A YEAR IN PICTURES. 2015 was mindblowing. Germany, I want to thank you for the life-changing ride that you gave me for the past year and a half. This was a year that stretched me, grew me, and deepened me into a better, happier person. I couldn't have done it without my BUKA Family. So yes, I am back in the USA, ready for my next adventure and thrilled for the stories that I have to fill me when I'm back at a (sigh) more normal job. On this New Year’s Eve, here are the 10 moments I am grateful for most.Â
Moment 10.  Meeting Angela Merkel. One of the most surreal moments of this jampacked year was meeting TIME's Person of the Year, Chancellor Angela Merkel of Germany. The moment was as incredible as I anticipated, especially since it was after a year of gaining insight and understanding life on the ground in Europe, the EU, and the migration crisis. I'm so surprised she didn't put her hands in a triangle for the TIME shoot, that's her power pose!
9. Visiting 12 countries and 4 continents. Countries: Germany, the Netherlands, France, Luxembourg, Belgium, Denmark, Spain, Portugal, Morocco, Turkey, Italy and South Africa. Cities: Berlin, alll of Bayern, Hamburg, Amsterdam, Paris, Strasbourg, Brussels, Copenhagen, Barcelona, Lisbon, Faro, Marrakech, Istanbul, Rome, and Cape Town. Europe, Asia, Africa, North America (Turkey is 2% Europe, 98% Asia).
8. Getting up with Fam. I deepened my relationships with my chosen family and used my unconventional schedule to connect with other family-the free time helped me realize how cool my famo is. I traveled alot with family this year- surprising Kevin for his birthday in Rome, having a girl’s vacation house with my tribe in Lisbon, chilling out in Barcelona with my cuzzo, and traveling to Paris, Barcelona, and Berlin with my Dad and Aryana brought me closer to my favorite people.Â
7. Stepping out of my Comfort Zone and SING.Â
And I mean enjoying the love to sing, not just stress about how it sounds. Â I had a creative songwriting burst in July and was reinspired with songwriting idols like Carole King, Amy Winehouse, V. Boseman, and Sia.Â
6. Giving my Treasures Away. Even if it's the Raggedy Stuffed Animal that I've been dragging across the world for the last 15 years.... It's time to let go and let the new generation enjoy it. In with the New!
5. Being Valued as an Expert. I used my skills to impact communities that I care about the most- teens, young artists, teachers, and refugees, and I'm most proud of stepping up to the plate and getting the job done. What’s up, President of Germany, Joachim Gauck??!
4. Trying New Things and Meeting New People. Whether it was learning a new language (Hallo Deutsch), watching all of the Star Wars series, kayaking, or making new friends, I stuck through it and found some new parts of myself.Â
3. Building the Foundation with my Tribe. Downtown Girls is growing and not only were we featured in my dream feature, Complex magazine, but we were signed by Paradigm Agency and will be in some big meetings in 2016. My Team is my Future. Here's to challenging the status quo with creativity and Big Love.
2. Returning Home and Coming Full Circle. Family Strong. My Boyd Clan.
1. Spending Time with my Best Friend. I was lucky to spend a year and a half with my man, loving each other, chilling out, being messy and being cozy, cooking together, and exploring the world together. In our fourth year, we were truly partners in crime. Love You. Big Head.
And with that, I'm off to finish my hair for the New Year’s Party with my Mommy. Happy New Years!
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I am headed back to America, as the Germans say. I hate that phrase, would rather say headed back to the USA, but it's one of the things that I've come to understand as completely German, judgement or not. Like how I observe Christmas markets or very principled people or the German correction of strangers out in public or friendly police officers or the Berlin dogs that roam the train and that have their own separate boarding tickets.
Six days and this morning I woke up with gratitude for my own home.
Working from home this year gave me the opportunity for solitude, love, and focus in a way that I didn't know was possible. It's easily my preference, as is freelancing and setting my own timelines. I have much to thank for this gemĂĽtlich Haus this year. Thank You for giving me A Room of my Own.
