stay fresh."
Hansol doesn't look at the tray. He looks at your face, his gaze sweeping over your carefully applied makeup, catching on to the subtle, undeniable puffiness around your eyes that the concealer couldn't quite hide. A long exhale slips past his lips as his hands drop from his cuffs to hang at his sides.
"Right. The flowers."
He seems almost disappointed, looking down at his unfastened vest and the tangled silk of his bow tie. A helpless almost boyish look crosses his face—a look you haven't seen since you were nineteen and he was trying to figure out how to fold a fitted sheet in his dorm room.
"My hands are too shaky to do the tie," he admits, rubbing the back of his neck. When he looks back up at you, there's a vulnerability in his eyes. "I can't get the knot right. And these fucking buttons on this vest are microscopic."
He hesitates. He doesn't have to say it, you can already see the question in his eyes.
"Could you… do you mind?"
He shouldn't ask. You shouldn't even consider. This is the absolute definition of crossing a line. You're nothing but the florist here, and he's your first love and potentially the love of your life, and he's getting married in an hour. You already know that when you tell your friends about this, they're going to call him anything but pretty for asking you — of all people — to do this.
But the panic in Hansol's eyes overrides every single rational thought in your brain.
You nod once, a jerky movement. You carefully set the tray down on an antique half-moon table sitting flush against the hallway wall. You take a breath, commanding your legs to work and step into his space.
Closing the distance between you is like stepping directly into the blast radius of a bomb. The moment you're inches from him, the scent of his perfume wraps around you. Your hands are trembling so badly you have to clench them into fists for a second before you reach up.
"Turn toward the window," you whisper, your voice barely audible, gesturing to the sunlight streaming in from outside.
He turns lightly, his chest rising and falling with heavy, uneven breath. You reach out, your fingertips grazing the crisp cotton of his dress shirt. The heat radiating off his skin is impossible to ignore, and it takes the strength of a saint to keep your focus on the tiny black buttons of his vest instead of letting your gaze drift above his collarbone.
You slip the first button through its hole, your knuckles brushing against the firm plane of his stomach. The contact is fleeting, but you feel his muscles instantly contract under your touch.
Show no emotion. You are an unfeeling, emotionless void, you chant in your head.
You move up, fastening the second button, then the third. You see his breath catching just enough that you feel it under your knuckles. Neither of you says a word. Your fingers linger on the fourth button longer than they need to, and his pulse keeps thudding against your wrist.
Damn. Wedding jitters really were a thing, you think, trying to ignore the ache that thought leaves behind.
Once the vest is secured, you reach for the black satin tie draped around his neck.
"Lift your chin," you instruct.
He obeys, tilting his head back slightly. You step even closer, the toes of your flats pressing right against the leather of his dress shoes. You loop the silk around his collar, your wrists hovering just millimeters from the skin of his neck. There you can still feel the rapid, thumping beat of his pulse right beneath his jawline.
It's now racing just as fast as yours.
"You look tired," he declares, with no trace of doubt in his voice.
You shrug slightly. "I've been working," you reply stiffly, pulling the loops of the silk bow taut. You adjust the edges, making sure they are perfectly symmetrical. "Weddings are exhausting."
A quiet scoff escapes him, his mint-scented breath fanning across your face. “Your eyes are red, Y/N,” he says flatly.
You smooth your hands down the lapels of his vest, giving it one final, unnecessary adjustment.
"Allergies. The ranunculus is aggressive this season."
He looks like he wants to say something, but you step back so suddenly it almost startles him, forcing a massive, unbearable distance between you. The sudden loss of his body heat leaves you feeling hollow and inexplicably freezing cold.
"There. You're done. The tie is perfect."
Hansol lowers his chin, his eyes locking onto yours, searching for something in your face. If you didn't know better — if you weren't standing here because he was about to get married to someone else — you would think he looks like he wants to grab your hands and pull your right back into his chest from how utterly torn apart he seems.
It's too much. The intimacy, the proximity, the crushing reality that within an hour, he is going to stand under the floral arch you built and pledge his life to someone else. You can't do this anymore. The dam inside you is cracking, and if you don't leave right now, you're going to sob hysterically at his feet.
You turn quickly, grabbing the tray from the table, and picking up the small box containing the most elaborate boutonniere: the one that belongs to the groom. You turn back to him, lifting your chin, forcing every ounce of professional detachment and fake bravery you possess into your posture, and hold the box out to him.
"Here…" You convince yourself your hand is trembling only slightly. "This is for you. The other one is for the best man."
He looks down at the box, making no move to take it.
"Have a wonderful wedding, Hansol," you force the words out, each syllable tasting like ash on your tongue. "I mean it. I want you to be happy. And Hannah is… she is a lovely girl. You guys are going to have a beautiful life together."
Hansol freezes almost comically. The intense gaze he had fixed on you vanishes entirely, replaced by a look of profound, absolute bewilderment. He stares at you like you have just started speaking entirely in a whole new language. He looks at the box in your hand, then back up to your face, his brow furrowing so deeply it creates a crease between his eyes.
"What?"
"I said, have a wonderful wedding," you repeat against your will. You just want him to take the box, so you can flee. "Just take the box, Hansol, please. I have to go back to the yard."
Before you can shove the box into his chest and run, his hand shoots out. His fingers wrap gently but firmly around your wrist, interrupting your movements completely.
"Y/N…" Your name comes out like it costs him something to say it, incredulous, laced with a sudden, dawning realization.
Hansol steps closer, paying no attention to the tray between you or the two boutonnieres resting on it. His eyes search your face frantically, as though it might be the last face he'll ever see.
"It's Seungcheol's wedding."
If your brain had been a TV with no signal, now it's a frozen screen desperately trying to reload.
You don't even blink. You just stare at him in complete astonishment. "What?"
"Seungcheol," Hansol repeats slowly, as if speaking to a deeply confused child. "My brother. It's his wedding. I'm just the best man."
You're pretty sure the hallway does a full three-sixty around you.
You feel stupid. You feel utterly ridiculous. The ground could — and should — open and swallow you whole. Heat floods every inch of your body, your face burning with embarrassment so intensely you can feel spreading through your face in different shades of red.
Hansol's not the groom.
The relief that crashes over you is instantaneous. It feels like a literal boulder has been lifted off your chest. Your lungs expand, drawing in the first full, deep breath you've taken in almost a month.
He isn't marrying Hannah. He isn't marrying anyone.
How deep in denial had you been to dismiss the possibility of Seungcheol getting married the very moment it crossed your mind?
Hansol's eyes flutter shut briefly, and when he opens them again, confusion is written all over his face, brows knit together. "Wait," he breathes, his eyes widening to the size of saucers. "Wait a second. The whole time… you thought I was getting married?"
He steps fully into your space, his grip on your arm shifting as his hand slides down to lightly grasp your fingers. You stare at him, mouth opening and closing like a suffocating fish, brain so empty you're completely incapable of forming a coherent lie.
"Yes," you admit, your face burning with a fresh new wave of fiery embarrassment. "Your father's name was on the check. And… and you were at the driveway. And I… I just assumed."
"Why would you do that?"
"Because!" you blurt, sounding distressingly like a child throwing a tantrum. "God, that explains why Minghao and Chan aren't here."
"Why would they be at my brother's wedding?"
"I thought we'd just established that I believed this was your wedding."
Hansol lets out a breathless, stunned sound that is half a laugh and half a gasp of disbelief, shaking his head. "I haven't even spoken to a woman with those intentions in years. And you thought I could plan a wedding? You thought I would not mention my impending nuptials to you, of all people?"
"I don't know, Hansol!" you squeak defensively, taking step back enough so his hands drop to his side, though the loss of his touch instantly makes you crave it again. "You were acting weird! And your mom said something about her son's big day and I just thought—"
"She has two of them!" Hansol cuts you off, running a hand through his hair, looking stressed.
"But Seungcheol said once that he was staying single for the rest of his life!"
"That was before Hannah." He looks at you, his eyes dancing with a chaotic mix of amusement and shock. "God, no wonder you've been looking at me like I peed in your sunflowers. You thought I was making you decorate my wedding to another woman."
You look down at the vintage rug, mortified beyond belief. "It seemed entirely plausible at the time."
Hansol takes a step closer, the amusement in his voice and eyes fading into something intensely serious like you’ve only seen once before—when the two of you broke up. His hands are on your shoulders again.
"Y/N. Look at me."
You don't want to. You want the hardwood floor to open and swallow you. But you slowly lift your chin, meeting his gaze.
"If I was getting married, you wouldn't be just the florist."
Your heart stops. You swear you can feel it flatline right there, lurching from a frantic rhythm to nothing at all before kicking back to life in a wild, panicked sprint.
Before you can even process the magnitude of what he just said, before you can formulate a response, the doors of the master suite down the hall fly open with a violent BANG.
"It's catastrophe! It is an absolute disaster!"
Hansol and you instantly jump apart, the bubble between you popping instantly.
Two seconds later, Angela bursts into the hallway like a one-woman tornado in a tailored pantsuit. Her signature tight pear-bun is beginning to fray, and she's clutching her iPad to her chest as though it's the only thing keeping her tethered to the earth.
You're certain you've never seen her like this before.
"Angela, what's wrong?" you ask, feeling Hansol's gaze reluctantly shift from you to her.
"Is it Seungcheol? Did he hyperventilate again?"
Angela gasps, marching down the hallway. "No, the groom is fine. He's with your mother." She stops short in front of you, her wild eyes sweeping over you from head to toe in frantic assessment. "It's Leonor. Her flight was grounded because of a massive freak storm. She's not going to make it."
"Okay…" Hansol says, calm as ever. "That's unfortunate. But I can just walk down the aisle alone, and—"
"You don't understand!" Angela interrupts, her voice shrill. "Hannah is inconsolable. And the symmetry is ruined. I cannot have an uneven bridal party. It's asymmetrical. I do not do asymmetrical weddings!"
Watching her spiral makes you — though unwillingly — step far away from Hansol, slipping back into your role as the florist, and just another professional hired to keep this wedding from falling apart.
"Angela, breathe," you say, resting a reassuring hand on her forearm. "It happens. If you want, I can adjust the floral arch to cover the empty space on the bridesmaids' side—"
"No!" she snaps, pointing a manicured finger directly at your face. "We don't need more flowers. We need a body. And Hannah specifically asked for you."
There's no way you're hearing her correctly. "I'm sorry… what?"
Angela steps directly into your personal space, her eyes so wildly determined that even Hansol takes a step back.
She points a finger squarely at your chest like she's just solved the world's biggest problem. "You. Hannah loves you. And you know the schedule. You're young, you're objectively very good-looking, and more importantly, you look like you can fit in Leonor's dress."
A cold, creeping dread starts to pool in the pit of your stomach.
"Angela, no. I'm the florist. I'm wearing a black apron covered in sap."
"Leonor's dress is in the master suite," Angela barrels on, completely ignoring you. She grabs your arm with an iron-clad grip. "It's a silk slip. It requires zero tailoring. We have the hair and makeup team on standby. They can fix…" she waves a hand vaguely at your face, "whatever happened to your eyes."
"I cannot walk down that aisle!" Your voice comes out in another panicked squeak as you struggle to keep it from turning into a full-blown shout, desperately trying to pry your arm free from her vice-like grip.
You turn to Hansol for help.
"Tell her this madness! Tell her I'm just a vendor!"
Hansol stares at you for a moment before slowly turning to Angela. A dangerously slow grin spreads across his face.
"Well…" he drawls, crossing his arms and leaning into the hallway wall like he has all the time in the world. He looks entirely too relaxed for a guy whose brother's wedding is supposedly imploding. "The symmetry is very important, Y/N. We wouldn't want to ruin Hannah's day."
"I will kill you," you hiss at him.
Angela yanks you forcefully toward the master suite. "C'mon! We have exactly forty-nine minutes before the prelude music starts!"
You stumble after her, your brain desperately trying to catch up with the absurdity of your life. You're about to be forced into a bridesmaid dress for a woman you spent the last three weeks deeply resenting because of a misunderstanding. A misunderstanding that, in hindsight, was a spectacular problem of your own making.
You dig your heels into the carpet, forcing Angela to a sudden halt. You twist your body around, looking back down the long stretch of the hallway.
Hansol is still standing exactly where you left him. The tray sits abandoned on the table beside him. The grin is gone. Instead, he's watching you, his brown eyes blazing with that same complicated emotion that had brought your heart to a complete standstill only moments ago.
He raises a hand, adjusting his cuffs, and even from twenty feet away, his voice carries perfectly down the quiet corridor.
"I guess I'll see you at the altar."
Primrose — a sweet bond and young love.
Marriage only came up once during your entire relationship with Hansol.
Not because you didn't want to marry him, or because you thought he didn't want to marry you. It was more like you didn't think he wanted to get married at all.
It wasn't that he didn't love you, you never doubted that he did. It was just that marriage had never seemed like his thing—the idea of legally binding himself to someone for the rest of his life. Meanwhile, you had always seen marriage as little more than a social contract, a legal institution created to interfere in people's private lives and, sometimes, pressure them into bringing more children into the world, as if the planet wasn't already populated enough.
You loved each other deeply, and neither of you believed a piece of paper could strengthen what already existed between you. Love was enough. As long as he was walking through life beside you, you never needed anything else.
But as you watched Chan, the youngest in your friends group, marry the love of his life at barely twenty-one, you couldn't help wondering throughout the ceremony whether Hansol had ever given that possibility any thought.
The reception was very loud, the exact kind of thrown-together party you'd expect from a couple still finishing their sophomore year. Minghao was DJing for the night, blasting early 2010s club anthems alongside an impressive amount of Michael Jackson. The open bar consisted entirely of cheap vodka and aggressively sweet cranberry juice, both of which you were avoiding religiously.
You were leaning against the edge of a sticky high-top table, watching Chan and his new wife attempt to drop it low on the dance floor without tearing her rented tulle dress.
Hansol was standing next to you, his shoulder brushing yours. He had already ditched his suit jacket, tossing it over a nearby chair, and had rolled the sleeves of his crisp white dress shirt up to his elbows. He looked entirely too good, which unfortunately had your mind wandering straight to the private after-party you definitely weren't supposed to be thinking about.
He was nursing a can of beer, nodding along to the beat of On the Floor.
"I give Chan a lot of credit," Hansol said, tipping his can in the Chan's direction. "He's twenty-one and he just signed away his right to file single on his taxes. That's brave."
You let out a small laugh, peeling the lid off your plastic cup filled with ginger ale. "You think he even knows how to do his taxes yet?"
"Absolutely not." Hansol shakes his head, taking a slow sip.
You watched his throat work as he swallowed, your thumb now tracing the condensation on the cup. You took a breath, keeping your eyes fixed firmly on the chaotic dance floor, trying to make your voice sound as casual as humanly possible.
"Have you ever thought about it?" you asked, the words coming out a little too quickly for someone trying to sound nonchalant.
Hansol didn't flinch. He didn't choke on his drink or tense up. He just turned his head, his eyes studying the side of your face. "Thought about Chan's taxes?"
"No," you corrected, forcing yourself to meet his gaze. You bumped your shoulder against his, a defensive little reflex. "Getting married. The whole thing."
He looked at you for a long moment, and your heart rises into your throat, almost making you regret asking the question at all. He didn't look panicked by the loaded question, though. He just looked like he's processing it, turning the thought over in his mind like a piece of information he wants to understand before answering.
"Not really," he finally said, resting his elbows on the table. "Never saw the appeal of paying the government to validate a relationship."
It was exactly the answer you expected. It aligned perfectly with his practical, logic-driven brain, and yet, a tiny, irrational silver of disappointment snagged in your chest.
You nodded, going back to picking at your cup. "Right. Yeah. Makes sense."
Hansol shifted his weight, closing the small gap between you. He bumped his shoulder back against yours, his voice dropping slightly so you could hear him clearly over the music.
"But," he added, his tone entirely conversational, "if it was with you, I'd be down."
You froze, your fingernail catching on the edge of the cup. You looked up at him. "You would?"
"Yeah." Hansol nodded, confirming it with a small shrug. He didn't look like he's making some grand, theatrical declaration. He looked like he's stating a completely obvious fact. "I'd do the whole thing. The legal paperwork, the expensive rings, the house with the yard in Westchester. Two kids."
You abandoned your plastic cup on the sticky high-top table, turning to face him completely. Stepping into his space, you reached up, lacing your fingers together behind the nape of his neck.
"Two kids, huh?" you asked, a teasing smile breaking across your face.
His hands settled naturally on your waist, pulling you just a fraction closer over the pounding of the music. "Yeah," he murmured, his eyes crinkling at the corners with amusement. "The first one is going to need company."
You let out a genuine, breathless laugh. The image was entirely ridiculous. "Babe, you don't know the first thing about kids. Last week at the grocery store, a toddler waved at you in the cereal aisle, and you froze up and gave him a stiff salute like he was a foreign dignitary."
"I'll figure it out," he stated, completely unfazed by his own total lack of qualifications. He leaned in a little closer, his thumb tracing a slow, absentminded circle against your hip. "I'm a fast learner. If it's with you, I don't really care about the rest of it. I'm in, babe."
He didn't make a big deal out of it. He just stood there holding you in the middle of the chaotic reception, entirely unfazed by the fact that he had just casually rearranged your entire internal universe.
You stared into his eyes, a ridiculous warmth spreading from your chest all the way to your fingertips. You couldn't stop the huge smile that broke across your face, so you buried it against his chest before he could catch you grinning like an absolute idiot.
Snowdrop — hope and the warmth of a heart waking up.
You're shoved, zipped, and sprayed into a bridesmaid status in precisely forty minutes and twelve seconds. The makeup artist-slash-hairstylist worked like a woman possessed, wielding a canister of strong-hold hairspray in one hand and powder puff in the other, muttering something about miracles under pressure while aggressively taming every flyaway.
The sage green satin slipped over your hips with a satisfying rustle, the fabric molding effortlessly to your figure. The softly gathered sweetheart neckline settles perfectly across your chest, draping exactly as it's meant to, as though the dress had been made for you instead of Leonor.
You barely had time to send a message to the group chat with Seokmin and Seungkwan, telling them you'd explain everything later and that they were okay to leave. They even offered to pick you up afterward, but you turned them down, knowing that would only delay the inevitable conversation waiting for you later.
You're still fastening the strap of your left heel when Angela grabs you by the elbow and practically catapults you out of the room.
You burst into the back hallway just as Hannah is finishing her final veil adjustment. She looks breathtaking, a vision delicately off the shoulder lace, her dark hair falling in soft waves around her glowing face. The moment she sees you, her eyes light up, completely devoid of any panic.
