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“When you like someone, you like them despite their faults, when you love someone you love them with their faults” - Herman Hesse

O heyo its finall here lmao hope you enjoy ^^` 

-J-Nope

Infatuation Part 4

You hazily woke up on the cold wooden floor of your apartment, another night spent crying over him. The pain was still there. You still loved him and you could never be angry at him for what he did, as much as you wanted to. You check the time, it was mid-afternoon. You had slept through the day again. Picking yourself up and jumping in the shower you started to get ready for your date with Hobi. You’re excited but also there's some sinking feeling in your stomach. You asked yourself if you will ever be able to love anyone again after him. You hated the most prominent answer which was no.

You had been waiting for this. Waiting for your chance to meet Hoseok, waiting for your chance to ask all your questions and have them answered. The clock was ticking down. Reaching closer and closer to 8. Hoseok was always very punctual, impressively punctual. You received a text.

Hobi: “I’m outside”

You look outside to see a black SUV parked outside your apartment. You ran out the door and made your way to the SUV. Something didn’t feel right. It was probably just nerves. A guy jumped out the front wearing a face mask and made his way to open the door for you. It was dark inside the car but you jumped in. This was so romantic, Hobi getting you a chauffeur to your date. Your stomach bubbled with excitement as you thanked the guy who had opened the door for you. But there was still a dark uneasy feeling as you got in the car. The door shut and locked behind you. Nervous you turn to your right to see Hobi. He looked beat up again. His face was painted a bit with guilt. He didn’t look at you.

“We meet again” You hear an old voice call. You turn behind you to see Kim Namjoon. Confused you looked between the two of them.

“What did you do to him?” You said in a panicked tone. As you looked at Hoseoks beat up face, you leant towards him to comfort him but he pushed your hands away.

“I didn’t do anything to him, did I Hoseok?” Namjoon smirked in response. Hoseok shook his head. His eyes were cold. Not full of life as I remember. It took you a couple of seconds to realise. Hoseok worked for Namjoon this entire time. That's why he followed you, that's why you saw him everywhere.

“I’m so confused” You whine as the car started driving. “Where are you taking me where are we going?” You didn’t feel threatened, you knew Namjoon wouldn’t hurt you, unless he needed to get to Jimin. Suddenly your heart rate escalated.

“I know what you’re thinking, no I’m not going to hurt you” Namjoon comforted you. For a gang leader, he was very soft spoken and caring. “Hobi has been following you, making sure you’re safe, working undercover. When Tae informed me that he had initiated a conversation I was confused and angry at him but then he explained to me and I understood.”

“Explained what?” You looked at Hobi. You couldn’t deny your heart hasn’t been slowly breaking since the moment you stepped in the car, you felt betrayed, after all, he was only doing his job.

“He was getting close to you (y/n)” Hobi choked out, a harsh tone. Nothing like the Hoseok you knew. “He was closing in on you, I had to do more to protect you.” Still confused you look at Namjoon for a deeper explanation.

“The new guy who just started at your work? He works for Jimin. He originally started so he could scout out this drug trade happening underground within the restaurant. When gathering intel on the security cameras Jimin saw you. We’ve seen a few of his men outside your apartment. Hoseok fought them off, and some even tried to attack him and his cover was blown. So the only choice we had was to evacuate you. Jimin doesn’t know where you are at all times, he doesn’t know its definitely you, he is just getting too close. This is the only way we can make you safe.”

You thought about it, you didn’t know how to feel. You felt joy for the fact Jimin was trying to find you, you felt scared because the only business he had with you now was to get to Namjoon. You were nothing but a career game for him at this point. You were also hurt at the fact that Hobi was just lying to you. The whole time, he just lied about the way he acted, he lied about his personality, he lied about his reasons. Just when you thought your luck was beginning to turn you were back here again. I guess there never really was any escaping it.

“Are you going to tell her the rest or should I?” Hoseok nudged Namjoon. Namjoon just stared at him.

“Not yet.” He responded.

“What do you mean the rest?” You fought back to Namjoon, but he just shrugged it off with an ‘I’ll explain later’. The car journey seemed quite long but you knew exactly where you were going. You kept glancing at Hoseok to find him turn his head away from you.  

You were hurt that this was all a lie. Maybe you’re never meant to love someone again. Maybe you can’t live a normal life. A year later you still have no friends, no boyfriend, you don’t talk to your family. You’re just trying to get by. Locking yourself up in the solace of your home, but instead of being with him in your own little kingdom, you were on your own.

