People say the darnedest things

While you were studying the blade my dog learned how to wrestle

"MOLTEN CORE" I shout as I shove candycanes into my chest cavity.

Theres no planned parenthood for dick battles in the sky

You're really popular in my dream airport

Listen, we can be cursed be we have to be legally cursed.

I headcanon Jesus as pansexual

The key to victory is to not wear pants!

I was gay but then I gave into peer pressure at chef school and now i'm only sexually attracted to lobster bisque

You can have your blowjob and eat it too!

That's all the parts I'm allowed to name in this god fearing laser-disc

"Bigfoot is real and he sucked my dick! Wha- Oh, nothing mom! Never mind!!"

Have you ever stuffed a sentient Christmas ornament up your butt?

Don't make a strawman of my penis argument!

What, you don’t want in on this bukkake sing-along?