Hannah squeals, entirely ignoring Angela's horrified gasp as she steps forward and wraps her arms tightly around you. "Y/N!"
The scent of her expensive orange blossom perfume surrounds you. She leans back just enough to hold you at arm's length, her expression shifting into a radiant—and conspiratorial—smile.
You can't help but wonder how much she knows about... well, everything.
"Thank you so much for doing this!" Hannah whispers in your ear, her voice bubbling with excitement. "You look so beautiful!"
You smile back at her, tilting your head. "Me? You look like a literal goddess," you say, voice breathy with genuine awe. Your fingertips lightly graze the delicate lace of her sleeve. "You look gorgeous, Hannah."
Hannah smile gets even bigger, a soft, very knowing sparkle dancing in her eyes as she gives your hands another squeeze.
"Thank you. I really hope we can be great friends after today. And, you know…" She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively. "Maybe someday sisters."
Your heart breaks into a violent tap dance against your ribs. But before you can process—let alone question—the implication of her words, Angela is already dragging you away again, steering you toward the grand staircase.
"Positions! Now!" Angela hisses.
At the bottom of the staircase, the groomsmen are all lined up. And there, standing at the very front of the line, is Hansol.
The moment your foot touches the bottom step, his eyes find yours. Every trace of his usual relaxed posture vanishes, replaced by a sudden stillness. His gaze follows the line of the sage green silk, lingering at your collarbone before finally returning to your eyes. You hold your breath.
Hansol steps forward, offering you his arm. His black tuxedo jacket is fully buttoned now, his bow tie perfectly straight. You thread your hand through his arm, and even through the fine wool of his jacket, the warmth of his body seeps into your skin, sending a flush creeping across your cheeks.
He clears his throat. "Nice dress," he murmurs, teasing tone in his voice as you both step into queue behind the other couples.
"Don't start, traitor," you grumble, keeping your eyes fixed forward as the double doors leading to the backyard swing open. The warm summer breeze carries in the sound of a string quartet playing what sounds like a cello-and-piano rendition of You're Still the One.
"I'm serious, though. You look beautiful."
You do your best to ignore what his words do to you—how the sound of his voice settles deep in your chest—because, at that very moment, the two of you step out into the ceremony. Hundreds of guests turn their heads, their eyes sweeping over you both as you walk down the aisle towards the massive archway you spent all morning constructing.
"I still can't believe you thought I was the one getting married," Hansol whispers, keeping his stride perfectly in time with yours. There's humor in his voice again.
You wave subtly at distant relatives of Hansol's you recognize. "I don't want to talk about it," you mutter through a frozen smile.
He doesn't seem to care, though. "To Hannah? Really?"
Hansol doesn't sound dismissive of Hannah when he says it—far from it. If anything, he sounds as though the very idea is the most absurd thing in the world.
Then, his shoulders start to vibrate.
You glance sideways to find Hansol biting his lower lip, his jaw clenched in a desperate attempt to maintain his composure. But it's a losing battle. A moment later, a breathless snort escapes him, completely shattering the solemn, elegant atmosphere of the processional.
"Hansol, stop it," you hiss, smile tightening into a grimace. "People are looking."
"You—" he starts, but his voice cracks, and he has to stop, clearing his throat, his chest heaving. He looks up at the sky, trying to blink back tears of amusement. "You actually thought… oh my god, Y/N."
"I had a momentary lapse in judgment!" you whisper-yell, cheeks burning with a heat that has absolutely nothing to do with the burning sun above you.
Another wave of silent laughter hits him, making his shoulders roll, and this time you're laughing with him. A lady in the third row, wearing an enormous, feathered fascinator, gives you a highly disapproving look, Hansol barely notice; he's too busy trying to draw a breath without snickering.
"It completely blows my mind that you actually thought I could ever stand at an altar with anyone else."
Your chest does a funny thing, stomach currently doing a dizzying free-fall.
"Shut up," you breathe, staring straight ahead.
As you pass the front row of chairs, your eyes catch his mother. She is sitting in the place of honor, looking like a queen in her dusty rose gown. Seeing her son recovering from a literal laughing fit while walking you down the aisle, she offers you a smile, raising her eyebrows an inch in a silent, conspiratorial smile that makes your own brows knit together in confusion.
What the hell is going on?
You reach the altar and you release Hansol's arm, stepping to the left to take your place exactly where Leonor was supposed to stand.
As you settle into place, you look up and lock eyes with Seungcheol. He—standing stiffly in his suit—looks at your face, then down at the dress, and then back at your face. His thick brows furrows in absolute, comical bewilderment. He raises a hand gives you a small, incredibly confused wave, his mouth twisting into a silent, What on earth are you doing here? expression.
You offer him a helpless, apologetic little shrug in return.
Hansol steps to the right, taking his place beside his brother, who immediately nudges him with an elbow, whispering what can only be a frantic question that Hansol shuts down with a quick entertained shake of his head.
You stand rigidly, clutching your small bouquet of peonies. You have absolutely no idea what you are doing. You don't know when to hold Hannah's train, you don't know when to take her bouquet, and your mind is entirely consumed by the fact that Hansol is standing directly across from you, his eyes not leaving you for a second, watching your every move.
The music swells. The guests stand. Hannah walks down the aisle, a radiant beam of light, and the ceremony officially begin.
But as the minister starts to speak, the words wash over you in a blur. Your focus is entirely pulled to the guy standing across the floral-draped altar. The space between you feels incredibly small, charged with unsaid words, missed phone calls, and the lingering sting of a sunny July afternoon.
Seungcheol clears his throat, taking Hannah's hands as they prepare to exchange their vows.
You would have thought that, not knowing their story, the vows wouldn't affect you all that much. You are proven wrong the moment Seungcheol opens his mouth.
"I don't promise you a life without hardship," he begins, his voice clearly emotional, not even trying to hide. "I know there will be days when the road is steep, when the answers aren't clear, and when life asks more of us than we think we can give. But what I do promise is that you'll never have to face those days alone."
Across the altar, you can see the exact moment Hansol's expression changes, darkens, even. Any lingering traces of laughter that had been in his gaze moments ago completely disappear, replaced by a raw vulnerability that cuts straight through you.
You wish you didn't know him well enough to understand what was going through his mind. Even if parts of you tried to deny it, your heart already knew. His gaze, his expression, they were telling you the same thing.
Hansol was thinking about you.
"I promise to stand beside you when the world feels too much, to hold your hand when you're afraid, and to remind you of your strength when you've forgotten it yourself. And if distance ever separates us, my love won't. Whether there are miles between us or life pulls us in different directions, I'll keep choosing you, Hannah. I'll always find my way back to you, because home has never been a place for me, it's wherever you are."
Seungcheol's vows shouldn't feel like a brutal mirror, reflecting every single piece of your unresolved wreckage back at you while Hansol and you make unbroken eye contact—but they very much do.
You can't stop the hot, fat tear that spills over your eyelashes, tracing slowly down your cheek. An overwhelming mix of emotions crashing over you all at once. The sudden relief of knowing he isn't marrying someone else tangled with the aching regret for all the years you wasted, sitting in your own separate silences, waiting for the other person to break first.
But most of all, you're feeling hopeful.
Because as you wipe the tear away with a trembling finger, Hansol doesn't look away. He watches you, his own eyes shining with a faint, watery warmth, even if you know he’s not going to cry, his gaze holding something so that fuels that feeling. He is looking at you exactly the way he did before he left—like you're his home, and he is finally ready to walk through the door again.
Forget-Me-Not — true, undying love.
The battery percentage on your screen ticked down to fifteen percent, but you barely notice. Your eyes remain fixed on the digital clock in the top corner of the screen marking 7:42 PM, wondering what acceptable time would be to leave.
The reception in the backyard is a mix of a live jazz band, clinking glasses, and people laughing happily under canopy of warm fairy light strung between the trees. In the last three hours, you watched the newlyweds' first dance, the bouquet toss, and a dozen other wedding traditions, yet you still couldn't find a moment alone with Hansol.
You barely caught glimpses of him through the crowd.
So now you just sit by yourself at a table near the edge of the dance floor, staring at a plate with a half-eaten slice of wedding cake.
It didn't help that a few of Hansol's relatives had already made a point of coming over to speak with you. His great aunt had stopped by your chair to pat your shoulder with an agonizingly happy smile, telling you that she had always known you and Hansol would find your way back to each other. Meanwhile, his older cousin had asked if you were seeing anyone new yet, her eyes scanning your face for any sign of a breakdown.
You had just smiled until your cheeks cramped, nodding through the thinly veiled interrogations while aggressively shredding a paper napkin under the table.
"The cake is actually terrible, isn't it?"
You jump slightly in your chair, startled.
A guy is standing next to your table, and you recognize him immediately. He's the same one that flirted with you earlier while you pinned a white ranunculus boutonniere on his lapel: Mingyu. He's tall, with a really nice smile, and he's already ditched his tuxedo jacket, rolled up the sleeves of his crisp white shirt, and loosened his black bow tie so it hangs casually around his neck.
"Never said it was terrible," you reply, offering a polite smile.
"You didn't have to," Mingyu laughs, pulling out the empty chair next to you and sitting down. He rests his elbows on the table, holding a glass of club soda with lime. "I watched you push that same piece of frosting around for a solid two minutes. It's okay to admit it. Fondant is basically edible plastic."
"It really is," you admit, relaxing a little. "I think people just buy wedding cakes for the pictures. No one actually expects them to taste good."
"Exactly. I'm hitting up a diner for a real burger the second this is over," Mingyu says, setting his drink down. He leans back in his chair, looking at you with a thoughtful expression. "I thought I wouldn't be seeing you here tonight."
You thought that too. But you don't tell him that. You pick at the edge of your paper napkin, instead, offering a small smile. "Small change of plans."
"Well, it's a really nice thing you did for Hannah." Mingyu gestures toward the dress and the surrounding floral setups with a smile. "Seriously. The flowers look incredible."
"Thanks, Mingyu," you reply, feeling a small wave of relief at his easygoing demeanor.
He gestures toward the centerpieces this time. "Hannah told me you own a shop in the city. Poppy's Garden, right?"
"Yeah, that's me."
"That massive flower arch thing during the ceremony?" Mingyu continues, shaking his head in mild disbelief. "I have no idea how you built that without it falling over on the minister."
He sounds like he means it. He isn't giving you a sleazy line. He’s just a genuinely nice guy making conversation.
"A lot of zip ties and silent prayers," you explain, letting out a real laugh for the first time in hours.
Mingyu smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He takes a sip of his drink, then sets it down again and looks at you. "So, you've been sitting over here by yourself for the last forty minutes. I know because I've been trying to figure out an excuse to come talk to you."
You blink at least three times, slightly taken aback by how straightforward he is. "Oh. You didn't need an excuse."
"Good to know." He leans back in his chair, tilting his head toward the dance floor. "The band is actually pretty decent. I know you've probably been on your feet all day dealing with the setup, but I was wondering if you’d want to dance."
"W-what?"
"I mean… you're definitely the most beautiful girl here, and it seems like a shame that you're hiding in the corner."
It's a nice compliment. It's polite, it’s flattering, and Mingyu is objectively very handsome. You open your mouth, fully intending to say yes, just to get out of your own head for a few minutes.
Before you can even form the first syllable, a shadow falls over the white linen tablecloth.
"She's actually taking a break right now."
The voice is low, flat, and completely devoid of inflection.
You look up to find Hansol standing right behind Mingyu's chair.
He still has his tuxedo jacket on, though it's unbuttoned. His hands are shoved deep into his trouser pockets. He isn't glaring, and he isn't puffing his chest out. He just looks incredibly, intensely solid—and hot. His eyes fixed on Mingyu, and his jaw is set in a rigid, immovable line.
Mingyu turns around, looking up at Hansol in surprise. "Oh. Hey, man. I was just asking Y/N if she wanted to hit the dance floor."
"I heard." He doesn't move an inch. "She has company, though."
Mingyu blinks, looking back and forth between Hansol and you as he pieces it together. He's smart guy, it only takes him two seconds to reach the tension rolling off Hansol in waves. He let out a short, incredulous laugh, raising an eyebrow at Hansol.
"Wait... I thought you guys broke up."
"We're handling it." Hansol's tone isn't aggressive, but it's final. He doesn't offer an explanation. He just holds Mingyu's gaze, projecting an aura that very clearly says this conversation is over until the message lands loud and clear.
Not even you knew what exactly you were handling, let alone Mingyu.
"Got it," Mingyu finally says, holding his hands up in easy surrender as he stands up from the chair. He picks up his drink, giving you a slightly amused wink. "My bad. I'll leave you two to it. Catch you later, Y/N. Great job on the flowers."
You offer him a small wave. "Thanks, Mingyu."
Mingyu walks away, disappearing into the crowd near the bar.
You sit frozen, staring at Hansol. Your heart is suddenly beating so hard you can feel it in your throat. Seeing him act like this is entirely jarring. In all the time you dated, Hansol was the king of nonchalance. He never got jealous. If a guy ever hit on you, Hansol would just laugh, wrap an arm around your waist, and shrug it off. He was always so ridiculously secure in himself. And most of all, he always trusted you.
But right now? He looks very territorial. And you absolutely hate that the only thing you can think about is how incredibly hot it is.
Hansol watches Mingyu walk away until he is completely out of sight. Then, he pulls his hands out of his pockets. He takes a step forward, closing the distance between you, and holds his right hand out to you, palm facing up.
"C'mon."
You stare at his hand. "Come on where?"
"Dance floor," he clarifies, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. It isn't.
You let out a short, incredulous laugh. "Hansol, you don't dance. The last time we went to a wedding, you literally hid by the buffet table for three hours eating crab cakes so my aunt wouldn't drag you out there."
"I know." He shrugs, not withdrawing his hand. His eyes lock onto yours, completely serious. "But I want to dance with you."
The lack of hesitation in his voice leaves you totally speechless. There is no joke, no sarcastic deflection. He is just standing there, waiting for you.
You reach out and place your hand in his, his fingers closing around yours immediately. His grip is warm, firm, and familiar. He pulls you up from the chair, and the silk of your dress rustles against his trousers as he leads you way from the table, navigating through the maze of guests and empty chairs.
You step onto the dance floor just as the band transitions into a Frank Sinatra song.
Hansol doesn't ask how you want to hold him. He just steps in close, sliding his right hand firmly onto the small of your back, right at the dip of your spine. The heat of his palm seeps instantly through the thin silk of the dress. You rest your left hand flat against his chest, right over his heart, and your joined hands settle comfortably between you.
It leaves you breathless how you fit together exactly the way we did years ago. Your heights match perfectly. The muscle memory is so immediate, so natural, that it actually makes your chest ache in the best way possible.
For the first minute, you just sway. You don't say a word. You move slowly to the song, ignoring the dozens of couples swaying around you. You keep your eyes focused on the knot of his bow tie, acutely aware of his thumb tracing a slow, absentminded circle against your spine.
"You shouldn't have been rude to Mingyu. He was just being nice," you say eventually.
"I wasn't rude," Hansol states, his chin brushing the top of your head. "I just stated a fact. You were busy."
"I was sitting by myself staring at a napkin."
"You were busy," he repeats stubbornly.
You shake your head, looking up at him. "I'm only here because of your sister-in-law, Hansol."
"Mhm." His lips twitch. "Not even a little for me?"
"You're asking that after I spent the last three weeks terrified because I thought you were the one getting married today?"
A laugh escapes him. "I think it's safe to say we had a pretty catastrophic case of miscommunication there."
You glance around the reception, only to find his parents watching from a nearby table, both wearing impossibly—and suspiciously—wide smiles. Across the dance floor, Hannah and Seungcheol wear that very same expression, their attention fixed on the two of you as well.
You tilt your head to the side, meeting Hansol's gaze without breaking your rhythm. “I suspect that was entirely intentional.”
Hansol sighs and looks away toward the band.
"I know." He looks down at you again, as though he's about to confess something. "My mother and Hannah planned all of this behind my back. They purposely booked your shop, so we'd run into each other again."
A corner of his mouth lifts shyly.
"It was all on purpose."
"They actually wanted me to think you were the groom," you gasp, the absurdity of the situation finally sinking in. "They wanted a reaction."
"Did it work?" he asks, one perfectly lined eyebrow arching.
"I threw up in a trash can behind the loading dock this morning," you admit, deciding you don't care about preserving your pride anymore. "What do you think?"
Hansol's jaw clenches, and he stops swaying for a second. His hand tightens against your back, pulling you a fraction of an inch closer, as though the mere thought of having caused you that much pain unsettles him.
"I'm sorry. I never would have agreed to that. It was a stupid, manipulative thing to do."
You shrug, looking away. "It doesn't matter. The wedding is over. You can go back to your life, and I can go back to mine."
"But I told you I'm living in Brooklyn now," Hansol reminds you, his eyes searching yours. "I transferred my contract to the New York division. The rest of my stuff is getting shipped next week."
He sounds hopeful, and against your better judgment, you feel hopeful too.
You nod, the memory of what he told Poppy weeks ago still making your thoughts scramble. Even so, there's one thing you still need to know.
"Since when?"
You don't need to explain. Hansol knows.
"The day I saw you in the driveway."
An incredulous, breathy laugh escapes you. You shake your head, your mind scrambling to make sense of the timeline. “You decided to uproot your entire life and move across the country because we had one awkward conversation?”
"It wasn't just the awkward conversation, Y/N." His voice was losing the casual tone. "You looked at me like you hated me. And it bothered me so much I couldn't sleep for two days."
"But you were fine for four years!" you argue, your voice rising slightly over the music. The frustration is bubbling up, fast and hot. "You were completely fine, Hansol."
"I wasn't fine," he admits bluntly. "I hated it."
You hated it too.
Your break wasn't dramatic. It hadn't been a screaming match over who was right or wrong.
It was a random Tuesday afternoon, and Hansol had come over to your apartment to pick up the last of his winter coats before his flight back to Los Angeles after spending the weekend in New York again. You had been sitting at the kitchen table, buried under a pile of your mother's medical bills and past-due notices for the flower shop. You were exhausted, hair a mess, and you hadn't slept in three days.
When he sat down beside you, you both just looked at the paper mountain between you. There wasn't any fight left in either of you over whether you were going to Los Angeles anymore. You both already knew the answer; you were staying in New York. So, you looked each other in the eye and mutually agreed that pulling the plug was the only logical thing to do.
He had been so calm. So logical. You laid it out together like a business transaction, like two partners analyzing a bad contract and agreeing to walk away. Neither of you cried. Neither of you begged. You hugged goodbye, he picked up his bag pack and walked out the door. It was the absolute, shared coldness of it—the silent agreement to just give up—that had broken you.
