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Valjean: Orange is the New Black is just lesbian porn with emotions

Javert: I will chase you to the ends of this earth just to slap you if you ever run away

Fantine: It pains me to see you ill but give me the fucking Theraflu

Cosette: Don't care about your allergies, these flowers brighten up the room

Enjolras: When I was your age I was dropping so much acid. I'm glad your teenage rebellion focuses on social justice, at least

Combeferre: I was valedictorian and had my Ph.D by 24, and you're telling me women can't be Pope?? How did I never know that?

Courfeyrac: (after I fainted while helping her plant) DON'T YOU DARE DIE IN MY GARDEN, FUCKER

Grantaire: You are going to die alone and miserable if you keep that cynicism up

Joly: (while I was in the hospital) I'm so glad, they have such good Jell-o here. I don't know what brand it is but I love it.

Bousset: I know I am not looking at you with a shaved head. I *know* you did not just shave your head in my fucking house...

Bahorel: Remember when I made you kickbox in 3rd grade and you broke your hand on day one?

Feuilly: She's a drug addict and a felon but she's your grandmother so give her the Vicodin

Jehan: When I was pregnant we really thought you were going to be a ginger

Marius: I actually dropped out of college for 3 days but then I panicked and went back

Eponine: It's good you're gay. Men are pigs. They'll marry you for your money and never do a single load of laundry, ever. Not one. I bet your father has no idea how to even work a washing machine. The gays don't have that problem