You slowly approached the tall grande house, the closest think Namjoon has to a family heirloom that holds the haunting memory of his mum's murder and his dad's suicide. You remember him saying how it's all he has left of them, even the greatest pleasures can bring us misery, and when you have so little else to make you happy, you hold on to even the strongest of pain. It was stiles pretty as you remembered it. It stood 4 stories high and spread out quite far. Very vintage looking like an old Victorian mansion. His home so large but so empty. That's why he lets a lot of the members stay there, to feel safe and to not feel alone.

After Jimin turned his back on you Namjoon welcomed you with open arms, you may have been forced into them but he was still kind to you. You stayed at the mansion for a few weeks while you got back on your feet. You flashback to one of the fondest memories.

You heard a knock at the door. You quickly walk over to open it, there he stood the doorway.

“Hi Nam, you found a place yet?” You queried waiting for him to usher you out of his home. It felt weird being here. The leaders of 2 most dangerous gangs in Seoul and some how you were stuck in the middle of both of them. One was possessive and so in love with you he would kill to keep you safe. The other just trying to give you a better life.

“Not yet, but there’s no rush. I’m sorry if you’re bored here I know I’m busy a lot but I hope Tae has been treating you well.” He smiled back.

“Tae has been doing his best but I just want to be left alone, Jimin has made me feel empty, I don’t know if I’ll have fun ever again.” You looked down with glassy eyes, cringing at the words out of your mouth but still you meant it.

“Stop being so over dramatic, you’ll have a better life without him.” He giggled with some apology in his voice.

“Why did you do it Nam? I’ve asked you before but you seem to avoid it, please explain it to me.” You pushed your questions. He says he wants me to live a free life but why am I so special? Surely he should hate me.

“Aish, you really want to know?” He asked. You nodded in response. You were still so confused by everything you just wanted to know the reasons behind everything. He pushed the door open and sat down on the edge of the bed, waiting for you to join him. You slowly walked over and placed yourself down next to him. “2 years ago I fell in love.” You were shocked at his sudden openness towards you. But you’’d been living in this big house of his for a couple of days now. You would go as far to even say you were friends with him. “This girl was perfect. Everything I could have wanted. She was stuck between a rock and a hard place and I bought her here. To stay here with me, dress her up in nice clothes, give her everything she wanted. I even considered leaving the gang life behind me, just to be with her. She called me her saviour. But I was no hero. She was so perfect in every way, but as much as I loved her I could never tell her what I did. I would go out to work, I would come home late, yet she wouldn’t know a thing. She trusted me, she trusted me way more than she should have.” He paused for a moment. Looking at the floor with glassy eyes. He took a deep breath.

“One night we were both at home, dancing around the ballroom, I was teaching her how to dance like a princess. Then at a certain angle I saw my mothers face in hers. Then it all hit me. I couldn’t be with her. I loved her too much, and I didn’t want to be like my father. I got worried and told her everything. She just smiled at me. Told me I was clearly nothing like my father. Pushed all my worries away. I thought honestly, this could work. Thats when he struck.”

“Who?” you asked, worried of his response because deep down you already knew it.

“Jimin.” He spat Jimins name out like poison on his tongue. “I remember a deafening bang. I came round to see rubble and dust surrounding me, ringing in my ears. I called out her name. Managing to pry my eyes open I see him. Holding her up by her hair. Then that was it. He shot her. He shot her right infant of my eyes, a grin wide on his face. I’ll always remember the fear lacing her face as she looked at me. Hopeless. I was angry at first. Enraged even. I didn’t even want to fight back because of what I lost. I planned to hit him where it hurt most.” Tears fell out of his eyes as he retold the story.

“Me?” He nodded at your response. “If you wanted revenge why didn’t you kill me?” You asked.

“I was going to. I was going to draw him to you then kill you right in front of his eyes. But as I held the gun up to your head I saw the same fear in your eyes as I did hers. Then it clicked. I couldn’t kill you (y/n), you were innocent, you had done nothing wrong. If I could go back id tell her to leave id let her have a better life. That's when I decided I couldn’t kill you, because you had done nothing wrong. I agreed on peace between us for you so I could let you live a long happy life somewhere.” You were touched by his story. Wrapping your arm around him in a half hug as a shield of comfort while he wiped his eyes you spoke.

“Thank you” You didn’t know what else to say, it made a lot of sense now. “Thank you” he smiled and looked at you.

“Do you know how to ballroom dance? Come on I’ll teach you.

You’re waiting patiently outside of the dining room as Hoseok requested to talk to Namjoon alone, there was a lot of commotion so you thought to listen in for a bit.

“You need to tell her Nam. You need to tell her why she’s really here.” Hobi sounded angered

“Why do you care so much? I told you not to get close to her I warned you, and now you care about her, I told you I warned you it won’t end well for any of us” Nam snapped back.

