I miss being healthy and able to move. Since last June Iāve gained nearly 30 lbs. I donāt know how to stop it. All I know is I want to crawl out of my skin
Not today Justin

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@teethpastesss
I miss being healthy and able to move. Since last June Iāve gained nearly 30 lbs. I donāt know how to stop it. All I know is I want to crawl out of my skin

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Ralph Reese
Itās my best friends bachelorette weekend!!! I did not get the spray tan memo!!!!!

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Coexist braces

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I come across your blog sometimes and god, I just cannot stand you. You are the most white woman's Instagram ass bitch living the most vanilla ass life. Like you got all this money and availability and this is what you do with your time? God, what a fucking loser dude. Guess you can't buy authenticity or a personality.
Like you're not even that hot and you act like it's empowering and building character to be ran through. Like your priorities don't even align with the shit you're rocking, dog
This would be a lot cooler if you had a smidge of confidence to say it with your chest and not on anonymous - I pity people like you š those who cast judgement are conveniently people I would never want to trade places with lol
I have no desire to speak to/see my ex ever again but I was just slack jaw doom scrolling in my bed and came across a meme dump with Walter Wanderly and suddenly Iām transported back to 2020. I am at my parents beach house, just me and my ex, living there for 3 months. Not a soul comes out on the island. He is not working because his bar is closed. I am barely working 10 AM - 4 PM as my company tries to transition to a āvirtualā environment,
As soon as I shut my laptop, I have a cocktail in hand. We float around the pool naked, eating strawberries, drinking Walmart champagne, taking a bump every now and then, blasting Walter wanderley.
I vividly remember this one day we woke up and as if we were in sync asked one another, āshould we take the Molly?ā And we did. The backyard is fully private. I remember it was such a beautiful day - 78, sunny. After eating the Molly, we both ate handfuls of mushrooms, and spent the day bobbing around on floats in the pool, listening to Walter wanderley from the early morning until it got dark. It felt electric.
That night we strapped our headlamps on and road our bikes to the beach, completely fucked up. Not a soul was outside. The beach was technically āshut downā because of Covid - but who was going to check at 2 am in the morning. I just remember the moss covered trees illuminated by moonlight, we would play Walter wanderley on a bike speaker. It felt like a dream world. Like a cartoon. Or astral projecting. Bike riding at night with no cars or people or sound other than our music. I remember skipping around in the waves and laying in the sand and counting stars. I donāt remember biking home, but we did. I remember us waking up in bed, all sandy. We would do this so many nights in a row. If it wasnāt drugs, it was booze.
It is the closest I will ever cosplay to being retired or a trust fund baby and I havenāt looked back on it till right now
My new job is really, very hard. Iāve had three 10 hour days this week, really no onboarding, just straight into the work. I guess maybe thatās how these things go the more senior you get in your role, but they havenāt even given me a medical on boarding on the drugs, everything Iāve learned is from Google.
I also thought this job wasnāt going to have as much travel⦠But they asked me to go to Kuala Lumpur Malaysia next month lol. I of course canāt go because the dates of the conference conflict with my best friendsās wedding, which also happens to be on the anniversary of my dadās death. Canāt wait for that one. Luckily, she hates her own father, and while he will be there, they are not doing a dance and he is not walking her down the aisle.
I have been having a really hard time lately with grief. It was my grandmaās passing, who I was very close to, over Valentineās Day weekend. And the third year of my dadās passing is coming up towards the end of April. I canāt believe itās been three years already. It was kind of psychotic of me to try and start a new job during this time when I know how frail my mental health is, but life goes on I suppose.
I just didnāt expect Work to be this busy this quickly. I should be traveling to Portland, Oregon in Las Vegas in the next month and a half. It makes me nervous not really understanding the drugs yet or the client strategy, but I guess itās a baptism by fire.
Outside of that, I have my looming pulmonology appointment in two weeks, along with some blood testing, and Iām extremely scared for the results. I am quite literally the heaviest Iāve ever been in my entire life right now, which every time in my life Iāve said that previously, I hoped thatās the heaviest I would get, but here we are.
It was tough this past year having my lungs completely fucked for six months where I couldnāt work out, then I broke my rib, so I couldnāt lift any weights. And when I finally healed from that, and was back on the up and up in Istanbul, I tore my MCL and have been working on healing that now for the last 2 months.
I am unfortunately, someone that needs to work out five days a week and lift weights to still be moderately overweight. I guess the best part of this is I donāt have to be so defeatist, now that my health is coming back I should be able to start working out again, but Iām very scared about re-injuring my MCL, running is pretty much out of the picture at this point and so are squats. Anyways, I donāt really know where I was going all this, but itās a life update so when I look back on in a few weeks, hopefully shit hasnāt gotten worse lol.

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