Hansol lets out a sharp exhale. He drops his hand from yours, bringing it up to rub the back of his neck, looking incredibly frustrated. "I went along with the breakup because I felt completely useless, Y/N. I didn't push back because I knew I had nothing to offer you."
You frown. "What?"
"I was standing in your kitchen," he continues looking at you intently, "and you were drowning. Your mom was sick, you were working twelve hours a week, and you were stressed out of your mind. And I was leaving again. I couldn't pay your bills. I couldn't fix your mom. I couldn't do a single thing to actually help you."
He drops his hand, stepping closer to you again, forcing you to look up at him.
"I'm a practical guy, baby," he says, lifting his shoulder. "I couldn't fix your life, and I wanted to. So bad. When you suggested maybe we should end it, I went along with it because I knew if we stayed together, I would just be one more thing you had to worry about. One more person you had to text, one more schedule you had to manage. I thought letting us both walk away was doing you a favor."
Meanwhile, you believed you were doing him a favor by lifting the burden of your life off his shoulders with the breakup. And then you hated yourself for feeling hurt—for feeling almost hypocritical—that he hadn't fought against it.
You stare at him, your chest aching. "That is the stupidest logic I have ever heard."
"I know." He nods, a self-deprecating smile pulling at his mouth. "It was stupid. I was twenty-two, and I was an idiot. I thought we were being realistic. I didn't realize that being practical doesn't matter when you're miserable."
You stare up at him, the fairy lights blurring slightly as his words settle over you. For four years, you had convinced yourself that he walked way without a fight because it was the easiest thing to do. To hear him admit that he had been just as miserable—that he had broken his own heart out of some misguided attempt to protect yours—shifts the foundation of your memories.
"Have you dated anyone?" you ask, the question finally pushing its way out of your throat before anything else. You feel a little silly, yes, but you need to know.
"I went on a few dates," he answers, because of course he must be factually accurate. As always. "They sucked. All I could think about was how much I wished it was you instead. I couldn't do it." He gives the smallest shake of his head. "So, I just stopped trying."
The simplicity of his confession is staggering. There are no grand declarations, or poetic metaphors about stars and fate. It's just Hansol. The same you've always known. The same you've always loved.
"Why come back now?" you ask, your voice trembling. "My life is still messy, Hansol. The shop is doing objectively better, but everything is still the same. I still work crazy hours. None of the logistics have actually changed."
"I changed," he says simply.
He reaches out, resting both of his hands on your waist. His thumbs press against the silk of the dress, right over your ribs.
"Forget about logistics. I have a stable job. I have a car. I can drive your mom to her physical therapy appointments. I can come to the shop and carry the heavy buckets when you have a massive order. I don't need to fix your life, Y/N. I just want to be in it. I want to carry everything with you."
The tears you've been fighting back since the ceremony ended finally spill over, tracking down your cheeks and ruining whatever setting spray the makeup artist used.
"Are you seeing anyone?" Hansol asks, his thumbs brushing against your sides. "Tell me the truth."
You shake your head. "No."
He breathes out a sigh, and you can see the tension completely drained out of his shoulders. The rigid posture is quickly replaced by the relaxed, comfortable Hansol you know. "Thank God. I really don't want to have to fight another groomsman tonight."
A wet laugh escapes you. "You are an idiot."
"Yeah. I really am."
The next second, Hansol is closing the final few inches between you, and when he kisses you, it's like you've been trapped in a coma for four years.
A soft, involuntary moan escapes you, almost more of a gasp than a sound. He swallows as your hands slide up his chest and curl around the back of his neck, fingers tangling in the short, soft hair at the nape of his neck and holding on to him as though your next breath depends on it. Hansol's arms tighten around your waist, pulling you squarely against his chest so there's no space left between you.
His mouth moves against yours with grounding pressure, almost as though he's been waiting for this for years and has no intention of rushing it. You kiss him back just as hard, parting your lips just enough to meet him halfway, catching the cool taste of peppermint and the lingering hint of whatever he'd been drinking earlier mixed on his tongue.
The jazz band keeps playing, and the other guests keep dancing around you, but you barely notice them or when the music changes to another Frank Sinatra song. You just stand there in the middle of the crowded floor, holding onto him for dear life as though letting go would mean losing him all over again. All while letting him explore your mouth deliberately, sucking and biting deliciously.
For the first time all day, you aren't thinking about the time on your phone, the flower shop, or making a quick exit.
Hansol pulls back just an inch, his forehead resting against yours. He is breathing a little heavily, a genuine smile breaking across his face.
"I'll buy you a burger after this," he murmurs against your mouth. "Since you hate the cake."
"Okay," you whisper, smiling back. "Okay."
Except the burger doesn't happen.
Well, not right away.
Because two songs after the kiss on the dance floor, Hansol's hand is fisted in yours and he's pulling you through the crowd of guests, past a slightly tipsy Seungcheol who whistles at the sight of you, past his mother who pretends not to see the urgency her son is dragging you toward her house, past Angela who is too busy directing the sparkler send-off to notice her florist flipping away from the reception with the best man.
You laugh, stumbling over your heels on the stone patio. "Hansol, slow down."
You try to slow him down, but he only tightens his grip on your hand, glancing back at you with hungry eyes.
"Can't," he mutters, tugging you through the doors and into the quiet hush of the house. "I'm not waiting another goddamn minute."
The house is empty, since the staff are all outside handling the reception and the guests are gathered on the lawn. The only sound is the distant thumping of the bass from the band and the click of your heels against the hardwood as Hansol pulls you up the staircase, two steps at a time.
He leads you unhesitatingly to the last door on the left, exactly where you knew he would: his childhood bedroom.
The hallway passes you in a blur before he's pushing the door open and pulling you inside. The room is like a whole new wave of memories. The same navy-blue walls, the framed vinyl records above his old desk, the queen bed against the far wall with its rumpled white duvet. You can see that he probably slept here last night, because there's a duffel bag by the closet and a pair of sneakers kicked off near the desk.
The door clicks shut behind you.
And then Hansol is on you.
His hands cup your face, tilting your chin up, and his mouth crashes down onto yours with none of the careful restraint he'd shown before—if you can even call it that. This kiss is greedy and hungry. His tongue slides against yours, and you're, once again, moaning into his mouth, hands flying up to grip the lapels of his tuxedo jacket.
The way he kisses you— like he's been starving, like you're the only thing he's ever craved—makes your mind spin. You want nothing more than to be devoured by him.
"Fuck," he breathes against your lips, walking you backward until your shoulder blades hit the closed door. His hands drop from your face to your waist, gripping the silk of the dress. "Fuck, I forgot. I forgot how good you taste."
"Hansol—"
He kisses you again before you can say another word. One hand slides up the side of your throat to cup your jaw, tilting your head exactly the way he wants. His thumb presses against the corner of your mouth, and you open for him willingly, letting him lick into you with slow, filthy heat that makes your knees go weak.
Your hands are shaking as they push his tuxedo jacket off his shoulders. It falls to the floor with a soft thump, and Hansol doesn't even glance at it. He's too busy dragging his mouth down the line of your jaw, the column of your throat, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses to the pulse fluttering wildly under your skin.
"Look at you in this fucking dress," he murmurs, voice a low rumble against your collarbone. His hands slide down to your hips, gripping them possessively.
You gasp, arching into him as his teeth assault your throat. "It's not my dress."
He nips at your skin, and you feel it all the way down between your legs. "Don't care. It might as well be made for you."
His mouth is on yours again, and this time his hands start moving more frantic than before. They slide up your sides, thumbs brushing the underside of your breasts through the silk, and you whimper shamelessly, feeling like you could melt right there.
Your head spins as he slowly draws back from your lips again, a fine thread of saliva stretching between them. He rests his forehead against yours for the briefest moment before nuzzling his face into the curve of your cheek, his lips brushing your ear in a teasing bite.
"You have any idea," he groans, breath hot against your ear as his hands skims down over your hip, gathering the silk of the dress in his fists, dragging the hem higher, "how many times I've thought about having you again? Every fucking night. Every fucking night for four years."
"Hansol—" His name breaks on your tongue as his palms slide under the hem of the dress, up the outside of your bare thigh.
"Tell me you thought about it too."
"I did," you whine. "So much."
His fingers trace the elastic of your underwear, and you feel him smile against your throat. "Yeah? Tell me, then. Tell me what you thought about, baby."
You can't. You can barely form words right now. His hands are inching up, thumbs pressing against your hipbone, and you're clinging to his shirt like you'll fall over if you let go.
Hansol seems to take pity on you, pulling back just enough to look at your face, and what he sees there makes his eyes darken to almost full black. A millisecond later he's kissing you again, and moving, and before you fully register what's happening, he's guiding you across the room to his old study desk.
In one smooth motion, he grips your waist and lifts you up onto it. You gasp at the sudden movement and the cool wood pressing against the backs of your thighs where the dress has ridden up. Hansol steps between your knees, forcing them apart with his hips, and cups your face again, pressing a soft kiss to your lips.
Then he drops to his knees.
Your breath leaves your lugs. He's still in his tuxedo pants and his white dress shirt, sleeves shove up his forearms now, his bow tie hanging loose around his neck—the one you tied for him hours ago—and he's staring up at you like you're something holy.
"Hansol."
"Yeah, baby?"
"I—" You don't know what you're going to say. You just want to say his name again. And again, again, again, again.
He smiles, soft and slow. And then his hands are on your knees, spreading them wilder, pushing the silk dress up higher until it's bunched around your waist and you're bare to him except for the thin cotton of your underwear. For a moment, you wish you were wearing something prettier and nicer for this moment, but those thoughts are soon silenced by his voice.
"Fuck me."
His fingers trace the edge of the fabric where it meets your thigh, and your hips roll forward instinctively at the touch.
"You're already wet, baby. I can see it through your underwear."
You cover your face with your hands. "Oh God."
He immediately catches your wrist, grip gentle as he guides your hand away. "Don't. Don't hide. I want to see you."
Hansol then hooks his fingers into the waistband of your underwear and drags it down your legs, slowly, taking his sweet time, his eyes fixed on your core. You lift your hips to help him, and he pulls it off over your heels, then shoves them into his pocket.
"Hansol!"
He grins, and it's so wolfish, so filthy, that more heat floods between your legs. "Mine now."
He plants his hands on your inner thighs, spreading you wider. His breath ghosts over you, warm and unbearable, and you shudder.
"Look at that," he murmurs, almost reverent. "Look how pretty. Missed this. Missed you so fucking much, baby."
The first stroke of his tongue makes you cry out, your hips jerking forward, and he immediately clamps a hand down on your hip to hold you in place. Hansol drags his tongue up through your folds, slow and thorough, and you throw your head back so hard it thuds against the wall behind the desk.
"Oh fuck!"
"That's it. Let me hear you," he groans against your core.
Hansol knows exactly what he's doing. Most importantly, he remembers—God, he remembers—that you like it slow at first. Long, flat licks up your center, his tongue soft and unhurried, warming you up. His hand slide under your thighs, hooking your knees over his shoulders, pulling you closer to the edge of the desk.
You look down at him and almost combust. His head is buried between your legs, his dress shirt rumpled from your grabbing hands, and his eyes flick up to meet yours the exact second you look at him. He holds your gaze while his tongue drags a slow circle around your clit, and the sight of him—your Hansol, one his knees for you—is almost enough to push you over on its own.
A whimper escapes you, certain there's no air left in your lungs. "Baby."
You don't even know how it's possible, but his gaze grows darker. Hansol sucks your clit into his mouth, hard, and your back arches off the wall.
"Hansol!"
He hums against you, appreciatively, and the vibration makes your thighs shake around his head. He's making obscene, borderline pornographic noises, wet, filthy sounds that echoes through the room, and he's not slowing down, not letting up, his tongue flicking against your clit in fast, precise strokes that have you climbing embarrassingly fast.
"Oh god, I'm—already, I'm gonna—"
"Yeah, you are," he growls, pulling back just enough to speak, his lips glistening. "Come on my tongue. Give it to me."
Hansol dives back in, and this time he slides a finger inside you, then a second, curling them up in that perfect way that only he ever figured out how to in all these years. There, you lose it. Your hand flies to his hair, gripping tight, and you come hard with a broken cry, thighs clamping around his head, hips bucking helplessly into his mouth.
He works you through it. Slow, gentle laps of his tongues, his fingers sliding out of your and stroking soothingly along your inner thigh. When you finally slump against the wall, boneless and shaking, he presses one last kiss to the inside of your thigh and looks up at you with the most self-satisfied smile you've ever seen.
"There she is."
Your voice is wrecked but you manage to say, "Shut up."
"Missed that face."
"Hansol, I swear to god—"
He stands up, and before you can catch your breath, he's kissing you again. You can taste yourself on his tongue, and it should be too much but instead it makes something hot coil low in your belly all over again. His hands cup your face, his thumbs stroking your cheekbones, and he kisses you like he can't help himself.
"Bed," he says against your mouth.
"Please."
He pulls you away from the desk. Your legs are so shaky that you would have stumbled if he hadn't slipped an arm around your waist to steady you. Without letting go, he guides you backward to his old bed, dressed in navy sheets and topped with mismatched pillows, before easing you down onto the mattress as though you're made of glass.
Then he stands at the foot of the bed and looks at you like he can't quite believe you're real.
You're a mess. The dress is bunched around your waist, one strap slipping off your shoulder, your hair coming loose from the chignon. Your legs are bare, spread slightly, and you can feel yourself still throbbing from his mouth. You should be self-conscious, but the way Hansol's looking at you makes it impossible.
"Get up here," you practically beg.
"In a second."
His fingers move to his bow tie, tugging it loose the rest of the way. It drops to the floor. Then the buttons of his vest, one by one—the same vest you buttoned for him hours ago. Then the crisp white shirt, tugged out of his waistband and unbuttoned with maddening slowness.
You can't take it. You sit up, reach for him, and pull him down onto the bed on top of you.
Hansol laughs against your mouth, a real, warm laugh, and then he kisses you slowly, one hand cradling the back of your head, the other sliding down to grip your hip. He rolls his body against yours, and you feel his hardness straining against the fabric of his pants, making your hips buck into his.
"Off," you gasp, tugging at his shirt. "Off, off…"
He shrugs the shirt off his shoulders, and then he's shirtless above you, all muscle and warm skin, and you drag your palms down his chest, over his ribs, memorizing him all over again. There's a tattoo on his ribcage, a small line of Korean script, that you don't recognize.
You trace it with your fingers. "What does this say?"
He looks down at you. His eyes are soft. "I'll tell you later."
"Hansol—"
"Later, baby."
He closes the distance between you again, and this time when his hand slides down your body it's to shove the bunched-up silk of the dress up over your head. You lift your arms and let him pull it off, and then you're lying beneath him in nothing but strapless bra and your heels.
He sits back on his heels, taking you in. His pupils are blown wide.
"You," he says, voice rough, "are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."
"Body worship later," you reply, breathless. "Pants off now, Chwe."
Hansol laughs, but he obeys. He stands off the bed just long enough to unbuckle his belt and shove his pants and briefs down together, kicking them off with his shoes and socks in one graceless motion, and then he's back on the bed, back on top of you.
You feel him against your thigh, hot and hard, and you gasp.
"Hansol, please…"
"I know, baby." He reaches down between you, wraps a hand around himself, and drags the head of his cock through your slick, coating himself. "I know. I'll take care of you."
He pauses right at your entrance. His forehead drops to yours.
"I don't have anything," he whispers. "I didn't—unlike my mother, I wasn't planning this."
You giggle briefly. "I'm on the pill. I'm clean, I haven't… it's been a while."
"Me too. It's been a while."
"Then don't stop. Please."
He kisses you as he pushes inside you.
You both moan. His forehead is pressed to yours, and his eyes are squeezed shut, and his jaw is clenched so tight you can see the muscle jumping. He sinks into you inch by inch, and it's been so long that it's almost too much, the stretch of him, the heat, the familiar-unfamiliar feeling of him inside your again.
"Fuck. Holy shit, you feel—"
"Hansol." You cup his face. "Hansol, look at me."
He opens his eyes.
"Hi," you whisper.
His voice cracks. "Hi."
You pull his mouth down to yours, and he starts to move.
Slow—so slow. Long, deep rolls of his hips that push him all the way inside you and drag him back out to the tip, and every stroke he groans against your mouth like it's killing him. His hand slides down to grip the back of your thigh, hitching your leg up higher around his waist, and the new angle makes him hit somewhere inside you that has you gasping into his mouth.
"That's it," he mumbles. "Feel that?"
"Yes!"
"I know. I know, baby. I've got you."
He kisses you again, and again, and again. Between every stroke. His mouth on yours, on your jaw, on the hinge of your neck. His hand slides up from your thigh to your breast, thumb rolling over your nipple through the bra, and you arch up into him with a whimper.
"Take this off," he groans against your throat, tugging at the strapless bra. "Wanna see all of you."
He slips it off your shoulders and tosses it over the side of the bed as though it has personally offended him, and then his mouth is on your breast, tongue circling your nipple as he continues to fuck into you with those deep rolls that are unraveling you thread by thread.
He's whispering something against your skin, but you can barely make it out, your mind clouded by everything he's making you feel with every stroke.
"Beautiful. Every inch of you. Fucking perfect. Made for me."
"Hansol…"
"Made for me," he repeats, biting down gently at the swell of your breast. "Say it."
"Made for you."
He drags his mouth back up to yours. "Yeah. That's right. That's fucking right, baby."
Hansol picks up the pace just enough that the pleasure that had been slow and unfurling suddenly starts to spark hotter. Your hand slides up his back, nails scraping lightly, and he groans and drops his forehead to your shoulder.
"Do that again."
You do. You drag your nails down his back, and he shudders, hips stuttering, and buries his face in your throat.
"Fuck, I'm not gonna last if you—"
"I don't care." You turn your face into his hair. "I don't care, Hansol, I want you to."
"No." He pulls back. Kisses you hard. "No. You come first. You always come first."
He slides a hand between your bodies, his thumb finding your clit, and starting to circle it in tight, precise little strokes that match the rhythm of his hips, and you feel it building fast, embarrassingly fast, that hot coil low in your belly winding tighter and tighter.
"That's it," he coaxes, watching your face. "I can feel you, you're squeezing me so tight."
You come with a cry, gripping his shoulder hard enough to bruise, and he fucks you through it with those same slow, deep strokes, his thumb still circling your clit until you're twitching and oversensitive and pushing his hand away.
"Good girl," he murmurs, kissing your temple. "Good girl. Look at you."