I've made the private public this year....nah, not on some Kardashian tip, but on agreeing to transparency and the general rule that my life and my worries or no better than others. In fact, we are trucking through the same muck (ok, some mountains of muck, mine is more of a molehill) so why not be there for each other and release some stress together? So one of my goals this year was to perform in public and enjoy it, to perform because I love the music 🎶 and no other reason. I've done that a few times this year and that process continued this week with me performing my own songs at an Open Mic. It was nervewracking the days leading up to the performance because the process of composition with a guitarist for my own solo show was completely new, and I had never performed my own words in public before. What is something that you keep personal that you want to make public? It's terrifying and like, really freeing. Well, here goes:
2015 - Here are some gifs of Donald Trump being attacked by a bald eagle named Uncle Sam, literally the least patriotic thing that can happen to an American. [video]
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Erica texted me at 10:04 am on Sunday and I'm so glad she did. My BUKA gang and I went to Church, aka going to Berghain (the world's mecca for club life and techno) on Sunday morning. It was surreal and incredible.
I barely got in. Berghain is famous for turning away anyone that looks like a buzz-kill or a tourist, more so than the Standard in NY turns away Wall Street businessmen. The difference is that there is a legitimate reason for Berghain to hide certain people from the debauchery inside: naked dancing men, fully-costumed superheroes on drugs, and unlimited range of sexual exploits. It’s best to enter the line alone and to speak no English if possible. My bouncer looked at me and asked, “How old are you?” Literally the last time someone asked me this was when I was underage trying to enter NYC clubs, so I sputtered out, “Oh...I’m 21!”Â
I quickly corrected myself, saying, “I mean...I’m 27, 27....” My golden light of opportunity was fading quickly before me when Bill Fucking Wheeler strolled up oozing Berlin cool zombie-ness- I grabbed/slapped his shoulder in relief with a big, “Heeeeeeeeeeeeey!,” and luckily managed to breeze by then in the periphery of his coolness. Thanks Bill :)
As for the inside:
What goes on in Berghain stays in Berghain, so I’m just gonna say that at some point we stumbled upon a magical floor with a full-fledged pastel ice cream parlor and I literally lost it. Theeeee best ice cream to go along with the not-as-precious debauchery of the night.  I am so grateful for the crew that I took this funky, acid jazz ride of 10+ hours of partying with. Thanks for buttering my pancakes during one of our food escapades. This is a major cross off the bucket list. I'm going to go wash this off now.
And for those true-blue Berliners that do this as a way of life every weekend....I salute you, Madame.
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My inspiration. Working with teen artists gives me perspective and gratitude. Presenting the work from our journey in Cape Town, here is "breaking walls',", "My Path, Our Cape Town, Our World."Â
That was one of Mandela's great quotes, one out of hundreds that he penned during incarceration on Robben Island in Cape Town. This was a man who was taken as a political prisoner and kept in a jail cell for 27 years, because he believed in a non-segregated South Africa. Apartheid in South Africa dates back to 1795 with the British colonialists' legislation that Black and colored South Africans should be kept separated from whites as their inferiors, a series of laws that forced millions from their homes and into segregated districts we like to call "slums and ghettos." In 1994, so...basically when I was dancing around to Hey Arnold and singing "Clean Up, Everybody Do Your Share" in kindergarten, apartheid was abolished (finally! yay!), and Nelson Mandela became President, a Black South African leading a multicultural, wounded and disoriented South Africa. 250 Years of segregation laws. Gone. The question really was, NOW, what should we do?
Same for Berlin.Â
Living here, Berliners from both East and West have told me their stories of what they were doing when the bumbling politician accidentally announced on live television that Berliners from East and West could cross sides, "umm....effective immediately." Can you believe that!? What a beautiful world-changing mistake...sounds like something out of Scandal. My German friends, only 8 to 18 years older than I, were flirting in bars, sitting in classrooms, watching television at home, when their ears grazed over those infamous words. And like that, boom, 28 years of a wall that had been built secretly by the Soviet Union overnight, deemed "The Wall of Shame" by West German leader Willy  Brandt, the wall that prevented cousins, husbands, wives from seeing each other was now null and void, and.....people could get back to....life.
So NOW, what should we do? Â
The answer varies widely depending on who you ask. Some say that the dissolution of the country as it is is enough. Others say that it is just the beginning point. I side with the latter, and I'll tell you why.
We all love a good happy ending. And Disney pummels us with those fairytales.
