“i can feel the sun on you”

of all the solo tracks in ’in your fantasy’, skin is the one i think about—and probably stream, if the numbers on my spotify and apple music are accurate—the most. mainly because seonghwa’s my ult and all the fancams of the ‘skin’ live performances have been absolutely delightful to watch.

the other thing about ‘skin’ that i find myself constantly coming back to is the seeming mismatch in its core concepts. the song’s lyrics are an exploration of the push and pull that comes with temptation, the allure of a feminine other:

The way she moves, wildfire Exploding desire Wanna see you go higher It's written on my skin It's suffocation, all day night I can't escape Hold me so tight, oh, babe It's written on my skin Trapped in the darkness Feel each other's breath Emotions are dangerous She makes me want some more Breathing is tied up It's keeping me awake Wake me up from my sleep It's written on my skin lyric translation from Genius

in a toktoq live leading up to the release of ‘in your fantasy’, seonghwa himself brings up another core concept on ‘skin’ - personal identity.

I came up with the idea of shedding the “skin” or “barrier” that exists between you and me. So the message became something like, “Let’s shed the layers that exist between us” - that kind of vibe. translation credit: lovelifebeauty_ on Twitter

i say there’s a seeming mismatch between temptation and identity and ‘skin’ because i, admittedly, didn’t fully understand how all of these come into play in seonghwa’s solo—up until i watched the music video premiere last night and felt everything i’ve read and known about ‘skin’ (and by extension, seonghwa) fall into place.

most interpretations of the ‘skin’ mv cite bai suzhen and chinese folklore, stories that depict white snakes as symbols for purity, transformation and balance in all aspects of life. what i haven’t seen quite as much are references to the snake as a symbol of temptation, to eve’s original sin and the voice of the serpent that undermined god’s influence. 

it’s in these symbolisms that make me so drawn to the music video—more specifically, in the way ‘skin’ uses snake imagery to depict the interplay between the temptation of what he wants to be versus the inherent expectations that come with his identity.

the video opens from the point of view of a snake surging towards seonghwa to bite him, as evidenced in the venom crawling up and across the veins of his back—

gif by woe-is-tuli —cut to seonghwa waking up in a red room, seemingly trapped within flesh-like walls that resemble that of an egg. he’s lost and disoriented, and it isn’t until he rips out a part of himself that he’s faced with a faceless, feminine presence and a vision of himself, beckoning this trapped seonghwa to dance with them.

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one thing worth noting is all this happens after he sings about “shedding the hidden flaws / you have me now”: almost like he’s physically ripping out the shame standing between him and this sleeker, more elegant version of himself.

building on this theme are the visuals that accompany the moment seonghwa starts singing about “exploding desire” and “dangerous emotions”—it’s clear that the struggles of his becoming do not stop at his self-mutilation.

the visceral pain of his rebirth is the focal point of the first chorus—he screams and fights against the walls of his flesh-like enclosure, his suffering interspersed with the image of one of the faceless women experiencing a similar pain. there’s a flash of seonghwa trapped underneath hands pulling against his newborn form, calling out to “awaken the dormant me”

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it’s then that the walls start to fall down—not dissimilar to a snake shedding—around him, before a brand new seonghwa emerges: bold, confident, and all dressed up to look like he’s one with the female dancers.

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despite his outward appearance, there's still something holding him back from truly being one with the dancers. seonghwa is keenly aware of this as well, and he’s determined to figure out why—but only, if the lyrics leading up to this next scene are any indication, under the veil of secrecy.

as the lines “hide my secret / but, baby, only if you want” play out, we follow seonghwa into a sterile room, where the faceless entities lie in wait with gloves and forceps and scalpels at the ready.

witnessing this scene almost feels invasive—the act of seonghwa essentially laying bare the bloody mass from his back for the occupants of the room to ogle and analyze and dissect.

gifs by heungversion if the earlier parts of the music video played to the idea of snakes symbolizing purity, this half begins to play into the idea of a snake as a symbol of sin: this part of him he’s just ripped out is shameful and meant to be hidden away from everyone’s eyes, apart from his own.

maybe that’s why, when he asks to “swallow me deeper, all of me”, we finally see the face of one of the women as she analyzes the bloody mass up close—one who bears a striking resemblance to seonghwa. she’s the only one who we’re able to see close up, as if she’s an extension of seonghwa himself.

by seonghwa’s own input, the women in this scene are meant to be a source of conflict, a portrayal of “another self.”

the moment seonghwa is faced, yet again, with the thought of giving in to his explosive desires and dangerous emotions, the female dancers reappear: strutting in a line reminiscent of models walking along the runway. 

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this time, however, the act of giving in feels less exacting: the only thing standing between him and the dancers is a thin beam of light projected on the floor. despite the seeming harmlessness of this decision, seonghwa seems apprehensive—eyes flicking left and right before he steps over the line, walking and dancing in step with the group.