You can barely catch your breath before he's rolling you.
You gasp as he flips you onto your stomach, one big warm hand splayed at the small of your back, holding you down. He drags a pillow under your hips, tilting you up, and then he's pushing back inside you from behind and you're moaning into the pillow before he's even fully seated.
"You okay, babe?" His hand slides up your spine, gathering the loose strands of your hair into his fist. He tugs, gently, tilting your head back. "Fuck, this angle."
"Yeah, more. Please."
He drives into you, deeper this time—thanks to the new position—his hand in your hair keeps your head tilted so he can lean down and speak against your ear, and his other hand is gripping your hip so tight you know you'll have marks tomorrow.
"So good," he mumbles. "So fucking good for me. Taking me so well. You feel so goddamn perfect around me. Missed this. Missed you."
You whimper into the pillow.
"Yeah? You like this?" He tugs your hair again. "Talk to me, baby."
"I love it, Hansol, I love it, please don't stop."
His voice cracks. "Never. Never again. I swear to fucking god, never again."
He fucks you like he means it. Even deeper and harder, purposeful strokes that have you gripping the sheets, whimpering with every thrust. His hand releases your hair and slides down under you, finding your clit again, and you nearly sob.
"Hansol— Hansol, I can't— again, I'm gonna—"
"Yeah you are. That's three. Come on. One more."
His fingers work you in tight circles, and his hips don't let up, and you fall apart under him for the third time, your orgasm ripping through you so hard that your whole body shakes. You feel him falter, feel him groan into your hair, and then his fingers tighten on your hip.
"Holy fuck, I'm gonna—"
"Inside." You barely recognize your own voice. "Inside, Hansol, please."
Hansol curses again, and slams into you one more time. And then he's coming with a low, guttural groan against your shoulder, his hips jerking, his forehead pressed to your back, and you feel every pulse of him deep inside you.
For a long moment, neither of you move. His weight is warm and heavy on your back, and his breath is ragged in your hair, and you can feel his heartbeat pounding against your spine.
He kisses your shoulder. The nape of your neck. Behind your ear.
"Babe," he mumbles.
"Hmm?"
"Don't move."
Hansol carefully slides out of you, and you feel him, hot and thick, dripping down your inner thigh, and you make a small, embarrassed sound into the pillow.
"Hansol, oh my god!"
"Shh." His hand slides down between your legs, and you feel his fingers gather what's spilling out. "I've got you."
You feel him drag his fingers back up, pushing it back inside you, and you moan into the pillow.
"There we go. That's mine. All mine."
He does it again one last time, slow, deliberate. Then he turns you gently onto your back, and he's staring down at you with such open, wrecked adoration that your eyes prick with tears.
"Open your mouth, baby."
You do.
Hansol brings his fingers—slick with him, with you—to your lips, and slides them in. You close your mouth around them and taste him, salt and heat, and his eyes go completely black.
He bends down and captures your lips in another kiss, licking into your mouth, chasing his own taste on your tongue. The kiss turns wonderfully deep and messy, leaving you both breathless before he finally pulls back just.
"Fuck. You have no idea what you do to me."
You wrap your arms around his neck and pull him down against you. He collapses onto his side, gathering you into his chest, one heavy leg thrown over your hips, keeping you pinned to him.
There's a small silence, and you can hear the distant thump of the reception band, still going strong outside. Someone must have started the sparkler send-off; you can hear cheers filtering up through the window.
Hansol traces slow circles on your bare hip.
"The tattoo," he says quietly, after a long moment.
You lift your head from his chest. "Hm?"
"You asked what it said." He looks at you. "It's from that old book you had. The Dictionary of Flowers? The meaning of a forget-me-not."
You feel dizzy.
"I got it after I realized I was never going to feel it again unless I came back to you."
You don't have words. So you kiss him instead. When you pull back, he brushes your hair off your forehead. His eyes are impossibly soft.
"Still want that burger?" he asks.
You laugh. Wet, watery, real.
"Yeah, Hansol."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. But maybe in an hour."
"An hour." He grins, slow and wicked, and rolls on top of you again. "And maybe tomorrow we can take Poppy to the Natural History Museum."
"Sounds perfect to me."
# NAVIGATION | MASTERLIST | PERMANENT TAGLIST
If you’re enjoying it, don’t forget to reblog, helps so much and gets the fic out there!! 💗
Welcome to the studioSVT Birthday Event! ✨A Midsummer Carat's Dream✨ is our way of thanking you for a wonderful 2 years, and we're handing the typewriters out in an open invitation to all! Find out how you can participate below.
HOW IT WORKS:
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This event will run from JULY 24TH - SEPTEMBER 18TH 2026.
GUIDELINES:
This event is open for anyone who would like to join. You do not need to be a member.
All fics must include one or more members of Seventeen x Reader.
All fics must include the use of at least one prompt from the list below. They can either be quoted directly or used as a heavy inspiration.
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Use #amidsummercaratsdreamevent in the first 5 tags.
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PROMPTS:
“Is that legal?” “Define legal.”
A deity you thought long gone appears to give you a job offer
“I’ve been expecting you.”
“How long have you known about that?”
You went to sleep in your bed and woke up in a circus
“You think this is funny?” “It got you smiling, didn’t it?”
“That’s the worst idea you’ve ever had.” “Are you sure?” “Okay, it’s the second worst idea you’ve ever had.”
“No one is going to believe us.”
“You weren’t supposed to see that.”
You’re new boss is your ex from college
“Dont make me regret this.”
You inherit a magical pawn shop from a witch you never met
“Don’t look them in the eyes.”
You receive a text message from someone you thought was dead
“If anyone can hear me on this frequency, we found somewhere safe.”
“That’s not your blood, though.”
“Don’t panic.” “Too late.” “Okay, so medium panic.”
The magic in your world suddenly stops working - except for yours
You accidentally swipe right on your best friend’s dating profile
You become someone’s scapegoat after an assassination
You join a book club on the weekends only to find out it’s an occult group
“This looked so much easier online!”
An alien crash lands in your back yard and says they’ve been searching for you
The world ends while you’re at work
“Can you see them too?”
You discover an island that appears on no maps
You wake up to find that someone has stolen your memories
You wake up with someone else’s memories
“I feel like I’m finally home… with you.”
You receive a random invitation to an exclusive party
“Did you mean what you said last night?”
“Why do you insist on making everything so hard?”
The new neighbor’s lights randomly flashes in their windows between 3am-4am every night
“What’s your favorite scary movie?”
“So I hear you’re into racing.”
They showed up for you when you needed them the most
You go on a random road trip with a group of friends and it changes the trajectory of your life.
“Draw your weapon.”
Whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas—unless it’s livestreamed.
➳ WARNINGS: needlessly philosophical meanderings about time, photography, reality; reader's mother is mentioned; lit fiction style
➳ AN: our boy won the case! yippie! now if only that horrid woman would leave all of them alone. I am praying on her downfall, honestly. ugh. I just finished the cheollie fic and it bothered me how juvenile, plain, and poorly written it was; so I wanted to write something that aimed for the imitation of something a little more 'high-brow'; might be a stupid or ugly read, but I enjoyed the challenge :)
masterlist
Bluebird of happiness
The sun paints pretty little sunspots onto the grass beneath her, littering kisses over the earth and over his face. She smiles, bathing in the spots of warmth on her own skin, content to watch him. For the moment.
Summer has ebbed away, taken the sweltering heat and the constant dampness with it in its tow. What remains is the comfort of the season’s sunset: sweet, cosy, and tentative. Like a first kiss. With her thoughts turning constantly around this topic, there’s no avoiding leaning down and kissing him. Right where the sun hast warmed his forehead. She lingers for a second, appreciating the warmth against her lips.
“What are you doing?”
His voice sounds treacly as toffee, like he himself is candy, melted in the sun.
“Recharging,” she replies through pursed lips.
Smiling against his skin, she leans back to look into his eyes. He is blinking up at her, only one eye open, betraying his sleepiness. There’s a twinkle of amusement in it. But he’s used to her idiosyncrasies, the small and the big. So, he reaches up a hand, futilely tugging a lock of hair away from her face.
“You have sun freckles,” she says.
“You’re obsessed with freckles,” he answers. She giggles. “I’m serious,” he insists, excitement too great to remain supine, “just last week, when it was raining, you said the pavement had freckles.”
“What can I say, they’re cute…”
“Is that why you like strawberries so much?”
He winks, reaching past her to pick one of the red fruits from their little basket. Haknyeon dips it into the whipped cream the two of them had brought for this specific purpose.
They had just spent the early afternoon at a farm, under large straw hats borrowed from the owners. Worried about the cloudless midday heat – and delighted at the sight of Haknyeon and her hand in hand – the little old lady at the stall had waddled off to the farm house. She had urged them to wait and returned with wide-brimmed hats, a strawberry charm dangling from each of the brims. She struggled with the uneven weight distribution when putting it on, until Haknyeon reached over, helping his girlfriend adjust the charm just right. The old women couldn’t have been happier. She had gone on and on about young love and sweet memories.
Sufficiently armed against the sun, the two of them had spent a much longer time than necessary collecting a shared basket of fruit, continuously distracted by one another.
She had continued to muse about the old lady’s tales, trying to glimpse into the future with each look she threw her boyfriend. Imagining him old seemed as impossible as imagining her mother young. When her imagination proved itself insufficient, there were always photos of her mother’s youth. Where her mind had failed, memorabilia had provided. Never mind the impossibility of connecting that little girl in the pictures to her mother, like trying to see the branches of the oak inside the acorn.
But where Haknyeon’s future was concerned, she was not even allowed the discordance of images to fill the lacunae of her mind. No matter how much she wished to catch just a single, fleeting glimpse at it – for his sake as much as her own curiosity; if she wanted to see him, she would need virtuous patience. She considered wondering these things aloud, hearing his perspective, learning if he ever thought about her in the same way. But decided against it. A little bird arrested her thought process. It landed between the two of them, twittering in excitement. She was too caught up in its movements and song to dwell more on hypotheticals. What a waste to continue in speculative circles, here – in the summer sun, on wide strawberry fields, with birdsong and her favourite person – where everything was real.
He was somehow more real, leaning over the strawberry plant between them, pressing his lips against hers. Haknyeon hovered close to her, always seeing in her eyes, when she started drifting too far away.
“Want to come back?” he asked.
When she nodded, he put a strawberry into her hand. It was the biggest one she’d seen all afternoon, vaguely heart-shaped. He had already returned to his work. A passing remark.
Picking the berries through their own labour was a rewarding exercise that reminded her of childhood summers, spent in the countryside. The dirt on her fingertips, under her nails, was a medal of honour, proof of their work and dedication.
Haknyeon took out his camera, taking a photo of both of their dirt-crusted fingers intertwined – the temporary keepsake turned eternal. She had asked him whether he thought that the photo fundamentally transformed the nature of this medal, whether it smoothed the edges and flattened something. He pondered it for a second.
“No,” he eventually replied, “how do you think it was before it became a picture?”
“Grounded.”
He nodded, although his eyes told her he wasn’t yet sure about her point. She knew he would continue to think about it, always persistent in his endeavours to understand her.
“I think I get it now,” he says, holding the strawberry up to her lips. She smiles, taking a bite. They don’t always need words, and the late summer afternoon is still making her feel like moving through honey. So she lets the tilt of her head tell him to continue. I’m listening, it says.
As he speaks, he continues working through their strawberries, eating one for every two he gives her.
“The dirt is grounded. Under our fingernails, we carry that with us. We carry the earth with us. It’s a real thing happening to us in the moment. But with the photo, we create a facsimile of that reality. And… it’s confined into the photo. The dirt,” he lifts his hand up against the backdrop of the foliage above him, blinking in the light. “The dirt is gone. At least as far as we can see. That’s real. In the photo, the dirt, and our hands, will always stay the same, unchanged, always together.”
She nods, reaching up to entangle their fingers in the dancing lights of the shifting leaves.
“I wouldn’t mind our hands always staying together.”
He chuckles.
“Me neither.”
She looks at him, thinking about how blessed she is to get him here in front of her. Real. Haknyeon leans in, giving her a quick peck.
“I still like the photo,” he admits against her lips.
“Me too.”
“I want to take another one of you, if that’s alright.”
Between his tone, and the warmth, and the sunset announcing itself in the distance, she thinks she will never need pictures to remember this afternoon in its golden glow. But still,
“Of course.”
He smiles, a spot of mischief in his eyes, so familiar to her that she misses it. Haknyeon takes another strawberry, dipping it into the cream and holding it up to her lips. But just as she leans forward, he tips it up. The whipped cream sticks against her nose; she can see it out of the corner of her eyes. Too surprised to be indignant, she looks up at him as he snaps the promised photo, lightning-quick. Haknyeon is giggling, the sound mingling with the birdsong surrounding you. They create a new harmony together that you wish you could also capture in a picture.
“Sorry,” he placates. “I can’t wait to get this developed.”
Her boyfriend leans forward, giving her a peck on the nose that does little to get the whipped cream out of her field of vision. All it does is leave traces of it against his lips, the strawberry forgotten between them. He kisses it off, again and again, until most of it is simply freckled over his lips.
“Need help with that?” she smirks, leaning forward to mirror him.
He wants to meet her halfway but she takes a leaf out of his book, leaning away at the last second to peck him on the cheek. He frowns a little, the whipped cream deepening his pout. So, she gives in, leaning in lick it off his lips, nibbling at them. He cups her cheek lightly, keeping her close to him when she wants to pull away. The birds fade into the background as he sighs into the kiss. Finally, he seems to be saying.
The sounds have faded, the wind has stilled, and the sun has frozen in place above them as they cannot separate from each other. She leans further into him, tastes the strawberries and cream on his lips and his tongue, feels the warmth of his palm against her face, and the steady movement of his breath through his shirt. All these things register with her at the same time. She feels like she’s in a picture then, encapsulated in a single moment that is made eternal by purposeful observation.
The eternity ruptures when Haknyeon finally breaks this kiss, resting his forehead against hers. He’s smiling, and he’s telling her he is so glad to have her and once the floodgates have opened, he keeps talking.
It’s like the kiss has finally dislodged something in his throat, unobstructed the path for him to express things that had been caught in his chest for ages. They continue flowing out, making clear that none of these things had been meant for that space where they could echo around each other for ages, dissonant and unsettling.
She leans back and he follows her guidance, lying down on her lap. He blinks up at her for a few seconds, but has to close his eyes against the sun. He is frowning, like the words, even on their way out, are hurting him. They never stop, however. Not even gravity can keep them from spilling past his lips into the warm summer air. She watches them dissolve into gaseous dark clouds. Better out than in.
If she could swat at them, she would. If she could tear them out, root and all, she would reach into his chest or mind or wherever they have taken up their malignant residence. Now she just watches them flail in the open air. As they are exposed, they fail to hold onto their power. Their grip slips as she plays with Haknyeon’s hair, whose expression lightens with every sentence. Like his worries become smaller and smaller as he speaks them.
Eventually, he stills, continuing to lie on her lap, relishing in the attention she is paying to him. He thanks her, something she reads more on his lips than she hears him say it. Or maybe she simply feels it in her chest. His hand seeks for her free hand, intertwining fingers the same way they did earlier that day. A smudge of cream on their fingertips.
“You ready to go home?” she asks after their silence has expanded across the whole meadow. He shakes his head, murmuring something about five more minutes.
“One more song,” she replies, looking up into the branches of the tree. There’s a bluebird sitting above them. Singing. She decides not to take a picture.
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➳ TAGS: volleyball player!jacob, college!au, best friends to lovers
➳ WARNINGS: drinking?, slightly questionable comments about women's bodies (but our Jacob stops them before they get to finish the sentence :D)
➳ AN: omg wtf this took so long, and i kept pushing it back and then i realised it's scheduled for zhongqiujie/chuseok even and i wanted to write a little special for the holiday and i couldn't finish because i was editing this because i felt terrible that it took this fucking long to finish in the first place
also, sorry to lucas, i'm sure he drinks his respect women juice every morning
next | series masterlist | general masterlist
You could make out Jacob’s focused face from your position in the stands. No matter how many times you’d seen him before a match, you’d never grow tired of the expression he wore during warm-ups. The soft, lovely Jacob you’d known for most of your life suddenly seemed to become a whole different person. The kind of focus that shadowed his eyes and the intensity in his gaze reminded you again and again why the opposing team always seemed intimidated by his mere presence.
You watched him stride across the court, shaking hands with the opponent’s captain in front of the referee. Your heart swelled with pride once more as you remembered the team meeting at the beginning of the semester, where the players voted Jacob as their captain, unanimously. His expression had been incredulous and elated at the same, so very different from the one he was wearing right now. So very different from the one he had been wearing when he came climbing through your dorm window that night, close to tears in worry about not being able to fulfil his duties as captain.
He had big shoes to fill, true, Sangyeon had been a brilliant captain and wing spiker, but Jacob was going to be brilliant in his own right, in his own way. You told him as much, while holding him close and stroking his back lightly. He nodded solemnly against the column of your neck, opting to hold you a little closer in lieu of a verbal reply.
You’d like to hug him again now, tell him ‘see, didn’t I tell you you’d be great?’. But you have to make do with simply waving your enormous banner and cheering him and his team on as loud as you could.
They win, of course they do. They haven’t done much else since the start of the semester. Largely due to Jacob’s tireless efforts at captain, the research that goes into the best warm-up and stretching routines, the extra hours working on stamina and reviewing game plans together. You’re there for all of it, where else would you be as his best friend? And he thanks you by giving you so much of his precious time, that he always had so little of, torn between responsibilities for his friend group, team, and university work. Not that you’re any less busy.
“You played brilliantly! Mrs. Oropeza would be so proud of you!” You great him in front of the changing rooms after the game. He hasn’t even showered yet, his bangs sticking to his forehead and his jersey sticking to his torso, in ways that leave little to your imagination. But his eyes are shining with happiness and with pride, and maybe a little bit with relief. That’s your Jacob, ever the worrier.
“Thanks! I flunked the toss in the first set to Juyeon. And I lost track off the court for a bit in the last. But the boys covered for my mistakes. I should practice my jump serve again, though. Im sure I can improve in terms of power.” You smile, listening to his excited explanations, his gaze still halfway on the court. Sometimes you wish there was something in your life you could be burning for so passionately.
“You’re always so hard on yourself.” He smiles at that, a familiar refrain. You’ve done this a million times after his matches, it always goes the same.
“Someone has to keep me in check. Especially now that I’m captain.”
“You should take more time to celebrate your achievements, though.”
“That’s what I’ve got you for, isn’t it?”