* shudder* *i still love the little mermaid*  Reality is much more nuanced than that. If someone hands you a beautiful box tied with a red ribbon and you open it and inside is a slip of paper written, "You now have a normal life,"....what would be your next step? Take South Africa, for example. If you hadn't gone to schools that lead to college or a white-collar job, if you don't have toilets that flush (you've been going in a public pot toilet for your entire life), and your mom and dad were both cleaners for the wealthy...which happens to be 95% British, German, and New Zealand expats, white South Africans, anyone white living in South Africa who is making a profit off of the beautifully constructed real estate, natural wildlife, your music and art, the agriculture of the land. Where is the handbook? The new-life orientation? The fixed toilets and plumbing, oh and a fix to the despair for the child gangs, and the mothers led by faith that their kids will have something to eat with the 500 rand they earn per month. Btw that is a figure that someone gave me for a Cape Town maid's monthly salary. 500 rand a month is 33 Euros or $36.65. Don't think that's enough to survive. The way it sounds is how bad it is. I met people paying a maid 500 rand a month and then going out to eat dinner that night for 500 rand. It is as little as it sounds.
I was in Cape Town. And what I saw disgusted me. I was on an airplane, to AFRICA, and the entire flight was white- except for myself and one other brother in the way back who was giving me some British swag, perhaps....hey boo. :) Anyway, the last time that I flew to Africa it was to Morocco on a fairly balanced plane of international travelers and clearly North Africans. The time before that I flew to Ghana, and the plane was predominantly middle to upper-class Ghanaians and Nigerians. But, on my Lufthansa plane from Frankfurt, carrying over 300 people to Africa, there was only me and this other guy. WHY ARE THERE NO OTHER BLACK SOUTH AFRICANS ON THE PLANE? Are you telling me that they don't conduct business internationally, or there aren't enough paid black South Africans to travel or do fun things like take a gap year or semester abroad or go on a work conference or....is it just that Europeans just loooove South Africa.
That should've warned me. Once I landed in Cape Town, it was much of the same. Oftentimes, it was myself and my two partners-in-crime for the "breaking walls" workshop, the DREAM TEAM Dannie and Merve.Â
We had a lovely time, got drinks, ate seafood dinners, ordered amazing lamb, bought handmade crafts, went to concerts, and had a BALL....in a lily-white crowd. I asked Dannie, who has lived in the Cape since 1968, why there were no black South Africans around. She answered, "The class war is real here. Most black South Africans are missing in the business force or if they do make some money, they are propping their families up with their one salary. There is very little disposable income." That's when I learned about the wealth gap betweenBlack/Colored and White South Africans. Â Then, during my workshop with the teens from the townships and the German International School, I learned that a lot of the kids in the townships, in 2015, are taking bucket showers in public facilities instead of in their own home, and many do not have a toilet in their own home.Â
These are kids that are all Nae-Naeing together and all know Drake, from the German school and the townships, except half of this equation has to worry about being able to take a shit and making it home from school without being mugged on the street and the other half is not aware of the horrors that their peers are going through literally blocks away from their gated community. The situation is dire. It's real. And it's happening now.
Pretty much, just because a slip of paper is read out loud to a nation and effectively becomes a law, does not mean the nation has anything in place to create change to support that paper. It takes HARD work to change systems so that when one reads that paper, it is real, to all parties.Â
Germany, South Africa, the United States- those are all nations where change was deemed impossible and then hard-won anyway. I see the walking history and breathe in the living stories of my fellow Berliners and South Africans. And suddenly, I see the U.S.' own struggles with expansive change in larger extremes. The U.S. desegregated its society in the 1960s. That's my grandmother ago. Literally, my grandmother Joyce was forced to drink from separate water fountains in Virginia, went to separate movie theater entrances, attended separate schools, and always asked her mother, "Why do we have to be separate from them?" The legal separation that trickled down to create such an us vs. them mentality that is killing all of us today. Or really, killing those of us who choose to be aware. Because even with a Mike Brown in some your face, you have the choice to turn in a different direction and focus on your next music composition or research project or investment portfolio. Because it doesn't have to be real to you. Unless you are the one they are killing, or doing the killing. Unless you are the one desperately poor, or the suit making the business decision for Citizen #4591001 in "that sketchy district."
"It's always impossible until it's done." Thank you, Mandela.