“Why would he care about me” You thought to yourself before you were interrupted.

“Eavesdropping can be dangerous you know?” You turn around flustered to see Tae standing before you. He looked a lot more tired than you remember. That's when Nam and Hobi walked out of the door almost hitting you at how close you were standing to it. Hoseok glared at Namjoon before walking out.

“Please tell me what's going on” You pleaded to Nam. He sighed bowing his head down.

“I’m sorry” You were confused at his response.

“Sorry? Sorry for what? what's going on?” You started to raise your voice in frustration.

“I-“ Namjoon was cut off.

“Tell her or I will” you turn around to see Hoseok wasn’t completely gone yet, he looked enraged and hurt. He’d been off ever since you sat in the car.

please follow my kpop edits page on insta! I’ll aslo be posting some up on here ^^~ 

Can i get a secla ship with bts, got7 and monsta x? Please and thank you!☺️💕

Hello Gorgeous ^^~ I would love to ship you!

From BTS I ship you with kookie ^^~ (you guys would look so cute together omg)

From GOT7 I ship you with Mark! <3

and lastly from Monsta X I ship you with.... Kihyun!

Hope you liked your ships love

Hi! Please could I get a selca ship with Seventeen, Bts and Bap please? Thank you ❤

Heya gorgeous ^^~ I hope you like it!!

From BTS I ship you with.....Hobi!

From Seventeen I ship you with Jun!

and lastly from Bap I ship you with youngjae!

Hope you like your results lovely ^^

hi <3 could I please have a private selca ship with pentagon, exo, twice, and nct please? thank you so much have a great day :)

Heya Cutie ^^~ I would be more than happy to ship ya ^^~ 

From EXO I ship you with….. Kyungsoo!

From Twice I ship you with Momo!!~!

From NCT I ship you with Chenle! <3

and lastly from pentagon I ship you with Jinho!

Can I get a selca ship for BTS and EXO?

Of course my lovely ^^~ very sorry for the long reply but J ~ Nope is back and here to ship you^^~ <3 

From BTS I ship you with.... TaeTae!!

and from EXO I ship you with the lovely Kai~!

Pairing: Johnny x Ten (mainly following Ten)

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 1,570

Summary: With Ten’s new sickness, he doesn’t know whether to let Johnny go or keep him by his side even if he gets worse and even if it pains Johnny.

A/N: this is a story I have very well planned out and it’s going to be very sad, currently I have no idea how many parts there are going to be put I plan on there being a shit ton :) ~ Admin Mercury

It had been a while before Ten fully realized he was sick. He had pushing it off as a cold for the first few weeks of it, seeing as his fatigue and loss of appetite coupled with a cough wasn’t really anything to be worried about. Yet, as he started to deteriorate more and more he came to terms with something being wrong. From there he still kept it to himself, hoping for it to just go away, but the underlying issues he had were something that didn’t just disappear by his body working through it. It took time and medicine and sometimes it didn’t always work out.

Through all the days he was battling with his sickness without knowing what it was, his boyfriend, Johnny, suffered along with him. He watched his loved one become sicker, his cough getting worse at times and his constant fatigue. It was as if Ten wasn’t Ten anymore, and he was just an empty shell of a man. Of course as any good boyfriend would, Johnny took care of him to the best of his ability, giving him medicine so he would feel better some days and all his love and appreciation. Johnny always insisted on Ten seeing a doctor, but the smaller was always too stubborn to go to the doctors. It caused Johnny to worry immensely, a bit more than usual.

The two still did all their normal things, of course. Johnny was still working as a bartender at their nearby bar, which meant late nights for him and lots of sleeping in for the both of them. Ten kept up with his dance teaching to the best of his ability, but sometimes he was a little too caught up in his coughing to see the little kids he taught and had to stay home that day. Ten fully started to realize he was sick when his dance kids kept asking about his cough, in their sweet little voices questioning if he was okay. It really knocked the ball out of the ballpark as his wall came crashing down and he fully realized the hole he was in.

For a little while, he just hoped he had chronic bronchitis, as that was something more treatable, but he didn’t know what he was in for when he finally let Johnny make him a doctors appointment. The older did follow him into the waiting area as he could see how nervous he was over the whole ordeal, but he didn’t follow him into the office seeing as Ten was in fact a grown adult. Let’s just say Ten had a small fear of doctors and didn’t really want to go alone, but he decided against protesting today.