As if divinely timed, Juyeon sticks his head out the locker room door. His hair is drooping wet, droplets of water running down his neck before being soaked up by the towel he’d slung over his shoulders.
“Did I hear you speaking of celebrations?”
Maybe he was just eavesdropping, you decide.
“We’re gonna celebrate making it to quarter finals tonight. At Haknyeon’s at eight, you should join!”
“They’ve got better stuff to do than party with you knuckleheads,” Jacob jokes good-naturedly, “some of us care about our degree, you know.”
“I think your degree will survive one night of letting loose.”
“I whole-heartedly agree.”
“Great! So you can make sure our captain shows up for more than half an hour for once!”
“Get a shirt on!” Jacob exclaims, pushing his team mate back into the cabin. “Half naked! That’s no way to speak with a lady!”
“And where’s the lady?” You hear Juyeon chuckle at his own joke before the locker room door falls close behind the both of them. Jacob sticks his head out for another second.
“Will you wait for me?” He asks, as if this is the first game you’ve come to watch, as if you didn’t scream cheering slogans at the top of your lungs for one and a half hours, as if you aren’t wearing his name on your face, scribbled onto your cheeks with bright red lipstick.
“Always,” you smile.
It takes Jacob all of fifteen minutes to come back out of the locker room. At this point most of his team mates have left, most of them stopping to chat with you. Other than the new first semesters, they’ve all come to know you as a permanent fixture in the extended team. Even though you reliably decline the offer to join the management, you make it to every game and most practices. Through Jacob’s friendship, you’ve picked up all terminology for the sport, and, through your constant support in research, you’ve gotten quite a thorough understanding of the tactics behind a play. Not to mention that you’re always front row when it comes to support and cheering. Juyeon high fives you as he leaves, reminding you of your promise to drag Jacob along to the team party.
“Who said anything about a promise?”
“If you actually get him to come, then I promise to get you free drinks all night.”
“Tempting,” you muse sarcastically but Juyeon seems to miss your tone.
“Yeah, it’ll be awesome, seriously. You two have really missed out on some great parties over the years!”
“The greatest part are usually the wonderfully embarrassing stories you tell of each other afterward. Plus the blackmail video proof.”
“And this time you can be a part of them!”
You’re not sure how to reply to the earnest expression on Juyeon’s face.
“Thanks, but I’ll stick to watching the blackmail.”
He only shrugs in response before sauntering off with one of the newer recruits for the team.
You spend your time scrolling through TikTok until a soft tap on your shoulder and the waft of a familiar aftershave alert you to the presence of your best friend. You look up, smiling, and are met with a similar expression on Jacob’s face.
“How about we go to your favourite café to celebrate?” He asks.
“Shouldn’t we go to your favourite place?”
“My favourite place is wherever you are.” He replies, as if it’s the most normal thing to say.
You exhale unattractively through your nose as you two start walking in unison.
“Save your sappy pick-up lines for your girlfriend.”
“No girlfriend, as you know.”
“Alas, so you have to waste them on me.”
“I don’t think they’re wasted on you.”
“Ugh stop, you incorrigible flirt.”
“I’m not flirting.”
“So that’s why every girl I know has a crush on you.”
“They do?” You punch his arm at the excited expression on his face.
“Don’t let it get to your head.”
“Okay, okay, sorry.” Jacob laughs, rubbing his biceps where you hit him. “But don’t tell Juyeon. He’ll get sulky.”
“Maybe you should give him flirt lessons?”
“I should. His idea of flirting is taking his shirt off.”
“Ah so he was flirting with me today,” you grinned sarcastically, looking over to your best friend. But instead of the expected teasing, you are met with a surprisingly serious expression.
“I think so. He’s been trying to show off for a while. Why else would he invite you to the party?” You are stunned into silence while Jacob holds the door to your favourite café open.
“I thought he was just using me to get you to the party.”
“That was just his excuse. He talks about you a lot.” You are floored at this new development, and your expression must be betraying as much because one glance sends Jacob into giggles.
“What’s with the disbelief? He’s not the first member to develop a crush on you.” You’re too preoccupied with sorting through all this new information to notice the way Jacob presses his lips together right after the statement, looking very much like someone who confessed something he’d rather not have.
“Anyway. What do you want? The usual?” You ignore his question in favour of returning to the can of worms he himself just opened. “So you’re saying that there are multiple of your team mates that are interested in me, right?”
Jacob groans, “I don’t know. Not right now, I guess. Juyeon was pretty clear about his… crush.” The words seem to pain him.
“But there have been several of your team mates interested in me?” You insist. He says nothing while studying the menu. You both know he won’t choose anything other than his regular iced americano anyway, so you nudge him none so gently.
“Don’t ignore me!”
“I’m not ignoring you! I just don’t know what to tell you. I guess, yeah, several. Over the years a few of them said stuff.” Jacob doesn’t turn around to face you during your conversation, opting to instead order for the both of you. You watch the barista being a little too touchy when giving him his change. She winks at Jacob. Your best friend really can’t go anywhere without being ogled. And you couldn’t be mad if you tried, you have eyes after all. Anyone, who’s ever exchanged more than three words with Jacob Bae, can tell that his kind demeanour, sparkling eyes, and fluffy hair are the stuff movies are made of. Heather here (as the name tag on her uniform informs you), seems to agree. As you cling onto your best friend’s biceps, she gives you a scalding glare.
“What stuff?” You ask. He finally faces you when the two of you make your way over to the pick-up counter. Jacob seems thoroughly unamused by your antics.
“I don’t know, dude. Just that you’re, like, cute or whatever,”
“Who said that?”
“Okay, time to change the topic,” he smiles.
“Why? Are you scared I’ll be mad when I find out what big, ole hunks of men you’ve been gate-keeping from me? What’s up with that, by the way? Are they all spineless or did you actually tell them not to ask me out?” His silence is answer enough.
“Jacob Bae! You are the reason none of your super hot athlete friends ask me on dates? What kind of best friend are you? Since when has this been going on?”
Jacob stews more in his silence but you decide not to let him get out of this particular question. He manages to hold out until you’ve both picked up your drinks and slid into your regular booth. Still avoiding eye contact like he could contract the plague from you he mutters ‘sincehighschoolorsomething’ in such a small voice that you have to lean forward and ask him to repeat himself.
“It’s not that I’m gate-keeping them from you!” He says in lieu of repeating his words, “If anything I’m gate-keeping you! You deserve better.” You heart flutters in your chest at the compliment, given in such a frank and matter-of-fact manner. Especially with how Jacob doesn’t even seem to notice how sweet his declaration was. He simply forges ahead in his explanation.
“You should see them, some of them can’t even wash their uniforms regularly. Do you remember Mark from algebra? I swear he didn’t even shower after every practice!” Jacob whines.
“Mark?” You near shout, the warm feeling behind your ribcage vaporising in a second from the surprise, “from algebra? Are you telling me it’s because of you that I couldn’t get a boyfriend in freshman or sophomore year of high school? And when I always encouraged all the girls that told me they had a crush on you, too!”
He blushes, “but girls are girls and boys are trash.” He says with such naïveté that you can’t help but laugh, all your righteous anger dissipating.
“That’s a valid point,” you concede between fits of laughter. “And, in all honesty, if you think they’re not good enough for me, then I trust your judgement.” You wink at him, but miss the way he flushes an even brighter shade of red as you take a sip of your drink.
“Anyway, the party tonight?”
“What about it?”
“Are you coming along of your own accord or do I have to drag you?”
He frowns, “But what about our victory tradition?”
You look at his petulant pout and cock an eyebrow. As important as your tradition is to both of you, you know that it’s also a convenient excuse. There’s a short staring contest between the two of you, but it’s clear that Jacob will cave first, as usual. He rolls his eyes as if there was important information printed on the inside of his skull.
“Fine! If you wanna go that bad, I’ll come along. I know that you can’t hold your liquor.”
“Awesome! You can pick me up later, I gotta go get ready.” You blow him a kiss that he pretends to bat away. “Be on time!”
“Maybe!” You reply, knowing full well you won’t.
You let Jacob into the tiny space that is your dorm room at seven fifty-five sharp, dressed in an oversized t-shirt that might have once been his.
“Is that my t-shirt?” He asks instead of a greeting.
“Who knows,” you reply getting back to your make-shift make-up station on the ground in front of your desk. Jacob plops down on your bed.
“Watch it,” you say, throwing him a piercing gaze through the mirror, “I was gonna wear that!” He gets back up immediately, looking at the mess on your bed.
“All… one, two… six of these dresses?” He asks.
“Don’t get smart with me. Obviously not. But I haven’t picked one yet. What do you think?” He takes a closer look at the heap of clothes and is immediately transported back to the last (and only) time that he helped you get ready for a party like this. He’d already been apprehensive that night, favouring a comfortable night-in with his best friend over a crowded, rowdy place of strangers. But the way your eyes lit up with the prospect of mingling made him cave, just like today. Of course, the party turned out less than ideal. So much so that it kept you from insisting taking him to another one for the better part of your university life. He should thank his lucky stars that it lasted this long. Jacob knows he could have refused you today. He could have insisted that he still felt uncomfortable, that parties simply weren’t his cup of tea. And you would have given in, easily and with the same smile as always, happy to spend the night lounging in one of your dorm rooms. Be that as it may, he also knows he couldn’t have said no to you even if it had cost him his arm. He just wants to see you happy, he thinks. And so he takes the red dress up first, ready to play stylist for you if it’s what you want. The dress is pretty, but the neckline makes him a little nervous. Jacob puts it back down to look at one of the black ones instead. It glitters softly if he turns it in the light. He tries to gauge your reaction to any of the dresses by throwing a glance into the mirror but you’re completely engrossed in drawing a straight wing with your eyeliner.
It looks good, he thinks. And the glittery makeup would probably look really nice with the dress he’s holding right now. Just to be sure, he decides to take a look at the other three, holding up a dark blue piece and another black one (just how many of these do you own?).
“What do you think?” You say, directly next to his ear, and Jacob flinches, causing his shoulder to hit you in the jaw.
“Shit! Sorry!” He says but you’re only laughing. He gets temporarily blinded by the sparkle in your eye. Maybe you should cool it a little with the glittery make-up. He stutters, “Umm…”
“You good?”
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”
“It’s fine, Jake. Nothing a little plastic surgery couldn’t fix.” You’re rubbing your chin in such exaggerated suffering that he knows you’re fine. “I just need to know which dress I should wear so that we’re not even later than we already are.”
“Who’s fault is that?” He nags.
“Well, I would’ve hurried more if you had picked a dress more quickly.”
“I did pick a dress quickly.”
“Yeah? Which one?” There’s a split second in which Jacob feels self-conscious about his choice. He’s usually so adept at pin-pointing the things you’re going to like, but the way you look at him with your hair and face all done-up makes him falter a little. The next second, he’s almost mad at himself. How ridiculous of him to fear that you would ever think of less of him for his opinion, much less disregard it.
“This one,” he says, holding up the black one.
“Oooh, sparkles!” Is your only comment. You hold it in front of your body in the mirror. But instead of agreeing with his choice you look back at him again.
“What is Juyeon’s favourite colour?” The question takes Jacob so by surprise that he doesn’t even manage to stop himself from answering, “blue.”
“Okay,” you toss the brilliant, black piece back onto your bed unceremoniously and grab the dark blue one. You stare at him with those intense eyes and Jacob can’t help the thought that, as stunning as you look now, he prefers you with no make-up on. He only notices that he’s still staring when you clear your throat.
“Huh?”
“Could you turn around?”
“Oh shoot, yeah, sure,” he says, spinning around, glad that you won’t see how his face heats up. Maybe it’s your stupid make-up or the fact that you’re clearly getting ready with thoughts of Juyeon on your mind but Jacob is feeling like the air in the room has gotten a lot thicker. He wonders shortly whether he should tell you that he thinks you’re better than doing all this for a man, choosing your dress according to his preferences, dolling yourself up for Juyeon instead of for yourself. But when he opens his mouth to speak, you beat him to it, prompting him to turn around.
“Ok, done. What do you think?”
Jacob thinks he’ll be hard pressed to keep Juyeon, or anyone’s, eager hands off of you.
The two of you make it to the party only five minutes short of an hour late. Haknyeon is the one to open the door, letting you know where to find snacks, the beer pong table, and the drinks. He looks you up and down, making you wonder if there’s something wrong with your dress. Jacob steps closer to you, one arm on your elbow. He continues to stick close to your side, while you two get a feel for the place. There seems to be a game of truth or dare going on the floor of the living room and Jacob easily steers you away from it.
He hands you some form of alcohol in a red solo cup. You give it a sip, “ooh, it’s good.”
“Don’t let it out your sight. There’s not only team mates here, but also a bunch of people I don’t know well.” You chuckle.
“Ok, mom.”
Eventually, you loose your best friend in the crowd, in what looks suspiciously like a whisking away by his team mates. Possibly to get him to do a keg stand. You chuckle, thinking back to the first and only time you attended one of these after-match parties in your first semester with Jacob. The secret to why Jacob was so adamant about avoiding team parties was a less than stellar escapade with the beer keg in his freshman year that none of his older team mates would let him forget. Before you can try to go looking for him in a much needed rescue attempt, someone taps you on the shoulder. You spin around to be faced with Juyeon, in a leather jacket, open over a skin-tight shirt that leaves little to the imagination.
“Hey,” he greets you, “I didn’t think you’d show up.”
“You should know that I’m always down for a little get-together.”
He laughs, “this isn’t exactly the right place then.”
“Well, as long as there’s people I like around.”
Juyeon smirks, resting his forearm against the wall next to your head and leaning into you.
“Some more than others, maybe?” He whispers under his voice. You can smell the vodka-o on his breath but it doesn’t really bother you. You mirror his smirk, leaning a little more forward.
“The jury’s still out on that, but if someone were to get me a new drink, I’d definitely warm up to them.” He snatches your empty solo cup out of your hand immediately.
“I’ll be right back,” he winks, making a beeline for the kitchen. You bite your lips in anticipation of where this night might lead but your thoughts are rudely interrupted by a familiar voice, “You look silly.” Your best friend’s expression betrays another close call with the keg. His eyes, usually bright and soft, have darkened.
“Rude!”
“What’s got you grinning like an idiot like that?”
“Oh just this and that.”
“Is ‘this and that’ roughly 1,80 tall, mildly annoying on a good day, and our best middle blocker?”
“Don’t let him hear that, it’ll get to his head.”
“Men are trash after all,” your best friend says, his face still impassionate. You bump hips with him in an effort to get him out of his funk. “But some are a little less trash,” you wink at him and he finally gives you a smile.
“I don’t really know if I should feel offended or flattered.”
Jacob keeps you company until Juyeon returns with your solo cup, filled to the brim and reeking of alcohol. You take a sip and try not to grimace from the taste. Seems like he threw every type of alcohol he could find in the kitchen into one cup and topped it off with an inch of sprite.
“Thanks,” you say anyway.
“Have you seen the pond in Haknyeon’s backyard yet? It’s the second prettiest thing tonight.” He winks and you can’t help but giggle. Behind you, quiet enough for Juyeon not to catch it, Jacob pretends to retch. The middle blocker holds an arm out for you to take and leads you to the garden. You miss the forlorn expression on Jacob’s face.
“I think Jacob’s best friend is super cute,” one of his team mates says, making the boy in question wheel around. “What?” He asks, incredulously, before he can stop himself. Mark looks over at him from where he’s changing. “Sorry, dude,” he chuckles, rubbing his neck awkwardly.
“He’s not wrong, though,” Lucas chimes in, “at our last game she was wearing that tight t-shirt—“
“Stop… talking, please,” Jacob says, still all smiles, even though the way his team mates are talking about you makes his throat constrict. Lucas seems to either not catch his tone or choose to ignore it. “Her friend’s not bad either, huge pair of—“
“Oh my god, Lucas,” Jacob interrupts. Mark is starting to look very unhappy with where he took the conversation. Lucas just looks confused at Jacob’s reaction. “What? Are the friends of your friends also off-limits now?”
“No,” Jacob replies in between deep calming breaths, “I’d just appreciate it, if you didn’t talk about women like that in general. No matter who they are.” Lucas seems to really work through those words in his head before he shrugs his shoulders, “Ok.” Jacob is almost certain he hears Mark sigh relief.
When you meet him outside the changing room, as you always do, you have no idea about the conversations that just happened inside the locker room. You give him a big hug, which Jacob cleverly uses to stare down Mark behind your back, who had been lingering a little too long for his liking.
“You did so well!” You say, also as always. Jacob doesn’t have it in himself to negate your gushing praises today. “Thanks,” he simply breathes, with a smile. You walk home together, another daily ritual, except today you take a detour to try out a new café you’d been talking about for ages. It’s supposed to have super cute interior and be the new hotspot in town. Whatever that’s supposed to mean. He always treasures these small moments. You’re in the final strokes of your junior year now, and time is getting increasingly scarce between both of your academic and leisurely commitments.
“You find a table, I’ll go order,” Jacob says and you agree immediately, already on the lookout for one of the lounging chairs on the deck in front of the building. He makes his way inside, immediately glad you decided to sit outside in the sun. The huge glass front of the café makes the interior feel like a hundred degrees. He walks over to the counter and is surprised to be greeted by a familiar face.
“Mrs. Oropeza, I didn’t expect to see you here!” he greets the elderly lady. She smiles warmly, the same smile she’s always smiled, ever since babysitting him when he was little. It’s been a constant fixture in his and your life to run over to her house in the neighbourhood in search of freshly baked pudín, a place to watch Sunday TV volleyball matches or a shoulder to cry on over scraped knees. Once Jacob took up volleyball in middle school, she made sure to come to all of his matches. She insisted it was not only for his sake, but also because she loved the sport.
“Well, it’s grown so quiet in the neighbourhood that I’ve been longing for a chance to get out again.”
“So you started working here?”
“Just sometimes. It’s not hard work to man the register, and I enjoy getting to talk to people.” Jacob smiled at her warm expression. He didn’t doubt that her positive presence would do the café well. “So what can I get you today, cariño?”
“I think I’ll take a latte, and one homemade lemonade for my friend.”
“Oh, how lovely. Are you two still as inseparable as ever?”
Jacob smiles fondly at the memories of the two of you together on Mrs. Oropeza’s old, orange couch, munching on her baked goods while watching cartoons. “Yeah,” he says, smiling fondly, “we’re on our way home from one of my games.”
“Ah, I heard you were playing the Tigers today. A terrible team, in my opinion. No sportsmanship.” Jacob chuckled at her committed interest in high school volleyball teams.
“Who said that?” He laughs.