This was a quote that my teen artists wrote pieces and reflections on for their show. The other quote was by German philosopher(in), Hannah Arendt: "Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom." I believe that with the knowledge of each other, we can forgive ourselves for the mistakes that we have made in our own lives and societies- and see from a clear place, a place where we can meet in the middle and take action. And that is why I do this work.Â
A 101: HISTORY OF SEGREGATION IN THE UNITED STATESÂ
A German friend of mine, Selina Koepf, wrote a brilliant thesis for her MA on the current state of segregation in the US. Â I will post excerpts from her analysis below- It's really crazy to talk with a foreigner who's done such deep work on this- in some ways I trust her unclouded opinion more. Before you read below, I highly recommend that you read The Atlantic's "The Case for Reparations," or listen to This American Life's podcast of, "The Problem We All Live With" to get an expert summary of the state of segregation in US housing and schooling.
61 years after the Brown vs. Board integration mandate, it turns out that, "the peak of the desegregation era is long over and we are currently heading in a direction towards increasing resegregation, especially in inner-city public schools (Orfield and Lee 20). Many African American students still struggle with educational inequality and are not offered the same educational opportunities as most of their white peers."
"According to data from the U.S. Census 2010 “the typical white lives in a neighborhood that is 75% white, 8% black, 11% Hispanic, and 5% Asian” (Logan and Stults 2). Furthermore it states that “the typical black [on the other side] lives in a neighborhood that is 45% black, 35% white, 15% Hispanic, and 4% Asian” (Logan and Stults 3). This shows that while most whites have little contact with minorities in their neighborhood, minorities tend to live in neighborhoods with a high minority population."
"Even though residential segregation today cannot be linked to any present laws, it is “actually the result of racially motivated law, public policy, and government-sponsored discrimination” (Rothstein). These “20th-century federal, state, and local policies […] were explicitly designed to separate the races”, which can still be witnessed today by continuing residential segregation (Rothstein). Especially the Federal Housing Administration (FHA), the Veterans Administration (VA) and the Home Owner Loan Cooperation (HOLC), as well as greedy real estate managers participated in the racial segregation by supporting “working and lower-middle class whites” with mortgages toÂ
leave the cities by moving to the suburbs, but denying this financial aid to African Americans (Rothstein; Wells and Crain 47). A system was put in place, which “rated neighborhoods according to their perceived stability”, which was highest if no African Americans lived in the neighborhoods (Coates). Areas with a high African American population were marked as red districts and “considered ineligible for FHA backing”, which is better known as redlining (Coates). Furthermore the FHA and VA put created restrictions, which prohibited the resale of houses to African Americans (Rothstein).
 African Americans were discriminated due to their race in the housing market. “White homeowners' resistance to black neighbors was fed by deteriorating ghetto conditions, supported by municipalities' discriminatory denial of adequate public services” (Rothstein). This racial discrimination in the housing market was not prohibited until the Fair Housing Act of 1968 (Wells and Crain 52). "Â
Even today, predatory lending from Wells Fargo and other mortgage lenders destroy any chance at wealth-building in poor and predominantly communities of color. I, Crystal Boyd, received my Homeowner's Grant from Wells Fargo BECAUSE the Department of Justice forced them to pay out in court for their contribution to the housing market crash in 2008 with such predatory loans. Red-lining, mortgage swindling of people with no mother or father to assist with their first home-purchase, and effects of the VA Laws....are happening today. This is great information to know when your ignorant friend asks, "but really, what is there to fix nowadays? The law was passed sooo long ago." I wonder if straight people will be saying the same thing in 20 years when gays are marrying and yet hate crimes and employment "freedom of religion" laws against gays are on the rise in America.
Studies show that from 1968 to 1974 a high improvement in the effort of integrating schools could be seen (Raffle, Dictionary xix). Reasons for this trend towards integration are three decisions of the Supreme Court between 1968 and 1971 in Green v. New Kent County, Alexander v. Holmes, and Swann v. Charlotte-Mecklenburg Board of Education stating “that desegregation must be thorough, comprehensive, immediate, and, that in segregated urban school systems, courts could transfer students to other neighborhoods to end school segregation” (Orfield and Lee 18). Numerical targets were set to control racial balance as well as busing was sanctioned by court as a district-wide remedy for desegregation (Raffel, „History” 27; Martin 233). In 1972 Congress and the White House agreed on the Emergency School Aid Act, which was a program established to fund and “to improve race relations and educational outcomes in interracial schools” (Orfield, “Schools” 4). These several other jurisdictions started the process of desegregation and by the seventies the South was the most integrated region in the United States (Orfield, “Schools” 3). The peak of integration was reached in the South by the mid-eighties with about 44% of African Americans in majority-white schools (Orfield, “Segregation” 14). However, in the 1990s, neighborhood districts took their school systems to court saying that "integration measures were no longer necessary," and by the end of the 1990s, fairly all systemic supports were removed.