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despite everything that’s led up to this moment: fashioning himself to look like the dancers, carrying and moving and dancing in sync with them, the call to “awaken the dormant me” persists. 

when seonghwa answers the call this time, he’s confronted by the object of his desire. the snake, the allure of the feminine in its purest form—sings a siren song inviting him to fall. it’s here that the music video makes the intersection between temptation and identity clear as day.

in the moments leading up to his transformation, there’s a clear push and pull between wants and expectations. faced with the monster of his desires, seonghwa finally comes to an understanding: he only has to let it consume him to be truly free.

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the part that really drives this point home, which is conveniently the little detail that i think about most when i look back at this music video, is the noticeable shift in seonghwa’s performance after his transformation.

i’ve skipped over discussing the earlier dance breaks because these don’t stick out until after seonghwa’s transformation. not to say that this is a bad thing: seonghwa’s dancing remains a beautiful sight to behold, fluid and snakelike in his movements.

but in this performance, it feels like seonghwa is merely putting up a front. his movements are perfectly choreographed to sync with the dancers, facial expressions neutral all throughout the performance. he’s blending in with the group, going through the motions of what/how he thinks he should be.

gifs by xgteez the moment he turns into snakehwa, however, it’s as if a switch has flipped. now, in his reptilian and unkempt and almost grotesque glory, his performance is passionate and unrestrained—he pulls focus, finally performing like the seonghwa we all love seeing onstage.

gifs by heungversion in the last moments of the song, freed from the conflict of expectation, he’s giving his all to this performance: he’s laying on the facial expressions, moving through the choreography with fervor and energy, closing out the music video with a self-satisfied look on his face.

gif by heungversion the path to your truest, most authentic self is oftentimes messy and violent, and seonghwa knows this all too well. it’s evident in the way ‘skin’ takes the folklore and imagery we’ve fashioned around snakes, using it to weave a narrative of a person standing on the precipice of transformation. 

the fearful allure of breaking from the mold has always been prevalent, and it makes itself known in every instance that seonghwa has chosen the comfort of expectation—despite walking and talking and dressing like one of the dancers, laying his literal innermost self bare in front of them in an attempt to find what keeps him different from the rest.

his othering only stops when he lets go of what he thinks he should be, of the part of him that longs to conform and move in step with the world, and becomes a version of himself that intertwines what he knows and what he longs to be.

in a toktoq live following the release of the ‘skin’ music video, seonghwa himself confirms the prevalence of temptation and identity as themes in the mv:

I conveyed a message about gradually accepting the dissolution of my existence and breathing through the moment when boundaries disappear. I think this was the most important point. Following the emotional texture where pleasure and destruction coexist, I face annihilation and rebirth together with another self that has dominated me. translation credit: lovelifebeauty_ on twitter

in writing out this entire ramble about the ‘skin’ music video, i realize that the clever use of snake imagery is only a small part of why i adore it so much. it’s in the way the music video feels more personal than it probably really is—the ‘skin’ mv feels like his most seonghwa’s ever opened up about the way he views his identity.

the recent years have shown us a seonghwa who doesn’t shy away from talking about his desired aesthetic with atiny, who openly experiments and crafts a form of genderless self-expression that’s uniquely his own.

it’s an element of his career that he acknowledges even in the music video, referencing his own runway debut last year, the one that solidified his genderless aesthetic. 

this is a four-year-old company who should be building more value to the watcher entertainment name. at this stage of their careers, they should be honed in on building a bigger and more consistent content library, reeling in more viewers, and finding ways to make watcher a household name.

but right now, they don't make enough content to justify a completely separate, paywalled streaming platform. they pump out new shows and new seasons every month, but their upload schedule is so sparse they can't even afford to upload new content for a full week.

and as much as this hurts to say, they don't even have a big enough audience to justify this decision. to the general public, they're still better known by the work they've done under a famous media conglomerate rather than the work they do now. that's not a good thing when you want to pull away from the biggest video sharing platform.

as someone who has been content creation adjacent for most of my professional career, the desire to be less reliant on sponsorships and make high-caliber content in a way that's sustainable is valid. i'm with them on this one. i want my favorite creators to be able to create the content they love without worrying about how they're going to pay their staff and how they're putting food on their table.

i'm just failing to understand how this is going to work out for them when a good chunk of their audience isn't in a position to shell out money for a streaming service. i don't know how they're going to find people who want to pay for watcher tv when their existing fanbase can't even see the value of their streaming service.

people more knowledgeable than i have pointed out that there are many ways for them to find people who are willing to pay to see the television caliber content they've wanted to make from the day they launched without pushing out the people who've also been there from the very start but don't have the financial means to follow them into this new stage of their company.