“I did,” she winks at him while ringing him up and telling the part-timer next to her his order. He hands her the cash as she inquires about the outcome of the game. “We won,” he says, his chest swelling with pride a little. He was sure that Mrs. Oropeza had heard about how infamous their opposing team was for their power and endurance.
“Of course you did. I always keep telling you the setter is the centre point of every good team. He’s the game master, without a good setter, the rest of the team has an infinitely harder time.” Jacob only nods amiably as he listens to his old neighbour's familiar chorus. “And you were always a brilliant setter,” she continues, making his cheeks burns.
“I tell all the ladies at my book club, as far as high school volleyball goes, you haven’t seen a perfect set, if you haven’t seen Jacob Bae play.” At this point, the boy in question is sure that his entire face is bright red. He waves his hand in a throw-away motion while trying to dissuade Mrs. Oropeza from uttering any more praises. He’s lucky because she seems to sense his discomfort with being the centre of attention. She let’s him go with a simple, ‘say hello to your other half for me’.
hullo! I edited this a little bc I needed to re-read and take some notes to finish the series well and I found so many typos, mistakes, weird word choices. (at some point I randomly switched to past tense for a few paragraphs?? wtaf.) I just changed a hand-full of things that bothered me hehe.
➳ afab!reader x seungcheol (technically fem!reader bc of the term 'oppa' but i don't believe in those reductive rules, i personally call people hyung/oppa and noona/eonnie based on vibes, thx for coming to my tedtalk)
➳ WARNINGS: just smut, dudes, but pretty tame smut :3, oral (male receiving), fingering, piv sex (protected), cowgirl, lovey-dovey-ness BEWARE!, L-bombs dropped hehehehehe (can you tell this was entirely self-indulgent? // nicknames: baby, oppa (for him), love (for reader)
➳ AN: there was one instance of 'baby girl' in here but during the editing process the strength to leave it in (that's what he said) left me; I always try hard to also write stuff I'm not necessarily into bc I realise there's different preferences but boooyyy does that term give me the ick. :/ also, I obviously started this around 'lalali' times, finished drafting during 'Thunder' and only got around to final editing now. as a result, the timeline is a MESS! pls ignore that, thx, love u
masterlist
“You know, you should also take off your shirt more often,” was the first comment you made as you returned the laptop to Seungcheol, leaning against the couch behind you. The tone of your voice was teasing, searching for his gaze to add a wink. Just for good measure. To make sure he knew that you were just trying to pull his leg.
He giggled, avoiding your eyes in favour of scratching Kkuma behind the ears. She had trotted over to the two of you when you had first taken up residence on the living room floor. The pup had jumped into Cheol’s lap, snuggling up against his tummy. Now Kkuma was licking his hand as he was trying to pet her, her red bow on her head dangling precariously – come loose from all the affection she had been receiving from the two of you all evening.
Finally he asked, “You think?”
“Of course! Carats will love it.”
He was quiet, simply continuing to scratch Kkuma’s ears for a few seconds before replying, “I just don’t think I’m that kind of person. And after the injury and stuff…”
The silence sounded unfinished, so you waited for him to find his words and replete it.
“I should try harder for the fans…” he trailed off, his hands still absentmindedly rubbing his muscles. Reaching out your hand in, what you hoped was, a comforting gesture, you squeezed his shoulder.
“I’m sure Carats would rather see you healthy and happy. I was kidding earlier, Cheol. No one expects you to do anything you aren’t comfortable with.”
He finally looked up, his lips jutting out in a pout. A very kissable pout, in all honesty. His voice came out equally pouty when he asked, “But don’t you think they’re expecting it a little bit? Like, hoping for it?”
You mused over his question, the doubt in his eyes making your chest constrict.
“I think they would be happy, of course. But they wouldn’t mind if you kept your shirt on and buttoned up.”
Cheol’s expression still seemed unconvinced, so you hurried to add, “not to mention, it isn’t like couprangs are completely starved of your content. Remember that vacation photo of your bare back you posted not long ago? That was very sexy!”
Instead of a verbal response, Seungcheol merely cocked an eyebrow. It was hard to decide which expression – this or the pout – you found more attractive. Hoping that the burning of your cheeks wouldn’t give you away, you grinned widely. “See? Do this instead, and everyone will forget about whether you’re wearing a shirt or not!”
This finally got a laugh out of him, so full and honest that it jostled Kkuma in his lap. He cocked his eyebrow again, winking at you as you pretended to swoon. As you fell dramatically back against the couch, Cheol’s arm shot out, as if on instinct, to catch your head. His palm rested against the back of your head, the warmth radiating from it like a late summer bonfire. You didn’t move, simply tilting your head to look over at him.
“Are you re-enacting for me how Carats watch our videos?” He chuckled, eyes glued to yours as Kkuma tried to regain his attention by licking at his fingers furiously.
“Well, you should know what it’s like!”
“That’s how your friends react?”
“Me and my friends, yes,” you finally lifted your head again, Cheol’s touch following you for a second longer than strictly necessary.
“We’ve just spent thirty minutes watching music videos and you didn’t faint once.”
Before you could question if this was toeing the line too much, you had already replied with a joking “I only faint when you wink at me.”
Seungcheol gasped. “We just watched ‘LALALI’!”
You laughed at his expression of mock offence, as if you failing to faint at his wink reflected poorly on your character. Or on his acting. He was chasing your gaze when you turned to finally scratch an anxiously ignored Kkuma behind the ears, “I’m not going full-fan-girl-mode in front of you, Cheol.”
“Why not? We’re friends right?” When you looked up at the tone of his voice, he was still looking at you intently. His gaze seemed more intense than usual, somehow darker and purposeful. But it was gone within a second, leaving you to wonder whether it had only been your illustrious imagination. You simply shook your head in soft refusal, “trust me, you are not ready to see that. The only person I am fully unhinged with is Bora, and that’s just because she behaves the exact same way.”
“Oh, come on!” He was whining again, presumably wearing that heart-melting pout. So you decreed it safer to continue looking at Kkuma. Unfortunately, it only led him to lean in closer, cocking his head in an effort to squeeze into your line of vision. Even more unfortunately, this meant that, upon looking up, your face was mere inches from his. And if his pouting drew your eyes to his lips, that really couldn’t be considered your fault. Your eyes kept flickering between his pouty lips and the pleading gleam in his eyes. The stare-off lasted a moment too long before you remembered to lean away.
“I want to see you react to LALALI.”
“But we just watched it!”
“So? We just watch it again. I want to see your honest reactions,” there was just a beat of hesitation before he explained, “to know what Carats feel when they watch our music videos.”
While he had been talking, the pout had never left his face. On the contrary, Cheol had – further – taken to puffing out his cheeks, giving you a really hard time trying not to squish his face.
“You’re doing this on purpose!” You groan, throwing your head back. His hand shot out again.
“Of course,” he murmured, softly turning your face back towards him. When your eyes met, he dropped his hand, as if the back of your head had spontaneously spouted spikes. You had no way of knowing if it was because of your look of shock or because he realised he was sending signals that he had no intention of sending.
Cheol handed you the laptop again, smiling as if nothing had happened. Which it hadn’t, technically.
“How about this, I’ll show you the new unit song that Mingyu and I have been working on. Something new to react to. And there may or may not be winking involved.” His tone was unbearably teasing. If you looked at him now, you were sure he would just wink at you again.
You knew that Cheol knew that he had you convinced the second he had employed that puppy pout. Why pretend any longer that you were putting up a fight?
Your voice sounded far off to yourself when you said, “Anything for the fans, huh?”
A familiar nagging voice returned, reminding you not to read too much into his actions or his interest in your reactions. Reminding you that Seungcheol had explained himself. The two of you were friends. You were helping him get a better understanding of the fandom. With the added benefit of boosting his ego a little. That’s why he was interested. That’s why you were watching music videos early. Not because you were special or he felt differently about you.
A sigh escaped you as you clicked through the files he indicated. Seungcheol shifted even closer to you, Kkuma whingeing in annoyance at all the movement. Suddenly the air felt stiff as Cheol’s thigh pressed up against yours, his arm on the couch behind you, wrapped around your shoulders, so he could lean in closer and watch alongside you. If you turned your head to the side, you would be able to give him a kiss on the cheek.
“If you’re sitting this close, you’ll probably get smacked in the face a bunch of times. I have very physical reactions.”
“Hmmm,” he mused, as if moving away was a difficult decision to make, “I think I’ll be able to block your flailing arms.”
You gasped in pretend offence, “Flailing? My arms don’t flail! They move gracefully and accurately! How long have you known me?”
He laughed again, full-bodied, in a way that vibrated through his whole body. The feeling diffused through your body from where your thighs were pressed against each other’s.
“Years. But apparently I’ve also never seen you react honestly to a K-Pop video.”
“Well, if I did, you would have gotten jealous!” You meant it in jest, nudging his shoulder and winking cockily for good measure. To your surprise, instead of meeting your joke, Seungcheol’s eyes darkened. The small yes that he replied with sounded entirely too serious. Maybe it was the late hour, the bottle of wine you had shared over the course of dinner or the physical proximity. Whatever it was, something in the air tonight had Seungcheol gently poking the existing boundaries of your relationship. Or, perhaps, one of the aforementioned factors simply had your wishful thinking take the helm, hoping to see signs that weren’t actually there.
Fuck it, you thought, looking over through hooded eyes and whispering, “Don’t be, you know you’re always my favourite.”
You wiggled your eyebrows, leaning back immediately to make sure you weren’t making him uncomfortable with the closeness. Turning back to face the laptop screen, you missed the way Seungcheol leaned in for a second, lips parted slightly. You missed how he blinked himself out of the stupor. You missed how his eyes traced your profile as you started the video, his gaze softening at the vision of you in his arms.
Instead, you were greeted with the opening scene of the new GyuCheol subunit’s music video. The intro started, you tapping your foot along to the rhythm. You made it all the way to the first solo shot of Mingyu before Cheol reached over and pressed fast forward.
“Hey!” You exclaimed, slapping his hand away, “I thought you wanted my reactions?”
“Yeah, but we can skip the less important parts.”
“How dare you suggest that Kim Mingyu is unimportant! He’s my favourite!”
“I thought I was your favourite!” Cheol’s tone was somewhere between indignation and genuine upset.
“All of you are my favourites!”
“That’s definitely not how favourites work.”
“Well, that’s too bad, isn’t it? Because—”
“No,” he interrupted you, quick fingers jump across the keyboard to pause the video.
“Huh?” You started, “I’m sorry, what?”
Seungcheol’s hand slammed the laptop shut and pulled it off the coffee table; he threw the device onto the other side of the L-shaped couch beside you. Cheol’s free hand came up to turn you towards him.
“What are you—”
“You don’t get to see it again until you’ve told me who your actual favourite is.”
Eyes met, yours wide in surprise, his narrowed in conviction. He leaned back to give you more space, but wrapped his fingers around your wrist, pulling your hand towards him and away from reaching, futilely, for the laptop.
“Okay, first of all,” you started, attempting to tug your hand back, but Seungcheol’s grip remained firm. “First of all, you’re the one who wanted me to watch this!”
Cheol only grinned, shrugging his shoulders.
“And secondly, aren’t you the guy that said he would only get jealous if Carats liked other groups, not other members?”
“I said that?”
“Yes you did!”
“Hmm,” he cocked his head as if he was considering your words, “I don’t think I did.”
“Ugh, you incorrigible gaslighter!”
Cheol giggled, dropping his head to your shoulder. He mumbled against your collarbone, “That statement only goes for regular Carats…”
His breath tickled against your skin as you rolled your eyes, pretending like your heart wasn’t going to jump out through your throat any second. It was difficult to stay mad at him when he was cuddling into your side like that.
“So I’m not a regular Carat?”
“No,” he whispered. If it wasn’t for the soft exhale against your skin, you would have missed his reply entirely. Trying to lean in closer to catch the rest of his sentence, you realised there was nowhere closer to go. You still made out his next words, “You’re special.”
You’re special. It wasn’t a side effect of the alcohol or your imagination. You were special to him.
If things had turned out differently, you would have attributed what followed to a cruel joke of fate. A temporary lapse of judgement brought on by the booze or the drowsiness or the comfortable warmth of his body next to yours. But with the way things went, it was more of a stroke of divine intervention, a heavenly kick in the butt.
Whatever it was that made you lean forward, tilt your head, and press your lips to his, it somehow bypassed all revision by your disciplined, fully-developed and entirely in-control frontal lobe. Or she was betraying you. The bitch.
At any rate, your lips were now pressed against Choi Seungcheol. Choi Seungcheol – close friend, certified insanely attractive person, and leader of one of the biggest boybands on the planet. You would have pulled away the second these thoughts occurred to you. But of course your brain was too slow, no surprise there. Before you could react and pull away, Cheol’s hands were on you. One rested lightly on your cheek, the other tangled into your hair, effectively keeping you from moving out of his space.
Your cognitive functions were still stuck on the fact that he hadn’t turned away and rejected you softly when he cocked his head and nibbled at your bottom lip. At that point any thought of rationality flew out the window. You gave in easily, finally melting into his touch, into his heat. It was seeping through his clothes, small sparks of warmth travelling through your body and lodging in your chest until it felt like there was a candle ignited behind your ribcage.
Your arms snaked around his neck, soft and loose, as if the warmth was actively melting all of your muscles. If you still had had a faculty of rational thought, you would have cringed at the frankly embarrassing whine escaping you at the feeling of his tongue and his hands and his warmth pressed against you. It wasn’t the most comfortable position, both of you turned halfway, Kkuma trapped between your bodies, so you had to move apart much sooner than you would have liked. Seungcheol gave you no way to gauge his expression, immediately burying his face in your neck again. You could feel his hot breath against your skin, coming out in slight pants. The noise that escaped him was somewhere between a groan and a chuckle.
“Sorry,” he eventually breathed.
“For what?” You giggled. Maybe you would have been worried by the implications of that word, if he hadn’t still been hanging off your neck like a baby monkey.
“I think I’m a little drunk…”
You didn’t say anything in reply. Knowing his tolerance and how long it had been since you two had finished the wine, you seriously doubted that statement. So you remained quiet, giving him space to figure out what he was really trying to say. Cheol remained silent until you threaded your fingers into his hair, at which point he sighed blissfully.
“Don’t stop,” he muttered.
“Do you want to call it a night?”
He grumbled into your neck in a way that made your heart constrict. Kkuma, too, seemed to sense her daddy’s distress and stood up between the two of you. Her little paws were trying to find purchase on you while trying to lick Cheol’s face in consolation.
“Since when are you so shy?”
He stayed silent for a while, just leaning into your hand that was still carding through his hair. Eventually, he mumbled into your side. When you asked him to repeat himself, he sighed, relapsing into silence. When he spoke up again, it sounded nothing like his first sentence.
“I’m not actually drunk anymore.”
You giggled, “then why did you say that?”
“Because maybe you hated that?” You could tell from the tone of his voice that he was pouting again.
“What? Making out with you?”
He whined, which just made you chuckle again.
“Did you get the impression that I hated it?”
“Mmmmhh… no…?”
“No,” you confirmed. He smiled against your skin and lifted his head to look up with soft eyes. Just studying your face for a few seconds, he finally reached up to your chin, beckoning you closer. “Then,” he murmured against your lips, “is it okay if we keep going?”
In lieu of an answer, you connected your lips with his. The two of you toppled back against the couch and Cheol’s arm locked around your waist, pulling you into his lap. Poor Kkuma had to escape with a quick jump and a yelp but neither of you were paying much attention. You were too busy focusing on the way Seungcheol’s thighs felt under you, how his hands left trails all over your body, and how firm his shoulders were when you grazed your flat palms over them. They continued their path down his arms, over his biceps and back up, one hand snaking across his back, the other running down his chest. He grabbed your wrist, pulling your hand away sharply. But when you pulled back, his eyes were full of adoration.
“You good?”
He nodded, his eyes raking over your body, his hands following at a slightly slower pace. He sighed, “You’re just so…”
“I’m hardly the pinnacle of hot bodies,” you laughed.
“No, you’re perfect.” His tone was soft, matter-of-fact.
“Look who’s talking.”
He was blushing immediately, incapable of fighting the smile that crept onto his face.
“I should work on my abs a little more fi—”
“Not this again!” You reached forward, squishing his cheeks between your hands, and leaned in menacingly.
“If you talk about my favourite person like that again, I will have to ddakbam you!”
He laughed, “okay, okay. No reason to threaten me.”
Seungcheol smiled softly, his hands running down your sides and resting on your hips. He still didn’t seem fully convinced, as if scared you would change your mind once you saw him out of his t-shirt. As if he wasn’t incredibly fit.
“We don’t have to go any further,” you reassured him.
“Do you want to?”
You smiled softly, more concerned with his comfort than your own simmering desire.
“Do you want to, Cheollie?” You could watch his expression darken at the use of that nickname. Formerly, you attributed it to your imagination, but this wasn’t the first time you had been able to observe him react like this. It was the exact reason you were calling him by it right now.
“I want to pick you up, carry you to my bedroom and just have my way with you.”
You were smirking. “What’s stopping you?”
“You,” he huffed, “you haven’t given me the green light yet.”
Catching his lips in a short kiss, you whispered against them, “I really really want you to take me to your bedroom and have your way with me.”
You could feel his smirk, rather than see it.
“Alright. What my girl wants, my girl gets.”
He didn’t even give you time to calm your fluttering heart at his choice of words before he picked you up, his strong arms wrapped around you. He got up with you in his arms, and as he carried you towards the bedroom, there was nothing but wonder in his expression, his eyes glued to your face.
Cheol stopped in front of his bed, surprising you by laying you down softly. As he crowded you against the mattress, one biceps supporting his weight beside your head, you could watch his expression change in a beat. His gaze, so adoring a second ago, darkened, roving over your features like he was trying to take in everything at once. You were tempted to turn your head and nibble at the bulging muscle next to you, but his eyes were holding you in place. He grinned as he leaned closer, kissing along your jawline while drawing one knee up, slotting it between your legs. As he caught your lips in a kiss, suddenly uncontrolled and heated, his knee kept sliding up until it pressed against your core, eliciting a soft moan from you that Cheol swallowed readily.
His hands made quick work of the old t-shirt of his that you were wearing, tossing it aside before resuming the kiss. You sighed at the feeling of his hands finally meeting bare skin as they ran up and down your body, toying with the hem of your old sports bra. He was panting as he let up, resting his forehead against yours.
“Still sure of this?”
“Sure as anything.”
“If you waited a few months, you’d definitely have a better view,” he tried to joke. But his tone betrayed him. You saw the glimmer of real insecurity behind his façade.