Rothstein adds that “voiding exclusionary zoning laws, placing low and moderate income housing in predominantly white suburbs, and ending federal subsidies for communities that fail to reverse policies that led to racial exclusion” are necessary steps to ending residential segregation and achieving multiracial public schools. Discrimination in the housing market can still be observed and more drastic measures should be taken in enforcing fair housing laws, as for example sanctions of such discriminating behavior.
Selina's Conclusion:
Many factors that contribute to resegregation of public elementary and secondary schools, such as residential segregation, are deeply rooted in history, policies and the beliefs into white supremacy. The government must realize that integration in public schools can never be achieved unless the problem of residential segregation is taken in account and new programs including multiracial districts are created. Brown was a start of the government to acknowledge the existing problems and negative effects of segregation and started the process towards integration and equality. Without a change of mind and heart and the acceptance of the importance and benefits of racially integrated schools, these will never be fully achieved. The question that furthermore should be examined is why we as a society in the 21st-century are still living in fear of interacting with other races and how this fear and behavior could be overcome to create a better future for all our children. Not to mention the question why such an important topic is not more of a priority for all citizens of the United States."
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Less than two months left in Berlin and I'm processing alot. So much dead weight has shed off of me. Â I feel more focused on what matters to me: family, friends, doing big tingss in art and with children at a high level. What was so beautiful about Cape Town was that it was a model situation for me to step up to the plate and lead in the way that I've admired of so many others. With Sandi and Elly at City at Peace, Liz Swados at NYU, and Imani at Creative Arts Team, I've had grounded, inspiring examples of how to lead through facilitation, guiding artists to use their natural strengths and develop them. I'm happy to say that my Sheroes' tools served me well and I was more ready than I thought. It's like I had them with me, that I had done this before. I was shit scared the day before my flight, the only way I could calm my nerves was listening to a sermon from Pastor Michael Walrond at FCBC... He always inspires me and pushes me to look at things from a different angle. A spiritual ass-whooping forces me to look at myself. What up, Crystal?
I'm realizing that even if I don't have the career of my dreams, I'm fulfilled and happy right now. That doesn't mean I don't take risks or shoot for the moon. If I operate from my core and do what makes me happy to live life as Crystal Nicole Boyd, I'll either fail or succeed as 100% myself. And that's the best thing that I could ask for. Keeping it 100 through all of it. And making time for ruckus. Yea, more ruckus.
That being said, Cape Town allowed me to play a huuuge game at a high level of stakes, where 25 artists and teens depended on me as their director, playwright, and confidante. I needed to blend two divided communities in a very divisive society. I needed to put up a GOOD show in 4 days. In the process and in finally accomplishing those goals, I realized a few things:
I need to set impossible goals for myself and then win (or lose) them. Take risks.
I need to define "goals" as things that I would love to do as a whole human-being living a life that I love, and nothing else. Kick everything else/all outside pressures to the curb.
I need to be more discerning and selective of the projects that I take on as an artist. I can not expend energy on projects that don't pay or that I do not care about.
I need to disconnect from the internet. Repeat, I need to disconnect from the internet. Much more often.
I'm happy to be right here, right now. My biggest challenge is bringing that presence and gratitude to New York with me when I return.
SO! I'll be marinating on this and playing much larger in what I pursue, in life, family, and career. I will share with you AMAZINGANDANONYMOUSMASSES, what my goals are once I regroup and expand them.
MOLWENI FROM CAPE TOWN! I'm posting alot for Day 56 because I finally have down-time to regroup and reflect after a whirlwind, breathtaking experience in Cape Town, South Africa where for five days I had to survive with no internet....In its place I had 25 wild, brilliant, zany teen artists at my disposal! Guess what, it is possible to survive! I've been refreshed and inspired as the "breaking walls" guest director for 25 amazing teen artists from the townships and the German International School. Together, we broke down barriers, wrote about what makes Cape Town the home it is for each of us, and created a full-on performance from that written work- all in 4 days! I joked with the kids that Broadway performers don't put up a show in 2 days memorized, so they really were puttin in that work. It got me thinking, definitely more thoughts to come.