Walking in with shaky hands, he told the doctor about his current breathing problems, cough, fatigue and all the other nonsense he went through. Of course, the doctor also listened to his breathing and recommended for him to get a CT scan of his lungs done. That would show if it was something bigger or smaller going on. A CT told him straight off the bat that if something came up, it was going to be cancer because they are used for seeing tumors in the lung. That terrifies Ten. He had an awestruck sort of fear settle deep within him as he walked out of office, Johnny in tow. He hated the idea of cancer and he couldn’t imagine ever having that be a problem in his life. Even without his already prominent lung problems he felt out of breath and lifeless and he hadn’t even gone in for the CT. He just wanted to be healthy again and he sincerely regretted not coming into the doctors sooner with the thought of there maybe being an impending doom. Johnny also worried about that impending doom, but he hoped it wasn’t what the two were thinking it was.

The next week was when he had his CT. His sickness hadn’t worsened or gotten better with some of the medicine the doctor recommended in hopes of it helping. Johnny didn’t follow him in this time as he had his own responsibilities for the day, but he promised to pick him up at the end of his appointment, meaning Ten had to face all the doctors alone. Ten just wanted to get in and out of there as fast as possible. The doctors greeted him and brought him in and did their normal check up and questionnaire before x-raying Ten’s chest. He couldn’t help but keep coughing during the middle of it even though the doctors asked him to try not to.

It took a little while longer as the 3D model of his lungs was being processed, but that meant he would get the results back today. He sat on the table, kicking his legs anxiously and staring down at his small feet. His anxiety started to kick in as he questioned how his life might change if it happened to be what he was thinking it was. At this point he wanted everything, but that one thing, the one thing that could ruin his life, ruin his relationship, and ruin his job. It would ruin everything.

He let out an anxious sigh as his doctor walked back in with pictures of his X-rays. He could tell by his doctors gloomy facial expression it wasn’t anything good. He was told to keep calm and to not freak out with the news, but as soon as the words left his doctors lips he felt as if he could kneel over and die right there.

“You have lung cancer.”

Ten felt his chest constrict and his eyes start to water. Whatever tiny bit of air he had in him was gone, and he felt like he was drowning.

“The tumor is either in stage two or stage three, it’s hard to say through x-rays.”

In Ten’s mind, he could never be so unhealthy that he would have a growing tumor in his lungs, or that it could’ve gotten passed stage one. A single tear rolled down his cheek, only to be quickly wiped away out of slight anger, and he let out a quick huff in defeat. Looking up at the doctor, he waited for him to speak more on it.

This meant chemo and losing his hair, lots of needles shoved in his arm, more fatigue than he already had and most importantly, hurting Johnny. Ten knew he wouldn’t take it well, and his thoughts raced about how to tell him as the doctor droned in about medication, chemo and everything else. The poor boy didn’t deserve the pain he was already put through because of Ten, and he didn’t deserve any more.

Ten left the room he was in, not before getting several different doctor recommendations, and walked directly into the nearest bathroom and locking himself into a stall. He threw himself onto the toilet and covered his face with his hands. He couldn’t bring himself to cry, all he could do was cough and start to hyperventilate as his intruding thoughts finally caught up to him.

“I’m going to die.”

Ten over exaggerated his condition, but there was still that chance. The chance of death. He didn’t want it, he didn’t want to be pained with that idea or have Johnny be pained with that idea either. For once, he just wanted to be happy and live on with his life without something having to hold him back. He cared more about how Johnny felt in that moment though, he shouldn’t have to take care of Ten and fix his life just to meet Ten’s needs. Ten shook his head as he stood up, taking a shaky breath to calm himself that was followed by a small coughing fit. He made his way out of the building and let a smile grace his face as he found his lover waiting for him outside the car, opening the door to let him in.

“How’d it go? Did you get any results?” The taller asked with a joyful tone, it pained Ten to hear how happy he was and didn’t want to ruin it, so he just let himself lie through his teeth.

“Oh, it went well, but I don’t get my results back until next week,” Ten slipped himself into the car and Johnny as well on the other side, starting to drive them back home. The two shared a few more words, Johnny taking Ten’s hand in his and running his thumb over Ten’s knuckles, causing the usual butterflies to erupt in Tens stomach and his breath to be taken away again, all because of the small things his boyfriend did to him.

Ten had to look away from Johnny and stare out the window. Emotions started to flood him and he could feel tears well up in his eyes once again. How could he just do that to Johnny? The man had every right to know, but Ten didn’t want to see Johnny’s face wrench up in pain and sadness as he knew it would. He wanted to keep Johnny happy, but how could he do that when he knew he was just going to waste away. Gripping Johnny’s hand tighter, he had another coughing fit and allowed a single tear to trickle down his cheek.