“How about this,” you asked, pushing against his chest softly. Cheol went without resistance, rolling over onto his back as you straddled his lap. He was looking up at you with a mix of amusement and intrigue.
Undeterred, you proposed, “I take care of you first. And help you realise how fucking attractive you are. And then we can go back to you having your way with me.”
He chuckled, hands squeezing your hips to move you over a little. You had to push down the smugness at the feeling of his already rock-hard cock poking against your thigh. This wasn’t about you or about control. This was about showing Seungcheol how goddamn hot (and blind) he was. So you decided to give him a show. First, you got rid of the meddling bra. Then, slowly dragging your hands over your body, you swayed from side to side, rocking against the obvious tent in his pants. His eyes were tracking your every move, dark and mesmerised; his grip on your hips tightened. Your left hand found its way to your tits, massaging it. The other dragged down Seungcheol’s chest again, slowly and deliberately as you held eye contact with him. This time, he didn’t stop you. On the contrary, his breath hitched as you leaned down, pressing a row of featherlight kisses up the column of his throat.
“Baby,” he breathed, the sound just on the verge of impatience.
“Hm,” you hummed against his throat, ignoring him as your hands continued their ministrations. They were covering every inch of his upper body, smoothing over his arms and his t-shirt, up and down, until they reached the hem. You tugged at it, cocking a questioning eyebrow. Seungcheol’s eyes found yours, still blown wide. He nodded wordlessly, preferring to focus on chasing your lips instead of concerning himself with your hands. Exactly where you wanted him. You grinned, meeting his lips and giving him what he wanted, moaning into his mouth as his hands shifted lower and started kneading the flesh of your ass. He lifted himself up, so you could pull the shirt over his head, and used the opportunity to pull your body down, grinding you over his erection. In reaction, you used a not insignificant part of your own strength to push him back down. He frowned at the loss of friction.
“I’m not done looking… and kissing you, all over…” you trailed off, pouting and batting your eyelashes for extra effect. Cheol grinned.
“Who am I to say no to you?”
You smiled brightly, your hands wandering downwards from his shoulders over his chest and stomach. Your eyes trailed them, raking over every inch of bare skin you could see. You were sure there was something akin to hunger in your eyes. You hoped Cheol could see it too.
“Wow, you look good,” you murmured, almost to yourself, when you finally leaned down to continue the trail of kisses you had formerly abandoned, by fault of his t-shirt. You picked it up at his pulse point, continuing down his body.
His amusement vanished, breath growing shallower by the second. One of his hands entangled itself in your hair, loosely. You smiled, kissing downwards from his navel.
“You’re so adorable…” you looked up at his tone, and he cradled your face, “wanna keep going, pretty girl?”
The eagerness must have been evident in your eyes because Seungcheol chuckled at your expression. He made quick work of his pants, unbuckling his belt and shoving them down to free his dick. His hand found its way back into your hair, tighter this time. You went easily when he guided you downwards, eagerly pressing close to him, sticking out your tongue to lick a stripe up the underside of his cock, tracing the vein there. Cheol groaned above you, tugging at your hair lightly.
You smiled, kitten-licking at the head as your hands trailed over his thighs. For a few minutes you mouthed at his cock, taking your time; taking pleasure in the way Cheol’s groans kept growing more and more agitated while you pressed your tongue into his slit, one hand moving to squeeze and tug at his balls.
“Stop… ngh… stop teasing, baby.”
You smirked at the expression on his beautiful face – eyebrows knit together, his bottom lip red and swollen from the way he kept biting it in pleasure. His tone was still commanding, but you found it difficult to take him seriously while he was looking mussed up like this.
“Or what?” You asked, finally earning eye contact.
Cheol’s pupils were blown out, focusing on you with unmistakeable intention. His hand tightened again, and you couldn’t suppress the moan that slipped past your lips at the sharp tug. He mirrored your grin, a wild quality to his expression, “Keep misbehaving and you’ll get to find out.”
You held eye contact as you lowered your mouth around him, just the head for now. As your tongue swirled around him, one of your hands squeezed around the base of his cock, the other still paying sweet attention to his balls. Another smile and a wink, and Seungcheol (finally) broke. Contrary to your expectations, the pressure in your hair pulled you off instead of shoving you down.
“Cheol…?”
“Safe word.”
You gulped, “Uhm… red?”
“And when your mouth is otherwise occupied?” He cocked an eyebrow, a devilish smirk on his lips.
“I’ll tap out.”
“Good girl,” he cooed, soothing one loving hand over your cheek. “You’re still sure of this?”
When you simply nodded in reply, his hand returned to your locks, shoving you down in a singular abrupt movement. You offered no resistance as you took him into your mouth.
A few shallow thrusts, one short hesitation, “Think you can take more?”
Answering would have been a futile endeavour, so you opted for simply moaning around his length, pressing your tongue against the underside of his dick with intention. Trying desperately to shuffle even closer to him, you became acutely aware of the pooling wetness in your panties. You were forced to adjust again in order to be able to grind yourself against the floor, in desperate search of any kind of friction.
“Fuck,” he swore, forcing you to let your jaw go slack as he pushed deeper. Your eyes rolled back, looking at him where he was sitting above you. Cheol’s eyes were zeroed in on where your lips were stretched around his cock as his chest heaved with every breath. His hips bucked upward, inadvertently, judging by the way he apologised, his free hand stroking your cheek.
The hand that was resting in your hair tightened, holding you in place firmly as he began to move in earnest. You gagged, focusing on breathing through your nose, letting your tongue push against that vein as he lifted his hips off the bed and continued to fuck your mouth. Your hands tightened around his thighs, loosing track of time amongst the lewd sounds and the dim bedroom lighting, until he pulled you off him, telling you to give him a second.
You continued grinding yourself down on the floor, still chasing that stimulation until a small tug drew your eyes upwards to him. He was panting, staring at you like he couldn’t quite believe you were there, kneeling on his bedroom floor before him. Cheol opened his mouth but you only slapped his hand away. It was still holding you back. Disregarding his silent command, you dove back down to suck on his balls, your hand wrapping around his cock tighter than strictly necessary. As much as you had enjoyed him treating you like you were fragile and precious, it was high time he got what he wanted. After all, during your years of friendship you had become first-hand witness to the way he enjoyed taking charge. With how riled up he was, it was only a question of pressing a few calculated buttons before he would inevitably throw you onto the bed and finally make good on his promise. When your mouth returned to his member, he hissed, his hips twitching forward unwillingly.
“Sto— ah, shit, baby…” Cheol pushed you back, stern eyes. They were dark, caught between anger and arousal as he growled, “What did I just say?”
You bit your lip, taking your sweet time with a reply. In the most saccharine tone you asked: “Stop?”
“And did you listen?”
A shake of the head, still grinning. It didn’t seem to please him to see you so happy with yourself for disobeying him.
“You don’t want me to fuck you, huh? You can just tell me.”
Your eyes widened. Well, that was an unexpected development. If you hadn’t been so keyed up yourself, maybe you would have noticed the desperation in his gaze, the raging need to feel you against him, the impatience to finally take you. But as it stood, the tone of his voice sent you into a frenzied sort of worry. With a frantic shake of your head, you pawed at his skin, kissing up his torso once more.
“No, please. Cheollie, I’ll be good.”
Making your way up his chest, you were rewarded with a ribald look in his eyes. Gone was the insecurity, gone was the hesitancy. What remained was fucked out Cheol, his hair standing up in all directions – curtesy of your roaming hands; his chest heaving and flushed; the air around him generally bordering on desperate. He caught your jaw while you were making your way up, guiding you to his lips and crashing them against yours. This must be delirium, you thought, as he licked into your mouth, bit at your bottom lip, mirrored your whines.
“Cheollie…” you mewled again, feeling so evidently how that nickname affected him, especially coming from you. If only he would finally—
His hand loosened its iron grip on your jaw, both arms sneaking around you, grabbing at your ass. Seungcheol hoisted you up, practically throwing you over his shoulder onto the bed.
You pushed up onto your elbows, but a short, decisive shove of Seungcheol sent you back again.
“How about this time you stay down, hm, baby?” His eyes said that there was no debate to be had. For a second, you contemplated it, just for the hell of. Just to see what his reaction would be if you still refused to listen like his good girl. But, really, there was no more merit to his. This was the exact position you had been aiming for. Not to mention, his last threat still hung heavy in the air, and you weren’t going to take any chances or delays.
You laid back, one hand trailing up your inner high, sighing softly under his gaze. Cheol’s own hand, so much digger in direct contrast, followed the trail you were marking until he pushed you fingers aside in impatience. He dragged your old sweatpants down your legs (why were you still wearing those?), immediately resting a finger over your core.
“Hypocrite,” he grinned,” you make such a big show of teasing me, when you’re this soaked yourself.”
“I never pretended you weren’t affecting me,” you breathed, holding his eyes, determined for him to see your candour. He smirked.
“That so?”
He leaned down, lips attaching to your chest as the hand on your soaked centre finally started to move. Despite the small relief it brought, Seungcheol stubbornly refused to push your panties aside. You whined, threading your fingers into his hair. There was barely space in your head to resent him for insisting on teasing you after you had been so generous.
“Is this payback?” You whispered, desperation seeping into your tone. Cheol’s only response was the smirk you could feel against your skin. He continued to touch you, the pressure just enough to be teasing, never enough to bring you to your peak. With the breath of his name and another tug at his hair, you kept pleading with him. Cheol wasn’t usually able to resist your wishes.
He chuckled at your poorly veiled attempts. “You should be happy I wasn’t in the mood for actual punishment.”
“Cheoool,” you moaned, drawing out his name and grinding against his hand, you can’t just say that.”
“Don’t tell me you’re into that, baby.”
“If you’d finally put your fingers or dick where they belong, you would’ve felt exactly how ‘into that’ I am.” Undeterred, you kept grinding against him as Seungcheol let out an undeterminable sound. Somewhere between exasperation, regret, and slipping self-control. Most importantly, it finally got him to pull your panties down your legs and push your further up onto the bed. He followed immediately, resting one elbow next to your head and shifting his weight. It allowed his other hand to return to your core, with an added sense of urgency.
“We’re going to have to change the bedding,” he whispered as two of his fingers finally found your entrance. Your arms wrapped around his broad back as you tried hiding your face in his shoulder, considering for a second to bite down on his pretty skin. Maybe next time you would discuss it beforehand and get the green light.
“Feels good, huh?” His voice pulled your side-tracked mind back to the present. He sounded more smug than you had ever heard him. As he continued slowly fucking you open, he leaned down to whisper directly into your ear. “After all, it’s where they belong,” he parroted.
Robbed of all words, you could only close your eyes and throw your head back, focusing on the feeling of his fingers moving inside you. You heard him chuckle in response. The pad of his hand found your clit, exerting pressure while his fingers kept pumping in and out of your heat. Despite your continuous pants and moans, he felt the need to repeat his earlier query. This time, a distinct smugness snug into his tone, “feels good, baby?”
Apparently that hadn’t been a rhetorical question. His fingers stilled, until you forced yourself to open your eyes, meeting Seungcheol’s inquisitorial gaze. For a moment, you contemplated teasing him more, asking where the cocky promise of punishment had gone. But something in his gaze gave you halt.
“Feels so good, “ you murmured, holding eye contact. Your hand cupped his face, thumb brushing over his cheek. You felt the burning need to pull him in for a kiss, deep and honest and loving. Both of you groaned into it. When you broke apart, you whispered against his lips, “Now can you please get back to fucking me, oppa.”
He smiled down at you, shaking his head in disbelief. “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing.” His smile turned into a smirk as you gave him your best innocent doe eyes. Seungcheol laughed outright.
“It’s working, love,” he admitted, eyes clearly stating the unsaid: two can play that game. The new nickname sent shivers up your spine. Or maybe it was simply Cheol’s frank tone or the unmistakeable emotion in his eyes.
“You’re stunning,” he continued. His hand left your middle as he leaned back a little. You didn’t even have time to protest at the distance before both his hands grabbed your hips, pulling you towards him, your core meeting his thigh. An involuntary moan escaped you. Immediately, you started grinding against Seungcheol’s thigh as his hands wandered over your body, mimicking your earlier movements.
“I know I was talking big game just now, but I need you to know that I lo— I really care about you.” His words were only half-registering. You were too busy pushing your body upwards into the warmth of his hands. Only humming in agreement, you simply pulled him down by the nape of neck.
He moaned into the kiss, giving up resistance quickly in favour of wrapping his big arms around you. Flipping both of you over like it was nothing, he pulled you into his lap, your body flush against his. The two of you stayed entangled, lost in each other’s touch for hell knows how long. It was only when Seungcheol started grinding up against you, his hard-on painfully evident, that you were made aware of any passage of time at all. In the end, it was him that finally broke the kiss, red in the face and panting like he’d just run a marathon.
“As much fun as this is, if I don’t get inside in the next few minutes, I think I might actually go insane.” You smiled and nodded, making clear that the feeling was mutual.
“There’s condoms in the top drawer.”
He nodded to the bedside table. You leaned over, refusing to leave his lap, so he steadied you with his hands on your hips. Opening the drawer, you had to hold back a giggle at the wild assortment. There’d be time to tease him about it. Later.
You grabbed a normal one, but exclaimed, “Oh! Flavoured! My favourite.”
“Sorry, should I have suggested that earlier,” he looked a little chastised but you shook your head.
“There’s always a next time,” you said with a wink as you rolled the condom down his length. He groaned in response, whether to your touch or the promise of a next time, you weren’t sure.
“You want it like this?” He asked, once you had resituated yourself on his lap. As if you needed clarification, he ground up into your soaked folds, his dick catching on your clit deliciously. Barely holding on by a thread, you nodded enthusiastically.
“Is this okay for your knee?”
Instead of a reply, Seungcheol scooped one arm under you, biceps bulging as he lifted you up. You had to fight demons not to get lost in the endless possibilities your imagination was offering you about that, instead choosing to keep your wits about yourself in order to help him inside of you. The manhandling daydreams would have to wait until later, or maybe just until that promised next time.
Cheol’s other arm flung around you, stabilising you as you started to sink down on his cock. Judging by the look on his face, he was having as much trouble as you staying focused while you sunk down, centimetre by centimetre. You had thought he hadn’t heard your earlier question or simply deigned it unnecessary to answer, when he buried his face in your neck as he said, “if I have to ruin my knee again just to fuck you right, so be it.”
The way you moaned his name in response, made him twitch inside you and momentarily lose all focus. You slipped through his grasp, taking his last few inches at once. The head of his cock hit you deeper than you would have thought possible, and it knocked all the wind out of both of you. Cheol threw his head back with a groan and gripped your hips like his life depended on it.
“Fuck, baby, gimme a second,” he whispered, pressing his lips against yours softly.
You grinned, squeezing around him as you teased, “need some time to adjust, baby?”
At the feeling of your pussy constricting around him, Cheol’s breath hitched. He searched for your gaze, his expression itself unsure whether it should be annoyed or pleading. In response, you only cocked an eyebrow, grinding down against him. It was a rare occasion to get Choi Seungcheol this meek, his big puppy eyes looking up at you. And while you thought it was heart-warming he was trying to be careful with you, you also thought it would be a waste of those perfectly huge arms to keep things this vanilla. So, while you watched his expression continue to falter as your arms snaked around his broad shoulders, you leaned in, kissing a torturously slow line of kisses along the side of his neck to his ear, to whisper, “please move, oppa. I want to feel you.”
You punctuated your statement with a sharp rut against his pelvis. He practically growled as he grabbed your ass roughly, holding you up slightly so he could fuck up into you at a punishing pace. Moaning, you dropped forward, leaning against his chest in an effort to ease the strain for him, but equally keen to egg him on more. You kept whispering his name in his ear as Cheol continued to bully his cock into your heat, hitting all the right spots with every stroke. You met every stroke, managing to find friction against his skin that dragged deliciously against your clit.
“Oh my god, Cheollie,” you whined, eyes screwing close as the arousal mounted and you could feel your core constrict. He groaned, long and drawn out, seemingly just as overwhelmed at the tightening sensation as you.
Barely able to form a full sentence, he asked, “you close, baby?” His question was punctuated by his thrusts, coming out in syncopation with his movements. You hummed in reply, a long string of desperate cries of ‘yesyesyes’ tumbling from your lips.
Cheol’s grip tightened impossibly as he continued fucking up into you, his arms starting to shake with the effort. You clawed at his back when he gave a few more sharp thrusts, each increasing the white, hot feeling bubbling in your core, winding you higher and higher. As you felt your core tighten, his lips found yours again, desperate and hungry, biting and moaning into your mouth like a man possessed.
“Come for me,” he panted, somewhere between commanding and pleading, “come on, baby. Come on my cock, be good for me, yeah?”
You couldn’t begin to fathom a reply, head vacant of anything except for Cheol’s last few words, playing on repeat as the pleasure exploded through you. Eyes rolling to the back of your head, you barely registered Cheol stuttering out a groan as he came into the condom, rocking both of you through your orgasms. In the aftershocks of it, you simply sacked forward against him. After a few breaths, he heaved you off of his lap and pitched himself forward, landing on top of you with his full weight. The air was pressed out of your lungs upon impact, leading you to smack him across the back of the head with little conviction.
Barely audible, you exclaimed, “Choi Seungcheol! Do you have any idea how heavy those muscles are?”
You tried to wiggle free, but Seungcheol snuck his arms fully around your middle, tightening his grip. He lifted his head from your shoulder, looking at you with a smug grin, “just give me a second, yeah? Then I’m ready for feedback.”
You snorted, trying to somehow manoeuvre his body off of yours, but he had your arms pinned to your sides.
“Cheol,” you whined, “I should go to the toilet.”
“Why bother?”
“It’s important to pee after sex,” you insisted, rolling your eyes. Making another attempt at wriggling free, you were stopped in your tracks when he murmured, “you can go once we’re finished.”
Too fucked out to think of a proper comeback, you just said, “we’re not finished?”
“You were the one who brought up a ‘next time’.”
“Yeah, next time, as in, like, next week or something…”
You cocked an eyebrow at him, receiving no response. Cheol just looked at you, expression remaining blissfully relaxed, pupils blown wide.
“We can also do it again next week, but you were so excited about those flavoured condoms.” He was smirking now, holding your gaze and wiggling his eyebrows.
You giggled, shaking your head. For a few seconds you pretended to mull it over before stating, “I guess you deserve a reward.”
This made him laugh, the sound reverberating through both your ribcages. Cheol leaned up a bit from where his head was resting against your collarbone, one hand turning your face towards him. He pressed his lips against yours, soft and sweet until you bit his bottom lip, slipping your tongue into his mouth. You used the welcome distraction to finally pull one arm free from his grasp, then broke the kiss. He simply continued to stare at you, so you used your newly liberated limb to brush some hair out of his face. He blushed.
Smirking, you imitate his earlier tone, “I lo— care about you, too.”
Seungcheol pouted, burying his face in your shoulder again. Despite his whining, you could feel the corners of his mouth lift. He shifted upwards, hiding against your hair to whisper, “you want me to say it? I’ll say it. Right now.”
Cheol pressed his lips against the soft skin there, lingering for a bit longer.
“You don’t have to,” you finally said, “I don’t want you to say it just to make me happy. I want you to mean it.”
He tried pulling you even closer, a futile endeavour, given there was no space between you currently. Almost too low to hear, he murmured, “I could’ve said it after the first four months, and I still would’ve meant it.” You cart your fingers through his hair, waiting for him to continue. “I just didn’t want to put you on the spot.”
You took his face in your hands, nose brushing against his. Without breaking eye contact you said, “I love you.”
He crashed his lips against yours, hands pawing at your sides.
“I love you, too”—with his free hand he pushed the both of you back up, manoeuvring you into a lotus position. “Let me show you just how much.”
AN: i've finally (mostly) finished the rough draft of this monster, so i hope this teaser will be accurate and i don't have to change even more things btw now and publication of the fic; this was supposed to be 2k max, so..., we'll see how much i'll have overshot by the end; (also this is, potentially, still a working title, jsuk)
I. Mean
The meanest kid in your primary school class was Xu Minghao. He almost never smiled, he never shared his coloured pencils (despite having the biggest collection), and he always made fun of your snacks. You would have done the same to him, if his packed lunch wasn’t always meticulously prepared: fluffy, white rice; star-shaped vegetables; fried egg; and sausages that looked like tiny octopi. All this made him the centre of attention of every lunch break.
Not only was Minghao generally stand-offish and cold-shouldered, he seemed to have it out for you in particular. Even when he wore soft smiles around his other friends, they dropped the second you came into view. Minghao, turning grumpy and tight-lipped, would barely speak and deliberately look anywhere but directly at you.
No matter how much your mutual friends tried getting you to warm up to one another, the relationship remained frosty. Not even Shuomin’s sunshiny nature or Minkui’s adorably clumsy disposition did much to lighten the mood. But the worst part of it all was that Minghao and you hadn’t always been on the warpath. On the contrary, you had crisp memories of days spent together, laced with fondness, laughter, and adventure.
When you first met Minghao, his family had just moved in next door. You were the very first person to make his acquaintance, even before he was officially introduced into your kindergarten class. Your mother had dragged you over to meet the new neighbours that very first afternoon. Stepping into their living room, you were met with a small boy, all spindly legs and scratched up knees. He was peeking out from behind his mother’s legs, black hair unruly and sticking up every which way. Introductions were made by your mothers before an expectant silence descended over the room.
Your mum smiled, nudging you forward, but the boy made no move to meet you halfway. Realising, in that moment, that someone had to take the first step, you made a decision. If it had to be you, bridging that incipient gap, well then you resolved to meet that responsibility head-on. You stepped forward, reaching a tentative hand out to wrap your fingers around his. Staring in a stupor, you realised you had not thought any further than this.
“Hi,” he said, quietly meeting you halfway. For a few seconds, you felt the parents’ stares burn into your head before he continued, “do you want to see my pretty stones? I have a lot now.”
You nodded enthusiastically, and he pulled you outside into their garden. Minghao led you over to a tree in the far corner, explaining how it was a special tree and his new perfect hiding spot for his most important possessions. From a nearly imperceptible hole under one of the roots, Minghao retrieved a smooth little wooden box. He opened it, shielded from your view, and retrieved one stone after the other to hand to you for appraisal.
“This one is the first one I ever found. This one has a hole in the middle! This one is from our holiday in Shenzhen. This one is the colour of the sunset!”
Despite the joy in his eyes, he was hesitant to let you handle the stones. Initially, he watched like a hawk as he dropped them into your palm one by one. But as he saw the genuine care with which you handled them, like holding a week-old kitten, he relaxed. Leaning in more closely, he told stories about how he had found each stone until you reached a small blueish pebble. As you held it up to the light, it seemed to sparkle.
“This one is my favourite,” he admitted in a small voice.
“Wow,” you murmured in awe, “it’s the prettiest stone I’ve ever seen!” Minghao smiled proudly, his cheeks a shade darker than before.
From that day forth, you spent the next few years practically inseparable. You passed every free second together: collecting stones, watching cartoons, dancing, playing beside the brook behind your houses. You were the guest of honour at his Kermit-the-Frog-themed birthday parties, sitting beside him for the entire day. It was like you were glued together at the hips.
And then everything changed in your fifth year. Nothing could have prepared you for falling out of his good graces. Because in the abruptness of its loss, the absence of Xu Minghao’s unconditional and unlimited love felt like a physical thing. From one day to the next, he stopped talking to you, leaving you with the feeling of being pushed into a glacial lake without warning. The break was as abrupt as it was unexpected, as painful as it was unexplainable to you.
And yet, fate did not end its cruelty there. For it seemed hell-bent on pulling you two into each other’s orbits again and again. You went to the same schools, were seated beside each other in class, fell in with the same friend group. Not even university granted that long-awaited reprise, both of you accepted into the same program at ZJU, too driven to let childhood animosity throw a wrench into your futures.
At this point, the enmity was less a reflection of slighted feelings than a force of habit. And as much as your other friends continued their efforts of mediation, there was no smoothing over the long-standing unfortunate rift and the bruised egos. As soon as their backs were turned, old habits resurfaced; the same hurt feelings, seething gazes, and cutting words were slung. It appeared that, no matter how hard you tried or how much you wished for things to be different, you seemed destined to live forever in the disorienting absence of Minghao’s affection.
Behold, all spooky creatures and enthusiasts thereof!
Welcome to the KPOP Halloween Week! This is an open collaboration event and a space to share the Halloween-themed KPOP content.
The event will take place from 25th to 31st October, 2025. During this time, Halloween-themed works of creators (graphic and written) will be reblogged here, on @k-halloween-week.
Any groups and types of works will be accepted, as long as they follow the Rules.
To have your work reblogged, you need to use #k-halloween-week so we can see it! It does not require any form of registration or acceptance prior, anyone can participate!
Every day of the Week will have Themes that content creators are welcome to adhere to. They aren't mandatory, though!
If you would like to take active participation in creation of the Themes, don't forget to fill the 2nd Halloween Survey!
Timeline:
1st - 15th August, 2025 - The 2nd Halloween Survey will be up! Fill it to let content creators know what would you like to see!
10th August, 2025 - The official Rules will be published!
16th August, 2025 - The Themes for each day of the Week will be announced. Get inspired!
Up until 24th October, 2025 - At any point before the week starts, you can post teasers of your works for the week. Make sure to @ our blog so they can be reblogged!
25th - 31st October, 2025 - Halloween time! Post your works and use the # or @ tag to let us know they are up!
After 31st October - You can still post your Halloween works, but make sure to use @ tag so they are not omitted!
Important Links (will be updated as the posts go live):
Reblogs of this post are highly appreciated, and don't forgot to follow @k-halloween-week to see all the updates and the Halloween content as it comes!
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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old enough to remember when smut was called ‘lemons’ but young enough that i had absolutely no business knowing that smut was called ‘lemons’ at the time
Unholy thoughts of the day, my bunnies: They say all good boys have the darkest and most perverted desires, and Yunho is the nicest boy of them all.
Or your puppy boyfriend might be crazy about how beautifully you cry for him while sucking his big, thick cock.
God, you looked so fucking beautiful. How could anyone resist you when you were like that? On your knees, between his legs, with that sweet, pretty little mouth, completely stuffed with his thick, heavy cock and your glassy, lust-filled eyes.
Your plump lips, sticky with saliva and lacquer-pink lip gloss, were stretched so beautifully around the reddened, swollen head of his cock as you hesitantly plunged the tip of your kitty tongue into the tiny slit oozing with viscous, bitter-sweet pre-cum to taste his arousal.
Long strands of saliva drip from the corners of your mouth, and your long, thickly painted eyelashes flutter as you suck diligently on the head as though it were one of those sugar lollipops you loved so much. Your soft, chubby cheeks are flushed with a rich strawberry blush, all shiny and wet with streaked, smudged mascara and glitter eyeshadow as you swallow, taking his cock deeper into your throat.
You try your best to please him, pampering his massive, veiny cock with your pretty, tiny hands and mouth. But you still have so much to learn.
And yet, what made you almost irresistibly attractive to him were the endless streams of tears that flowed freely down your angelic face. Beautiful? No, you were divine, and Yunho knew he was completely hooked on you.
You were such a cute crybaby with all this whining and whimpering that was driving him crazy, but especially when you were choking on his heavy, slippery length, which was completely filling the narrow, wet space of your small mouth, while the rounded tip of his cock pressed against the back of your throat.
Yunho had never seen anything like it before, and it made him addicted to you.
You always struggled so hard to take all his huge, long dick into your throat until his big, cum-filled balls pressed against your chin and your little upturned nose touched the smooth skin on his pubic area.
Yunho couldn't tell if you were crying out of disappointment because you couldn't give him the pleasure he wanted or because his penis was so fucking big that you kept choking, wheezing, and sobbing while you sucked him off. But he didn't really care. Yunho liked seeing you cry, and he didn't feel bad about it.
Maybe it's true when they say that good boys have the dirtiest fantasies, after all. And Yunho was a very good boy. The best of them all.
'Do you have any idea how beautiful you look, princess?' He asks you, running his thumb over your damp, rosy cheek, while you continue to run your soft, little tongue over his cock. 'So fucking beautiful.'
He wasn't lying; you look like something from his wildest fantasies: that cutie from his favourite hentai anime with crossed eyes, drooling, and wearing the cutest bunny-print panties.
And if you liked it that much, he wouldn't mind giving this naughty bunny the biggest carrot of all.
He was addicted and had the knowledge that he would never get enough.
'Can you take me deeper? Please, princess…" Yunho lets out a breath, taken aback, at the whimper you let out, and you feel his erection twitching on your tongue.
You closed your eyes and nodded obediently. You will try; you will do everything to please him. You will do everything for him, no matter how sore your throat is or how painful your knees are, and he is well aware of this fact.
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one of the more bleak things to acknowledge is that if you pirate literally all of your music and then set aside a spotify subscription's worth of money each month to spend on a single pay-what-you-want album, it would almost immediately amount to you supporting those musicians more than streaming does
pirating all of your music and then buying a hat or something four times a year still makes you pull significantly ahead of the person who streams thousands of songs every year. it's not really a fair or good system for anyone
I saw a lot of people reblogging this with my addition two days ago and now I'm afraid some of them might have thought it was bandcamp friday that day lol. So for anyone with post timestamps turned off: I made that addition on Friday March 7th 2025. Bandcamp fridays always fall on the first friday of the month (when they do them) so the next one should fall on April 4th
➳ WARNINGS: death of a loved one; aside mention of a past ED (just one line), sadness, self-harm; this one's heavy my dudes
➳ AN: i wrote this about six months ago when i lost someone really really close to me; this kinda was my way to cope and i wasn't sure if i was gonna post it, but here we are; this one is also written in a very fancy, litfic kinda way; sally rooney would be proud of my refusal of direct speech
masterlist
The room is dark, which is how she prefers it right now. There’s an odd comfort in the ignorance of the passing of time, like you can’t waste what you aren’t perceiving. Her pillow is wet from every conceivable side at this point, and the mountain of used tissues on her bedside table has begun to tumble down to the ground. It has been a blurry amount of hours since she crawled under the blankets and tried to drown out the rest of the world. Her journal lies open on the floor, pages scrawled full of disjointed scribbles, haphazard, bordering on purposeless. Repetitive observations of how life is inscrutable; how its changes come without forewarning or rhyme or reason, sudden as a riptide.
She imagines no one feels good about being at the whims of fate or God or chance or at whoever else’s feet you want to lay the responsibility. But she also knows she has always had issues with control. It showed in her compulsive reliance on routines, her short foray into the world of disordered eating. But other than that, she is faced with the fact that she had neither noticed nor appreciated how life had been, until very recently, oh so under control —dependable, expected, routined. Even daily challenges adhered to the framework of her carefully curated existence. They fit neatly into the scaffolding she had been building up for years, a freedom that adulthood had handed to her.
Now the same places have turned unpredictable. The well-worn paths now call to mind thoughts previously unsounded. This afternoon, hours after the fact, she found herself unlocking her bike from its usual spot, thinking, just this morning I locked it up here, and they were still alive.
Just like their existence hadn’t been isolated, so their death stretches its fingers across her life, snaking through the frames, rattling the scaffold. Time, suddenly, has changed. It is light, escaping her in the blink of an eye. Or it is tar, viscous, thick, obtrusive. Like now, when minutes or hours or a day passed while she was away. Under her blanket, the last structured bulwark beneath the crash of her routines.
She wonders, detached, impassionate like watching a football game, whether it’s past midnight. Whether it’s, technically, no longer the day that they died. Which, of course, would do fuck all to help. Death being continuous, and all.
She returns from the distance to her room when her phone dings, annoyingly. Ideally, she would retrieve into the most profound parts of her consciousness, to the most base electrical signals. Somewhere even deeper inside itself, further from the upside down of life, that teetering reality that has shifted to accommodate the negative space they used to occupy. It dings again. She thought it was on do not disturb. For a second, she considers ignoring it in favour of staring at nothing for another pocket of eternity. But the promise of distraction, and its steady companion—the blissful, temporary reprieve of awareness of the cold, hard facts— proves too strong to pass.
It's Dokyeom, of course, who had been there when she had first found out. Just checking in. Letting her know he’s there for her if she wants it. If she needs it. What she needs, she thinks dimly, is to sleep. But sleep has not come knocking in ages. And the longing to see a friendly face has been returning in waves almost as crushing as the grief. She replies in the affirmative. Before she can realise that it is three in the morning, he has replied with a thumbs up. I’m bringing food.
Time resumes its blurry texture for an indiscernible amount of time until her phone pingsagain. She considers just texting him to leave again for the sole purpose of never having to crawl out from behind her bulwark, back into the concept of reality, which only seems to start outside the safe confines of her bed. That would create other problems, however. Most of them tied to the very probable result of his worry. What gets her up, eventually, is the thought that she hasn’t cleaned since the news broke. The shock of it makes her sit up ramrod straight. On the contrary, she realises. In a fit of irrationality, she had started every hitherto procrastinated project: hair dye, closet reset, painting that poster. There’s old dishes from yesterday still piled in the sink, and dust in all corners of the room. Her phone pings a third time that night. You okay?
Her thoughts are a constant loop as she moves to the front door, mechanically. Unpresentable. I need to clean. She buzzes him in. Her first words are a warning against the onslaught of the mess that Dokyeom will encounter. He smiles softly, shaking his head that he doesn’t mind a little clutter at all.
She sits in between her piles of accumulated life while Dokyeom puts the take-out he brought onto proper plates. For the ambiance, he insists. She shrugs, and he puts on a mindless commentary video on his phone. It strikes her how she doesn’t even have to ask. It’s like he can feel how the silence has grown oppressive in its totality. Like he can feel how it has been expanding for the last hours until it has begun bloating into every corner of her place. They sit next to each other, inches apart because, again, he knows her. Knows how, in these moments, her skin feels raw. As if any sort of contact would scrape off another layer of humanity. Instead, they eat in silence. He points out a few funny parts of the video, encouraged by the smallest nod. Minimal interaction. Silence whose quality has changed. Lifted, somehow. Less like a beam of steal, more like a weighted blanket.
They finish the food and she realises, only when the shaking stops, that she hadn’t eaten in over a day. Dokyeom brings her water and leaves the video running. He scrubs dishes without comment, the kitchen door ajar. Sometimes he throws in a comment about the video content, voice unfailingly soft. Just as the credits roll, he returns.
Do you want help tidying up in here?
She shakes her head, you’ve done enough.
There isn’t really a protocol for this, she thinks. How do you behave in this situation? Does Dokyeom know any better? Maybe he does because he steps closer. He does know. Maybe not the protocol, but she realises he knows her. A blink, and his arms are around her. Like a young fledgling’s first attempt at flight, unsure. More a muted question than an action. Dokyeom does not push the floodgates open, he gives her space to open them as far as comfort allows. For now, it is only a crack. The explosion has already detonated. What remains is the trickling aftermath. She sniffles into his shoulder, tears dripping onto his sweater. His voice is soothing, a soft shushing, a small hum. It doesn’t say ‘stop crying’ or ‘it will be okay’. It says, feel what you need to feel, I will be here either way. They stand like that for a while. Even when her arms drop, he's still holding on. One single sob ebbs out.
It takes everything, but she forces out a thank you. It’s infinitesimal, the syllables broken nearly to incomprehension. But Dokyeom smiles against her hair. His hands are still running over her back. They say, don’t worry about it, I am here for you. They say, you don’t have to say anything, I understand you in every language, even silence. Soothing, she thinks again. She’s reminded of the blinding grief, right at the beginning, that made her feel inhuman. Sobbing, wracked, contorted, unrecognisable to herself in the pain. It turns us into animals, the grieving and the being consoled. But if it is Dokyeom, she doesn’t mind.
He understands. He has space for her, in every form, if he has to carve it out from the circumstance with his compassion. It moulds itself to the exact scope she occupies at a given time, expects nothing less, takes nothing more. Maybe that’s a way to explain it.
Dokyeom lets go. Both hands on her shoulders, anchors. He looks at her face, one hand running down the side of it.
She still averts her eyes. They’re puffy and red, almost to the point of pain. She has spent a big part of the After clawing at her own skin. Not consciously attempting to externalise that which couldn’t fit inside, but using the outlet of physicality all the same. She’d like her chest to cave in.
Should I stay, he asks. Because he understands. She thinks, a second, a minute, or five. Dokyeom stands, at ease. Looking at her but not watching, granting her the respite of solitude, without the weight of loneliness. She nods. The first thing she also knows for certain. He smiles and nods back. Like he knew.
Dokyeom stays while they brush their teeth, he stays to apply ointment all over the irritated skin, no judgement in his fingertips as they kiss the claw marks on her forearms. He stays when another call comes through and she finally learns more. They went peacefully. He stays all throughout the fleeting few hours that are left until daybreak.
She knows, if everyone had someone to hold them through the ache, life would be a lot lighter. And yet, nobody can take the responsibility of her anguish. But if she doesn’t have to go it alone, a part of her thinks it is also a privilege, to get to grieve them.